Hey guys! I'm back for a bit, but we are leaving for RI tomorrow so I might not be back until Sunday PM or Monday after this.
I did fall off the wagon, and hard, but I am trying to run behind the wagon to catch up after picking my self up off the ground. Not sure how I'll make out this weekend, but I am willing to try again, at least. I was wallowing in self pity and food for awhile, but now I am feeling stronger!
I was on my treadmill this morning for 40 minutes and have behaved myself fairly well for the last three days or so.
Take care, all, and I hope you are all ok.
Linda

Hey all. Just a quick post before I get busy. I work this weekend at the part time job. Derry, I hear you on the wallowing thing. Boy do I hear you!

But, I will report my "Good" things. I made it to the gym tonight. (I was going to run this morning but am still too sore.) I went to the store to pick up a couple of things, and ONLY got the couple things I went in for. Even went through the store in such a way to avoid temptations (hard to BINGE on cleaning supplies and feminine hygiene products.) And, even though I was in one heck of a funk this morning, wondering if I made a difference, etc, I spent an hour or so with one of my favorite clients, and remembered that yes I did make a difference.

Have a WONDERFUL day everyone. Remember your own value!

Well, just a quick morning post to bump us back up the threads. I will post my first good thing for the day. I was able to take my dog Justin for his first regular 1/2 mile walk since months before the surgery. Hurray! He seems to be feeling fine. Ah, relief.

I had an interesting phone call from my dad last night. He had seen something in his group this morning, that made him feel like he had been an awful father all through my growing up and that he needed to apologize for it. We talked about that for awhile, but it tied into how I was feeling. that yes, maybe my compulsive need for perfection may have triggered with a comment he made when I was little, but I had chosen to continue that way. I am not that little 8 year old anymore, I need to stop trying to please Daddy (or boss, or friends, or whomever). Weird.

Have a great day all. I hope Happy is enjoying the "wonderful" weather that has greeted her in the midwest.

hi jolly, sounds like you had a good day. glad your dog is doing well.
the talk with your dad seems good too. yes, i think a lot of our wiring was formed in childhood. then again, maybe we already had the kind of personality that made us open and receptive to certain things and that's why certain comments influenced us. i'm a behavioralist, just say, do the new things and the thinking will follow.
hope everyone's well. thanks for always keeping the thread alive jolly. gotta get some shuteye. bye for now.

Hey folks -

Because I can't post from work - well, I *could* but I don't trust work places anymore and I don't want anyone from there looking at my posts, I just won't - I haven't had the time to post a lot. I admit when I get home from work, I start with dinner and kid stuff right away, then the last thing I want to do is think anymore, so its usually time to watch some CSI or a movie.

So .. ok. Small progresses, the food is better, if not perfect. No real junk this week - though yesterday was the thin crust pizza from the grocery store. Hopefully next weekend I'll have a little more money with which to buy groceries, and that will mean better food choices. It's amazing how much we expect of ourselves, I think. Work full time, parent, try to figure out finances, meal planning... sometimes I'm amazed that I do as well as I do, which isn't that great.

Ok so .. I think today will be a good day to start the working out. I feel pretty good. Water was WAY down yesterday, but I can bring it back up today. In this job I have, getting away to go to the bathroom is hard. Stupid. I'm again faced with the reality that by and large, our workplaces are totally self centered and stupid. We kill ourselves for these companies, and they couldn't give a rats *** about us. *bitter gnawing at chains* Yeah. Ok, breathe Marian.

Hopefully this weekend I'll get out to the stables to take some pictures of the horse hooves and me working them to put on the website. Hopefully if someone ever does call me, I won't pee in my pants because I'm terrified I won't be able to handle it.

Jolly - I wrote you an e-mail. Do you hear echos of my post in yours?

What CAN I control?

I was right, it was a good day for a workout.

These are my questions to myself.

1) Are you ready?

2) What CAN you control?

3) How many times have I come to this place?

And this one is open for interpretation, but I know what it means to me...

4) Do you still feed the animal?

I did the Couch-to-5K and then added on for a total of 3 miles. It's time to get in touch with me again.

Hi all. Yeah, Raven. I wish I knew how to permanently shut up those demon voices. I am hoping to run tomorrow, but my back started hurting again. I am going to run, but I want to do it right and not hate myself afterwards.

I will spend a bit more time on your email when I get home tonight. So many thoughts.

I did make it to the gym today. Only did 30 minutes, then spent some time in the hot tub. Also made it out to ride. had a very nice ride, stuck to the basics, and didn't ask for a canter as I didn't have the muscle to back it up. A good day.

Off to work now. Take care all.

Hey all. I'm going to bed, but I'm happy to report 1 pound gone! Yea!
I've been doing my sit ups but that's about it for exercise these last few days. I haven't had a beer in almost a week. Today was a good eating day calorie wise, but nutritionally... I've been feeling really unhealthy, especially my stomach. I hope it improves. I think it's just stress.
Good night!!!

Congratulations on the loss, Apple! And moreso, great going on doing those situps and staying away from the beer! I, too, have stayed away from beer for the past week or so. It's hard, especially on Friday evenings, when everyone is heading off after work for drinks. I just headed straight home to my sad abode, where I continued to do other work. What a life. I'll be glad when these five kilos are off so I can drink again. My resolve is wavering though. . . hope you are feeling stronger!

Congrats on the loss, Apple. And to both you and Red for sticking to your resolves. Way to go!

Thanks, jolly!

Kind of having a slug day. I have to work at the part time job. Did not feel like squeezing in a short ride or short workout between Sunday School and work, so home I came. Spend a little time snuggling with the dogs, watching some tv, and relaxing. Oh well. Back to the gym tomorrow.

I have realized that for so long I thought the only way to be accepted or liked was by my accomplishments, that I have buried who I am under so many layers of fat, sarcasm, dry humor. I need to figure out who I really am under those layers. Not an easy task. Jolly, come out come out whoever you are . . . .

Wow, jolly, opposite of me. I learned way back, accomplishments were the things that distanced people from me. I've been trying to learn to stop hiding them, putting them down, playing stupid, so people wouldn't dislike me. It seems the balance is what's needed. In short, people like people who like them, who make them feel good, don't think it's any more complicated than that.

Hi everyone, just read a few of your posts and things sound about "the same" here, I guess. I know what you mean about not making posts at work, Raven, as it could be dangerous and not worth either losing your job over it or having people by spies, neither are good things.
I'm up a few pounds here, and still feel as if I am not in control, but emotionally I am doing a bit better. I have to learn, somehow, to deal with my family issues, a daughter who is totally off program and wants sugar all day and the usual things that happen in life. Kind of hard to do, but I need to pull myself together.
Today, I take my son on a college inforamtional tour and University of MA, Lowell. They supposedly have an excellment music program. I know I'll be eating out and hope we find a place where I can make good choices!
I think I'll pack an apple or banana in the car, perhaps? If we get stuck waiting around between appointments, then there will be something healthy for me, vs. finding a store and buying a chocolate bar!
Linda

Hey ladies,

Having a pretty good morning so far. I hope the day has been treating you all good as well.

I slipped a little this weekend. We went out and had Mexican on Sat. And it was soooooo good. I just love that white cheese dip.. On Sunday, I had to make an emergency trip to the vet. A friend of my son, was holding Sam (Jack Russell puppy) who managed to wriggle free. He landed hard and ended up breaking his leg. Bad news is that it broke in the growth plate. Good news is that he won't be getting much bigger, so if there is any permanent damage dealing with bone growth, it shouldn't be too much. :sigh:

I walked this morning, but didn't push it. I've got a rank test this evening. And to be perfectly honest, I'm a big nervous about it. It's a biggie. Sensei fussed at me thursday night-- said that it was time for me to quit worrying about my size. And that me worrying about what I might look like as I'm doing ABC is the only thing that's actually holding me back from doing it. I know I have a problem with body image, and yeah, I'm trying to get over it. But honestly. There I am-- kick, shuffle, jab, ect.. and what flashes through my mind? The scene in Fantasia where the hippos in tutus are mincing across the floor. *Fat woman jumping around. Fat woman jumping around.* I just wasn't comfortable. Ugh. It's ALL IN MY HEAD. Everyone else was too busy jumping themselves to pay any attention to me, and yet there I was. Fretting.

Raven, jolly, red, apple and Linda-- I'm thinking and sending many warm and encouraging thoughts your way. This struggle with weight that we're all going through is tough, some days its tougher than others. But we're strong. I'm strong. I just need to realize and remember it more often.