Jill: The more you put it off, the less likely you will ever have the conversation. But rest assured, it will all come out, albeit in an ugly way. I'd opt for a more controlled opportunity to let him know how you feel.

Maybe you could say something like this:

"Jeff, I love you and I cherish our relationship and our life together. But lately I'm finding I am having some security issues. I'm hoping you can help me with them.

"I'd like to ask you for some extra reassurance during the insecure times. You can help me with this by being willing to give me what I need, like extra cuddle time or more talking face to face or ________.


"It is possible that I might need to talk about my feelings regarding what happend last October. Please don't think I am trying to rub your nose in it or beat you over the head with it. I'm just trying to work through it, and talking about it helps."

Well, that might at least give you an idea of what to say. If the two of you can learn at your age to communicate effectively with each other, you will be able to eliminate so much heartache down the road.

PS: No, I'm not "always right"...just lived a little more than you have. If someone can benefit from my mistakes, it is worthwhile.

wow, you gals have been busy. I wish I had a boyfriend club today. Rob is being pissy about everything. He's hassling me about a girl friend that's coming to visit because he doesn't like her (they met and didn't hit it off, which I think had to do with her being shy more than anything). She's not staying with us, and will only be here a couple of days. I've known her since high school. He needs to chill out.

Hang in there, Jill. You got lots of good advice, maybe if you frame in to him in terms of something you're going through (like Jen's scenario), and ask for his support. Hey, you deserve to talk about your feelings. And he doesn't strike me as the type to go running.

Aimee, I think your taking time to go to your brother's is a great thing to do for yourself. I had to take a little flak for planning a bunch of days to Washington without Rob, but he wouldn't go and I need a vacation.

Take it easy.

Marge--maybe you and your girlfriend can go hang out together without Rob? I know it's hard when two people close to you don't get along well with one another.

The only reason I fear Jeff may run is that when the whole thing was going on and we were fighting about it, he actually said a few times, "If you bring this up again, I'm going to break up with you." Granted, I did bring it up more than once (or twice or three times), so I could understand his frustration, plus every time I brought it up, he felt I was accusing him all over again. Now that things have had time to settle, I hope it goes a bit differently.

It's another thing I want to talk about, though--about how that's basically the most hurtful thing he has ever said to me simply because I don't want to be in a relationship where I can't talk about what's bothering me, where there are "off limit" topics.

Also on the list: letting him know I know he lied to me. I need to go about these things as gently as possible so as not to sound too accusing. I know he lied to me about one thing, but I still believe him that he did not cheat on me. I just need to let him know that he doesn't need to lie to me about anything, that I need him to be honest even if he thinks my feelings may get hurt, that maybe I'll get upset at first about something but I'm a very understanding person so after thinking about it a bit I tend to come around and be okay--I just need some thinking time.

I'm going to start off by telling him I love him and that I am very happy with how living together has worked out so far. I will also tell him that I am thankful that he is understanding enough to let me have my space when I get in my "moods" (i.e., crying in the bedroom alone) and thank him for not pestering me about things when I'm not ready to discuss them (he sometimes asks me what's wrong, and I just say nothing). It's something I know I need to work on, too, that I need to NOT get into such moods so often and not not tell him what's on my mind.

Of course, it all makes sense in my head, but when I go to talk to him, I'm sure it'll all come out wrong and I'll be a blubbering mess :dizzy:

Jill that is awesome! congratulations! That is a nice, hefty raise. Good for you!

Jill, baby, congratulations on the job offer!! I know you've been bummed about your current job. Maybe that will light a spark under my behind, ha.

You're right, I'm going to go stay with my friend at a hotel for a couple of nights and we'll do some running around sans Rob. I think he has it stuck in his mind that she doesn't like him, and I really don't think that's true. She doesn't even know him. Plus he takes it too seriously. I only see her once every 5 years or so, not like she's in the same neighborhood and I see her all the time so that it has to even be an issue.

I feel like it's really tough for me to give you any advice with your situation. I don't know Jeff, and if I'd hate to steer you in any kind of direction that wouldn't be helpful. I'll give you my take, and you can decide how relevant it is.

Jeff may have been a little freaked out about moving in with a woman (you), since it's a serious commitment, especially for a guy in his twenties who basically never lived on his own. It's been my experience that younger guys have a tougher time with the idea of being in a serious relationship, while girls/women tend to seek that out from a younger age. He may or may not have done something stupid, and then may or may not have lied about it to you.

Really it's not that he doesn't need to lie to you, he shouldn't lie to you. And I hate threats, they're immature and hurtful and destructive, and Rob has done it and deserves a smack on the head for doing it (I don't literally smack him on the head, but I tell him I don't respond well to threats). They're usually done in the heat of a moment.

I can't tell you whether you should pursue this with Jeff or not, but in any instance you shouldn't feel like you can't stand up for yourself, in a calm, mature, self-assured way. Like after you got upset initially after seeing the email and you had discussions with him, to tell him then that you don't appreciate being lied to (I'm not telling you that he did or didn't), you don't appreciate being threatened.

You deserve to be treated well, and if you show him that's what you need and want, he'll respond. You shouldn't feel like you have to sweeten him up to confront him with bad behavior. You can say stuff like "I'm not trying to attack you," or "I'm not against you." It's not always easy to hear criticism or to face bad behavior, I know that from both sides of that fence.

You're attractive, productive, hard working, affectionate person. Don't sell yourself short for anybody.

Oh, man, I still SO on cloud 9 about this job offer. It is just such a relief, like SO much stress has been taken off my shoulders. Jeff is very excited for me, too--I was infectiously happy last night, so every time he looked at me and saw me smiling, he couldn't help but smile, too :p

As for the Jeff chat, yeah, it didn't happen. I was too giddy, and then we had to watch American Idol (priorities, ya know ;) ). I think you and I see things quite similarly, Marge. Some people said I should have dumped him based on his reaction back when things were all fired up, but I know he was just being defensive and heated, and I was so heated (and emotional and freaked out) that I wasn't thinking clearly enough to even clearly or maturely respond to his threat, ya know? We were both being immature (at 23, imagine that :dizzy: ), and I really have to evaluate whether or not it's worth brining up again--after all, the only reason I even know he lied at all is that I wasn't completely honest about all I knew, either :o I'll probably still bring up some stuff, but honestly, I just feel so happy about the job situation right now that I'm wondering if some of my job stress just stressed me out more about our relationship? Because now that I am so happy about work, problems with Jeff seem a million miles away (especially after how happy he was for me last night!).

I was all set for a talk with him last night. He got home and sat at his computer, and I sat on the floor near his computer (as I often do), and he could tell something was up. Normally, he would just start playing his game while I went and made dinner, but instead, we spent a lot of time kinda cuddling. I told him I'd had a bad day at work, and whenhe asked me what happened to make it a bad day, I told him, "I had to go in." I explained how every day is the same and how sick I am of it all, and I put my head on his knee, and he just pet my hair and kissed me on the forehead. He could definitely tell I had a lot on my mind, but then when that phone rang, and I talked to my new future boss, it was like everything just disappeared :D

I don't want to completely cop out on talking to him--it'll happen. Our 2-year anniversary is next week. That's a long time to go with only having had one major issue throughout the relationship, so I think we're doing pretty well.

Good for you, Jill. I know how easy it is for me to confuse job angst with relationship angst with life angst, etc.

I think Chris may be the one to go the distance on AI, time will tell. Maybe with the extra money you two can take a nice weekend somewhere.

HOLY COW!!! There is SO much snow here... I am talking 1/2 - 1 inch!!! BTW, thats a lot of a city by the ocean! It's NOT melting and cars are just ramming into eachother everywhere! Josh made it to work alright, and will come pick me up, he thinks it's safer to drive than for me to walk. Especially since I'm STILL stuck in flip flops! My boss still wants me to go in at my regular time, uhm, well, her choice... because we aren't gonna any customers. My friend called to tell me how her bf was standing outside watching all the cars hit eachother or get stuck.

I gotta shower for work.. i'll be back though!!

-Aimee

Sheesh....it's amazing when snow falls in a place that never gets any..it seems to send the city into a state of panic! I grew up in Indiana, so driving in snow and ice and whatnot is not a big deal at all....now if it snowed HERE in Florida....YIKES!

Aimee, I forget: when do you leave?

Jill: there will be another opportunity to talk to Jeff about what is bothering you. And you'll know it when it comes along.

So when do you start your new job? More importantly: what is it? LOL

Jen - I live in Vancouver, BC. Or rather just a little outside of the city in a place called Coquitlam. I live up a mountain, and no one here buys winter tires. I grew up in Winnipeg, and then lived in the interior of BC and learnt to drive in the snow, with some black ice.. coming down a mountain and if your car slips you fall down the edge of the mountain. So snow I can normally handle, it's just CRAZY, we are into spring/summer here!

Jill - so what are the details of this job? Where is it? Is there a commute? I am stubborn, and if my bf said to me "if you bring it up one more time I'm dumping you", I would have been SO mad, I would have screamed, but only because to ME, it's disrespectful. It would feel to me like he was saying that he doesn't validate my feelings and doesn't care. Josh and I were lucky enough to have an issue early on in the relationship, he danced with another girl when I was 600km's away, we talked about it and said the cheating is the one thing neither of us will tolerate. There are no chances, and no lying. In that sense we are very lucky to have found eachother, we feel the same on those things.

Marge - I think it's great you are still going to spend the time with your friend, it'll totally be worth it. And maybe make Rob think twice.. I know Josh hates to be left out of things... heh. I often go off without him when he doesn't want to go.

On that note, Josh is on his way to pick me up! It shall be very quiet at my work today, so I will bring something to read! Have a good day :)

-Aimee

haha, it amazes me that there are people who don't know how to drive in snow. I grew up in CT, so we usually had snow on the ground from around Halloween till Easter. When I moved to Va Beach and it snowed maybe an inch, business were closed, accidents were everywhere, and grocery stores were packed--it was surreal! I guess it all depends on what you're used to, and that scene was just such a shock to me :dizzy:

I DEFINITELY love Chris for AI. I love Taylor Hicks as well, but he's clearly not really AI material, but I think the exposure will certainly help him in his future music career. I also love Mendisa, but I don't know if anyone is really as equally talented and genuine as Chris. Plus, he's cute ;) Of course, Jeff likes Catherine--he thinks she's a good singer and is very pretty. I agree, but there's something about the way she moves on stage--strange little mannerisms and stuff that kinda get on my nerves.

Oh, the new job is working for USIS (US Investigation Services, I think). They're a defense/security contractor (much like the company I work for now, just more focused, as my current company does ALL kinds of contracts, not just defense--obviously, since I do work for Medicare :p ). I'll be researching new RFPs for the company to bid on and working on writing proposals. The manager seemed SOOO nice when I talked ot her yesterday. She said she believes in getting people where they want to be, so if I am a good worker but realize that, hey, I want to work in Operations, she'll help get me there. She's also extremely flexible with vacation time (I told her I needed a day off in April for my sister's wedding...NON-negotiable! ;) ), and she said that even though the company doesn't technically have a comp time policy, she let's her group basically do comp time if they don't want to use vacation time. I also asked abou flexibility in hours (since right now I work 7am-3pm), and she said she doesn't care if I work 5am-noon as long as I get stuff done. She also said some people even do a lot of work from home since the company provides everyone in the group with their own laptop :o I'm not sure it could sound more perfect!

Wowie! It does sound good! I'd take advantage of the work from home thing, at least part of the week. Alan does that now--he is in the office 3 our of 5 days. I definitely can't do that with my job! But that's okay--I really love the company I work for!

Good morning! So glad this week is coming to a close!

Well, it looks like we will be moving out of our apartment by the middle of April. We are going to stay with friends who have just bought a house close by. They should close sometime in the middle of the month. We'll stay there until either: A--the house we are building is done, or B--until we can't stand it anymore. It's hard to tell what is going to happen.

Anyone seen Kimberley lately? I haven't seen her post for a few days!!

Holy cow... MORE snow! As we drove to work yesterday the car started to slide, and our A.B.S. brakes kicked in, which was the first time I'd ever heard them do that before. I don't know that I was able to breathe until we hit the main roads which were salted and clear. I'm just not down with this whole sliding thing!

Where IS Kimberley??

I am off to work! Have a good one!

-Aimee

Hey, everyone. Sorry I've been scarce. My MIL and I both have a nasty cold and I'm still having troubles with my jaw. It's not my teeth, but inflammation in my jaw. I hope the bite guard I'm using at night helps, providing it's because of clenching or grinding my teeth that my jaw has hurt so badly.

I've lost 3 pounds this week...FINALLY! :encore: I'm back down to 203 now.

Jill, that's *fantastic* about your new job! The fact you can work part of the time from home is wonderful.

Speaking of which, I need to get some work done. We have to turn in our hours every Friday now, so I need to get moving here. Tonight I'm going to a crop with my friend Ivana. It's at a scrapbook store from 6pm-Midnight, and we're going as part of the Columbus Scrappers. Every month, different scrapbook stores open their work areas to the group and there's no charge to go use the facilities. They do service projects, too.

Howie and Ivana's husband Keith are going to see a movie and get pizza. We really like this couple and it's fun to have people to do stuff with like this.

Rob and I went to the DMV today to change my California license over to a New York one. My Cal DL expires in May, and I figured, hey, it's been 19 years since I've been living in New York, guess it's time, heh heh. We got to the office early, before it opened, and the line went down the freakin' block, I couldn't believe it. Luckily I had all the paperwork and ID ready, so it ended up taking us an hour altogether, which isn't bad for the DMV.

Afterwards we went shopping at Target (right across the street from DMV), then we took the subway to Brooklyn Heights to have lunch. It was early and everything was closed. We were starving though, we finally found a Mexican place that would let us sit at the table while they got ready, ha.

We even ended up sitting in the park before we came home.

I can't believe it's snowing where you are, Aimee, it's 70 here and sunny.
Yeah, I talked to Rob again about the friend visiting, and it's not that big a deal. Rob is planning on eating spam and running around the apartment in his underwear while I'm gone.

That's so cool you're building your own house, Jen.

SPAM??? LOL

Yeah, that's the plan. We've wanted to do this for awhile, but we have run into obstacle after obstacle. Hopefully the way will be clear very soon to proceed!

This is the type of house we are looking to build: http://www.deltechomes.com/

Not only is it hurricane resistant, but it is unique! There are only a couple of them in our immediate area. The best thing about it is there is NO wasted space because of the design. We are planning to do two levels, each level about 1000 square feet. The main living will be on the second level, while the lower level will be a home gym, entertainment area, laundry room and extra bedroom. The plan is to get the shell up and get it liveable enough to move in before it is finished, then finish it while we live there. I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing. I've never done anything like this before! It is a HUGE undertaking. But this is where we want to stay for the next 30 or 40 years, so why not make it the way we want it?

Hey, Jen - The link you posted had timed out. What's the model called so we can search for it? It would be neat to build a house, even with the headaches; I love the thought of being able to plan the house around OUR needs instead of being limited by the house. I'd kill for a studio area.

Sarah & Lorraine's house sure looks neat. Have you seen the photos at Sarah's blog?

http://www.deltechomes.com/

Try that one, Kimberley! We're looking at the Savannah (I think that's the one! I don't know if that is on the site or not.

Yes I did she Sarah and Lorraine's house! Pretty awesome!

I know, Rob loves spam, heh heh. Actually, when we eat it in omlettes I like it. But you have to get past the thought of it. ;) Rob eats so much better now, when I first met him he never ate veggies, had to have meat with every meal, and ate a lot of red meat. We almost never eat red meat now, and eat vegetarian meals all the time.

I noticed a couple of the deltec homes are in NY. I love the rounded wall of windows. I've always loved bay windows (you see those a lot here in NY and in San Francisco). One thing I've always wanted too is an outside patio area to have breakfast. I love eating breakfast outside (in good weather, ha). I agree, go with the dream home idea and make your own. That's really exciting. Rob's good with his hands, I was amazed when he opened up this immersion blender I had and basically fixed it. He fixed my brother's heater, and his pool cover when it got stuck.

The home gym would be a big, big winner idea for me too. Very cool.

Congrats on the lbs gone Kimberley. You're rocking it!

I DEFINITELY love Chris for AI. I love Taylor Hicks as well, but he's clearly not really AI material, but I think the exposure will certainly help him in his future music career. I also love Mendisa, but I don't know if anyone is really as equally talented and genuine as Chris. Plus, he's cute ;) Of course, Jeff likes Catherine--he thinks she's a good singer and is very pretty. I agree, but there's something about the way she moves on stage--strange little mannerisms and stuff that kinda get on my nerves.

Yeah, Catherine is cute. I agree about Taylor. I was shocked Gedeon got voted off, I liked him and thought he'd make it through to close to the end. There are a couple of guys with shakier voices than his. Maybe he should have tried a more contemporary song, at least one time. Chris has a great voice, I would love to have a talent like that. (Bo looked ill, I wonder if he's still having health problems.)

OOps I forgot: GREAT JOB on the loss, Kimberley!

I love me some Idol too! My faves are Taylor and Mandisa.

I agree, Bo still didn't look all that well....

I just got home from the late-night crop in Columbus. We finished packing up all our stuff and walked out of the store at 12:20am! It was treat night for me and I ended up having two big old cookies tonight, plus one of those fake cappuchino drinks at Speedway. Sweeted out I am. The Sugar Force is with me. :spin: LOL

I love round houses, too. I found a floor plan for the Savannah at another site.

Rob thought Gedeon was too full of himself. I love the motown sound, I guess that's why I hated to see him go. Mandisa, imho, has the best female voice. She knows how to perform too. Taylor, I just like him.

I would bet you get your benefits after 3 months. A year just sounds too long to go without. Definitely worth checking into. Sometimes an old employer will give you the option of taking over the insurance until your next place covers you.

I skipped going to the gym yesterday, so I have to head off today. It's a nice day, sunny out, so I'm hoping it won't be too crowded (never went on a Saturday before). It's a gorgeous day here, 60 degrees and sunny. I like that feeling of spring coming.

Jill, if they offer any kind of Flexible Spending Account, if you have some of that extra 10K taken out of your paychecks, you'll reduce your taxable income. Howie had $1000 down for this year, and we just send in receipts for medical stuff for them to reimburse us out of that account. New legislation's made it so (most) companies have to give employees until March 15 of the new year to turn in receipts for the previous year.

We really like the Savannah--it's just the right amount of room! We are debating whether or not to have the staircase inside the radius or built a covered one outside of it. that's still up for grabs.

Jill: do you live in a state where employers give empployment contracts? That sounds like what it might be.

Kimberley: I've wanted to scrapbook for years, but have never gotten around to doing it. I admire people who do, though....

It was a beautiful day here today. I spent the day doing laundry and watching all my taped shows (I had two weeks worth of "Starting Over" to watch!)

Will see you all around this weekend!

Phew! Hi! It's beautiful here today as well, the sun is shining, and its WARM! Josh and I got up and went to Costco, and out for lunch, I woke up with some crazy sinus headache, my eyes were running, I was sneezing, runny nose.. yuck! I almost considered buying Cold F/X because it really felt like the beginning of a cold. Luckily I went to nap at 1pm, and woke up now, 4pm and feel fine. If I had gotten sick, I might have cried... I'm NOT prepared for that.

Jen - nice house! When Josh and I are ready to buy (we have about 3,000 for a downpayment now) I want something with character.. none of this big block houses, all alike, all in a row. I find where we live things just look so darn simular, granted they are pretty beautiful and HUGE.. but whats a house without character yah know. Oh, and I'd like to live by the ocean.. and can I get fries with that? ;)

I think all this sleep has made me a tiny bit crazy!

I must go put some food into my body, I shall return... ttyl!

-Aimee

me too (the house with character by the ocean), that's why we're twins ;)

never watch a movie about a guy dying of cancer while you're exercising, I was getting all misty eyed and could barely breath on the bike. Sometimes I think I'd cry watching a coke commercial. I bought a swim cap from the Y, I think one of these days I'm going to try out the pool.

We bought the Bourne Identity at Target and watched that last night. I love that movie. The sequel, the Bourne Supremacy, is just as good. Great car chases.

Howie and I are watching "The 750 pound man" on The Discovery Channel. I am speechless. I can't imagine going through all that.

Kimberley: Is that also called the Half Ton Man? I did see that one on Discovery Health. wow...

Good morning ladies...I have made a decision over the weekend, and I hope you will support me in it.

Back in late 2003, I went on a (mostly) liquid diet, and lost 70 pounds in about 5 1/2 months. Around the end of that 5 1/2 months is when my marriage fell apart, and I abandoned the diet. I've gained 50 of the 70 back.

I've decided to go back on the plan. I have been losing and gaining the same 10 pounds for many months now doing it the old fashioned way, and it is getting extremely frustrating.

I know you might not think this is a good thing to do, but mentally I need to see some results soon before I totally give up.

I'm not asking for your agreement or acceptance, but I am asking for your support. Thanks.

Jen--of course we will support you! We all know that we are very different and that what works for one may not work for another. Do whatever you need to do to feel good about your efforts and yourself :)

As for me, I did really well with my calorie cycling last week. I count my week as being Monday-Sunday, and for last week, I had a daily average intake of only 1640 calories. My goal is 1800, so that's pretty exciting :D I've got less than 1400 scheduled for today, so hopefully I will have another good week.

Hey, Jen, I'll always wish you well in whatever you decide to do. I feel like I have to add, because I care, that I hope you decide to have medical supervision when you do it. I'm not a doctor and I don't know anything about liquid diets. I'd just want you to be the safest you could be. :) :hug:

I'm as tired as **** today. I took 2 naps yesterday, so you'd think I'd have a little energy :p This should be TOM week for me, I'm not expecting much weight loss wise. I'll stick to it and see what I can do.

Hi everyone!
Just was out browsing and found your thread! Looking for some "new" chatting! Hopefully I can fit in with ya!

I am really looking for support to help get the rest of this freakin weight off for good!

look forward to chatting with you all!

Hi, Yesican - welcome! :)

Jen, you do what it takes to get you motivated, just make sure you're getting all your vitamins and minerals until you start getting back into normal foods again, okay? :hug:

I'm still battling this jaw pain and it's getting old. If I consistently take 800mg ibuprofen, it keeps the pain down to a dull roar at its worst. It's mainly after I chew food or if I'm talking/laughing a lot that my jaw pain peaks. Last night I kept spitting out the bite guard, and when I finally settled down, I started coughing with the darned cold and kept coughing the guard out. LOL It just didn't want to be in there!

Thanks y'all for your support. I appreciate it!

Marge, To put your minds at ease: I am checking in with my doctor often while I am on the plan. I'm supplementing with a good multi-vitamin as well. The shakes and bars I'm using are also chock full of good stuff.

Welcome, Yesican!! :)

Kimberley: I hope your jaw will get back to normal soon! That has to be the worst kind of pain!

Jill: That calorie cycling really works for you--awesome!