Grrrr. Computer just ate my post. Good morning all.

Sweet Pea and Red - your last volley of posts reminds me of a joke about a genie in a bottle, an old woman, and her cat . . .

Sweet Pea - Tired is a big challenge for me too. It makes it so hard for me to make healthy choices. And, sorry, but I have to ask - are you getting help for the depression? NOBODY deserves to settle for "only slightly depressed." At least not without a fight!

Apple - Thanks, but I am not sure I wanna give the crown back

Red - go ahead and cry, we all need it once in awhile. Besides, there are so many shoulders here to choose from, none of us will even get very wet

Sushi - congrats on Day 5.

So, my turn to whine. I decided to get to bed early last night, only to discover that my darling dog had decided to wet in a VERY INAPPROPRIATE PLACE After stripping the bed, starting the laundry, remaking the bed, etc, it was no longer very early. Then, since I decided she was sleeping in her crate, the little princess let everyone know SHE WAS NOT HAPPY. All night long. Then, had to put everything away this morning. So, did not make it to the gym. Did a long dog walk, and my ab work, and hope to do a yoga tape tonight after my riding lesson. But between lack of sleep, and allergy meds, I just hope to keep on track today.

Here's to a great first of 21 awesome on track days! I am going to keep out the no challenge. At this point, I am not craving tons of it, and if I do, it would be a pause day for the follow menu challenge anyway. I don't want to feel bad pausing on Saturday, enjoying my friends birthday in moderation. So, unless it starts becoming an issue again, I will trust that I can enjoy special things in moderation, without having to challenge it. So my three challenges will be:

1. No soda.
2. Do ab work daily (class or home)
3. Follow menu - keeping under 2000 cals.

Have a good day all.

I`m restarting I guess. I havent binged or even had a snack at night, water is going down and I got rid of the Coke and down to a couple Diet`s a day...not moving the scale though, I`m even up 2 pounds . I dont know why I should restart, it`s the voice inside me telling me I`m not worth it. Like I should just give up before I have the chance to fail.

I see my Doc today for this depression/anxiety stuff. I feel like crying before I even have my morning coffee, I just feel so sad inside. My friends and family make light of it...because after all I guess I am a princess., I stay home while my husband works 2-3 weeks away, when he is home he cooks and cleans and has no problem with me going out with friends and having a life outside the home. My married friends are envious I get so much "alone time" and get spoiled when he is here. I get to stay home and raise my kids, I have this new house and should be happy.
I hear compliments all the time with the weight I`ve already lost, I hear how pretty I am and it embarrasses me or just ticks me off. Doesnt make me feel good, makes me want to hide...or scream. All they see is the clothes or the makeup or the hair or the nails, all I spend way too much money on and shouldn`t. Just to make myself pretty on the outside cause I`m so damn empty inside.

I`m not giving up. I`m not turning to food this time, I`m going through the "not eating" depression (for now...that could change at any time) but the one part of my mind functioning normally knows I can put the weight back on and that won`t make anything better, just worse.

I just needed to vent. I have to reread a couple pages and I`ll try to get back to you all later. Hope everyone is doing well. Gotta get ready for the Doctors.

Wish I had time to read everyone's posts but this morning is crazy crazy ! Good news is when I rescheduled my hair appt., the girl had just had a cancelation so off I go this morning. FINALLY! Hoping the new hair helps me to see myself in a better light. I still see that heavier person in mirror and I"m hoping she goes away soon!

Water was good yesterday, the donuts gave me a pause yesterday but today I resisted !

I'll catch up with you all later today or tomorrow. My son has a track meet this afternoon so this whole day is pretty much shot.

Have a good one everybody!

Joyce

Caro: u have to start over becuz...... look how many "good" days u have had...

we didnt get all these bad habits in a few weeks we cant expect to change them in a few days either!...


GET BACK TO WORK!!!! (smile) the weight will go in time just be patient... take 1 day at a time... and it will leave one day!!! just dont give up!

OK ladies...it may be a little OCD but I just saved all of the posts so I an go back and catch up with everyone...Work is so busy right now as it seems with you all as well. But unil I can catch up i wanted to share i have lost 5 pounds. I know it is just from the jump start...all of the water and ruffage i have been eating lol...but not the less it is encourageing to seeeeeeee...

ok more to come later. keep it up ladies...

Good day / afternoon, Ladies!

3 days completed and doing okay with my easy challenge. I'm being honest (for once ).

Caro30, you sound lonely to me. Are you okay? It's hard when others envy your lifestyle. It's like they won't give you room to be frustrated/unhappy or to complain. I'm guessing you feel boxed in. Sorry to hear things are hard for you. I would be missing my husband if he were gone for 2 to 3 weeks at a time. (And we don't even get along that well! ) Things never stay the same though and maybe you could talk to your husband about how you feel? Glad to hear you are seeing a doctor soon. You'll get through this.
God bless!

Sweetpea, I can't imagine going through a whole year without joy. There are times I'm depressed, but for the most part those times are temporary. It sounds rough. On the bright side, you can share your thoughts with us and we can give you some moral support.

Sushi - you are doing a fantastic job.

Red - Day 3 went well. You sound busy and I appreciate your asking. It's a large group to keep up with. Sorry to hear about the problems. It sounds rough! I will send prayers your way.

KT - how are you doing?

Joyce - hoorah on getting the hair done. I know what you mean about still seeing the heavier person. Without a mirror I think I'm this really hot chick, and when I see myself in one, I think, "Whoa! What was I thinking? "
But one day I know that it will all catch up and my imagination and my appearance will match.

Curly - sounds like it is going well for you.

Jolly - sorry about the dog accident. I would probably have been hitting the powdered donuts if that had happened to me. I think that the only thing that contends with my desire to eat is my desire to sleep.

Princess - hope you are okay!

Apple - you are doing terrifically well. Congrats!

Good luck to everyone! Talk to you tomorrow (or sooner if I can get away.)

day 2

water- good
carbs 37
calories- 1260
exercise 1 hr circuit training

Hey all. I am sorry I only have time for a quickie. Tonight, I AM getting to bed early. (I locked the dog out of the bedroom, so I don't have to worry about any "surprises").

Day 1 - follow menu, no soda, and ab work challenges all met. I feel like I am finally making my way back to the thoughtful eating. I only ate today when I was hungry. This is good, as there was a lot of stuff going on that could have sent me to the doughnuts, as Stephanie says Still struggling, but at least making progress. I did not do my yoga tape tonight. I decided that the long dog walk, ab work, and horse ride would be enough for me today. Back to circuit class tomorrow.

I just want to send a HUGE out to all of you. I hear your struggles. Self worth, self esteem, depression, emotional eating - all of it. Just remember. . . oh heck, just reread Red's self esteem proclamation. That says it all better than I could. You all deserve the very best. The world may not give it to you, so you have to fight for it for yourselves. Never settle for less.

Good night all I hope tomorrow brings brighter days.

hey all

first for some good news ... i have a conditional sale on the property and i will know in 3 weeks if it is going to go ahead so i can take down the for sale signs and rest

i also saw my doc this morning and we have altered the meds. she is putting me back on an old antidepressant. i stopped because i had nightmares every night for years when i took it. the pills don't stop the depression (for me) but i cope better so that will be good, maybe ?) thanks jolly, stephanie, red and others for your support

not sure what i will have for dinner. a celebration is called for, hmmmm thinking thinking

Day 6 on eating done, and I'm happy to say that my exercise challenge is still running - Day 5 done today. Actually, the challenge is to run one day and to suffer on the stationary bike the next, but today I did both!

Well, one last busy day for me so I have to be quick, hopefully by this afternoon things will calm down and I can take a breather!

Did good on my challenges. Yesterday no donuts and lots of water, today no donuts! You know, having to admit when I blow it really makes me think twice before grabbing that donut and is reminding me to fill my water glass! I hope I can keep that going.

For those of you who did well ! For those struggling, hang in there . I really will catch up with you soon.

Joyce

Real quick good morning all.

Congrats, Sweet Pea, on the sale, and on the hopefully helpful med changes. I hope all goes well. As for nightmares? I had one last night were I was trying to avoid canabalistic serial killers (yes, plural - kind of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre kind of thing), and body invading aliens. There was a little ole grandpa eating a tenderloin sandwich - and it was the "other white meat" if you know what I mean. Freud would have a field day with me
But I think you should celebrate with a totally awesome salad and a glass of healthy red wine

By the way, I had to avoid the "celebration" thinking last night as well. We had gotten annual raises, which I knew I would see on this check, but it turned out to be more than I expected. I almost had a celebration dinner as well, but decided I would rather have a celebration saddle that fits my horse so he doesn't hurt his back and we can finally show. Man, that would be hard to fit on a Hallmark card, wouldn't it?

Congrats DJ and Sushi on making your challenges. Everyone else, keep it up, and have a great day

Hi everybody:

My head seems to be permanently stuck in the garbage disposal...perhaps CARLA will pull it out..or pour a bottle of olive oil on my head.

I'm going to try to draw the stain out with club soda and some salt...I don't dare do the peroxide on a deep green carpet...it's going to come up soon anyway and I'm going with the pergo flooring. (since the dog is gone).

I threw my leftovers in the trash today...(no dog to eat them and the cats only like boiled shrimp or cold-cuts...but Wylie Coyote will drink coffee)

I have to change my exercise challenge...it's still basically the same deal, but I'm counting the time on a weekly basis and looking to improve and grow each week. So I'm doing something each day...(just not enough, grrrrr)

Last week I logged in 2 hours and 24 mins. of hard cardio....this week (with one gym session and a day to go)...I've logged in 2 hours and 35 mins. My goal is to get to 4 to six hours of cardio a week...I stopped counting the strength training, but my orthopaedist is impressed with my recovery and range of motion.

My appetite has pretty much disappeared (due to the fact that my head is broken)...but i am forcing myself to eat enough to keep from losing muscle. Nothing appeals to my finicky taste-buds lastely. (probably a good thing)

hi all
yes jolly the celebratory dinner is a big big temptation. i had a couple of sweet things but i had a steak and salad too so it wasn't too bad. i ate a bit much but it wasn't a binge so i'm happy with the result

i've now done 5 days journalling and 3 days BF

djs well done on resisting donuts

Well, I've finally had time for a breather and a quick catch up! Been a busy couple of days but I'm done with everything and can enjoy the weekend now .

I've had a pretty good day although I gave into a craving that I've been fighting for 3 days now. For some reason, I've wanted a cheeseburger sooooo bad! I hardly ever eat them, in fact, I have not had one since we went on vacation last summer but the craving wouldn't go away, so I did it. Just had to. Oh well, I'll be good for dinner, probably a lean cuisine or something. I also put in a little extra time working out so hopefully I burned a good portion of those 700 calories. Can't believe I ate almost 1/2 my calories in just one meal! The worst part I guess is that I've been seeing that 191 and even 190 bouncing around on my scale. It's kinda like a magic trick you know, now you see it, now you don't! Hopefully lunch didn't make those numbers pull a Houdini on me.

Princess - on the 5 pounds! Even if it is from the jump start it makes you feel soooo much better to see things get going. Keep it up! You can do it!

Stephanie - good going on your challenge, easy or not . I'm sure you're right about the imagination and actual appearance agreeing with each other someday. I can't wait for that day to come!

Jolly - good work trading the celebration dinner for a celebration saddle. Just think, dinner would have been over in 20 minutes, the saddle, you'll enjoy for some time to come!

Sweet Pea - sure hope the sale's a go for you. Hey, my mother went through 3 or 4 different meds before she found one that didn't have bad side effects for her and that actually helped her. Keep bothering that doc of yours until you find the right one for you if your current one doesn't help. I guess they affect people differently.

marbleflys - Sounds like you're doing good on the exercise, keep it up! Good luck with that carpet, but if it doesn't work, I'm glad you have the Pergo to look forward to. We're doing the same soon ourselves.

curlylocks & sushi - good job

Sorry if I've missed anyone. I was going to keep going back but my 2 year old has different ideas at the moment!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone !

Joyce