I love fridays...I get to chill tonight and sleep in tomorrow...woohoo

I had a nice evening last night...I got back on the bike and cycled for 8.6km in 30 minutes. I did have a mini binge...thank goodness there arent any major trigger foods at home. So I made due with 3 tbs of dulce de leche and a handful of tortilla chips which brought my total calories up to 1668 calories

I dont think I will be seeing 156 this weekend...I feel bloated for one thing...I always gain after I have been sick...so I am dreading the scale this weekend. Sigh!!

Meal Plan for today
breakfast: carnation breakfast with skim milk
snack: plain non fat yogurt with honey
lunch: fava bean stew with one egg (home made)
dinner: canneloni with tomato sauce (2)

exercise: cycling 30 minutes plus pilates

Have a super duper weekend

Cyan

Cyan, congratulations for making it off of your plateau! I have now quit drinking coffee for the past week and a half. Actually feeling much better for it. I think I was seriously addicted to the caffeine and now I am weaning myself off of it with tea. I plan to move to decaf teas and herbal teas and also stay away from sodas. This is my goal for the New Year. I have done it before for over 1 year and I think I can do it again. Strangely it makes me feel so much better and much less anxious as I think caffeine makes me more anxious.

Lisa--so glad to hear that you bought a new house--yaay!! Congratulations!!

I start a new job tomorrow. Get to combine Social Work and Computers. I don't know too many others who do this so I am very excited. Was a sad past 2 weeks saying goodbye to all of my clients that I have counseled. I had to say goodbye to over 50 people and I didn't have any idea just how hard it would be. I really am going to miss them all. I received many small goodbye gifts from co-workers and some chocolates from clients. Luckily I am allergic to chocolate (although I said thank you and didn't tell them that I was allergic), so I think I will bring them into my new job for new co-workers or to holiday parties over the season. All booked up from this weekend onwards to the New Year in terms of Parties and Dinners etc. Going to try and eat healthy through all of it. My one girlfriend who is having a party has IBS so luckily there are lots of healthy options out of neccessity. Unfortunate that she has this medical condition but it makes for a healthy choice holiday party.

With my new job there are 2 holiday parties. One at a fancy restaraunt that serves small portions of good healthy quality and one departmental party where I imagine chocolate will be a focus. Being allergic to chocolate is not so bad when it comes to this time of year.

Miki-Congratulations on your workout with your Airwalker and staying on track with eating !! It takes a lot of work to stay on track for the day and I am proud of you for it!!

Newie, how are you doing?? Cybele??


Talk to everyone soon!!

Cjunk

I had my ususal carnation breakfast with skim milk this morning...when I got to the office, I had a banana with my white tea...A few minutes later, I was doubled over with intense stomach pain.... I puked and the stomach pain subsided...my kind co worker went to the pharmacy and bought me some antacids recommended by my doc when I had a stomach flu last week. I was completely recovered from that!!

So I feel better again..no fever or chills or weakness...actually my stomach is rumbling which means I am hungry...Sigh..I hope I dont have a stomach ulcer...I will talk to my doctor friend tonight and ask her if I need to see my doc and get some tests run.

So Meal Plan for today
breakfast: carnation breakfast with skim milk (vomitted)
banana: (vomitted)
lunch: I am in the mood for a sandwich with vegetables
snack: plain yogurt with honey
dinner: canneloni with tomato sauce

exercise: cycling and floor exercises

Have a great day

Cyan

Cjunk good luck with your new job this week.

I am feeling all better..I spoke with my doctor yesterday and she says it was the combo that upset my stomach. After I threw up, and took the acid reducer I had no ill effects from the episode..I actually ate a big lunch and felt great. so from now on, no more bananas and white tea after a carnation breakfast Dont need that kind of pain...it was as if I had drunk a glass of battery acid...just horrible...my poor coworkers were so worried...and one of them rushed out to the pharmacy to get me my meds....such sweet people...totally love them.

Anyway, I cycled last night for 30 minutes...felt good although it was tough...it was a tough cycle but I got through it.

Meal Plan for today
breakfast: carnation breakfast
lunch: cannelloni with tomato sauce and mozzarella...very small portion with side salad
snack: blueberry smoothie 8.45oz
dinner: presidents choice individual pizza (610 cals)
beverages: water, tea and diet cola

exercise: cycle and weights

Have a great day

Cyan

The nursing home called me yesterday to tell me that they have a room for my Mom in the alzheimer’s ward for next tuesday
I have to bring her in for 10.30 am...it is very hard for me to do this but I feel I have no other options...once again, it has happened too soon but they have met all of my requirements and they seem very accomodating and extremely gentle with me on the phone as they explained that they are ready to take her in. I am once again overloaded with feelings of guilt for putting her in there. I know it is going to be very very hard for her and she wont understand why I am doing this to her. In my culture, portuguese, the children take care of thier parents for life...and I am abandoning her...so its very hard to deal with this guilt. Also, its a realization that this illness is claiming more of her...that she is slowly dying from this illness...that there is no way out. I feel horrible ...just horrible about this.

On a different note, I also found out that a friend of mine who is in her first trimester has been diagnosed with cancer of the bladder. So now they have to wait for her hormones to settle back down before they can figure out what to do. If the cancer can get scrapped off..they will do that and save the baby but if the cancer if more evassive, she will have to abort and get chemo therapy. She already has a baby girl so she must stay alive to be the mother to her first born. Very very sad news...she is only 25 years old too.

Well that was my day yesterday...pretty shitty to say the least

later

Cyan

Hey I forgot to mention that I am down to 156.5 pounds! With all the recent events in my life...anyway, at least the weight is still coming off...the month of december has been good for me...I have gone from 159.5 up to 163 and now..back down to 156.5!! Woohoo for me.

Meal Plan for today
breakfast: eggs , bacon, a bite size waffle, home fries, and ham, 1/2 piece of toast
buttered
lunch: well after a breakfast like that...umm nothing
dinner: roast beef with carrots
snack: fruit smoothie 1 cup, one portuguese style cookie
beverages: 1/2 can of full fat pepsi, water, diet drink

exercise: 30 minutes on the bike, pilates

Yep..not had a good food day...but I wont let that slip away from me

Cyan

Hello Everyone,

Cyan, I just read through your posts and it sounds as if you have been riding on an emotional roller coaster of really tough stuff happening to you. From reading your posts over the past few years it is clear that you care deeply for your mother and that you are doing what you have researched to be the best to provide her needed care. It is a tough decision I can only imagine but I am here to listen if you ever need an ear or shoulder to lean on. I am proud of you for sticking to your plan throughout all of the turmoil. You have made it off of the plateau girl!! There is no turning back now--you will keep moving forward to success!!!

Your friend's situation sounds very difficult. I know that a person I knew went through something similar and they were able to get all of the cancer with treatment. It sounds as if she has been blessed with a daughter and one can only hope that the future will be positive.

Glad to hear you are over the stomach flu. I have had a hectic first week of work in that it was interesting but my brain is totally full!! The holiday season will be one of learning while I am off which I am looking forward to having the time to do.

Gotta go,

Cjunk

girls girls girls!

This is the craziest time of the year. I love it though, for the most part. Tomorrow I have my nursing final and I'm then done for the semester. YIPPEE..I made it with what looks like a strong B.

Tuesday we go on a final walk through on our house before closing.

Friday we close on the house and move in Friday and Saturday.

Saturday night I have a church choir festival where my choir (I'm the director) is performing. I will have to put any moving in left on hold for this.

I still have Christmas shopping to do and little odds and ends for the new house..such as window treatments, shower curtains, paper towel holders..oh yeah...and food...already bought the refridgerator which will be delivered on Saturday.

And then, my parents are coming on Christmas Eve. BIG BREATH...I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can. OH MY GOSH...Please don't let me go crazy!

Here is a link to a rendering of my new house...the basement is finished but there is no yard...just dirt.

http://www.ritchiecommunities.com/homes.php?id=140

Cyan, I am thinking of you....which I do often as it is. You are a strong person. I really hope one day we meet in person. What you are going through with your mom has to be difficult but it is the best thing for all of you. Your mother will be well cared for and you will be 100% when you are with her. You need YOU time. You and your family are in my prayers.

To the rest of you, I wish I had time to type more. I will once I'm in my new home. I miss you and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Lisa

Well its going to be a hard week for me...my Mom goes into the nursing home tomorrow and I am dreading it. I sure do hope that she is able to make the transition. To be on the safe side, I have calming medication that her doctor provided. It sucks to have to sedate my Mom but I am worried that she will cry and scream too much which in turn will break my heart even more. The good thing is that the nursing home is just around the corner from my house. I can visit often. But going in right before the holidays is not good.

Well I will keep you posted

As for my diet plan...havent really done much the last couple of days. I had punjabi indian food on saturday, blood sausage and chorizo on sunday and belgian chocolate that my coworkder gave me...so I am afraid that I am pretty much off the wagon but its never too late to get back on it and so I will today

Meal Plan for today
breakfast: carnation breakfast with skim milk
lunch: imitation crab salad in a tortilla wrap sandwich with 4 jalapeno peppers stuffed with feta cheese
dinner: dont know yet
beverages: water, tea and diet cola

exercise: time to get back on the bike

Hey Lisa..great news on getting the new house..how fun to move into a new home and do all that wonderful shopping for it. Lucky you...yes I do realize that its hard work but still fun. Good luck on your exams.

Hey Cjunk Thanks for the support and kind words...You too Lisa..you girls rock. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day for me...but I know I have your well wishes, prayers and good energy.



Have a great day

Cyan

Well I put my Mom in the nursing home yesterday and I feel horrible about it. She went quietly and resigned to the fact that she would not be going home with me. I felt horrible and still do. My father is shocked that he has to pay 1500$ per month...The government will use up all of her money first before they scale the montly fee down to something that my father can afford to pay. Short of making him financially destitute, they will take all of if first. So needless to say, I am very stressed out about that too. So once 2/3 of my mothers bank account is used up, I have to fill out an exoneration form and send it to the government with how much my father’s house is worth, his car, his bank account, my mother’s bank account, how much he pays in taxes etc...based on all of that, the government will decide how much he will have to pay per month to keep my mother in the nursing home. I am hoping it will come down by half...at least this way, her pension will cover it. So say a prayer for my family. We have to wait until april to file these exoneration papers and will take about 4 more months for them to decide if we get a reduction on her monthly fees.

So needless to say, beside the guilt of having my mother in a nursing home, we now have a financial burden to bear.

As for me, I haven’t really been exercising...I have been doing a lot of walking in the snow but thats about it.

Meal Plan for today
breakfast: carnation breakfast with skim milk
lunch: ham sandwich on whole wheat
dinner: tuna wrap sandwich with corn
snack: fruit smoothie and yogurt and fruit
beverages: water, tea and diet cola, coffee

exercise: cycling if I feel up to it

Have a good day everyone

Cyan

Well my poor Mom is still hanging in there in the nursing home...They told me that she tried escaping last night...got on the elevator and was on her way to the outside door before they noticed her. So now they have to put a bracelet on her that will beep if she tries to get on the elevator. So now she is like an inmate...I went by to visit her at 3pm last night and stayed for a few hours...its very hard for me to keep telling her why she cant come home...it breaks my heart to tell her that she lives there now...she doesnt understand and keeps aplogozing if she has done anything wrong. I tell her she hasnt done anything wrong but she doesnt seem to understand. So its very hard for me to see her pleading face and beg me to take her home. I just feel horrible ...sick to my stomach with guilt for leaving her there.

I wish I could afford a full time nurse to care for her at home..that would be ideal...to care for her at home with the help of a nurse until my Mom was to the point where she doesnt know her enviroment anymore.

As for me, I cycled for 10 minutes last night...no energy.

Meal Plan for today
breakfast: carnation breakfast
lunch: immitation crab salad wrap sandwich (I have two)
dinner: I might eat the second wrap sandwich before I leave work to go visit my Mom
snack: yogurt with honey
beverages: water, tea and diet cola

have a good day

Cyan

I want to start off my saying thank you for your kind words, I feel your love and support and it is very much appreciated.

When I visited my Mom last night I was a very upset, they didnt put her bra on, and her skirt was on backwards. She refused to take her meds and the nurse just let that go...My Mom is diabetic too...it is imperative she take her meds. Aside from that, they have been giving her sedatives...I was furious and let them know that by no means are they ever allowed to sedate my mother. I noticed a huge personality change and I was suspicious right away and of course they told me that they had given it to her. But now they will no longer do that

So last night, I put her bra on, straightened her skirt, brushed her teeth and took her to the bathroom only to find out she had peed her pants because the nurse hadnt brought her to the bathroom enough times. My Mother was able to tell me that she was desperate to go but had forgotten where the toilet was. I just wanted to bawl right there and then but held it in so as not to uspet her. So I changed her underwear and coached her to clean up.

Apparently last night at around 3 am she attempted to go to the bathroom and fell and urinated on the floor. The found her on the floor in her urine when they did their rounds. So I dont know how long she was on the floor for before they found her.

This morning I called to follow up on all of this, the nurse I spoke with seemed genuinly apologetic and promised she would follow through on my instructions. and no more sedatives.

My friend’s Mom who speaks portuguese went by this morning and told me that she was very chatting and energetic which is more like my Mom is..so that makes me happy. I plan on going tonight with two of my friends to set up her room with some of her stuff from home.

So I dont think I have many more tears left ...I am just so sad and it is very hard...even harder than losing weight...I am overwhelmed with feelings of sadness I have no idea if I am capable of feeling any more sadness.

Well I am at work so I gotta get going

Once again, thank you so much for your support and your prayers and your well wishes.

Cyan

Still Working Things Out
Well My Mom is still having a hard time...her ankles are swollen...The doctor is going to see my Mother today inorder to prescribe a diaretic that will help with the swelling. They also lost my Mom for over three hours on Saturday. When I got home my father asked me why I took my Mother out...of course I hadnt only to find out they told my Father that because they couldnt find her. Anyway, I can go on but I wont, I spoke with the head nurse this morning and she is following up so I am hoping they will get their act together. But my poor Mom is still unrinating herself because no one bothers to bring her to the toilet enough times..so once again I mentioned that again that they need to bring her more often and that it cant be a man washing her or bringing her to the toilet or else she wont go. It seems you have to be extra vigilant with them inorder to get them to do their jobs...very very frustrating, angering and depressing and worrysome.

As for me, the only exercising I have been doing is walking..thats it

I haven’t overeaten either ..so that is good.

Meal Plan for today
breakfast: carnation breakfast with skim milk
lunch: salami sandwich with chickpea salad
dinner: baked trout with asparagus and corn

exercise: I will try to cycle tonight

Have a good day

Cyan

Sorry I couldnt come up with a better title. I am sorry to be such a downer but I am still struggling with my Mom’s nursing home. Yesterday when I went to visit, I found her in the dining area having dinner which was nice..the bad thing...she was sitting in her own urine once again...her skirt, underpants, stockings and slippers where all urine soaked. I asked why she was still in those clothes having dinner and the nurse told me she was going to change her afterwards I told her that was unacceptable..my Mom cannot remain in urine soaked clothes even if it is dinner. So I brought her back to her room, washed her and changed her. I was so upset needless to say..so once again this morning I called to complain and make them aware that I am not going away and that I will keep on them until they get it right.

Oh lord here my prayers for some help. I cannot allow my Mom or anyone else for that matter to suffer like that...she has an illness that makes it hard to take care of her but it does not mean she has to suffer the indignity of mistreatment. It seems that the status quo there is to diaper and sedate because its easier but not necessarily better for the residences.

As for me, I am still at 156.5 but I havent really been exercising or watching what I am eating. I guess its time to get back on the wagon and continue my weight loss...my final goal weight is 140 pounds...I am 16.5 pounds away..I can do this...I need to focus once again on good food habits and getting my cardio and weights in.

Meal Plan for today
breakfast: carnation breakfast with skim milk
lunch: homemade pork ribs with beans (portion controlled)
dinner: individual thin crust pizza
beverages: water, tea and diet cola

exercise: cycling

Have a good day

Cyan

Well I am one of two people here at work...no one else has bothered to show up Should of stayed home myself. Oh well… I was supposed to be going to Vegas this january for work purposes but now I am not going...once again I got stiffed on all the fun stuff...so two of my co workers and the owner of the company I work for and his girlfriend are going. I am a contract worker so technically I am my own boss and he is my client. Anyway, I dont get to go anymore and I was really looking forward to it.

So last night I went to visit my Mother and she was clean...thank goodness...this time they took her to the bathroom. I hope things will get better from now on...praying desperately for this. I feel so so bad that she has to be there...she always begs to go home with me everytime I am getting ready to leave and follows me to the elevator. Oh lord that is so hard to leave her there...it is the worst feeling in the world for me right now.

I cycled last night for 20 minutes...and I didnt have key lime pie...yes ...the key lime pie has found its way back into my freezer Damn that is good pie!!! Anyway, I didnt have a slice last night...instead when I was hearing it call out for me, I got on the bike and cycled instead. Then I tood a shower so that I wouldnt be tempted to eat it.

Here’s to battling the pie tonight again..I hope I win.

Meal Plan for today
breakfast: carnation breakfast with skim milk
lunch: frozen meal...lasagna
dinner: chicken breast with asparagus and tatziki sauce
snacks: frozen berries..one cup
beverages: water, tea and diet cola

exercise: cycle

Have a good day

Cyan