Ugh ugh ugh! The scale has been hovering at 157 now since Monday! I weighed on Sunday at 153, and now this!! I haven't been eating the best, but I haven't gone so nuts that I should have gained this. Heck, over Christmas I was eating cookies all day and this didn't happen. I'm getting so frustrated!

Top it off, I had my braces adjusted yesterday and my mouth is killing me, which leavse soft food choices, which aren't always as diet friendly.

The gym hasn't happened since Sunday, but we took the Christmas tree down, which was a lot of up and down stairs, and a lot of lifting things into the attic. I should not fuss over 4lbs I guess. I am just so sad, because I was dropping dropping dropping, and now I am freakin'g hovering at 157!

I'll be going to the gym on Sunday - hmm, maybe I should go tonight too. I dunno. Just totally frustrated right now.

I had McDonalds for breakfast, which is bad yes. But I am down to going there just once a week instead of twice a week. And again, back when I was going twice a week, I was still losing!

Lunch is likely going to be my healthy bologna sandwich - with the ingredients I use, it totals 275 calories - 11.5 fat - 22 carbs - 6 fiber. And very tasty - but not so filling. And I really have a taste for chinese anyway.

Today is going to be bad I think!

Good morning girls!

I didn’t turn on the computer at all yesterday, and had a very nice day – I spent it with a friend, just hanging out doing nothing. Very nice….

Ang – how did seeing your friend from VA go? Did you have a good time?
You have some very good ideas for lunches and snacks, Ang – I’m sorry I don’t have that many. I always like to eat soup for lunch in the winter – hot and spicy – but I think it would be more of a hassle to do at work. It’s probably better to do at home.

Renee – sorry to hear that your scale is up, hope you had a good day yesterday despite that.

I don’t know what’s happening in your body, Renee – but your experiences sound very familiar too me.
I have started diets in the past and gone for weeks and months eating a bit off the diet, and still lost weight. But then, would suddenly stop losing or gain weight – still eating the same way. To continue to lose weight I had to become strict and start following the diet. I think of that first period – when I will lose weight no matter what I eat - as the honeymoon-part of the diet; I don’t really have to be *that* strict. When the honeymoon is over – it’s all hard work from then on. But I’ve also found that the honeymoon periods are getting shorter and with less weightloss in my thirties. It *is* much easier to lose weight in your twenties.
The other thing is going off diets and overeat/binge/cheat for a period of time (like, say, during Christmas perhaps (ehrm)). I can get away with cheating for a couple of weeks without gaining weight. It always make me think that weight loss maintenance really isn’t hard at all! Which is very stupid of me, because if I keep up overeating I reach the point where the calories reach up with my body, and I start gaining weight fast.

I’ve spent years dieting, and one thing that I’m 100% certain of is that it’s not a 1:1 relationship between calories eaten and the numbers of the scale in the short term. But in the long term – eventually - every calorie counts.

You talked about writing down to measure progress when going to the gym, do you do the same thing with your eating? Writing down or logging food intake at fitday or something like that?
Maybe it could be something you could try for a week? It’s always good to know as much as possible about the present, and what you’re doing now - and to look at it as objectively as possible to look for areas you can change. And starting with small consistent changes – I’m a big believer in that. Introducing small stuff that you stick with!

Hope you both have a great Saturday!

I used to log my things in at fitday, but stopped pretty quick into that. I had plenty of success without monitoring every little thing and so it's frustrating to think to go back to that.

I'm having a real bad day today. After eating well all day, I went grocery shopping and got totally pissed off about the foods I wanted, but could not have. The cookies, the cakes, the ice creams. I mean, I got REALLY mad and depressed. It's unrealistic to think that there will ever be a day that I don't want these things. Even after the strict following of South Beach, I still wanted these things. Even after 6 months of drinking diet soda, I still -want- to drink regular and think it tastes way better.

I don't know how to counter this very destructive feeling I am having. I don't know if it's triggered by the fact my weight has gone back up, even if it's just a mere 5lbs. For me, food is a hobby. I don't do a lot of things that are pleasing to me, and so I really want to enjoy what I eat, and that's not happening because I am constantly limiting myself. Or rather, I wasn't for a while, and now I am trying to again.

I'm hoping to get into the gym tomorrow, but I'm a bit afraid I will wake up depressed and end up sitting at the computer the whole day. God, I'd kill for some milk and cookies right now... sigh.

I’m so sorry you’re having a bad day, Renee!
I agree with you that it’s unrealistic to think that there will be a day you don’t want cookies, cakes, ice creams. And I certainly understand your anger and frustration - feeling deprived makes me feel angry, resentful, and depressed too.

Maybe you can try looking at this a bit differently: look at it like it’s not about never, ever eating cookies again, but about not eating a lot of cookies every day. You can eat anything – but not every day. If the diet you’re following doesn’t allow you to eat food it’s very hard for you not to eat – then maybe you need to look a bit closer into whether the diet is working for you?

I have been reading Anne Fletcher’s “Thin for life. 10 keys to success from people who have lost weight and kept it off” since it’s being discussed in the Maintainer Forum. Fletcher writes about (in chapter 3) the importance of losing weight your own way – and how important it is to tailor your diet to your own needs. You need to learn from your past – what worked for you and what didn’t, because the diet must fit you and your life – it’s not the other way around. If you need to eat cookies now and again – to keep yourself from feeling deprived – than the diet you’re following should have room for that.
I do recommend this book, even if I don’t agree with everything in it – but that’s one of the points of the book – there is no one diet that fits all! You have to find one that works for you, alter it to fit your life – and thus making it your own and taking responsibility for your own weight loss.

You know what to do about this one, don’t you? Finding *other* things that are pleasing to you, because to lose weight and maintain the loss - you need to find your pleasure somewhere else, if you’re not getting it from food. Any ideas?

I’ve been struggling a bit with the amount of work and commitment maintaining a weight loss for the rest of my life will involve. And what motivates me these days, is the realization that I’m going to be preoccupied and fixated on weight/body/fat/overweight/exercise/eating the rest of my life anyway! If I stay fat or regain weight, I will not be any less fixated or obsessed by it – so as long as I’m going to obsess about it – I can just as well obsess and struggle while being thin – and obsess about weight maintenance.
This thing with weight/eating/my body/fat is going to be one of the biggest issues for me my whole life anyway – whether I’m thin or fat. I can just as well be thin while I obsess!

Not exactly the help you hoped for, is it Renee? Sorry about that. I really hope you have a good day today.

Ang, how are you doing this weekend? Got any thoughts for Renee and her struggles?

I hope your weekends have been going well.

Renee - I'm sorry you're having a tough time with the scale. You need to consider the WHOLE picture. It is never one thing that you're doing that causes you to gain or lose weight. The reason might not even be noticeable (e.g. hormonal changes during the month). How is your mouth feeling? I know how frustrating (I think we all know) weight loss can be but you have to keep trying. I know I start to feel bad and then it causes me to eat more. It can become a vicious cycle. Try to get a hold on it before it gets worse. How did the gym go today? Congratulations on reducing your breakfasts at McD. That's great! What do you eat for breakfast on the other days?

Renee - we're here for you. I totally understand how you are feeling as I go through the same thing. Right now I can't seem to restrict myself because it is one of the few things that brings me some type of happiness. In the end I know it doesn't make me happy though and it sounds like you feel the same way. I think one thing we may need to do is find other things that give us pleasure so we don't want the food so often. You'll always like the good stuff but it doesn't have to control you.

mette - A day of doing nothing sounds wonderful. I am enjoying my weekend with me friend (more later). She is resting now so I thought I'd jump on the computer quickly. If you like soup maybe you should invest in a good thermos. I don't think it would be that hard to do soup a couple of days a week. Do you have access to a microwave? Do you bring homemade soup?

Renee - I agree with mette totally. I hadn't thought about the obsession part but it's true. I don't remember one day in my life where I didn't think about food/weight/etc. Channel the obsession into a positive. I also agree that you have to allow yourself to eat in a way that is 'normal' for you. I know I can't live without chocolate. I also know that if I get up and move I can allow myself a little chocolate because I'm burning extra calories. I'm not advocating food rewards but balance. I learned through life that I cannot stick to a strict diet. I don't have the will power or the time/knowledge to put into the preparation and cooking. When I lost weight in the past it was because of small acceptable changes to my diet and the addition of regular exercise. It was more important for me to eat what I wanted (reasonably) than to sit on my butt and not exercise. This may not work for you, but you may be able to find your own balance. Even the thinest people eat 'bad foods' occassionally. Another key is portion control with 'bad foods'.

I also recommend logging your food, at least for yourself to just see what you are eating and if there are any patterns or 'easy' changes that you can make. I'm also not big into the fitday type (seems like too much work) of logging but just writing it down to see the realistic picture may prove helpful. This is similar to our discussion on looking at pictures of your body. Sometimes you neeed to be objective about what you are eating.

I'm sorry I rambled. I should think about my responses before I post but I was in a hurry. My friend is leaving this afternoon. I'll try to come back later or I'll be back tomorrow.

Good luck today to both of you. What are doing to enjoy the rest of the weekend?

Just a quick one from me too! Ang, just wanted to say that I loved your post, and that I think you’re completely right that the important thing is to do is to break the vicious circle – and get a hold on it before it gets worse.

This whole thing about what it is in our lives that gives us pleasure and makes us happy – it’s a difficult one, isn’t it?
For me it’s all tied up with what I’m trying to get the food to do for me. I know I get pleasure from sleeping, napping, and hot baths when what I want from food is warmth and comfort.
But it doesn’t work if I want to eat because I’m bored – a nap doesn’t work as a substitute in those situations. Although sometimes playing Sims does.

Ang, hope your weekend with your friend is going well. I also think using a thermos for soup is a really, really good idea!

Renee – hope you’re having a good day too!

Thanks mette. I just wish that breaking the cycle was easy. It can be VERY difficult, particularly when you are in it. I am trying to break mine too Renee. I am hoping that I am going to the YMCA for the first time tomorrow. It is snowing here now and I'm not bringing workout clothes with me to work (even though I should) so things are stacked up against me a little but I hope I go. This is my attempt to start to break my cycle. Renee - can you think of a small thing you could do that would be a start in the right direction?

I agree mette - why is it so hard for us to figure out what gives us true pleasure. I was sad tonight and lonely and ate way too much. I wasn't hungry and the food really didn't taste that good or give me much pleasure but it did keep me occupied so I didn't think about anything else. I think I need to face my life and not turn to food. Hmmm.... I'll think about that a little more.

mette - how about reading, puzzles, solitaire with actual cards or a craft when you're bored? Computer games aren't all bad either. I keep saying I am going to get a mat down on the floor and start stretching while watching t.v. but that hasn't happened yet. Sometimes I just don't think of things at the right time.

My weekend went well. It was really good to see my friend. I miss her a lot. We were like sisters when I was in grad school. She is good with interior design and clothes so we did some shopping. I stink at shopping so it is good to go and feel confident that I'm getting good things because she approves. I bought some jeans that I needed desperately (went up a size ), earrings for everyday, dishes, a beer mug for bf, and picked out rugs for my living and dining rooms. We didn't get everything but progress was made. If it weren't for the extra eating it would have been an excellent weekend.

One other note - the farmer that is sick, he is talking some now and eating a little on his own. Very good progress! It was good to see today when I went to visit him. Gotta hold on to the good things.

Renee - how did your weekend go? This is a new week. What plans does everyone have for this week?

My goals for the week:
1. Post the black bean recipe (sorry I forgot this weekend and it's too late right now for me to go get it and type it in)
2. Make taco salad or black bean recipe and a Thai dish this week
3. Get to the YMCA at least 2 days this week.

What do you think?

Thanks girls, you guys are great. Reading your replies got me calmed down enough to grab the reins again. Speaking of reins, the man at the stable emailed me back and would like to discuss lesson options over the phone. I am still 6lbs away from that goal and I am not sure if I should continue to wait and do it once I am officially at 150, or call it close enough.

I weighed this morning at 156, which is only 3lbs up from the lowest I've weighed. I think I ate REAL well today. For breakfast, a bowl of Kix and skim milk. Lunch was 5oz of chicken and some corn salsa. Snack was 2 clementines and a piece of low fat string cheese, and dinner was beef and spinach lasagna (made low fat style) My late night snack came as a bowl of cereal. So all tallied up I know without a doubt I am under 1500 calories.

I also went to the gym AND wrote down everything I did. I did about 8 different machines, 2 leg ones, 2 hip ones, 2 abs ones, 2 shoulders ones. And about 25 minutes of bike riding. After this afternoon though, I am not sure exercising in the morning (I have yet to try it, but want to) would be a good idea. I got back at noon and ate, and by 2pm I was about to pass out! I thought it was supposed to give you more energy for the day?

My abs are already sore, so I know I did well. I really focused on lifting enough weight that the last couple reps are a challenge, and I was breathing right too. It felt good at the time at least.

Tomorrows plan is cereal for breakfast, clemetines for snacks, cheese for snacks, sandwich and yogurt for lunch. More lasagna for dinner.

See you ladies tomorrow, and thanks again!

Oh yes. I *do* know that breaking the circle is difficult – and sometimes I can’t even explain how it’s done, how I did it – looking back.
Ang: here’s cheering you on at the Y today!!! You go girl!!
And I really like your goals for the week – it’s all about proper eating and getting to the gym!

I have to say that the thing that’s working best for me – against grazing and mindless eating – is the fact that I log my food. Knowing that the food and calories are going into my daily and weekly summary is actually enough to limit my eating. Whenever I eat it’s documented and *there* for all eternity (yeah, not really, but it feels that way) – and that keep me more in check. It actually works for me.

And I know about the whole – not thinking about the right thing at the right time – but I do believe that eventually the time will be right for the thing, and no ideas are worthless! (Yes! You can call me Polyanna!) (or not…)

Sounds like you had a wonderful weekend, Ang! How nice that you got to spend time with your friend! Did you introduce the bf to her? Did she like him? (That’s one of the most important bf-tests, isn’t it?? The best friend-test! )
Renee: wonderful to hear that you had a great day yesterday!
I think you should start your riding lessons now – to get something new and pleasurable in your life. Go for the lessons, and don’t let the 5-6lbs stop you! Do it now! Have fun! Learn something new about yourself, and about horses, and about riding!
Congratulations on going to the gym and getting sore too! Just what the doctor ordered!

You guys are doing great! I’m off to the couch and my blanket and an article on clinical research on chronic pain patients. Have a nice day everybody!

You know maybe I should go for them! It's exercise, it'd likely boost my confidence and help shed a few pounds since it is work to ride a horse. Good leg work out, and core stabilizers too.

I crashed at lunch. I had my healthy sandwich stuff here, but with a temperature of 6 and a windchill of -8, I wanted something warm. I had errands to run, and of course that meant the only warm, fast thing - was fast food. I got a journal notebook though, and I am going to go back to tracking my food. One bad lunch will not ruin me. I just do better from now on.

Ang- Don't you just love hanging out with old friends? It's one of my goals this year, actually, to get back in touch with some old friends. You and I should come up with a little support contest or something - or maybe not contest, but a game. See who can come up with the most ideas for 'pleasing' things or something. I think we'd both benefit by finding a crutch other than food to fall back on.

mette- make sure you do enough relaxing for all three of us! And any good articles on weight loss you come across, send my way!

Congratulations Renee...I'm so glad you had a good day yesterday. Good eating AND exercise. I'm still planning on going to the gym today after I stop at Target to pick up some necessities. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I get there but just getting there is the big goal for right now.

mette - I think I'll try logging my food. I probably won't put too many details down, but I want to take my own advice and see if there are any patterns. I'll start that tonight or tomorrow. Renee - we'll both be joining the logging club again.

I did introduce my friend to the bf. She liked him pretty well so that's good. She just wants me to be happy and she felt that that was what he wanted to so we're going forward (where ever that ends up being).

Renee - I agree with mette about the riding lessons. You do seem to need something good and physical in your life right now. Separate them from your weight loss goal. You may want to even pick another 'reward' (maybe not so big but something so you don't minimize how important it is that you loss those pounds.

Enjoy your article mette - don't strain anything with all that hard work.

Renee - it's good to hear the change in your attitude. Hold onto that and just keep going on. You know the saying...it's a marathon and not a sprint. We'll be making decisions everyday for the rest of our lives.

Renee - I love your idea about pleasing things. I'll have to start trying some things out to find things I truly like and not things that I think I like. Believe it or not there is a difference. I know I like listening to music and reading S. King (sometimes at the same time). I'm going to try puzzles again and see how that goes. I'm fine outdoors, it's the indoor stuff that's hard (particularly when it's cold and dark). Is there anything you know you like?

Spicy Black Beans and Rice

In a medium saucepan cook 1/2 C onion and 4 cloves garlic in hot oil (2 T) till tender but not brown. Carefully stir in drained black beans (15 ounce can), undrained Mexican-style stewed tomatoes (14.5 ounce can), and 1/8 to 1/4 tsp gound red pepper. Bring to boil; reduce heat. Simmer, uncovered, for 15 minutes.

To serve, mound rice (2 Cups cooked brown or long grain) on individual plates; make a well in center. Spoon black bean mixture into center. If desired, sprinkle with chopped onion. Makes 4 servings.

Nutrition per serving: 279 calories, 11g p, 47 g carb, 8 g fat (1 g sat), 0mg chol, 631 mg sodium, 573 mg potassium.


This is a simple dish but really easy to make and has a nice zing to it that you can control with the amount of red pepper. If you try it let me know if you like it. If I can just remember to buy the tomatoes and an onion I think I have all of the ingredients.

Goodnight ladies.

A little self encouragment goes a long way I guess. I took the photo's and the measurements tonight. Here are the results.

Inches Lost:
Arms (at the bicep): 1.25"
Bust (plenty to spare gentlemen): 1.5"
Waist (getting a shape back?): 5.5"
Hips (will be my biggest challenge): 6.25"
Thigh (second hardest spot): 1.5"

The pictures, I'm not quite ready to show off - but you ladies will likely be the only ones to witness that! I am amazed at what I looked like. Like I said, you can really fool yourself as to how bad you've gotten. I can see major differences in my shape, and while my new pictures are still chubby ole me, I am encouraged and motivated now to keep going - because they are SO much better than the ones from Sept.

I am going to go work out now!

I’m spending my last days of freedom away from the computer – so I’ll just pop in and say hi!

Renee – did you call the guy about the riding lessons?
Congratulations on lost inches!!! How great is that!?! It’s so good to hear that you find progress in your measurements and photos, Renee. Wonderful to hear that you’re seeing major differences!
Keep up the good work!

Ang - thank you for the recipe, it sounds both delicious and easy to make. I love spicy food but I’m a lousy cook – but I think I will try this. Do you ever use dry beans when you cook, Ang?

I have eaten chocolate 3 days in a row, and it’s not a good food choice – because it means there are fewer calories to eat proper food! So I’m hungry – which makes me grumpy. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to eat chocolate….
I think I’ll make better food choices today.
The gym is going fine – I did legs yesterday and I’m a bit sore. Upper body tomorrow, and probably some cardio to burn off the chocolate… Heh.

Have a nice day - both of you!

So – guess I wasn’t the only one who needed some time off from the computer, huh?

All is well here. I’m having a break from reading, and am trying to put together a better cardio-playlist on my I-Pod. Any good suggestions of songs for cardio?
Favorite cardio-songs right now are: Eminem (Lose yourself), Linkin Park (In the end), Chumbawamba (Tubthumping), Blink 182 (All the small things), The Cardigans (My favorite game), Hole (Celebrity Skin)…. And Evanescence.

I’m eating clean again today. Lots of fruits and vegetables, fish of some kind for dinner, protein pancake for lunch, oatmeal for breakfast.
Just popped in to wish everybody a good day!