Hi,

It is really hard to post. I am just torn in too many directions it seems but I wanted to say hello.
If I don't reply to everyone I am sorry. I truly can't keep up.

Mediation on Monday went so so. Mike and I did agree on a mediator. She was there giving the spill on what mediation is all about and since we had to decide on one out of 5 choices she was the one I felt comfortable with.

Mike and I chatted - this after he never returned any of my phone calls. He said he isn't working and there would be no support this month. Blah- blah.
I mentioned that before mediation he should decide on compromising on his 6 month notice if I ever wanted to move.
Because I did plan to move.
He got upset about that and I probably should have kept my mouth shut.
Anyway, he stormed off after saying he didn't care what I did as long as I left Gaby behind. As if......lol

Working on my newsletter tonight.

Having a mental breakdown. lol.........My car is fixed and I owe $500 now on the deductible. My mother backed out after saying she would help, so I was stressed on that.
I told Rocky and he never skips a beat......said he would pay on his credit card the deductible in the morning.
I cried ............he said don't. He says I am his sweetie and he loves me. awwwwww........he really is so nice to me. I will pay back 100 a month until it is paid though. It is a loan.
Doug agreed to babysit Gaby for free for a month and that will save me $400 there .
I just HATE asking for help..............hate,hate,hate it.

Feel like I am going to over burden Rocky and he will run,,,,,,,,*sigh*.

anyway- that is my update .

Weighed in at 143 today, so am maintaining - totally hungry for beans

Hi Susan
I guess we are all having a difficult time at the moment, wish it was different , but we take what we are given and do the best we can. Be thankful for Rocky's help thats what its all about sharing each others happiness and difficulties , that is what life is full of. If he runs, he wasn't the man for you , or your children, so its not the best way to start out, really what is , no one has the perfect life ,everyone starts from the last relationship .for whatever reason it ended, we all have baggage. its to bad your Mom backed out on you,I'm sure you didn't need the added stress ,but if Doug has agreed to help out and it will save you 400$ thats wonderful ,see when a door closes a window opens.Sometimes it feels like its all to much , and it does seem unfair that some people seem, and I stress seem ,to have it better than we do, but I believe that there is a purpose to this , and we do gain strength ,that we didn't know we had, and we do need all we can get , as we continue through this life. As I have always said I hope that soon you and the girls will have the life you deserve ,and that happiness is just around the corner.Keep hope alive , inside your heart , it gives you something to look towards, thats my sermon for today. Now all you need is Cristi's rendition of Don't worry be happy ((((HUGS TO YOU AND GABY AND THE GIRLS)))))

Thanks Ellen.
Rocky is a sweet man. Thought I would share a post he did a few days ago on our parents club.
So blessed to have him in my life.
Susan

From Rocky:

Well here is the story on how I became a single parent. Kind of
explains
why I am so mellow.

I wrote a letter to Kenny Loggins thanking him for helping us choose my
son's name or should I say how my son chose his own name. After
reading my
email my sister send Kenny an email and he posted them both on his
website.

Grab some kleenex.
Letter to Kenny Loggins
Been wanting to send you an e-mail ever since I saw your concert on TV.
That
is when I found out that you actually read your e-mail from your fans.
First
I grew up to your music since I was in Junior High school in the 70's.
I
wanted to thank you for helping my wife and I choose our son's name or
should I say how he chose his own name.
I met my wife Debbie in Aug 1983, married her on Sept. 3, 1983. We
always
wanted to have kids but it was never to be or so we thought. Then
after
almost 10 years Debbie finally got pregnant. We were so happy, and
eagerly
waited for the blessed event. Debbie had been sickly for about 2 years
before she got pregnant so I was really concerned for both her and our
baby.
Due to this the doctor considered this to be a high risk pregnancy.
In
Jan. 1994 the doctor put our baby on a "kick count," that meant the our
baby
would have to kick about 20 time in a 2 hour period so we knew that it
was doing O.K. Debbie was really concerned because our baby wasn't very
active. So I put my mouth up to her stomach and started to sing
"Christopher Robin and I walked along under," and before I had finished
the
first verse he started to kick and move all over. Debbie said keep
singing,
but I got up went to my old record collection and pulled out my old
Loggins
and Messina album, (I had to blow all the dust off it first) so I put
the
record on and before the middle of the first verse he had his 20 kicks
and
then some. So Debbie cradled her stomach and said "Well you just
choose
your name." We didn't know if he was a boy or girl yet, but Debbie had
this
6 th sense and could sense the future in more ways that one.

In Feb. 1994 after going to our family doctor, the doctor became
worried
because Debbie's heart beat was beating to fast, at 200 beat per
minute,
(normal is about 80 beats per minute). So the doctor instructed us to
go up
to the emergency room, so we went. After we got there they admitted
her and
took her up to ICU floor. Our hospital here in Hilo wasn't equipped to
handle a patient that was in critical condition and pregnant so they
insisted that they evac Debbie to a Hospital on Oahu, so she was
transferred. While there she was confined to the hospital for about a
week,
then she was able to leave the hospital, but we couldn't fly back to
our
home in Hilo. So we found a place in Waikiki. She was in and out of
the
hospital for the next 7 weeks. Until Mar. 24, 1994 that's the day our
son
was born, it was the happiest day of our lives. When it was time to
name
the baby, Debbie wrote Kristopher-Robin. She changed the CH to Kr and
that's how Kristopher-Robin got his name.

About 4 days after Kristopher-Robin was born we were on a plane back to
Hilo. We couldn't wait to get back home, and to show all our friends
and
relatives our boy. It was the happiest we had been, all 3 of us living
as a
family.

Early in the morning on Apr. 16, 1994, I heard a gurgling noise and
when I
got up the noise was coming from my dearest wife Debbie. I tried to
wake
her but she wouldn't respond, so I called 911, and started CPR. When
the
rescue squad arrived they hooked her up to the EKG machine and there
was a
beep, beep, beep. After they got Debbie in the ambulance, I noticed
that
the paramedics were doing CPR again. They continued CPR all the way up
to
the hospital and continued in the emergency room. My dear wife Debbie
was
pronounced dead, I started to cry. I couldn't believe it. I went from
being
the happiest to being the loneliest person on earth. When
Kristopher-Robin
arrived at the hospital I just hugged and hugged him. I was feeling so
sad
for him because he would have to grow up without a mother.

After we buried Debbie, her brother Jeff asked me if I wanted to take a
cruise down by the beach, so we did (Debbie loved to cruise by the
beach).
After the cruise we ended in the graveyard. I opened the truck door,
started
to get out and just before Jeff turn off the truck, on the radio, I
heard
the beginning of your song "Return To Pooh Corner," I sat down in the
doorway and listened, as I listened I cried, and cried. You see it was
the
first time that I'd heard the song so you know the emotions that I was
feeling. Then when you got to the last verse, you were singing about
us.
Again I want to thank you for the those precious memories.

I also want to thank you for you uplifting words on your web page, just
when
the world was starting to get to me your words reassured me. Thank you
for
being, being you.
Mahalo, Rocky

Kenny Replies:
Wow, Rocky!!! Thank you for your touching e-mail. May God bless you and
Kristopher-Robin. I believe Debbie is watching over you both now.
Love to you ... Kenny

Letter from Rocky's sister


Checking my email today I found one from Rocky telling me to go to your
web
site to read the letter he had written regarding Kristopher-Robin and
Debbie. It stirred up all those old feelings of that tragic time in our
lives and I began to sob so uncontrollably. It's been six years but the
feelings and hurt, I'm surprised, are still with me.

Rocky didn't tell you what a sweet spirit Debbie was, inside and out.
She
was beautiful, thoughtful, caring, talented, crazy and funny. She had
the
voice of an angel and an incredible smile. (Kristopher-Robin has her
smile.)
She was like my other sister, not an in-law. Always the loving and
caring
wife, she made Rocky so, so happy. He, likewise, was happy just keeping
her
happy. They were inseparable, so in love, and I believe even in death,
and
through our Christian faith, she lives on.

Ecstatic, elated, thrilled, are not enough to describe their feelings
when
they learned they were pregnant. Due to Debbie's health, this was a
concern.
Debbie wrote (pre e-mail days) so often to keep us apprised of their
progress. So proudly, she included Kristopher's ultra-sound photo in a
Christmas card! (I still have it tucked away with her letters).

Since Kristopher was born, she said to me "Maybe God has given me a
chance
at being a mother." I remember crying happy tears with her over the
phone
from Southern California and saying she would be a great mother! Never
has
the loss of anyone so profoundly impacted me. I can only imagine what
Rocky
and Debbie's parents and family must have felt. Compounded by the fact
that
she had just become a mother, and that Kristopher would grow up without
her,
that was the most heartbreaking.

I am happy to say that while Debbie is not physically with us, Rocky
has
kept her spirit alive and well. Kristopher does know his mother. Thanks
to
Rocky, Kristopher-Robin has many interests and has been exposed to a
lot for
a soon-to-be 6 year-old. He is funny, gregarious, sweet, and 'all boy'!
I
have always known Rocky would be a great father. I just didn't know by
what
circumstance. If I know Debbie, they are not alone. She is the one
putting
the fish on Kristopher's line. She will be carrying the ball out of the
park
and be rooting Kristopher on from the sidelines when he's sliding in to
homeplate. We all have a guardian angel. They just have a special one!

Thank you Kenny and Julia for having a platform upon which Rocky and
many
others can speak from heart in a warm and friendly environment.
Love to all.... Kristopher-Robin's Aunt


from Rocky


My wife was the love of my life, my soulmate. When she died I was
devastated (SP).

Well, what are the odds of finding one soulmate in your life?

What are the odds of finding one soulmate?

Well, what are the odds of finding 2?

Well, I must say I am a lucky guy for finding 2 in my lifetime

Well, I pray you all can find a true soulmate in your lives one.

Aloha Ke Akua, Rocky

Hi Susan
If thats not something to have hope for . I don't know what is, It sounds like he has a beautiful spirit inside and out, and he see's the same in you , I can't think of anyone you would want, or to have your children grow with more ,than a man that so cherishs his own child and wife so passionately , it gives a greater insite into the reasons why Kristopher is so protected and cherished,by the family ,as all children should be. You have found something , a lot of us never find, thats what I meant when I said it only seems sometimes that others are better off. most would say you are the lucky one,((( sweet dreams to you and Gaby))) night Susan

awwwww, thanks Ellen.
He is incredible and another sweet thing is he emailed that to me and asked if it was ok to post.
He never makes me feel like I am living in her shadow - he makes me feel just as special as what he had with her.

He really is my best friend.

k- pooped - hope to chat tomorrow.....

Hi Marti ,Pam , Ann
Thankyou for your thoughts and prayers for the babies, Amelie is resting a little better tonight , she is happier being closer to me than in the closet for now.She doesn't breathe as hard when I am there beside her. the babies are doing fine right now,she is still feeding them and being a sweet little mommy , I fell asleep as I waited for the vet to call back about the bottle feedings and they never did return my call, they treat these things like I am an over anxious new mom , which is not the case twice now they sent my kitties home with either a clean bill of health or minor ailments, Nisa last fall had some problems and they sent her home with antibiotics for a abscess tooth they thought the never x-rayed her mouth , and she died a few months later with cancer , I was devastated ,thinking of how much pain she was in all that time,without proper pain medication it still haunts me . Snookie was never given a clear diagnosis and after being sent from animal hospital to emergency clinics for a few weeks they sent her home saying she was improving and she died in my arms,so if I am over anxious when my kittie is having respiratory problems I have plenty of reasons,I am really sick to death of their nine to five ,five days a week mentallity, yes I know everyone deserves a life outside of work ,but in my opinion this isn't just a job ,its something you choose out of love for animals and if it takes an extra few minutes to pick up the phone to reassure a frightened concerned pet owner you do it, I don't know maybe I'm wrong, I just don't know how they treat living things with so little compassion, I am ranting again I am so sorry, I can't even write an appology without bitterness flowing out of my mouth. I am having a bad week and not being able to take my medication isn't helping to much, as you can tell, my evil twin has escaped, Well I should go back and check on the little ones,Maddie eyes are opening a little, I can hardly wait to show you the pictures, they have grown so fast, its hard to keep up ,since I have to keep borrowing the camera.I really need to get me one of those someday.Where is everyone tonight did you all get chatted out in chat today, did you girls gossip about me I bet so. No I'm not insecure Cristi I never asked about your heat and ice problem is everything ok now, sorry I have been so wrapped up in my own problems.
Katy how is little Leigh (((HUGS TO THE SWEETIE))) and Jane how is your Katie feeling,((( HUGS TO YOUR SWEETIE TO)))) Sorry if I have neglected anyone , I will try and catch up tomorrow if all goes well , I should go my Amelie is calling me back, so I will talk tomorrow and I will try not to rant and rave, so unlady like night all

Ellen~ You really haven’t missed much because I don’t know for sure. But it is looking more and more like this will be the year for Brandon to get a sibling. LOL, he will be taller then me for sure! He was lucky! We went back the following Saturday so the doctor could check out his hand, and he (and the nurse that helped out) said that his hand was the fastest that they have seen heal. I hope the little kitties are better soon!

Pam~ Yup, he is a big boy! Daddy is a sports fan. We see hockey in his future, if they ever come to an agreement! He loves to bang his head, which I can thank one of my younger brothers for. My older sister Katy would always watch the transformers cartoon in the morning while she was getting ready for school!

Jane~ I really haven’t been to that many stores with kids clothes lately. Tommy says I cost him too much money when we go into stores like that. LOL I wouldn’t be surprised if they already have spring/summer clothes out around here. They seem to have stuff out for the next three holidays before the next one even comes.

Cristi~ Keep the ice with you! Yeah, he is not so little any more! He is our little tank baby.

Katy~ I hope little LeeLee is feeling better!

Julie~ Is this doctor your normal one? Or was she your GYN? I have never been told by any of my doctors, except one and I only saw her once (mind you I was like 10 or 12), I was always told that as long as I ate healthy they weren’t worried too much about it. Mind you when I was in high school the highest I weighed was about 180lbs. So this weight that I am at now, it really disgusts me being this heavy.

Susan~ My word girl, you have your hands full! I read your whole post, and I needed to dry my eyes on numerous occasions. He is the sweetest man and I am so sorry for what all he and Kristopher have been through.