Just a quick post..
Jamie went to the doctor today, still high fever.. she wants more blood work. She wants her to see an infectious disease specialist...

Yesterday, I bought heathers prom dress. ( her bf is a senior). I'm so tired... all I do is run and go nuts.. if I had to work I'd be in a straight jacket.. off to the lab for blood..
post later..

ohhh what does her dress look like??? I'm just so curious lol.. my sister in law bought her daughter a prom dress.. i was appalled at what and how much she spent..450bucks on a dress for a 17 yr old and it is WAY low cut in the front and the back.. but sigh.. i'm just the uptight aunt...

Hey girls...

Jessica- Im glad you posted. Ive noticed that when I fall off the wagon, it helps to post to y'all. Getting back on the wagon is a slow process to me. I usually cant just say, "Ok, Im back". It usually takes a week for me to get back totally. After eating huge portions when Im off the wagon, I have to get my stomach back to eating normal portions. Anyway, Jessica it just takes a little while. Be patient and keep trying. I need a buddy too. I need someone that is on the internet daily. Someone that I can post my points and everything with. Are you just counting calories or are you on a plan?

Lynn- Im so sorry you have to go through all of this with Jamie. Im sorry for her too. I feel so bad that y'all are having to deal with all of that. Keep us posted, ok? How is everything else with you?

Kim- How are you doin? Hows the plan?

My effexor tastes so awful that I have to take it with something other than water. Usually go with diet coke because its zero points. I didnt have any this morning so I had to take it with milk. It was 2 points for a half of a cup. Ugh...it irritates me to have to waste points on that. So, for breakfast, Im just going to have an apple.

Ok Ill post later...

Love,
Deanne

My plan is chugging right along.. of course i have slip up here and there.. like the jelly beans.. jelly belly jelly beans to be exact i had probably a dozen of them so it wasnt a huge deal..I think my weight loss is starting to slow down..not that that is a terrible thing, i'm just noticing there is a difference.

This thread is sloooowwww.

I am really feeling like I need someone to be accountable to. I wish that there were WW meetings here or that there was someone here that was doing WW too.

Im in this weird mood today. I dont know what it is. I feel like I need to get out of this country for some reason. I need something. Maybe its that Im so used to change and since there isnt any change going on, I feel deprived. Nic and I are planning a 2 day trip to Bahrain(i used to live there) for our anniversary, maybe that will help me.

I have a very hard time differentiating between just being down and being depressed as a result of being bipolar. I dont know if what Im feeling right now is just the good ol' blues or flat out depressed. Im not trying to bum anyone out. Im sorry. Just needed to vent. I dont know how to handle myself sometimes.

I did blow my diet today. I think Ill be ok though. Nothing major. Like I said to Jessica earlier, it takes a while to get totally back on the wagon. Im going to keep posting to y'all so that I can have some accountability

Ok, Ill post later tonight...

Love,
Deanne

Hi Vixens,

I am busy cleaning out my desk--and have a lot of crap to dig through after 5 years at my job! Oh what fun! Today the office took me out to lunch. A lot of people came--like 25 or something. I was surprised! We had a festive lunch at a local Mexian restaurant. They gave me a card and a 50 bucks as a parting gift. That was really nice. I will check back more later...gotta get my desk clean!

While I was cleaning out some files I came across something I wrote for a Critical Thinking class a while back. I thought you may like to read it...so here it is:

LIFE, AS I SEE IT...

Life is like a roller coaster ride.

Some days are up like the mountains.

Some days are down like the valleys.

Some days seem to pass faster than a locomotive,

While other days seem to go as slow go as a snail.

As a child, life seemed like one big amusement park ride,

full of fun and wonder, not worrying about much more than the moment I was living in.

Now as an adult life seems more like work, as all of life's responsibilities fall on my shoulders.

House payments, bills, medical appointments, being on time-all the big hurdles that I must face everyday.

When will I find time to play and ride the roller coaster ride again?

Certainly not today, I have deadlines to meet, things to worry about in this black hole we call life.

How do I ever manage to be an optimist? I continue to look at life, as though my glass is half full.

But everyday I face a new dilemma, another hurdle to jump over-another problem shows itself to me.

I check problems off my 'to do' list--I just got my oil changed and the car is ready to roll again. My life is in check once again! Every day, a vicious cycle-the cycle of responsibility that comes with growing up. I no longer ride that roller coaster ride. Although some days I get to pop my head out of the valley and momentarily ride an old ride. The momentarily thrill of being a kid comes rushing back to me all over again...I can feel the excitement rush through my veins, as the wind sweeps through my hair and carries me briskly on the carefree track again. Perhaps all I have done is grab a happy hour cocktail, but those few minutes in the span of a day I am on that roller coaster ride-laughing and feeling like a kid at heart. Perhaps therein lies the reality-to ride the roller coaster ride and be at the top for a few minutes is what it's all about for me. This is where I find my smile again, on the top of the ride-looking down and grinning from ear to ear.

http://idealclothing.net/item.php?id=1891
this is here dress..
sorry for the quick reply.. today is heather's birthday and we are scooting out for dinner.
Deanne~ I'd like to say that I too have a hard to comparing my depression to just feeling down or the real thing. Keep your chin up.. sorry guys. I have been so busy... I will post more.... latah.
love you all..
love
lynn

wow.. I'm the last to post yesterday!!

My eating has not been good at all. I think I gained. I'm suppose to weigh in today and I know I can't. I'm pre menstral also... crampy, bloated.. etc...
Jamie's throat is very swollen and she can't get the antibiotics down. She is cutting it into tiny lil peices.

Heather wanted to eat at friendlies last night for her birthday, that place is deadly for me. I had grilled cheese, fries, a large sundae. I'm still stuffed.
I am going to walk this am, but I really dont want to..... I have to take her to the doctor later and I have a hair appt at 2p.

I'm still on 25mg of zoloft. Everytime I go lower I get anxious, headaches and dizziness. The pharmacist said that is very common. Takes a few days for you to adjust to the lower dose. I have no time right now to be dizzy.
I will post latah...

Hey Lynn...I feel for Jamie, I really do. I can't imagine feeling that bad. I hope she starts feeling better soon.

You quit taking zoloft and then had to get back on it, right? When I quit taking it, I got the dizziness really bad. As of right now Im glad to be off of it. I think it may have actually made things worse for me. Ive taken it at 2 different points in my life. One time it worked great, the other it didnt. Its weird how medicines effect different people. I do like the effexor though.

I seem to be in a funk right now...I cant stand to leave the room. Im not eating like I should at all. Depression sucks. Nic and I went to Chilis last night and I actually cried in there when I was telling him what was wrong with me. I feel like I need some accountability. BAD. I need a kick in the ***.

Anyway, Im going to get dressed and maybe go do something. Try to lift my spirits

Love,
Deanne

((deanne)) here's a great big hug for ya! I know how you feel, trust me, many a time I cried to Jim about this and that, sometimes just nonsense that was bothering me in a down time. I grew up in a very abusive household. On the outside everyone thought we were perfect. We had a new bike for christmas each year and my parents had us dressed like the catalogs in JC Penney. Everything matched. We were physically and mentally and verbally abused. My brother chose drugs to deal with his garbage, I chose food. I have forgiven my parents, as they had their own issues to deal with and never dealt with them, but it took a lot of therapy to do that.

I've been weaning of zoloft for a while now. Every time I go down to 12.5mg... I get sooo dizzy.... I have tried all the rest of the anitdepressants, zoloft is the lesser of the evils. Wellbutrin was the worse...

Lynn...I feel so selfish for whining about nonsense. I have not had anything really bad happen to me in my life. Im sorry for whining as if i have. Your story opened my eyes to see that I should be very thankful. You're an amazing woman to have dealt with things the way you have. Thank you for the kick in the ***

Wellbutrin was given to me by a doctor who talked to me for 5 minutes. Little did I know, you are not supposed to take it if you have had a history of seizures. It was **** to get off of.

Lynn, thanks for being here for me! I have made a vow to get off of my *** tomorrow. Im going to get up early and do the grocery shopping. It always gives me a boost to go shopping and be smart about it. For some reason, its motivating. We HAVE to get up early to go to immigration. So, tomorrow will be the perfect day to force myself to get out of the house.

Love,
Deanne

WOW...where in the world is everyone?

hi deanne ( hugz)
I didn't tell you my story so you can stop whining!! I wanted you to know my history alil bit... You can whine all you want.. in fact.. whining is good for the soul

I have so much to do around here.. it is noon and all I have done is put a load of laundry on. Jamie is sprawled out in the family room, it is a diaster in there, cups, plates... I'm leaving her be as she is still sick. I took a flash light and looked in her throat, OMG, it is sooo gross. There are large pus pockets ( sorry to gross you out). I had her gargle with peroxide and it didnt' seem to do anything. I'm going to call the doctor back on Monday. The good news is her fever broke.

I made a menu out this am for my food for the day. I feel if I write it down, I stick to it, then I cross it off....