Happy Birthday, Happy. How was your trip to Chicago? Did you get the pizza you were craving? How is your mom?

I did not make it to the gynm this morning. I also ate the chocolate I bought yesterday while I was shoveling through paperwork at work today. BUT, I was driving home from my part time job, early because it was slow, and I started craving junk again. I did not stop for any reason. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Also, when I stopped before the second job to get some more lettuce and chicken for a salad tonight, I only got what I needed for a salad. I did not get anymore chips, baked or otherwise, or any sweets. Hurray for small favors.

I need to get working out again. I am so tired, so I don't get off the couch and work out, but I know that working out will get me more energized. I need to go.

Have a good day all.

Small victories. I worked out today. I stayed OP with food. I drank my water.

I also kept coughing. I am hoping and praying it's just junk from working out making its way out of my lungs. I so cannot afford to be sick. Financially, emotionally, it just can't happen. I'm taking my goldenseal, I'm drinking my water, yada yada.

Happy Birthday Happy!!

Sounds like most of us are trying to reach the little goals so we can start building on them again. Now, if only my scale would start reflecting my little goals being met...

Hey girls,
Thanks for the birthday wishes. We went to dinner tonight, I ate half my pasta, brought the rest home. Had a sundae for dessert. Back on plan tomorrow. It was a good day all in all.

Chicago was COLD!!! and blustery... oh right, that's why I left, wasn't it. Geez it didn't take me long to turn into a weather weenie.

Mom's doing great. It's wonderful to have her here this week, I will miss her when she leaves but they will all be back again the end of June for another week long visit.

As for the pizza - OMG. what can I say well, at least I didn't bring the leftovers back with me. Sent them home with my sister.

I'm not doing too bad this week but I will be better come Monday for sure.

Raven, hope it's nothing more than allergies, add a dose of some extra sleep with the goldenseal. Take care and don't get sick. Jolly, I hear you on the hurray for small favors. Keep up the good stuff. Put the chocolate in the freezer so it will be harder to eat and you'll have to shave bits off - saves on calories

Linda, those are good goals - to journal and get on the treadmill. Keep them up. Apple - hope you had a good time with your Mom today.

We were driving around the subdivision showing my mom some of the houses in the area. We turned down one street and low and behold, a horse and pony farm with some beauties just grazing in the pasture. I'll have to remember that spot next time we go out on the bike. Lovely creatures to look at...

Hey all. Not much to report here. I did make it to the gym today. Hurray. My eating is horrid. Boooo. I need to find something that gets me motivated again. Sigh.

Have a good day.

Hi all! I had a doughnut today, but it was 6 points and I do have flex points.... not going to worry too much about it. I'm making chili in the crockpot for summer, thanx for that recipe! I'll top it with low fat cheddar and maybe a dollap of plain low fat yogurt if I'm in the mood. I'm also making WW onion soup in a little while. I over bought onions this week, though I needed them and bought them on sale and then I got home and discovered I had three bags of them here! Yikes, so it's cooking time!
I'll be on the treadmill either right before or right after dinner, I promised myself I would and I shall do that!
I have been such a good girl journalling, though, I'm proud of that.
A few of you have had NSVs, good girls!
Raven, I hope you don't get sick.try adding Echinacea to your Goldenseal and step up on vitamin C - either in pill or in fresh fruit! Maybe it's allergies?
It's pouring AGAIN today, our community is on flood watch and I'm sick of clouds and rain, I hope for sun tomorrow. I have things to plant and want to get that exercise!
Red? No post from you today, I'm surprised. Hope you are doing ok.
Linda

hi Derry, no post, was feeling down on myself. Pissed off at having blown a roll of good days and I got my haircut and hate it. They always cut it too short.
Well, back on track today.

And happy, a big, though belated, Happy Birthday!!! to you.

Within this box is the new knockout you! Open it real soon, ok?

Pilates again today. So I did my workout for the fourth day in a row. Water was good. Calorically, my food was ok. Nutritionally... well, probably not that bad either, really. I had white pizza for dinner. Lots of spinach in it! Tomorrow is the last day of the first week of Couch-to-5K.

The cough seems to be subsiding. Thank goodness. I think it was the pollen together with the exercise that made it more severe than it would have been otherwise.

Derry - The goldenseal I use has ecinacea in it. And I take a multivitamin every morning with extra B complex and C. I do try to take care of myself. Now if the world would just stop throwing rocks at me, I might be ok.

Red - Thank goodness hair grows back, but I know that immediate loathing when the cut is bad.

Happy - Sleep .. yes, I actually got more of that, too. Maybe I really *am* taking care of myself? Maybe I finally figured out no one else is going to take care of me, so I'd better? Who knows. A horse farm. *sigh* One of these days, huh?

Jolly - Ok .. what is it? Do you need more rest? Are you feeling ok? Because .. if you're not sick, and you're getting enough rest, then it's *my* turn to kick *your* butt. Get some exercise!! You KNOW that working out will make you feel better!!

Tonight is CSI night! Hope everyone is feeling good.

Hey all. Just a quick post as I do bills My favorite. Anyway. I realized today I have just gotta drag some motivation out of somewhere. I am not caring. I am just tired all the time. And eating? Don't even go there. So, I need to find a way to kick start myself again. Ideas anyone?

Jolly, I know exactly what you are feeling like, I've totally been there these last few weeks. I stopped caring for a little while as well. I care again, and I am not exactly sure what it was that made me start caring again. I do know that learning about my dad's cancer and my brother in law's cancer relapse set me off, but I shouldn't use anything like that as an excuse to stop taking care of myself. I was really getting close to goal and now I have backtracked and put on several of the pounds I lost. It's no one's fault but mine.
Raven, glad you are feeling a bit better. Do you have asthma? Almost sounds like it. I am glad you take care of yourself, we all need to!
Red, I sure know about bad haircuts as well. Last one for me was pretty awful. Hated looking in the mirror and mine was way too short as well. I really like my hair stylist, but after the last cut I was almost going to stop seeing her and try to find someone else. But, now that it's grown out a bit, I kind of like it. BUT, it took three weeks or four maybe to get it to look "normal" again vs. some weirdo freak that I saw in the mirror. I think she does well when I bring in a photo of what I want, if I tell her to trim, I am putting myself at risk. Next time, I'm going to be careful to tell her what I want off in inches.
Also, Red, I'm a person who needs to read a book called "metric system for dummies" can you tell me how much 70 kg is and what it is? I'm not sure I can even interpret your goals to see how you are doing. I know you put a zero at the end of it, but I'm stumped! Duh!
I never got on my treadmill yesterday, I'm ashamed. But, I shall make up for that today for sure. I have about five or six things to plant outside in the garden. The sun is shining for a change, yippee!
I am also going to a quilt show (not one my stuff is in) this afternoon, so it's really going to be one of those "stop and smell the roses" kinds of days. We all need a day like that once in awhile. So, guys, take time to do something NICE that you enjoy that is NOT FOOD!
Linda

Hey all. Derry, I hear you. It is so easy to let outside stress derail us. Which is funny, in a not so funny ironic sort of way since the way we treat ourselves is so unhealthy and not good for stress. Sigh. And you certainly have had a lot of stress to deal with.

I have two good things to report for the day. 1) I did make it to the gym this morning. 2) I did go ride my pony tonight. Two things I have been finding excuses to avoid.

Have a good day all.

Hi guys, almost forgot about you because I wasn't getting email notices! And I've been chatting away now that I've found instant messenger. That's a lot of fun but can really eat up the time. Nevertheless, it may be better than sitting here eating! With all the typing, I can't eat. Well, sure, I could, but I don't because it's so obvious what I'm doing. Not like zoning out watching the tube or something.

Well, I was hoping to be able to report a weight loss, but damn, the scale shows no change. I've been doing a lot of walking and have been eating well. Actually stayed away from a night out on the town last night. A guy was leaving and people went out with him. They all wanted me to go but I said no. Don't know. Seems kind of stupid to be saying no to a bit of afterwork socializing for the sake of calories. But I know me, there is absolutely no way I could drink something noncaloric or stop at one beer. So, I stayed away. It's better overall I guess, no money loss, can feel OK going in to work. I realize that a night out ruins the next day pretty much too.

And now I'm cooking up a spaghetti sauce. Just made the wholewheat noodles and will take the lot into work. Back on track.

Oh, god the haircut. I hate it, hate it, hate it. Thank you Derry and Rave for your words of sympathy. I thought I didn't need the picture. I mean the hairdresser does my hair all the time. I said, same as last time and figured she could tell what length it had been. Noooo. So, it's way to short and I look sooooo old. It actually means my body is looking younger than my face and hair. Oh, I so hate having a dowdy middle-aged woman's cut, because I am middle-aged and now I look it! Why do hairdressers do that? Do they think we want to look that way? Oh well, what's done is done. Lesson learned, like you, Derry, don't leave it up to their judgement.

Oh, on the metric. One kilo is 2.2 lbs. so..... 70 kgs would be 154 lbs. Now, I'm just over 163 lbs. I look at the handfuls of fat around my midsection and it makes me hate myself. Where did this come from and why doesn't it go away? I mean, I don't eat much. I suppose being only 5 feet doesn't help. But, boy, I've been walking so much again. How do these people who weight like 110 lbs do it? Are their bones hollow like a bird's or something? Oh well, gotta go now.

Take care all and I hope you find the motivation you need. I don't know. Not caring feels nice. Caring means self-criticism and loathing for me. There's no way around it. I know it's not good and all that, but I can't want to get the fat off and not be disgusted with the me that got me there.

Ciao tutti!

Heh all, is someone going to start a new thread for May? See, I'm ahead of you all and it'll be May in a couple hours! I can wait though. Rave, you going to do the honors this month?

Red - A little anxious for the new month to start?? I haven't decided what to do with my hair yet... get it cut again, or let it grow out and just throw it into a braid. That's definitely the cheaper of the two options. You sound more upbeat in this post. Or maybe you just had too much coffee? Caring to me isn't about criticism and negativity. Caring is genuine concern - a desire for self betterment. Then there's the not caring, which, while very freeing, means I eat whatever the heck sounds yummy without regard to health implications. And then there are the negative, self loathing, self destructive thoughts. Spin the wheel and see where I am today!!

Derry - Though I don't encourage using food as an emotional buffer, I know it well. And I think we have to give ourselves some latitude here, because really, we don't know anything else. I've written about this in my journals and in my entries so often. I know I use food to comfort me during really hard times. I just am barely coming out of 8-9 months of doing it again. I am trying to learn to find other means of comfort in my life, but it's difficult to do. Kind of like fixing the roof. When it's raining you can't, and when it's not raining, why bother? No, I don't have asthma.. not even close. It's just that the pollen count here gets sooooo high - we're one of the nation's 'hot spots' if you will - that the more time one spends outside, the more coated with plant spew my respiritory system gets. Even people who don't suffer from allergies suffer. And coupled with starting to run again after months of not doing anything... yeah, my lungs had to hack up a lot of crud. I'm pretty sure that's all it is. Now if I don't watch it, yeah, that will turn into bronchitis in a heartbeat. Been there, done that.

Thunder and lightning this morning. It is so pretty, but... why doesn't it do this during the week and leave my weekends nice for working with the horses!? Bah.

Yesterday I overslept because CSI was on an hour late on Thursday night. I simply can not miss CSI, so I was really tired when I went to bed, and slapped around the alarm clock Friday morning. No running for me. I'm lucky I made it to work on time. So today is running, the last day of the first week of Couch-to-5K. Tomorrow will be pilates. I must remember to drink my water. It's much harder to remember that at home during the weekends. And so far, I'm doing well. I gave myself to the end of this month to get to my 'starting weight' of 200 - very scary. This morning I'm at 200.5. I'd call that a win, because that puts me at 2 pounds down for the week so far. Monday morning is weigh in for me, officially - we'll see what the scale says then. I did that on purpose. It makes me more aware of what I'm eating on the weekends, because typically I tend to overdo it. If I know I have to weigh in on Monday... I'm more likely to watch it more closely.

Hope everyone is having a great Saturday so far!!

Edited at about noonish to say:

I worked out!! I did my Couch-to-5K!!! And I pushed it on the last interval - I ran much faster, then added another 20 seconds of as-fast-as-I-could-move-my-little-legs!! Without falling over, that is. Was about 6.7 mph. Oh MAN that felt good.

Yesterday was kind of a lost and off the wagon day, but it was a good day at least. We went to tour a college with my son and he liked it and we did well.
I ate, though, and had no remorse.... today I feel badly about it, but yesterday it was all about the day and the goodness of it. Do you all ever feel that way? I call it "social eating", just as bad as emotional eating, but a different kind of day.
But, my mini goal is to journal and I shall do my best to write it all down and figure out where I stand. We did do a fair amount of walking on campus, so that will help.
Red, my weight and yours are very close, and I know what you mean about the 110 pound people. I think they starve themselves or maybe they do have hollow bones? One time my mom was putting sunscrean on my back and said in surprise "you are so solid", it was meant to be a compliment. I think what she meant was that even though I might look "larger" (nice way to put it?) I am very compact and solid as a person. I work out and walk, and sometimes don't as often as I should, but I definately do not look like I weigh as much as I do. I would say that I look like I weigh 135 - 140, but I weigh much more. I think that is becuase I am "solid". Does that make any sense at all?
When I get on the scale at a doctor's office, for example, I've had nurses make remarks like that to me, they would never think I weigh as much as I do, yet I do.
I think that might be one of the reasons why it's so hard for me to lose weigh?
Linda