Good morning all!

Hope it's been a good weekend for everyone. I got very organized this morning and used a program on my new computer to plan my meals for the week, write my shopping list and set a schedule for my week off. Whether or not I actually stick to the schedule has yet to be seen, but at least I've tried! I'm getting ready to go into work for a bit (ack, yuck, I don't wanna...) and do the shopping. I think this afternoon will be family time- I'll go visit my folks and my grandparents, the gratuitous weekly visits. Sometimes I really do wish I lived further away.

Ang, did you have your run this morning? I hope you did and that you enjoyed it. Were you going to see the bf today?

I don't have much to report. My weekends tend to be so mundane, it's pretty much the same routine every week. I need to get out more...

Looking forward to getting everyone's updates on the weekend tomorrow. Talk to you all then!

Hi guys – you’ve been busy posting this weekend! Great to come back and see you both have had good weekends! But where is Renee?
I just got back home: I’m tired and hungry – and very glad to be home! ;)
A short post just to say hi!

Ang – nice to hear you had a good day at the farm – and yes, you should get the BF to cook for you everyday! :D Your eating is looking good, and your exercising is looking great: both running and biking! Great work!
And don’t shorten your posts! I like your posts long! Just like Jessica do! :D
Sorry that the BF-thing didn’t go so well; that he doesn’t invite you with him. Is it that he’s not used to having girlfriends, do you think? If that’s the case, you will have to tell him what’s expected from him as a BF! ;)
And it's not pathetic that you want to be part of his life. I mean, he’s your BF! Of course you should want to be part of his life! I totally agree with Jessica (on her rant)!

Jessica – how great that you’ve started your vacation! Your plans for the week sound so great! And the motorcycle riding sounds best of all!
Nice to hear you had a good weekend - the fair sounded like the perfect weekend-thing to do. And congratulations on your new computer (and the nice BF who gave it to you!) :D
It’s interesting what you’re saying about the free day – I’ve seen people think different things about it. You think that by eating a lot on Sunday (do you weigh in on Sunday morning?) – you eat more the rest of the week too?
What I see is that the weigh-in I do on Monday mornings effects my eating – with good results I eat better that week. It’s a bit strange, but I suppose it’s about being motivated by good results.

As for my weekend: I’ll talk more about it later – but exercise and eating did not go well. I didn’t get anything done exercise-wise Friday and Saturday, today I’ll do yoga. I need to get my body to relax and de-stress! ;)
I tried – really tried – to make good choices with food, but I didn’t do so well. It has something to do with having bad food to choose from: the food was full-fat, white, no-grains, sugared, no fruits, lots of dressing on all the vegetables – and with me trying to be polite and eat what I’m being served.
Even if I tried to restrict myself and not eat much – trying to eat fewer calories on that kind of food only leaves me hungry. I mean, how can you get full on white bread? I would have to eat half a bread to get to a point where I feel satisfied. One slice of bread feels like nothing when eaten!

Ah well. I’m home now. Tomorrow is the start of another week where I’ll eat the good stuff – proper food – every day. Lots of vegetables, my oatmeal for breakfast, low-fat cheese and lots of fruits and berries! :D

And Ang and Jessica – you are both so supportive and say so nice things about my exercising and eating, I want to thank you for that. I’ve been a bit worried the last couple of weeks because I’ve been so hungry all the time – and I know I can’t live like that for a long period of time. So I’ll see this week – I’ll eat more protein and maybe more calories too.
Talk to you guys later! It's so good to be back! :smug:

Good evening ladies!

The weekend is over and I'm still feeling relaxed, not running around trying to get my life in order before Monday! I am so happy I decided to take this time off. I thought I'd let you know I posted on my blog tonight, and also posted a picture of Colby (my kitten) in all of his relaxing cat glory. Hope you guys like the photo. I have another similar one of his bigger, older twin (Colby is like the "Mini-Me" of Mr. Red) that I will have to post. They are the most relaxed creatures on the planet, for sure! :cool:

mette: I'm so glad you're home! :) I'm sorry your weekend wasn't good. I know what you mean about the junk food. I think it's just a vicious cycle with nutritionally dificient food. They have more calories, and then you eat more of them to feel satisfied. Ugh. I know you'll get right back on track; in fact it's good for you to see just how awful it makes you feel. Makes your healthy eating all that more appealing. What is your school schedule like now? Are you working and/or going to classes part time? Will you still have time for yourself and your gym and running routine? How was your yoga today? I was thinking about checking our class schedule at the gym and maybe trying to squeeze in a yoga class this week. That's a good idea! ;)

I finally did my grocery shopping today. I feel so much better now that my fridge is cleaned out and stocked with healthy food again. I have my meals planned out for the week and hopefully didn't overshop- that's one thing I run into, especially with veggies; I buy too much and 1/2 of it goes bad. Anyway, I'm looking forward to a cleansing week of good food and exercise.

Ang: How was your Sunday? I thought about you today, and wish there was more I could do to help you right now. I know we're all strangers here, but I really want the best for you and hope that you will always come to us when you're struggling. I know that you guys help me a lot. :grouphug:

I hope Renee is ok. Do you think the internet police banned her from the web entirely? :(

Anyway, I'll be around this week more than usual, so if I'm posting too much, tell me to quit typing! :lol:

Hope everyone has a wonderful week.

P.S.- I weighed in today and thankfully, have not gained despite taking the road paved with junkfood the last two weeks. Didn't lose either but I was just happy to maintain... :p

PPS: I'm posting an article I read on ivillage.com tonight. Although I think it's already stuff we know, I thought it was really interesting. All of us are working through the steps outlined in the article, and I think we're on the right path!

Nite all!

__________________________________________________ ____________

Study Highlights Keys to Weight Loss
They include readiness to take action, and increased self-confidence

-- Robert Preidt


THURSDAY, Aug. 5 (HealthDayNews) -- Similar patterns that led to consistent changes in behavior were identified in 18 women who successfully lost weight, a new study finds.

The weight loss ranged from 15 to 144 pounds for at least a year, according to the Yale University study in a recent issue of Nursing Science Quarterly.

The 18 women lost 10 percent of their body weight and kept that weight off for at least a year. The study identified six similar patterns among the women. They included:

Before losing weight, the women were self-conscious, vulnerable and unaware of events that contributed to their weight gain.

The women recognized their problem, displayed a readiness to take action, and decided to make changes.

The women took control and actively engaged in behavior change.

The women incorporated new behaviors, used some type of support system to reinforce their behavior changes, and displayed increased confidence, self-esteem and control of their lives.

"Participants moved fluidly through one pattern to the next and many times fell back to a previous pattern before moving on. Once participants moved to the sixth pattern, they were able to maintain weight loss," study author Diane Berry, a postdoctoral fellow at Yale School of Nursing, said in a prepared statement.

All 18 women had memberships in a weight-loss support program and incorporated exercise into their lifestyles.

"The women who maintained their weight loss were more aware of their trigger foods and portion sizes, and they all exercised regularly. They also recognized it is something they will have to work at for the rest of their lives," Berry said.

Jessica – hope you’re having a great Monday morning today! No stupid office to run off to or anything!
Ang – hope you’re having a great Monday morning also – although yours is probably spent at work or on the way over…
Still no Renee?

And hey – nobody has ever posted too much here! Will you guys quit saying things like that! ;)
Write long and often, both of you!

Jessica, the article was very good – taking control, changing behavior, exercising – just like what we’re doing! Just confirming we do it right – yey!

My schedule starts off with full days at school this week. After having a week completely off, I’m going from 0 to 100. Which is fine.
I’ll have a job as a TA this semester too, but it doesn’t start up until early September – I think. And in addition to the psychology-program I’m going to do an extra class on gender and literature on a different faculty – just because I want to. I’ve done some feminism/gender classes before – and every time they start up with new ones I try to make time for it. This year it’s literature, and I haven’t done that before – so hopefully it will be fun.
My running and gym routine – I don’t think that will be a problem – I’ll continue running on Tuesday/Thursday mornings – and do the gym in afternoons instead of mornings. It’ll probably be a lot more people there – but that only means that I’ll get more chances to confront my anxieties and fears – and talk to people, right??? ;)
The biggest challenge will be food I think – I will have to pack lunch and possibly two small meals every day. Protein bar and a fruit for one of the small meals, maybe? Home-made bread w/cheese& peppers and a fruit or carrot for lunch? I don’t know yet. I’ll have to start making bread again too, for the last week I’ve been eating oatmeal pancake for lunch every opportunity I found! Heh.

Ah well. It’ll be nice to get started again I suppose. As for the weekend – I suppose it’s quite obvious that I don’t have the best and closest relationships with my parents by now. They got divorced when I was about 20, and I got really, really disappointed in both of them – they behaved really stupidly toward each other – and tried to pull everybody else into it too. Childish and egoistic and cruel and …. the list just goes on and on. I haven’t liked them much since actually.
Anyway. My father got married again and had two children – my half-brothers. They’re twins and about 9 years now. I like my stepmother quite well, but the children not so much. I think they’re spoiled and whiny – but it could be just me.
I had another brother that I grew up with – he was two years older than me, and was married and had 4 children, but he died in an accident 4 years ago. My sister in law and her children (my nieces and nephews) live in the same town as my father, so I got to visit her too this weekend. And her children I actually like! ;)
Well. It’s done. I’m home.

Now. As for the weight – the scale was surprisingly kind this morning. Maybe it had something to do with eating little, getting my period before the weekend, fluctuations, I don’t know. But I’m starting to think that I don’t want to lose more weight. I know I planned to lose weight through October, but right now I think I’m changing that plan. When I get to 183 I will have lost 60lbs in total, and I’ll go on to maintaining that for at least 9 months instead.
I’m having a lot of mixed feelings lately: my body feels both different and the same – I feel both thinner and fat – I look at my self and sometimes I don’t see any change, other times I see changes.
I have always struggled with figuring out how to deal with my body when it changes. It’s part of the yoyo-pattern too. The underlying feeling is that I don’t want my body to change. I want my body to be stable, solid, and the one thing I can depend on. The other side is of course that I want to be thin – so getting thin and getting used to change is a very slow process.
And I think this is right for me: to slow down when I’m starting to feel like the ground under me is slipping a little; I need to use some time to get my balance back. And at 183 I still will have lost 25lbs since April. So yes, I think it’s time to go back to maintaining and try to figure out how I’ll get used to my body again.

Anyway – talking about long posts! And look: I’m not saying I’ll post shorter next time!!! :D
Hope everybody is having a great Monday!

Good morning guys!

Well, I kept looking at the clock this morning as it neared 8 a.m., feeling like I was going to be late for work. Ha ha, jokes on them! So far I haven't been terribly productive, although I did manage to make a Western Union payment on my car (which in all of my chaos last week I forgot to put in the mail- the check is written and the envelope is stamped and everything... major blonde moment.) I'm getting ready to start cleaning house. I know, not a very "vacation-ey" thing to do, but I know if my house is clean, I'll enjoy the rest of my week a lot more. And i actually woke up at 6:30 this morning. Amazing how easy it is to get up early when you know you don't "have" to do anything!

Renee: So glad everything is ok. Sounds like you had an awsome weekend! We saw all the horses at the fair on Friday; they are so beautiful and I would love to go riding. Maybe I'll make that one of my rewards, maybe at 30 lbs.? And the Ren faire- I go every year to the big one here in So. Cal. in San Bernadino. We also get dressed up and everything. Our costumes are a collaborative effort (as only one of us really sews). I didn't get to go this year because of the sick-cat incedent, which is also what caused my fallout with my friend. I still don't know if they had a good time. I know for sure there was a lot of drinking and corrousing, though!

mette: You are so in-tune with yourself and your body. I really admire that. And your patience and understanding with yourself is to be applauded. So many of us want instant gratification, or it just doesn't feel worth the effort. I assume this approach was developed through years of trial and error? Sixty pounds is really amazing. And that you're either losing/maintaining at all times. Maintaining is the hard part, isn't it? As far as your parents are concerned, I can see where you would somewhat lose respect for them when you describe what their divorce was like. As for me, my parents were divorced when I was six, and mom married my step-father about a year later. They will celebrate their 20th anniversary this September and my brother and I are going to take them to a little coastal town called Cambria for their anny. It's their favorite vacation spot. It was my idea, but he's the one with the money, so big bro rented a house for 5 days. I don't know how much fun it will be for me (Mike's not going) but maybe the quality time with them will be good. I adore my brother, so time spent with him is always good.

Anyway, this is all just stalling my cleaning efforts (purposfully, of course!) so I better wrap it up. Have a good Monday, all.

And Ang, hope you're alright. Drop us a post when you can, k?

Sorry I was gone again. Sometimes I just can't look at my computer at home and there is no time at work these days for work, let alone e-mail. I need to get some sleep so I'm just letting you know that I am here. I will catch up tomorrow. Glad to see mette and Renee are back. Things in general are fine, just unmotivated. Maybe I need to move my computer. The office is just the last room in the house that I want to be in these days.

Until tomorrow then...

Good morning,

Hope everyone is having a nice Tuesday. I slept until 9 this morning and was awoke by a call from Mike. He's back from sea and will be home later this morning. Yesterday I did a lot of stuff, went swimming, layed by the pool and started a new book, ran errands, rearranged my furniture, vacuumed, visited with my parents, and ate all my healthy meals I had planned. It was really nice to relax and move at my own pace with no pressures of having to be anywhere. The only part of my day that wasn't all that pleasant was visiting my parents. My mom is struggling at work and I know dealing with my grandparents on a daily basis is dragging her and my step-dad down. He's just moody and you can never quite tell what kind of mood he'll be in. Anyway, it's just kind of unpleasant to be there. And again, I'm almost 30 and still feel like I'm living my life to please them. I talk primarilly about my job, because I know that's the one thing I do in my life that they are supportive of. Anyway, I did it, and I just hope that maybe on our "vacation" together, we can do a little more bonding and I can open up to them. We'll see. The good thing that I've noticed is that my mom has stopped drinking. All growing up and until about 2 months ago, if it was after 5 p.m., she always had a glass of wine in her hand. I never really paid attention to how much she drank, but little by little I started noticing her behavior after 7 p.m. or so, and she was pretty well buzzed most evenings. Anyway, I don't know what caused her to stop, but it's a good thing. My step-dad still drinks, but he stopped smoking almost two years ago. They're making progress, I guess.

Anyway, enough about that. Today I do laundry, will run at the track and try to do upper body at the gym. I swam yesterday, but only for like 10 minutes, so I want to do some more cardio today. We'll see how it goes.

Ang: glad to hear everything's alright. Like I mentioned, my pc is on my dining room table. My place is so small my living room, dining room and kitchen are all together, so it's pretty easy for me to cruise the internet and not feel like I'm locked in an office. Moving yours might be just the trick, if that's what you want to do. I know we're all happy when you're here!

Alright, that's about it for me, looking forward to hearing about everyone's day!

Talk to everyone later.

I'm about halfway through all of the posts I missed - yikes - and I realized that I need to get ready to go home. I have to get to an appointment at 5:30pm and last time I left work a little late I didn't make it. You never know about traffic around here.

No errand I guess. I just a call that I need to attend to something at work. I hate this - when is it my time?

Ang

Renee – the horse back riding sounds wonderful! And also – wish you a stress-free week at work, and some negative test results! :D

Jessica – so nice to hear you’re enjoying your vacation! Good for you that you cleaned: it’s so true that it’s easier to enjoy the rest of the week with a clean house!

And yes – I have done years of trials and errors when it comes to my body. I’ve done every eating disorder there is, I’ve done all the Geneen Roth books, Fat is a feminist issue books, I’ve been in therapy, I’ve been fat, I’ve been skinny – and everything in between. Some of us are just a bit slow when it comes to figuring things out, you know??? ;)
When I maintained my weight the last year and a half, it wasn’t that hard for me: I enjoyed eating more and feeling more relaxed. My weight fluctuated a bit – but not very much. One of the main thing I learned about my body was that it’s not completely out of control. Basically I can keep my weight stable – at least I could at the weight I maintained then. I’m curious to see if it will be as easy when my weight is 25lbs less. I hadn’t planned to keep maintaining for such a long period of time last time: I just resisted starting losing weight again – I know restrictions are no fun, and had a hard time getting started again. But once I got started it’s sort of easy.

You and your brother are really very nice to arrange the anniversary for your mother and stepfather! Too bad that Mike’s not coming though – did he not want to, or didn’t you want him there?

Jessica – the ‘swimming and laying by the pool’ part of your day sounds absolutely wonderful! Sorry that you struggle with your parents too – and you’re right: the vacation might be a good opportunity for a bit more openness.

Ang – good to see that you keep in touch with us!

I did my first day back today, and it was very nice to see people again. There was a lot of catching up to do, and the weather was nice so we ended up in the park eating ice cream. Well, except for me – I had café au lait instead. And I’m starting to look forward to eating more calories…. ;)
Hope you’re all having good Tuesdays.

I am home from my track workout. The running sucked because I haven't done speed work in so long, but it was good to get out there. I guess I'll never get better if I don't keep trying. I have also been seriously looking into gyms in the area. I thought I was going to get a health benefit from my insurance but not until next year. I just don't know if I can justify the cost of a gym membership right now, particularly since there are such large start up fees. If I would just get my butt moving I wouldn't need a gym. I have everything I need really. We'll see after I think about it and price all of the clubs in town. We have 4 or 5.

To get it out of the way, I had a big talk with bf on Sunday morning and told him almost everything I have been feeling. I am proud of myself for telling him and standing up for myself. He gave me a lot of good answers but we did not have time to finish the conversation because he was getting ready to go to work. Unfortunately the truth is that he doesn't really know what it is like to be in a loving relationship and his work right now doesn't give us time to teach him. I'm being patient for now and hoping that he will follow through with making time for me so we can finish the talk. If nothing else, I am getting things off of my chest and he is really learning how I feel. One way or another I am getting closer to closure and that feels good. I'll let you if anything develops. mette - from what I know the bf has had one minor relationship (dated for 4 months) in the last 4 years. He is very independent and definitely not aware of what is 'expected' in a serious relationship. I just have to see if after all this time a relationship is what he wants, if not there is no point trying to teach him. During our talk on Sunday he did admit that he does not communicate well. I told him we need to work on that so if he is willing then things should only get better. Time will tell.

Jessica - you seem to be doing great with your vacation. Yeah! I envy your organization. I don't think I could plan my meals if my life depending on it. :lol:

mette - I am so sorry that you did not have a good weekend. It is over though and just think about how much you can appreciate what you have at home and be proud of the things you have changed in your life for the better. Sometimes 'going home' really lets you know where you were and shows you a new perspective on where you are now. Do you feel like you are back into your own routine again?

Jessica - do you own your own motorcycle? I rode on the back of one once and it was great! It was a little surprising to hear from you though. A great thing though.

Let's all agree that there will never be too much posting! The more the better. :D

Jessica - thanks for posting the article. I actually think I had seen that before but it is nice to be reminded of what is important and to keep on the right path, more importantly to feel like you are on the right path. I think I personally feel a little better because I although not perfect, I am making better food choices and I am exercising (even if not enough yet). Today I went to the market and picked up a homemade brownie (my favorite) and put it down. Later I thought about it and realized that I never would have put it down before and by not eating it I saved myself calories and guilt. My life is not less because I did not have the brownie, maybe it's even better. So even if I don't always make the good choice, for every good choice I am a little bit closer to being the healthier me and that has got to stand for something. btw - if things stay the way they are, I may actually have lost a couple of pounds. For the last couple of days I have weighed in at 184.6. Of course I have a screwy scale so who knows, but I'll take all of the positive reinforcement that I can right now. Usually I lose over a weekend but by Wednesday it is back - not so this week so maybe it's a real change.

mette - when you decide what your eating plan is going to be at school please post. I'd love to see what snack ideas you come up with. I think you are doing a great job with planning out your schedule though so you can accomplish all of your goals with your health and school.

mette - I am happy for you that the scale was kind. How much did you lose this week or was it the same? I am amazed that you have lost 25 lbs since April. That is inspiring and awesome. Although I can't say that I have felt all of the feelings that you are describing, I have had body image problems and can understand that you are struggling. I am proud of you for understanding yourself well enough to know what you need to do to be successful in your journey to be healthier. Your ultimate success will definitely be dependent on your stability. It takes a lot of effort to make changes in our lives.

Welcome back Renee. I'm glad you had a good weekend (horsebac riding sounds wonderful0 and it seems that you should have a less stressful week. How are you going to fit anything into your stomack in a bodice? :lol: It might end up being a very good food weekend. Another negative test, great. Do you have any other idea what might be the problem? Are you usually regular? Any thought to seeing your ob/gyn to ease your mind?

If you get any good food ideas in the SBD forum let us know - Renee. I'm glad you are taking some initiative with your eating. By the time your sister is ready you will have a jump start. Although I totally understand about eating crap when you are tired, in the long run you will have more energy if you can eat well.

Jessica - anything you choose to do on your vacation is right because you choose to do it. If a clean house makes you feel good then clean away. It's always different when you can do things by choice and at your own pace. When I 'have to' do something I tend not to do it. I know its psychological but that's life. I know that I need a day off and I just may end up cleaning my house on that day too. I know if I cleaned I would feel a lot better. It just gets overwhelming and I can't get started. Just enjoy your time. It sounds like you are doing great and fun things. I envy you. :)

Having been around people who drink more than I would like at times, I am so happy for you Jessica that your mother stopped drinking. Does you step-dad drink a lot?

mette - when you get to your maintaining period please share more details with us, as I am sure you will. Unlike you I have never been thin. It is very hard for me to lose weight and I have never been able to maintain since I am always trying to lose. When the time comes I will have questions - lots of them I'm sure. :dizzy:

I'm glad everyone's week is going well. My subject this afternoon was completed. He was the first out of four this week. We are having a lot of problems with cancellations and no shows. :mad: We are supposed to have two more tomorrow so we'll see how much other work I get done. At least I can't say that I am bored at work anymore. :coffee:

Goodnight all.

Ang, first of all: *love* your new avatar and signature! :D

I also think it’s excellent that you did your track workout – you have increased your amount of exercising a lot lately, haven’t you? Good going! I think you’re doing great, Ang – you’re eating better, exercising more – and feeling better about yourself too. Excellent choice on the brownie! And congratulations on losing a couple of pounds! Yey for you!!! :D

Looking into gyms is a good idea, even if you’re just looking. It’s always a good thing to know about existing offers in your neighbourhood.
Good to hear that you seem to be OK with your talk to the BF too. I feel happy for you too! That you stood up for yourself and spoke to him honestly. Good for you. :smug:

Ang, about losing weight: I’m sure that when you get stability in your life – and get settled into your new life – you will figure out the routines, and then lose the weight. It’s mostly about habits I think – once we get started and feel good, it’s easier to just continue.
Good to hear work is going well too!

I did lose a couple of pounds too last week and I really didn’t think I would – so I was pleasantly surprised by that. I’m still 3lbs from having lost 25lbs since April, but I’m fairly decided that I will start maintaining when I’m down to 183.
And yes, I really do think stability is the key for me. When I started thinking about losing weight at my biggest (and most depressed), the thing that really held me back from trying was the knowledge that every time I had lost weight in the past I had gained it all back again. Before I could decide to start losing weight again I had to look into what I could do to minimize the risk of that happening again. My philosophy was that “if I couldn’t keep it off, I was not interested in losing it in the first place”.
The conclusions I made, and have based this on, are well known to you all by now: eat less than 1500 calories a day, not losing weight for longer than 6 months at a time, and maintain the new weight for at least 9 months before losing any more. I also figured it would take at least 4 or 5 years. And it's been a good plan for me so far.

I did lower body at the gym today, and I’m starting to feel ready for adding weight on the 45lbs bar I use when doing squats. Instead I’ll concentrate on improving the form even more the last week. Heh. ;)
I’m still getting a kick out of this – and today I actually talked to people I lifted next to. Maybe in another month I’ll even feel like I belong there! ;)
Have a great day everybody – talk to you guys later.

mette - last night I decided to put in a few minutes to investigate the options around this site. Thanks for noticing my little changes. :)

mette - Like Jessica, I am very impressed at your patience. It is amazing that you can be as disciplined as you are. Your reasoning makes perfect sense to me. I can also understand your fear about wanting to put the weight back on. Ultimate success is making lifestyle changes. You are right that I need to get into a habit. This working schedule is kicking my butt and I just need to figure it all out. I also realize that I needed to experience a whole year of seasons to know how much I can really do after work and such. So in the year I have learned a lot about myself and what I am capable of and not capable of.

For example, at this point in my life I don't see myself exercising before work so I am basically giving up on that. I have also learned that I will never be able to restric my eating enough to lose weight without a good deal of exercise. I guess everything just takes time, patience and a little understanding and compassion with our bodies.

Good job at the gym. Congratulations on talking to people at the gym. I bet it wasn't nearly as bad as you feared, right?

Gotta go to a meeting. Happy hump day.

Wow, you two have been busy posting! Where have I been?

Ang: I am so glad you talked with the bf. Now that you mention it, the fact that he has little experience being in a relationship with someone makes perfect sense when you look at the behaviors you've described. Hopefully he will be open minded and willing to "learn" how to love and show affection like you need him too. I'm just glad you were able to open up and get it off your chest. That must be a huge relief. Your observations about the brownie are just the kind of thing you should (we all should) be focusing on; the little, daily choices we make. The decision of, "not right now, maybe later" that we make when we are confronted with foods we would "normally" devour. And not thinking about it in terms of deprivation, but putting it off until later, because you don't really need it now. If we are successful with this a few times, it will be much easier to not eat those tempting things. That's sort of what I've done at work with all the goodies people bring in, and I've said no enough, people have stopped offering them to me. I think you really are making a lot of progress, even if you feel like you aren't sometimes. We're all so proud of you! :D

On the topic of the motorcycle, I've owned two bikes in my life, the last one I recently sold because I really wasn't riding it much and couldn't justify the payment (I bought a new car, too, and two vehicle payments were kind of silly.) My step-dad has an "extra" bike that he's said I could ride any time. I got my license in '96 and have even ridden on some racetracks. It's funny, because people at work were shocked that I like to ride, I guess I don't look like the "biker babe" type... Mike doesn't ride though, and it makes him nervous when I do because he's known so many people who've been in serious accidents. I have crashed before and it wasn't pleasant, so I ride much less now.

I like your avatar and your signature too! You're so clever. I didn't realize your high weight was 242. You really have done an awsome job.

Mette: Congratulations on talking with people at the gym!! Sounds like you're starting to feel a little more comfortable there? And adding weight to the bar on your squats, that is quite an accomplishment! Like I said, I still have trouble keeping my balance and not falling over, even with just a wooden stick and no weight. Yikes. :)

Ang: Thank you for the support on my vacation plans. People at work seemed a little shocked that I wasn't really going anywhere. I'm just happy to be home relaxing. Like I said, I'm going out of town Friday for a couple of days, but my goal for this week was just to take care of myself. Yesterday I bought some wicker baskets to organize hanging files so that we can get our paperwork organized; paper was taking over every flat surface of my house, so getting it filed away will be a really good thing. I started last night and will finish today, and I'm already feeling more in control. I also visited my grandparents and spent about an hour and a half with them. They are always so happy to see me, and it's very rewarding and special for me to make time for them. Mike was home most of the day yesterday, so we did spend some time together, but he was in a bad mood because of work and for some reason I felt a little resentful that he was home during MY time... I tried not to feel that way, but I ended up not doing some things I'd wanted to because he was around. He's down in Long Beach today, tomorrow and Friday, but will be driving home each evening, so we can spend that time together. He's not going with me on my parent's anny. because 1) he doesn't want to be with my folks and 2) it was cheeper for my brother to rent the house if there were only 4 of us; bro asked me about it and I told him to go ahead and get the cheeper rate. I'm grateful he's footing the bill for the weekend and I wanted to make it easier on him. Like I said before, though, I think the quality time alone with my family might be a productive thing for me.

To let you guys know, I am officially at the 20-lbs. lost mark, as of this morning, so my chickie really is accurate now. I also took my measurements, which I'll list below:

That's a total of 8" lost overall since July 18 (or 7.5" if you count the gain in the bicep). :strong: I wish I'd had a tape measure in June when I started, because I'm sure that would have been very encouraging! I can't wait to see how my body changes when I finally tackle the exercise-monster. :D

Anyway, I hope you both have a wonderful Wednesday! Talk with you soon!

Hi guys!

Ang – I really think you’ve come a long way this summer: learning about yourself and what you are capable of is really the most basic and necessary knowledge you can get. Know what works for you, know how you work. I think you’re 100% correct about that. And you say it so beautifully: we need time, patience, understanding and compassion with ourselves!
And Ang, I have to say the same as Jessica: I wasn’t aware that your start-weight was 242 either. You must feel completely different in your body now?
What did you do when you lost weight then, that you haven’t been doing now? Is it just that you used to run in the mornings back then?
What did you do for food? How did you eat?

Jessica – I think it’s very true what you write about choosing not to eat something: that it’s not about deprivation but putting things off until later. I think that’s what I’ve been thinking too – I just didn’t put it in words like you did! Very clever, Jessica!
And I love your vacation plans too – I think it sounds like you’re having a wonderful vacation! Are you planning on telling your mother and stepfather about Mike, and that you two live together during the family-vacation? Does your brother know about it?
Congratulations on reaching the 20lbs mark, Jessica! You’ve really done a wonderful job this spring and summer! And great that you’re down in measurements too – except for the biceps! :D Gotta love that! Big biceps are so sexy!

Renee – more good news! Very good to hear that the scare is over! And it could be due to any of the reasons you list – hopefully your stress-levels are going down soon.
I’m so glad you’re saying that you’re inspired by overweight women (at least one of them) at your gym – it’s so easy for us big women to feel pathetic and uncomfortable – I just feel glad inside every time I hear someone talk about big people at the gym in a positive way. And you should remember it for yourself too, Renee. Feeling ashamed is not motivating for anything!
Good that you’ve started distributing your resume – you never know, the dream job may appear one of these days! Nobody should stay in a negative atmosphere if they could choose not to!

I do have a good starting routine for weights! I have it written down, and I carry it with me in the weight room (with my bottle of water). For my 4 first week (I’m on my third now), I will not change anything – not the repetitions, not the weight, not the exercises – so I don’t need anything but my 3-sheet-plan stapled together. When my 5th week starts (which I’m actually looking forward to), I will get a small notebook to write down weight, reps and series for each exercise.
I do a 3 day split, like this:

Day 1: lower body: squats (45lbs, 8 reps, 3 series), leg press (88lbs, 8x3), leg curls (66lbs, 10x3) and shoulder press (14lbs (2 dumbbells 7lbs each), 10x3).
For me it’s been a very nice “lower body” start, I was a bit sore at first (especially from the squats), and I have been working on getting the correct form (also especially on the squats).

Day 2: upper body: bench press (44lbs (2 dumbbells 22lbs each), 8 reps, 3 series), one arm dumbbell row (30lbs, 8x3), biceps curls (22lbs, 8x3), triceps extensions (26lbs, 8x3), lower back extensions (on extension bench) (8x3).
I also like the “upper body” day – I have been a bit sore, and have been struggling with the one arm dumbbell row: it’s heavy! Plus the back extensions – I couldn’t even complete the series the first time I did them!

Day 3: combination day – combining exercises from the other two days: squats, bench press, one arm dumbbell row + the ab crunch machine (66lbs, 10 reps, 3 series).
This day is OK – but I think I prefer the two other days.

I warm up on a treadmill, bike, step machine, rowing machine, etc for 12 minutes. I spend 10 minutes after on sit ups and stretching. I’m done in about 50 minutes. And that is one of the things I really love about this program: it doesn’t last forever. When I went to the gym and did machines I did the full body every time and it took me 1 ½ hours to complete. This is much better!

And can you guys believe I’ve been doing this for 3 full weeks tomorrow?

I actually recommend the weights instead of the machines Renee – personally I just think they’re cooler and more fun! But maybe that’s just me?
Maybe you could look at your old programs (from when you had sessions with instructors), and see if they’re something you would want to try again? Having a plan going in will make your session much more effective, and learning the correct form will keep you from cheating.

Wish you luck on going back, I know it takes a lot of time to get started sometimes.

Good morning everyone. I am actually home right now. I think something is wrong with my washing machine :( and I have to wait for the repairman. I REALLY should be at work running subjects but I have not been getting much sleep so I decided to just take the whole day off from work, instead of just the afternoon, and sleep in a little. I feel REALLY guilty though about leaving my research partner in a bind at the last minute but hopefully it is not too bad there. One day I need to plan a day off though so I can really enjoy it. Right now the big plan was to sleep (did some of that sort of), catch up on posting (doing), run (in a few minutes) and clean my office while I wait for the repair guy. If I do it all I guess the day won't be an entire waste.

Jessica - it is amazing how many times I buy or eat something without even really thinking about it. As I try to think before (not sure how to always do this but it seems to be more frequently than at one time) I do realize that all the brownies in the world are not suddenly going to disappear. :lol: You are right that we are not trying to deprive but just put off and only have at times where we really want them. More often than not a truly crave good food. I think part of this is because I don't cook so it is nice to just have a balanced home cooked meal. I like the taste of sweets, don't get me wrong, but I don't usually get cravings for sweets or salt or other things. I guess that's good for me. Does anyone here get cravings? for what? What do you do about it?

Jessica - have fun and be safe whenever you ride. I'm sure you're careful and can enjoy the hobby. There are a number of people at my work that ride - it is amazing.

I was at my highest weight for only about a month. Who knows what happened but I shot up and then came back down pretty fast (started WW at that time - maybe I subconsciously put on the weight so it would look like I made progress early :lol: ). For any long time I would say that my highest was about 235 - still a lot though. When I moved to MA I was 170-172 so I'm trying to get off those 15 pounds (freshman 15 all over again without the school).

How is the vacation coming Jessica? It's understandable that you want to maximize your time, especially if Mike was not in a great mood. Luckily it seems that it was only a small portion of the vacation. Will you be away from the internet this weekend while you are away?

:jig: :dance: Congratulations Jessica on hitting 20 pounds! What a milestone. Even better maybe are the loses in your measurements. Can you tell the difference in your clothes? Maybe I should retake my measurements. I just wonder sometimes how reliable my measurements are on myself. Maybe this is just what you need to help motivate you to continue with the exercise. btw - how is that going while you are off?

Yeah for Renee. I am so relieved for you. Maybe this will give you some extra motivation to take charge of your life and try to get healthier and relieve some of your chronic stresses so it doesn't happen again.

Thanks for all the support with bf. In some ways the biggest question right now is just where a gf fits in his life and if that is enough for me. I'm not sure how to find this out but I'll work on it. I just wish it wasn't this hard. Right now I definitely don't feel like I am as important as work, friends, family, etc. but who knows.

Renee - I think it's fair to enjoy your time with your father. It doesn't mean you can't think about what you're eating though and try not to make all bad choices. If you do, definitely enjoy it all and be happy. I'm sorry work continues to be so stressful. Hang in there - your time off is coming!

Good luck with SBD. Keep us posted. I was thinking of trying it and would like to hear your thoughts - Renee.

Gotta get moving so I can get my run in. Have fun today everyone.

btw - this morning I was 184.4 so I think it may be real weight loss. I guess I should pick one day a week for my official weight. How do you gals do it? How often do you weigh? Which day of the week or month?

Morning gals,

Mette: I actually stole that bit about food from skinnydaily.com. Well, that's how I DO feel about food choices and that is how I lost weight before, but I read that on her site and it clicked with me. I'm plagerizing- I'm so ashamed! :o Anyway, it IS true, and very well said. I can't believe it's been three weeks already for you at the gym! That's great, and the fact that you're enjoying it and sticking with it is outstanding. ;)

Renee: Yay, you're in the clear! Isn't it weird how our female bodies react to external influences like stress? I wonder if my ruptured ovarian cyst was a result of all the stress I'd been experiencing the last few weeks at work? Hm. I also think it's great that you're circulating your resume. :) When you think about the fact that you spend the majority of your waking life at your job, and more time with your co-workers than with your family, it becomes pretty clear that your work environment is very important and has a big effect of your life. I guess I'm pretty lucky because I've gotten some positive feedback at my job and people actually tell me I'm doing well and that I'm liked. It wasn't like that at my old department. Even with the praise I am still really hard on myself and stress out thinking I'm not doing a good job, so I know what you're going through. Anyway, I hope you do find something new; your current situation doesn't sound very healthy for you.

I ended up stopping by work last night because, even though I'm still on vacation I have to do a meeting tonight (my night meetings twice a month, if I haven't explained them, are taking minutes for our Planning Commission hearings, which is for my old department. It's a long story how I got roped into it, but I get overtime...) and I needed to pick up my packet. Our new deputy building official was working late (it was almost 9 p.m.) and that's a long story, too... we actually used to date a few years ago when I worked at my old department. Then he left to work for another city, and now he's back as of about a month ago and is technically one of my supervisors... luckily only one other person knows about our past relationship, otherwise it might cause problems. Anyway, he was there and we started talking... he told me that I'm very well-liked among management and he actually wants to start working with me on assuming more responsibility, like plan-checking plans for building permits (right now I only do very minor approvals and mainly just take in plans and issue permits, so that would be really good experience) and learning some of the management tools on our computer system like running reports that our floor supervisor currently does. The interesting thing about all of this is that Randa, our floor supervisor, is planning to retire in the next year or so, and they are undoubtably planning on finding someone to take over when she leaves. Needless to say, for being a 15 minute conversation, it was very enlightening, and I'm actually looking forward to getting back to the office and working hard to learn as much as I can. :D

On a fitness note, I actually went "running" yesterday. That is, I went to the track and exercised for almost 30 minutes, doing walk/run intervals. For the first few laps I walked for three minutes, ran for one, and then toward the end walked 3/4 of the track, ran 1/4. I was breathing hard on the run parts, but three minutes of walking was enough time for me to recover and run again. It's going to be work getting my cardio ability back to what it used to be, but I did it and it felt good.

Ang: How is your day going? Is your experiment running smoothly? Sounds like you were struggling with your subjects participating, I hope it gets better.

** Ang: We posted at the same time... The exercise has not gone as well as I'd hoped, I wrote about it in my blog this morning if you want to check it out. As far as weighing, I usually do it about 1 hour after I wake up (after I got potty) completely stripped down, on Sunday or Monday morning. I've gotten much better about not weighing myself every day. I'm so glad you had some weight loss and that it has stuck! You need some positive feedback! And the measuring, I don't know how accurate it is to measure yourself rather than have someone else do it, but I figure if I do it the same way each time in the same place, I'll be able to see movement one way or another, even if the measurements themselves are not exactly right. Does that make sense? I also think you definitely SHOULD take some scheduled time off for yourself. I know it's hard to enjoy it when you feel like you're letting your coworkers down. I'm sure your partner will be fine, though, so just enjoy your time as much as you can. Have a wonderful run.

Anyway, I've rambled long enough. Hope everyone is having a great Thursday.

It's amazing how much more time I have for the computer when I am not at work. I am going to start cleaning my office though in a couple of minutes. So far I have managed to do everything on my list. I ran for 46 minutes around my house (it was a lot of laps :lol: ). It was really hard on my legs for some reason but I'm glad I got it in today since I won't have time tonight or tomorrow to run.

Jessica - I think it's great that you got on the track and started 'running'. You are starting out right and will progress quicker than you can imagine. I did read your blog and you are right. There is time for a lot of things in our lives if we make them a priority and no time for the things that we don't. You'll do it when you are ready and at the pace you want.

Positive feedback is such a great thing. I think people are so quick to criticize but too often forget to tell people that they are doing a good job. Jessica - I think it's great that your 'supervisor' told you those nice things and it seems like you didn't even have to go looking for the compliments. The new pesonsibilities seem like a very positive thing too and hopefully interesting for you. I get very little if any feedback at work (everyone is in their own little world) so once a quarter or so I go see my boss and chat. At least I know he is not unhappy with me yet. :lol: It really helps with motivation, even the simplest little things. You go get 'em.

I talked with my research partner and the subject this morning went well. We have now had 4 completed this week and the 5th should be going on right now. It's slow but we're making progress. Later in September I am taking a trip to another lab to see how they use some of the equipment that we have (it is new to us). It should be a nice diversion and the lab happens to be less than 2 miles from my parent's home! I am going to get to see my family and let my job pay for the gas. hehe I guess in general work is fine for me. I just don't have enough time to get everything done (I can be an overachiever at times and perfectionist). I also hate writing so that is frustrating. It's a lot better in my mind than it was a month ago so that's good. I can easily give it another year (had my first anny last week) and see how it goes.

I'm off to clean. Enjoy the day!

Hi gals,

Well, today is the last day of my vacation at home. No!!!! :lol: I'll be back on Sunday although my aunt has a computer so I may be able to check in, I'm not sure. My cousins are going to be there and my cousin's husband runs an internet business, so he may hog the office all weekend, as well as his kids. They did it last year too, and we were there for a FUNERAL. They were on the computers the whole time!

Ang, did you get your washing machine fixed? I have a laundry list ;) (ha ha ha...) of appliances I need to replace, including my dishwasher, fridge, water heater and washer/dryer. That's a lot of $$$ right there. They are all still working, but are very old, not energy efficient, and don't do a very good job. Oh well, one thing at a time.

This morning I need to pack, go have my hair done, run an errand for Mike, get gas and hit the road. It only takes about 3 hours to get to Fresno, so the drive shouldn't be too bad. Hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm not looking forward to Sunday; back to the real world next week! Talk to you all later!! :)

Happy Friday everybody!

Ang – good for you that your day off yesterday was effective! Getting a lot done and even exercising! Well done!

I do get cravings sometimes. Mostly I crave sweet and fat things like cookies, brownies, biscuits, doughnuts, cakes, etc. I stay away from it for the most of the time, but every now and then – once every two or three weeks maybe - I will eat a cookie or brownie (I’ll buy just one) and cut down on whatever other food I was going to eat that day. I usually feel good when I do this – but I also get a bit hungry, because the calories in a cookie equals a whole meal for me – and when I remove a meal out of the day I get hungry. It’s probably the reason I don’t do it more often.
Other times I substitute my cravings for cakes or cookies with other sweet things like blueberries, strawberries or raspberries with vanilla yogurt.
I don’t really know what to do with my cravings. It seems to go wrong for me if I stay completely off the things I crave, and then I’m more likely to end up binging. I think the main thing for me in eating that one cookie or doughnut or brownie – is that I have decided and planned to eat it before I eat it. It’s not something that just happens in the moment. When it just happens, it feels more like a slip, and sometimes that starts a slide into a binge.
I don’t know Ang – I really haven’t figured out the cravings yet! :p It sounds very good to not get cravings – and not having to worry about it.

So you did the WW for a long time? Did it work for you? Where you happy with the program, and why did you stop?

Great that the weight is keeping off! I weigh in on Monday mornings – and I just weigh in that one day of the week. I get far too many emotional reactions when I step on the scale, so I try to keep it to a minimum. ;)

Jessica – no matter what – what you wrote clicked with me too! It was very true and smart!
And how great that your supervisors want you to take on more responsibilities in your job! It could become a really good place for you to work, if you just hang in there and learn the new things!
Also great that you went running! No matter how hard it is at first: it does get better.
Hope you have a great vacation with your family! And come back to us soon! :D

My days are filling up – but I’m still not completely finished with my organizing-project, I want to finish that this weekend – and be ready to a fresh start next week. Jogging and the gym are going well. I have eaten too much this week, I *do* feel more hungry these days - but maybe it'll be better during the weekend.

Have a nice Friday everybody!

Jessica - I hope you enjoy your weekend. I hopeyou have a chance to chech in with us though. I did not get my washing machine fixed since they say it is not the machine and I need a plumber. :( There is something that I need to try and do myself to fix but hate to do stuff like that by myself. I guess I'll have to though since there is no one here to help. If I try to do it myself it will cost a lot less than a real plumber so I'm going to give it a shot. Replacing appliances and doing everything else in a house definitely costs a lot. One thing at a time is all you can do.

The one bad thing about vacations is when they are over you know it is going to be a while before you get another one. :(

mette - although I don't get cravings per se, I still want the sweets. :( It sounds like you have a good handle on your cravings though. I can see how planning to eat the sweets could help prevent binges.

My biggest problem right now is eating things out of habit. I am worst when I am out to eat because I just tend to get what I used to get because I remember it being so good. Fortunately my tastes have changed so after one time (not always but usually) I pick something else because the old stuff just doesn't taste as good or sit well with my body. For example, last night I went out to dinner to a place that I haven't been in a long time (well over a year - I didn't even know they had this restaurant up here) and I got to share an appetizer I loved before (high in fat stuff). It really didn't taste that good and my body rebelled and today I feel yucky. I will not be getting that appetizer anytime soon again. I guess in general I don't make good choices when I go out to eat yet. Because of circumstances, I went out last night, today for lunch at work (going away lunch for a coworker), and tonight with a friend (hopefully I'll get a salad or something light). I feel like crap from the food choices and I'm sure I am undoing all the good I did this week and will put the pounds back on that I lost.

Where did that ramble come from? :dizzy:

I did WW for about 6 months and lost about 25 pounds I think (with running). It is the only program I can really think of doing (without major modifications) because it is pretty flexible in what food choices you can make. It made me realize that I can eat almost anything as long as I watch how much. I stopped going partly because of the cost, thinking I did not need it (didn't get much out of the meetings), and my friend stopped going. I continued to do well by myself (trying to make good choices and eating less) while I was still in VA so I don't think it was bad for me to stop. After 34 years I know that I can NOT restrict my diet too much so I need to exercise a lot. This is all that is going to work for me right now unless I go through some major change in my thoughts about food (not likely). I know I need/want support but I don't know that getting at a WW meeting is necessary so I never went back when I moved here.

mette - glad to hear that the running and gym are on track. Have you been eating more because you have been hungry or has something else been going on? Have you tried adding a little more protein like you had mentioned? I definitely think the weight lifting is making a difference by increasing your metabolism. This is a good thing. :D Good luck finishing your organizing project. Anything in particular that you still need to do? I was so happy that I finally cleaned my office. I know how you feel about cleaning and organizing and then being ready to tackle anything, especially new stuff. I just beed to vacuum the office and organize a few files and I am done. What a relief.

Back to work for me.

Hi Ang, is it just the two of us left? Where did Renee go?
Hope your plumbing-thing goes well, can’t you ask somebody to show you how to do it? A neighbor, coworker or maybe the BF?

I loved your ramble about habits, Ang. I have been working so hard to get *in to* habits – you know, good and new habits, but the old ones are definitely there too!
And yes, I’ve found that my taste changes - it’s a very good thing to experience. ;) It’s another proof of change!
As for going out to eat – I’m sure you’re not undoing all the good things you did this week, it doesn’t work like that, I think. I’m sure your choices are getting better – like when you find that food you used to like no longer taste good!

I know I have been eating more because I’ve been hungrier, but I’m not always clear on the reasons why I’m hungrier. I’m sure hunger sometimes comes from psychological, emotional and mental causes. Stress can make me physically hungry sometimes. Right now I think it’s the weightlifting, but I can’t rule out other things. It’s always a bit stressful to start up with a new semester; my trip to visit my father was stressful too – but not too bad.
I am eating more protein, and I think that is part of the problem too: to get more protein I have to eat more food (with protein) – and that extra food has calories too!
I think I just have to give it another week or two and see what happens.

And the organizing – like you I just need to clean up my office and papers – and it everything will feel so much better once it’s done! :D

Hope you’re having a nice Friday, sounds like you’re having plans for the weekend too. Will you be working on the vegetables too? And maybe seeing the BF?
Hope you get some exercise in too, you are doing so well right now! :lol:
I’ll talk to you later!

Hi mette. I don't know what happened to Renee but now it is the weekend so I don't expect we'll get an update until Sunday or Monday. Hopefully she and Jessica are doing well and enjoying themselves.

About the plumbing - I might wimp out and not deal with it this weekend. The repair man told me what to do and it honestly doesn't seem that hard. I would just rather not do it alone, but then I would rather not do much alone. :lol: I suppose I could ask my neighbor to look in and make sure I'm not messing it up totally but bf is swamped at work and with life so for now I don't bother him with my life (maybe not right but it is the way it is for now). Depending on how the weekend goes I might try the repair - I'll let you know if I do.

It is amazing how long it takes to make a new habit and how much longer it takes to break an old one. I once heard that it takes two weeks to make a new habit, bulls*#t, it takes a lot longer than that for me. :o I just keep trying and figure that with time the changes will come and solidify themselves. As long as I see progress I guess I can keep at it. It just gets frustrating sometimes because I know better and feel guilty afterwards.

The biggest change I have noticed is that since I don't eat a lot of greasy and fried foods anymore, when I do eat them they sit poorly in my system and I feel awful. Do you get this? I don't get a bad reaction to sweets though. Bummer. :lol: Maybe some day.

I don't know if you can undo progress but you can sure slow it down. I ate Thai for lunch and Chinese/Japanese for dinner with dessert at my friend's house. I enjoyed most of it but not any more than I would have 'better' foods. Now I feel bad mentally because of my bad choices and physically because I ate too much and ate too much fat and grease. Yuck. :devil: Hopefully I'll remember for next time.

I remember the stress of school. Do you usually feel better after you get going into the semester? I totally agree that it is hard to know exactly what is causing your hunger. It might be a combination of things. Are you so hungry that it is uncomfortable or you have low energy? Have you been eating around 1500 or 1600 calories? I know in the past you have said that sometimes you tend to eat less. Also, are you eating enough complex carbs? They can fill you up and you need the extra carbs for your weightligting.

How was your Friday? I had a subject at work that went fine and then we had lunch out for the coworker leaving. The afternoon was pretty uneventful with everyday work stuff. I went out to dinner with a friend and we watched an awful movie (rental). After a little chatting I came home and now I need to go to bed. I guess not a bad day overall (except for the eating).

What are your plans for the weekend? Tomorrow I hope to get up and mow the lawn a little, then bike to the farm, pick some veggies, and then bike home. The ride will be ~9.5 miles each way but I am afraid it is going to be very hilly and challenging. I think I just need to try it at least once. It will be worse because I will need to carry a bag with my boots and some water and snacks for the farm. Woman can not live on tomatoes alone. :lol:

BF has not had a day off all week but should get one day off this weekend. He didn't know which one yet as of this morning (will find out tonight at work). He has already warned me that he needs to get some stuff done at home, which I hope he really does and does not get side tracked like last weekend, and that the stress of work and life has made him really on edge and he needs to be alone a while. Bottomline is that I should see him but probably not for too long this weekend. Not good, but good news is that he is being much more forthcoming with telling me that it has nothing to do with me, etc. At least he seems to be considering my feelings and I appreciate that. We'll see what happens. One of things he is doing this weekend is updating his resume so he can look for a new job. I can only hope that he gets a new job soon that has less hours and less stress - maybe even 9-5. :)

I hope you had a reat Friday night.

Ang, your plans for Saturday sounds good. Mowing the lawn, biking and picking vegetables – that’s some serious exercise! I know you don’t count the farm work as exercise, but as long as the whole point is spending more calories than we take in – I just take for granted that everything counts… ;)
And good luck on the ride! Just remember enough food! You’re so right: Woman can not live on tomatoes alone!! :D

Good luck on the repair if you choose to go for it too. Let me know how it works out! (I’m sure you’ll do great!)

Yeah! Two weeks making a new habit – that *is* bull sh**! ;) – but eventually, a lot of stuff do become habits, like you say: they get solid. For me it’s when I stop deciding whether I should do it or not, but just do it – because “that’s what I do on Tuesdays” or whatever. That’s when I count something as a habit.

The feeling of guilt after eating is hard to deal with – I have been trying to ease up on myself and “allow more”, and also to concentrate more on the things that are working/the good things I do. But it really isn’t easy. What I have learned is that beating myself up never does any good, so when I see myself doing that, I try to stop it. And then try to focus on something good, or get a bigger perspective (it’s not the end of the world, etc).
The emotions are what I struggle the hardest with too – and it is hard work for me to keep my head clear and leveled, and think rationally when the guilt, shame or depression set in.
Do you write a food journal? Maybe instead of counting calories and measure precise amounts you should focus more on the emotions? What you felt before you ate, what you wanted, how it felt eating it, what you felt after – if you felt guilty – why, what that’s doing with you, what you could have done in the situation, etc. It could give you some useful information about how to handle the emotions, and it would perhaps make it easier for you to remember the feelings you have when you eat “wrong” food too?

And yes! I too get the bad reaction from greasy and fried food – I have gallstones and haven’t eaten fried food for years because I got painful attacks when I overate on fatty food. But strangely not on sweet things like ice cream, cakes or chocolates. I’ve never understood why. And I don’t get other bad reactions from sweets either! Maybe our bodies are made for eating the stuff???? :devil:

It’s always uncomfortable to be hungry. I’m definitely not one who likes the feeling of being empty, clean and hungry! I used to get high on those feelings earlier, but now I just get anxious because I know they end up in binges and over-eating.
But I’m not so hungry that I have low energy – I’m functioning fine, I’m just hungry most of the afternoon and evening. My calories have been between 1500 and 1800 this week – and I’m even hungry on the 1800 days. I’m just counting on that you guys are right: that my metabolism is increasing. Which would be a good thing!

My plans for Saturday is to spread out all my notes and print-outs from last semester on the floor and bed – and get them organized in neat folders! It takes a bit of time, but it’s so good when it’s done!
I was also thinking about going hiking with some friends, but the weather isn’t very nice – so we haven’t decided yet. I would like to go see a movie this weekend too, but I don’t know how much I get done – so I have to see. It would be so nice to get this done this weekend, and then clean tomorrow and have everything clean and organized by Monday morning! :D
So that’s my plan!

Good morning mette. Just a quick note for now. I hope your organizing goes well. Hiking and a movie sound great too. I hope you have time for everything. It is pouring rain here and I am very depressed. I can't do anything that I had planned so now I have to rethink the day. I REALLY wanted to do the biking (it's fun and I needed to work off some calories) and get to the farm. I looked forward to today. At this rate the day is going to turn into a waste. I am thinking that this afternoon I will go get the repair supplies and run a couple of errands but that won't really be fun and in the rain it's not even sort of fun.

It wasn't supposed to be rainy. It's not fair.

I'll be back later. Have a great Saturday. I'm sure mine will improve - it has to.

Like an idiot I stepped on to the scale and was 188.2. I assume some of it is water and just having all of the food in me, but I definitely went the wrong way big time. And I was so happy to be under 185. I can't begin to tell you how upset this makes me. Worse yet, getting upset makes me want to lie around the house and eat, especially since I can't get outside. Grrr...

Hi Ang!
So sorry your Saturday turned out to be so awful! First the rain and then the scale! (What is up with your weight? Is this something new, or has it always fluctuated like this?)
It’s raining here too – but it doesn't matter since I had indoor plans.

Hope your day has improved a bit even in spite of the scale. Just take care of yourself, OK? :grouphug:

My Saturday is OK so far, I’m just off to make omelet with tomatoes, onion, and cheese – I’m thinking one egg and two egg whites, I think.
I also went and bought some protein powder – tasteless – it can be used in cooking and baking – completely free of fat and sugar. I’ll try it in oatmeal, dip for vegetables (cottage cheese + really hot salsa = yummy dip!), pancakes, etc – and see what happens. I’ll report back to you after.
This way I get a lot of protein without a lot of calories. Those protein bars I've been eating are not working – too many calories, so I have to cut down on other things – and I don’t *want* to do that! (said in the whiny voice of a 3-year-old)! ;)

Really hope your Saturday is getting better Ang! I’m sending positive vibes!!!! :goodvibes

update on day
 

I'm still really upset that I won't figure out how to get some exercise in today but at least I am showered and ready to go run my errands. I decided to definitely get the stuff to try and fix my pipes. The actually fixing will have to wait for another time.

I had lunch - salad, eggplant, ff pudding.

I do have large fluctuations in my weight at times (usually going up). If I have a bad day or so eating the scale jumps up a lot. I don't know if it's water or what but I don't like it. I need to buy jeans but will not do it today since I feel huge. I keep thinking that I should only weigh myself once a week but the scale keeps calling my name. Yikes!

I think that as I come up with habits in my new house things will go a lot more smoothly. As much as I did not want to, I seem to have become a Sunday grocery shopper. I have also started some regularity with some of my cleaning/laundry. Someday I'll have to shift some things to during the week but right now I am letting the routine make itself.

I agree with you 100% about feeling guilty and the emotions. Sometimes I also recognize what I am doing and thinking but I don't know how to stop myself. I don't write a food journal now but have in the past. Sometimes I'm not sure I want to delve (sp?) into all my issues. I guess if I really want to change I should do that. I think over the years I have learned why I eat, I just don't know what to do when the 'problems' occur. I don't yet have a substitute for the eating. If I ever get a better bf situation and/or make more friends in town I think the situation would be better because I would not be alone. Don't get me wrong, writing to you really helps but it isn't the same as picking up the phone and being able to talk to a friend or get together for a walk to get out of the house. Do you write a food journal? Have you in the past? You seem very in touch with your thoughts and feelings.

I'm glad you still have enough energy. 1500-1800 still isn't that many calories. I guess part of the proof will be when you weigh in the next couple of times. I think the protein powder is a good idea. One of the errands I am making today is to the health food store and I was thinking about getting some also. I just wonder if it helps at all with feeling full. I am guessing not since it is just a powder.

How is your organizing going? I am ready to leave for my errands. I just talked to bf and he his having a terrible day so I don't plan on seeing him tonight, which means I won't see him this weekend. :( To make matters worse he is talking again about moving away. I hate this. I am trying to be patient but it is very hard.

Talk to you later.

I know exactly what you mean Ang, writing with you guys helps for a lot of things – especially getting things straight in my head and clear out how I think about things – but it’s not a substitute for real life friends and people.

Buying clothes – yeah – I leave that for days I feel good about my body too. Why make it worse than it has to be, right?

Yes, I think you point right to the heart of the problem here: knowing what the problem is – knowing why I eat – but not knowing what to do about it! It’s so true! But I also know, from periods where I kept an “emotional” food journal (for a lack of a better word) – that there never is one big “solution” to what I should do about it.
And I sometimes I don’t seem to be very smart – because I have a couple of these “truths” and “epiphanies” I do over and over again. During good periods I know that I solve the problem differently each time; depending on the situation, on my emotions, my wants, what my options are, etc. Do I have other people there I can be with? Is it night or morning? Am I outside or at home? I just always forget these things – and end up throwing my hands in the air and give up! “I don’t know what to do with this!”
Sometimes I don’t even seem to want to solve the problems, you know?

I really wish for you that you find more friends, but you seem to be making friends all the time? You are so friendly, caring, funny, nice and smart – so I’m sure you make new friends quite easily. People at work, in your running and biking classes, in your neighborhood, etc!

Let’s try the protein powder! I’ve heard that it actually does fill up and help with hunger – but I’ll have to see it for myself before I believe it!

Why is your BF talking about moving? Is it some other job in another town he’s looking at? I must say I admire your patience in dealing with him! I’m starting to see why I’m still single! Heh! :D

My day turned out fine; I’ve gotten a lot of paperwork done. I also made an overall plan for the semester – I like having an overview - knowing when things are supposed to happen and how long I have before I have to turn in papers, etc.
Eating-wise: also good. The omelet was very good – I really enjoy lots of tomatoes and cheese and fresh pepper in omelets! Mmmm! As long as I get at least one meal during the day that taste really good and give me that “mmmmm!”-feeling, the day is not wasted for me! Because, you know, at least I got to eat well! :lol:

Hope your day improved, Ang!

No matter what I tell myself, I feel like a loser for being home alone again on a Saturday night. I don't know how to make friends really. I have met everyone at work but none have become good friends and most don't live near me. I have the running club but I only see them when I run, which is not on weekend nights. There is one woman I am working on but nothing outside of running yet. I don't live in a neighborhood or have children so I am not sure how to make friends in town. The Newcomers group is starting up again in the fall so maybe that will help. I met my one town friend that way. Thanks for saying all those nice things about me. I try to be a good person but am very shy. I have a lot of trouble making friends. I also don't like to go out alone and since I technically have a bf I don't want to go out and have to worry about men hitting on me. I tried that once and no women wanting to talk to me. Maybe I just need to join something else this fall. I am thinking about a coed volleyball league through my town but haven't decided definitely yet.

Do you feel like you have enough friends? How long have you lived where you are? Any suggestions?

The more I think about what you said the more I think you are right that a food journal might be a good thing. Or at least a journal about what I am feeling each day to try and see what I can 'fix' in my life. Today I know I felt lonely and guilty about the last two days so I lost all my willpower (actually I think I just wanted to treat myself - whatever that means) and ate terribly for dinner. I'm done eating for the day though and plan to start fresh tomorrow. I will run my 6 miles in the morning and then am having coffee with that one woman I mentioned earlier. We are supposed to have sun so in the afternoon I should get some time on the farm. :)

While running my errands I had to didge a bunch of thunderstorms and actually remembered to get my flax seed meal (giving it a try since I don't eat fish) and forgot the protein powder. Please let me know your thoughts as you try it. I will put it on my list for things to get the next time I stop at that store. I don't know if I have as much trouble getting protein in as you since I eat meat, but if it is filling then that would be great.

The bf talks about moving because he lives with his parents so he has no tie to a house and he hates his new job so he is open to leaving the area if a good job opportunity presents itself. He lived in Texas and loved it for a number of years so sometimes he talks about moving back there. I know he is fed up with his job and needs out. He mentioned moving because he heard about a possibility of a job (in March) that would take him about 1 1/2 hours away. Although I wish he wouldn't say such things (b/c I don't want him to leave me or be so unimportant that he could leave me) I also know that he says a lot of stuff and I just wait and see what transpires. Most things never do. Also, he is applying for new jobs now so hopefully one will come up and this other opportunity won't even be necessary. It's just more waiting and patience. In a lot of ways you are very lucky that you are single. I am happier now that he realized I am being patient with him and he really seems to try to reassure me but in the end I am still lonely and won't know if this relationship is going anywhere until his life gives it a chance. I did meet another guy (nothing elicit) and after talking with him it made me realize even more all the things I love about my BF. He really is special and hopefully I am not waiting for nothing. Sometimes I wish I didn't love him so I could just move on but we can't control who we love. His birthday is coming up too and I am trying to think of a great gift. It is the big 40! Any ideas are welcomed. Right now I am basically at a loss because he doesn't have much free time so I don't know what he is interested in these days, except the farm.

Great job with the organizing. We seem to think a like in this area. I always planned out everything when I was a student. Now I am starting to plan out what to do with my house. It is amazing how much nicer it fills to have a plan.

You are so lucky that you can make things to eat that you really enjoy. I don't care for eggs too much, although I am going to try and eat some scrambled or hardboiled to help with my protein and variety. I think I screwed up my eating so badly that I don't know what I really enjoy anymore. If I can get my exercise settled down - plan is 3 times a week running and at least 1 time a week some other aerobic nonfarm exercise (probably biking). Do you think that will be enough? This doesn't include 3 times a week of weights. Anyway, after the exercise comes trying new and old foods and making a list of dinners (my breakfast and lunch plan that I started two weeks ago seems to be working) that I really find tasty. I may even not worry about the fat and carbs at this point. Basically this means that I will allow rice and pasta (try to control portions though). I think you are right that you should be able to enjoy at least one meal so you don't feel deprived or at least have one good thing in the day.

I also have a problem that I am a little afraid about money these days. While I was at the health food store I saw a lot of great things that I could eat and most were healthy enough. That store is so expensive though so I hardly bought anything. I know this is personal, but do you mind if I ask what you think a monthly or weekly budget should be for food for one person? In the end I guess my health and happiness should be worth more money if necessary. It is more important than some other things that I spend money on these days.

Sorry for the ramble. Did you do anything fun this evening? Plans for tomorrow? Do you think you will get that hike in? Enjoy whatever you do.

Maybe it would be a good idea to join the volleyball league (calories burned!) or other classes or clubs – it’s great if you find something you want to do, and get to know people at the same time.
Most of my friends here are fellow students that I’ve met and ‘clicked with’ in various classes the last four years (since I came here). But I also have a couple of friends from jobs I’ve had, and one from a choir I sang in for a couple of semesters.
My “old” friends are long-distance-friendships these days, but are probably the closest and most personal relationships I have right now.
And yes, even if I don’t have that many friends, I really think I have enough. I haven’t wanted to be very sociable since I moved here I think – I’ve had very outgoing periods before, when I worked and moved around a lot – but I have enjoyed the quiet the last four years. Studying is a lot of work, and it keeps me busy most of the time, if I let it.

It has probably to with how the last four years have been for me too, I suppose. My brother died a few months after I moved here, and the first two years after that I was grieving and was terribly depressed. I didn’t want to do anything or see anybody. I went to lectures, but went straight home as soon as I could after. It has changed gradually the last two years, but I still like to spend a lot of time alone. I like to read, write, watch movies, and listen to music – solitary things. But I am more outgoing now; I do spend more time at school, out with friends, building closer friendships with the people I like here.

But I do understand where you’re coming from Ang, and I have been in your position. I have lived places where available friends weren’t easy to find – and I did what you do: joined classes and clubs for things that interested me (choir, yoga, language classes), and looked for people at work who shared my interests. Have you tried through the net? Are there any places you could find local people searching for friends there?

You are right of course, we can not choose who we love. I know I’ve done some really stupid choices in my life too – and other times I’ve done what looked like stupid choices that turned out great. At least you realize what you love about him. And maybe you should give him some practical thing for the farm for his birthday then? Or were you thinking something romantic? (I suppose you could try to combine them…. :p )

Originally Posted by shyangel:
I think I screwed up my eating so badly that I don't know what I really enjoy anymore.

You know, I did that too. Have you ever read or worked with Geneen Roth’s books on compulsive/emotional eating? I worked myself through the exercises of one of her workbooks (“Why weight? A guide to ending compulsive eating”) one autumn some years ago, and it was the best invested time ever! Together with “Feeding the hungry heart”, “Breaking free from compulsive eating” and “When food is love” – those books changed everything about my eating.
But – as with everything else - it has to happen at the right time, when motivated and ready for it.

As for your exercise plan with 4 days cardio a week: that sounds very impressive and would really get your body start burning fat, I would think. Especially if you put in some weightlifting too.
I also very much like your dinner plan, and I think you’re completely right to focus on food that satisfy you. Work on the potion sizes, work on getting foods that both fill you up and are tasty.

Oh yes. Money. Yes, it *is* expensive at the health food store, isn’t it? I don’t go in there all too often. Being a student I don’t really have a lot of money (but neither do I have a house or a car or a student loan to pay off yet), so I buy most of my food at low-price stores. At least you get the vegetables for free! ;)
I don’t think I’ve ever made a weekly or monthly budget – but I think I’m spending about 900 a month. That’s for everything except rent, electricity, insurance, etc. – so: food, coffee, cosmetics, movies, books, CDs & DVDs, magazines, sweets, clothes, and just *stuff*.
The rent, course-books, and bigger things (like the iPod Mini I’m craving and buying next month) – is not included. I get sick of not having much money sometimes (I just found the complete 9 seasons of X-files on Ebay and I *want* them! Now!), but mostly I’m doing OK.
Does it sound like a lot? Or little? I don’t really know how much other people spend on food and stuff every month either.

Your Sunday sounds great: first running and then coffee with your friend! And hopefully the farm later – wish you great weather, Ang! :smug:

I’m continuing on my cleaning process. I’ve gotten most of the papers out of the way – I’m washing clothes, later I’ll clean up here, and possibly make bread – and then perhaps a movie. I did yoga yesterday and my body feels good today, I think I want to do some more of it later today – I really reached some stiff muscles in my shoulders and back and managed to stretch them out a little. Have you ever tried yoga? I’ve done it on and off for 10 years, and some periods I really get a lot out of it – others not so much. I also did a Pilates class earlier this summer, but I’m not going to have the time for that this semester. I’m sticking with weightlifting and running for now, with some yoga and hiking thrown in during the weekend.

Talk to you later Ang. Hope you have an excellent Sunday!

I'll let you know if I join the volleyball class. Right now I am leaning towards doing it. I am not happy about the changes already taking place in the weather and the sun going down earlier. In the fall I think I will really appreciate having at least one night where I have something to look forward to doing after work. I remember how it was in school and you are right that it keeps you very busy. You have a built in network of people in the same situation that you are. I go through periods where I try to make friends and times where I don't. I don't always need to have someone around, but I would like the option of being able to call someone if I did want to talk. Hopefully things will improve this fall. Also, it's not all bad. I think it is worse because I have a bf and don't think I should be alone as much at night on the weekends. Actually, for better or worse, the bf called last night late and invited me over. Of course I went and then I spent the entire day today on the farm. It was a good day - just didn't get anything done at home. I also missed the run in the morning because I can't get to another state by 7am. Plus, I didn't get to bed early since I was with bf. In some ways I think my priorities are messed up, but in other ways being with him makes me happy and I am making our relationship a priority. It just makes me realize that I need to run and bike more during the week so if things like this happen I am still taking care of my body. The 4+ hours on the farm were exercise too though so it wasn't all a waste.

It sounds like the last four years have not all been so good for you. I am sorry about your brother and am glad to hear that you are starting to be able to move on with your life a little. I can't imagine how hard it was to keep up with school during those tough times.

I may try to the net to find friends but doubt it will work well for my area. Also, most men on the net are looking for more and most women don't seem to bother with the net for friends. I think it's just a slow process and I need to be patient.

I talked to bf about his birthday and he wants a new cowboy hat (which we will pick out togther) - I will oblige. I do want to get him something else too and would love to get something romantic although I don't know what - ideas? Something for the farm would be good too if I could only think of something that he needs. Since we are already picking there are not too many other things we need. I'll have to keep thinking about that one. If I knew where to look some cool signs for the veggies might be nice.

I have read some of Geneen Roth but I don't know that I was in the right place at the time. I'll have to consider picking up some of her books, maybe in the fall if I feel like I can concentrate on the eating.

For now I have more veggies than I know what to do with so when I am eating at home I do eat rather well. It is one thing I love about the garden. I brought home a bunch of tomatoes, eggplant and a pepper today. I already made my lunch for tomorrow and I'm looking forward to the veggies.

I don't know about spending money on food. I would say that I spend about $200-$250 a month at the market and then another $100 or more on eating out. It's probably more during 'special' months when I have events that take me to nice restaurants. I guess $50 a week isn't a lot at the market though. I'll have to try one week not worrying about prices and see what happens. I should also invest in stocking my pantry with dry goods and staples.

Your plans for the day sounded really good. Did you get to making bread and the movie? How about yoga? I took a yoga class a couple of years ago and liked it. I actually have two yoga videos that I may pull out this winter when the weather gets bad. I don't think the yoga does much for me physically (maybe some stretching) but if I'm in the zone it is good mentally. Like you I think it depends. I think your plan of running and weights is good. With the yoga and hiking you should have a good mix of aerobic activity.

What is going on with you at school this week? Do your classes start? I really envy you, especially because it has not been so long since I was in school so I remember it well. I really miss the flexibility I had in school. I know that if I had my time to myself I would be running/biking every morning again. I just can't do the 6am thing.

I have to get up early for work tomorrow so I am off to bed. It's been fun chatting this weekend - mette. It sounds like we both had decent weekends. btw - through another person I found out that bf wants children and another friend is trying to help me 'wake him up' so he starts paying a little more attention to me. Things could always be better but for some reason he makes me smile even in the 'bad' times.

Have a great Monday. I already packed my running clothes so I can run at lunch while at work tomorrow. I don't want another day to go by without running and I don't want to risk not running after work. I just hope I have shower stuff at work or it's going to be a smelly and/or wet afternoon. :lol:

Hi gals!

Wow, I had a lot of reading to do to catch up when I got home tonight! :eek: I'm sorry you both dealt with bad weather. Fresno was in the low 100s, so for me that was hot and awful. :flame: Plus there always seemed to be cooking going on in the kitchen and lots of people milling about, so the air conditioner was not very effective either. I missed you both and was glad to read your posts from this weekend. :)

I'll give you a quick recap- Friday morning I got my hair done again. It's much darker and pretty short (just below my ears) so I'll probably shock some people at work tomorrow. :fr: I really like it and will now be forced to move away from the "librarian" look I usually have when I just pull my hair back in a knot every day. We'll see how I do with the "styling" thing, as I am usually too lazy in the a.m. to do anything with it. Finally got out of town at about 12:30 and got to my aunt's house at about 4 p.m. Friday night was pretty much just dinner and socializing. Saturday everyone went with the kids to the water park. My brother and I didn't want to go, so we spent the day together. We went window shopping in one of the "hip" neighborhoods, had coffee, played arcade games, shopped at the bookstore and had lunch. It was nice spending some alone-time with him. Saturday night we had a big dinner (there were probably about 20 of us, including all the kids) and played a game similar to Bingo. I won 4 times and finally just stopped playing because I felt bad that I won so much. One cousin supplied all of the prizes, and I ended up with some good stuff! This morning we had a big breakfast and went through old family photos that my aunt is scanning and printing for family members. It's a lot of work to go through the bags and boxes of pictures and I was pretty burned out after about 2 hours of deciding which pictures I wanted. It was interesting though, because we got to hear stories about relatives I'd never met, great grandparents, distant uncles, etc. Anyway, got home tonight and am spending time with Mike before he leaves again for a week.

It was nice to see my family, although like Mette said, I go through times when I'm social and times when I need alone time. I was a little overwhelmed by all the people and chatter and kids and socializing... :gossip: I found myself pulling out my book and going to the other room for awhile to read, or stepping outside for a smoke just so I could be away from all the activity. I probably seemed distant, or snobby or something, I just couldn't take it all constantly. My two older cousins are both married to REALLY wealthy guys, both in computers (one inherited a ton of money, too, and the other is like a VP at Cisco Systems) and were constantly talking about their vacations to Europe, private school for the kids, sending other peoples kids to college, how they pay $1000 a month for a gardner, blah blah blah... :blah: They are also both full time moms. They don't brag, don't get me wrong, are very down to earth, I just felt like I couldn't have LESS in common with them. Sometimes I'm too focused on my life, what I want, what I don't have, whatever. I wish I could be more outgoing and supportive and fun in situations like that, I guess. So anyway, that part of the weekend kind of made me feel not so good about who I am and my life. Maybe I just need to learn to relax. :p

Anyway, I can't address everything you guys posted this weekend, otherwise I'll be up all night! But Ang, I don't have many friends either and I've lived here practically all my life. Most of my close friends have moved away, or went away to college and are back but have different lives now, families, etc. I have the group of friends that I had the fallout with, and really, I don't have much in common with the people at work. I like the idea of joining a group or doing volunteer work to meet like minded people, I'm just not sure what I want to do... I also used to be into bars and clubs and tended to have friends (or more acquantances) that were into "partying" which I can't stand anymore. I guess my lifestyle has changed a lot in the past couple of years and I just haven't met many new people since that time. Most of the time I'm just content to spend time with Mike, but I do miss having close girlfriends to talk to about stuff. I know it can be really hard when you end up spending all of your evenings alone, believe me I've been there. Like Mette, my interests tend to include more solitary activities like reading, listening to music, writing, art, things like that.

It's really good news about the bf wanting kids! I wish you would have heard that from him directly, but it's still good news. I'm glad you got to spend some time with him this weekend, I know you need to get as much time in with him as you can given your schedules. I also think you are an intelligent, kind, wonderful person, just like Mette said. You deserve the best! :D

Mette: Good for you on the organizing! It really does feel good to have things in order. I was much like you when I was in school, had all my notes typed up on the computer, very organized. I loved it and miss the studying, tests, and lectures alot. Sick, I know! :lol: I bought some filing "baskets" last week and made hanging files for all of our paperwork. I finally tamed the paper monster which was taking over the house and things feel much calmer now. Did you get to see the movie? Anthing good?

As far as a food budget, I think it's really hard to say. I usually feel like I'm spending less when I eat out more, but I know that isn't true. When I buy groceries for me and Mike, it's typically about $135 a week (which includes usually one or two expensive cuts of meat like new york steaks or filet mignion, and chicken breasts, which seem to cost alot too). When I was eating healthy before and just shopping for myself (and was a vegitarian) it was about $65 a week, but I was also more concerned about my budget then. I know I probably spend more on food than I need to, and end up buying too much produce that goes bad before we eat it. I'm getting better about that, though.

Anyway, I've posted enough already, I'm sure. I hope you guys have a great week. I'm back to work tomorrow so it should be interesting to get back into the swing of things. Look forward to talking to you two this week! ;)

P.S.- I don't even want to TELL you about all the horrible (but really good!) things I ate this weekend. But it included something like tri-tip, hommade peach ice cream, carrot cake, lasagna, chicken caccitori, hamburger, alcohol (I had one BIG drink and I don't even know what was in it), french toast, bacon, etc. etc... I'm really afraid to see what the scale has to say tomorrow, but boy was it good! :hungry:

Good morning.

Glad to have you back Jessica. It sounds like all-in-all you had a good weekend. :D Glad to hear it. Your day with your brother seems like a special treat for you.

What made you decide to get your hair cut short? What did everyone say at work? Different can be wonderful though and the short cut may force you to put a little effort into doing your hair in the morning and maybe it will make you feel even better about yourself during the day because you'll have a cute haircut.

I just looked at the clock and realize that I need to get to the lab to run my subject. I'll be back later.

btw Jessica - I had a very bad eating weekend and have no excuse. I'm glad you enjoyed what you ate though. Today is a new day and back to 'life'.

Enjoy your Mondays. :)

I’m starting to believe that you guys are right, and that my hunger is part of an increased metabolism – after introducing weightlifting and more protein – because I’ve lost another 2lbs this week! I’m now 1 pound away from the “point of maintenance” – so I think I just started maintaining today. A couple of months before my original plan, but that’s OK. So - I’m officially a maintainer as of today! Yey! :lol:
I’m also one pound away from 60lbs lost! The numbers of pounds I’ve lost are starting to get impressive too.

I’m not sure how to do this – but I’m thinking that I’ll continue eating between 1500 and 1800 calories – and see to that I have a couple of more days a week where I eat 1800. I have been trying to average on 10.500 calories a week, and think I’ll aim for 11.500 this week.
What do you guys think? Too much too fast? Try it and see what happens? Sounds OK?
Ideas and thoughts are very welcome, as always!

And Ang – it was very nice chatting with you this weekend. And it’s also very nice to have Jessica back!!! Welcome home, Jessica! ;)

Ang, you’re right that it’s about having the option to call and meet up with people. When solitude is chosen, it’s not loneliness. And as I said, I have been where you are now, and it also occurred while I was working – being a student is easier, there’s always a lot of available people around.
As long as you enjoyed your time with the BF and your weekend Ang: that’s really the important thing! And the cowboy hat sounds like an excellent birthday gift! You could add small romantic stuff for the day and celebration itself – you know, like chocolate, good vine, candle lit dinner… OK, I have to stop now. I just realized that every romantic thing I can think of includes lots and lots of calories!!!! :lol:
Are you creative enough to paint signs for the vegetables yourself? That would be a great gift!

My classes started last week – we’re doing community psychology and health psychology right now, which is OK. Not overly interesting, but not a complete bore either. We’re going to do a term paper on a subject we chose, so I’m going to write about adolescence and depression, and use the things I learned during summer. Oh yes. Why waste it, when it’s there? ;)
Later we’re doing neurobiology and psychology; I like biology so I hope I’ll like the course.
And I know just how lucky I am: I love being a student too. :D

Jessica, your hair sounds wonderful! Glad your weekend was very nice too. Alone-time with your brother and a lot of time with your relatives – I get that it was nice, but also pretty exhausting!
So, did I know that you smoked? :lol: I was actually surprised to read that you went out for a smoke, but I think you’ve mentioned it before. It says something about the ‘default’ in my head: these days I think of everybody as nonsmokers until proven smokers! While I smoked it was different.
I’m sorry the weekend left you feeling not so good about yourself and your life, Jessica – I hope it went away once you got home again? I think it’s important to look at what we’re happy with and what we want to change in our lives, but feeling low is never good.

I have to stop writing and get going. Have great Mondays. And where did Renee go?

~Just another manic monday~ ~ooohh ooohh~

Hee, morning ladies. Yup, another fun (but not so healthy) weekend was had. It was the last few days my dad was visiting, so Sat. we went out for breakfast. I had french toast, bacon and milk. Yuuum. We ran around shopping for a while, then drove him to the airport. He had to get his last Portillo's meal in. (Chicago Hot Dog chain. Very very very very yummy.) We ate there like four times this week! Another hot dog, beef or tamale and I am going to burst like a pinata! He really enjoyed it though.

Saturday night was another party! Oy! Ya know, I never was into the party scene or anything all through my 'party years' - now that I am tipping towards the big 3 0 - I am all like clinging to my youth and trying to catch up on what I missed. Granted, we really don't do it all the time, just recently it's been pretty active. What with Softball ending, Fantasy Football starting, our friend from overseas station (Air Force) comes in next weekend.

But still it was fun. I haven't watched what I've eaten, or looked at the scale. I don't think I am going to - I know that I've been bad and I think I will just ignore it for right now. My friends come in on Wed. so there is little chance of being able to accurately count calories or avoid this or that until they leave. I _AM_ going to give up Soda this week though. That's something I can do. Maybe I can learn to like Diet... *CRY* :(( Or not. At least I really like water already.

My sister is still reading the South Beach book - and some of the lines she is reading are really starting to scare me! I am going to keep a positive outlook and hope that after that first phase, my body doesn't WANT the things it says I cant have anymore.
Like... mashed potatos? Cry... no don't take my spuds away.

Anyway. Todays plan: Drop the soda. Enjoy the visit from my friends on Wed. through Tues. REALLY enjoy my 3 days off work and my 5 day weekend. *drool* Keep a positive attitude, and really really try to not let work bust me up too much.

Oh! Side note. Everyone is back in the office. Yaaay!

Jessica - some very wise people have told me that you cannot compare yourself to others. I know it can be hard when you are among people that seem to have different things than you, but now that you are back in your life, can you appreciate all the things you have? You seem pretty happy with your life, don't let one weekend change that.

Congratulations mette on your weight loss. I had no doubts. :D I think you have made a good decision to start maintaining now. It seems like it will do wonders for you mentally. If you continue to lose will it bother you? You are amazing! If I could be as 'good' as you I would be half way to my goal by now.

mette - at 11,500 a week you are only adding 1,000 calories per week which is less than 150 per day. I don't think it is too much. If you are losing 2 pounds in one week then your 'deficit' is actually 7,000 calories! I do think you should gradually increase your caloric intake, but you will probably find that you need to be around 1800 every day to not continue to loss (maybe even 2000 eventually). I also know that there are some psychological things that you probably have to go through to shift to maintaining and I am not going to pretend to understand all of those. Particularly since you have been hungry lately, I would go for 1800 a day and see what happens. Let us know of course.

Coming up with nonfood romantic stuff is hard. Jessica and Renee, do you have any bday gift ideas that are romantic? Unfortunately I am probably not creative enough (and don't have the time) to make signs that would be worthy. To bad he already has overalls. :lol:

Just at hought in my head to share - today i talked with bf really briefly and he was telling me about something that he thought he already told me. No wonder he doesn't talk to me more, he thinks in his head that we are having these great conversations. It is so sad to see him so scattered and stressed. I know it's not my problem, but what's a girl to do? :o

mette - your classes sound interesting. Although I don't think I would want to be a psychologist, I always loved studying psychology. People are so interesting.

Jessica - I was also surprised to read that you are a smoker. How long have you smoked? Any thoughts about quitting? (I promise I won't preach. :) )

Renee - glad you had such a good weekend and what seems like a fun visit with your father. You also seem to be doing so much socially - good for you. I envy you.

Giving up soda Renee is a good idea. I have read so many times that people can drink themselves into being overweight. I gave up most nonwater drinks a couple of years ago. I actually like water and when I have something else now it really tastes too sweet (even diet) or just not as thirst quenching.

Good luck at work Renee and Jessica. Renee - good plan for the day. Let usknow how it went, especially the positive attitude since that is so important for accomplishing all other goals.

So far I have been relatively good with my eating today and my attitude. As bad as I feel mentally and physically after eating way too much crap since Thursday night, I keep telling myself that it took four days to eat the food and put the weight back on so it will take AT LEAST 4 days to get it out. I need to get to the grocery store to help stay on track. I had a SlimFast shake this morning, lunch was a tomato, eggplant, some cheese, yogurt, and 2 thin slices of chicken breast and a small piece of chocolate :( . I have an apple for later. I ran 30 minutes at lunch time and will spend an hour on the farm tonight. I don't know what else I might have tonight but it will probably be more eggplant, tomatoes and green peppers (yes, all from my garden). Yum.

I hope all your evenings go well.

Crapola!
 

Well my sister and I did something bold tonight. It's left me really depressed, and what I thought would be good motivation, has me completely crushed emotionally. We were/are determined to do the South Beach Diet (starting after my visitors leave so I don't cheat on Phase I) so we took our weights. (No big deal, still 183 phew) Our measurements.. (my THIGH is what my waist should be *puke*) And then pictures in two piece bathing suits. I was shocked. I have been hiding the truth from myself under baggy clothes and avoidance. I used to say 'yah I could lose some weight, I'm chubby'. The truth is, what I saw in those pictures today were two fat girls. :( It's got me nearly physically sick. And angry too! I know that as bad as I feel - tomorrow at work, I will adopt a shove it to the side mentallity and not stick with anything. I don't know what to do anymore! I wonder sometimes if I am mentally depressed (I dont think so...?) but I just can't stay on track with anything. I get to lunch hour at work, and go, "Wow it's nice out, I should walk.. no walking sucks, I'll just drive down to Taco Bell and get really bad stuff to eat. That's more fun."

My plan to give up Soda? Failed at lunch. Or to at least try and make better choices? Failed. I ate so bad today. Just like I have all week. Exercise? Haven't done a drop in ages. Everything seems like it's a) a burdern and b) useless - I guess I feel like a completely lost cause on this.

And it makes me so mad, because at night, sometimes I can work myself up into really wanting and expecting to get it right. But the second I wake up that mood, that desire, that... everything is gone! I want to change how I am. I want to be healthy, I want to have the energy and range of motion that I used to have. I want to be able to wear shorts in the summer. (It's been four years since I put shorts on in public - and we are talking summers with temperatures in the mid to upper 90's) I want the old me back, but all I can see is this ugly person in the mirror - no sign of what I want to see. And, if there's no light at the end of the tunnel, why bother going through it?


Sigh, I am really sorry to dump such sad pathetic garbage on you guys. :( I just need to find a way to get out of this hole, find a reason to start climbing or something.

So yah, anyway. Today sucked big time. I didn't stick to any of my goals, or anything. Work sucked again. My boss and controller came down on me, started talking at me like I'm an idiot because I can't keep up with how often they change the rules on how things should be done. One day it's Renee, the sky is blue, I told you the sky was blue... you shouldn't have to ask me that, do some work and remember the sky is blue. The next day it's, What made you think the sky was blue? It's green. You should have asked me to verify that for you. I don't know where you got that it was blue... it's always been green.

And you just can't argue with the Owner of the company. So really, I have a no win situation. I think that job really is giving me a lot more stress than I am skilled to handle. I gotta find a way to start fresh. On everything.

Anyway, sorry again, thanks for letting me have a place to /rant when I need to.

Good evening everyone!

Ang and mette: Yeah, I'd mentioned the smoking thing before when we all first started writing to each other. I know, as "healthy minded" as I've become it seems a little contradictory that I would have such a bad habit. I've smoked since I was a teenager which I have since learned was such a critical mistake; I use it as a crutch, like some people use food, to deal with celebrations, stress, sadness, any emotion really... And since I started before I developed real coping skills, it's not just the physical addiction I have to overcome but also learning new emotional skills as an adult that I never really had to develop. I know I need to quit, in fact I'm reading a really good novel right now about a woman dying of cancer and it scares the daylights out of me. Mike smokes too, and the health risks are even more apparent to him because his father died of emphasema when Mike was only about 13 years old. That's a whole different issue that I have to deal with someday, in addition to the eating and exercising. I can't really go there right now.

Mette: You are so awsome!!! Two more pounds is outstanding. See, it is your metabolism!!! Congrats on all of your achievements so far, and I hope we can help you during your maintaining period, too. I agree with Ang, you may need to increase your calorie intake even more than you're planning if you continue to lift weights during your 9 months of maintenance. Maybe just slowly start increasing and monitor what happens with your body. Remember too that you will be gaining muscle, which will weigh more than fat but which will also in turn require more calories to maintain. It shouldn't be so complicated, huh?

Ang: I think my "unhappiness" over the weekend came not so much from envying what others had or not appreciating what I have, but from worrying that they would judge me for what I don't have or for what my life is like. I wasn't willing to put myself out there for everyone's scrutiny, so I just listened to them tell their stories and kept mine to myself. I guess I was most upset with myself for not having the confidence to be proud of who I am and where I am in my life, not with my life itself. It's that self-conciousness and self-esteem thing that I think we're all dealing with to a certain extent. I didn't think my life was interesting enough to share with everyone while they told stories of their world-travels. Money has never been a big deal for me, as long as I'm comfortable I'm happy. The simple things in life make me happy, like Mike leaving a sweet note for me to find this morning after he left for his trip. I don't have kids to talk about, I have cats. I don't get to travel the world, I go to work every day and work hard. These types of stories just don't sound that great when you're in a room full of active, bubbly parents with more in the bank than my house is worth. Anyway, I'm looking at this all closely and will try to work on being myself, not caring what other people think, being proud of my life. It's not easy, I'll tell ya!

As far as things to do for the bf's birthday... I had a thought, and it might be silly but I'll share it anyway. My vision is of an outdoor, romantic picinic at night at the farm. A blanket, candles, dinner, music on the portable stereo... I was just thinking that the farm is one place that you both really seem to enjoy being together, maybe that would be a good place for a romantic evening? I don't know how the logistics would work, if there is a good spot to set it up, or how you would get him there to surprise him (but I think a surprise would be best) but it seems romantic when I picture it. And mette's right; it IS hard to think of romance without thinking of food somehow! The other nice thing might be to try and book a room at a bed and breakfast or spa type hotel where you could get away for a night or two. Again, given your schedules it might be hard to arrange, but it sounds like getting away even for 1 night would do him some good since he's so stressed out.

That's what Mike's doing for me in September for our 9 month anniversary. He booked 2 nights at a spa-resort place up north of here. Did I mention I get the feeling that he might propose to me during that trip? He's made a REALLY big deal about it, reminding me, saying "only x weeks until our vacation..." calling the hotel several times to make sure the room is reserved, researching it online and talking with his friends who've been there about it... I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it. It will be interesting!

By the way, I forgot to mention I'm so sorry you had such a hard time this weekend, especially with your bad food days. I gained 3 lbs since last week, so I know how that feels. I hope you were able to go shopping and stock up on the healthy food for the week so you'll be happier with your eating by Friday. You have really been doing so well, and all your fresh veggies sound so good!

Renee: Wow, you really have been having a great social life lately, huh? I hope that's helping to relieve some of your stress. Yeah, like I've mentioned before, the "South Beach Diet" was a bit difficult for me to stick to, and I LIKE to cook. There was way too much preparation, and it was really restrictive the first two weeks. In fact, I only managed it for 1 week, but I lost 7 lbs in that week. I know it wasn't fat that I lost, but still pretty impressive. I'll be interested to find out from you how you like the diet and if it's working for you. Keep us posted! The soda thing would be good to give up. I've never liked soda much, so it hasn't been a big deal for me. There is so much sugar in those drinks, I bet that alone would boost your energy and help you lose weight. Let us know how that goes.

Anyway, enough babbling for one night. Hope everyone had a good day. Talk to you all tomorrow!

Renee- I missed your last post before I posted mine. So sorry about that. I have a question for you. When you think about the course of your life, think hard about timelines, where you've been and what you've done, think about where you were when you lost your flexibility, started gaining weight, and stopped being that person you were. Maybe for you, exploring some of the issues surrounding other aspects of your life, social, work, family, and the choices you've made in the past would be a good tool to figure out why you're not following through with sticking to goals, how you got here in the first place, where your motivation comes from, what purpose food serves in your life, etc. I don't claim to have all of this figured out for myself, not by a longshot, but I think our health is tied pretty closely to our state of mind. Have you thought about starting a journal?

I'm so sorry you are feeling so discouraged. The "bathing suit" photo can really be a wake-up call. I've done it. It's not pretty. Don't let that derail your plans. You really can do this, I think we all just need to do a lot of soul searching to be truly committed and successful.

Have you had any luck with the resume? I'm sure work isn't helping matters in the least. And please, don't ever feel like you have to appologize for ranting here. You just need to get it out and explore how you're feeling and this is the perfect place to do it. Again, maybe writing in a journal could help you find some perspective, too.

Hang in there, girl. We're here for you!

Originally Posted by lilwolfe006:
Well my sister and I did something bold tonight. It's left me really depressed, and what I thought would be good motivation, has me completely crushed emotionally.
...
Anyway, sorry again, thanks for letting me have a place to /rant when I need to.

For the most part you can just reread Renee's post and put my name at the end. Renee, we both seem to be in similar places and it sucks. Hopefully we will all be able to help each other but I know I don't know how.

It's a very bad mental/emotional day here too. I have so much work to do too but just can't give a sh*# or get focused.

I just wanted to add thanks to Jessica for your posts. I think your idea is great for the bday. I'll see if that can be arranged since it will depend on his schedule.

I'm sorry I can't write when I get upset like this but it makes me think and feel, which makes me more upset, and I can't do anything about it while at work so it just makes me feel worse. I think you can imagine the cycle. I'll try to write later and really apologize for being self centered right now.

Renee and Ang: I’m really sorry you two are having such a crappy day. Please take care of yourselves. :grouphug:
You both know you’re always welcome to rant here.

And if I can say something, I wish you would stop beating yourself up, Ang. When you put in your signature that your results are pathetic – that's really not a very nice or good thing to say. Which, of course you know. It’s just that when you’re feeling really lousy, there really is no use in making it worse! Right now, your signature is making it worse, I think.

There is no way your results are pathetic. You have lost 55lbs since 2002 – there is no way you can overlook that. So you had a bad spring and summer trying to figure out your new life? Well at least you maintained your weight and didn’t gain up toward 242 again! Which is an accomplishment in itself! I understand that you’re feeling lousy and get depressed sometimes, but your results are never pathetic.
And could you please consider taking it out of your signature?

Jessica – about the smoking – I don’t think quitting should be taken lightly either. When I quit, I had been smoking forever, and I also used cigarettes instead of better coping skills. And quitting was quite a struggle for me, so I think you’re smart when you choose your battles - trying to quit when not fully motivated is a completely waste in my opinion. It takes everything you’ve got to do.

And I hope you are OK and feeling fine, Jessica. You have every reason in the world to be proud of your life. But still, sometimes it’s easy to get sidetracked and get caught up in other people’s glamorous lives!

And - if Mike proposes – will you say yes? Do you want him to? :love:

Great thoughts about thinking of your life in terms of timelines – I suggest journals too. And therapy. (Well, yes, I know I’m biased – but I still think most of us could use some time with a therapist and work through issues in our past that screw up our present). I did therapy for 2 years, I stopped going last spring – and am considering to start up again this winter. I like having a place where I can make sense of all the confusing emotions and moods that’s been messing things up for me.

And just a quick word on protein powder: not a big success so far. A big NO for putting it anywhere near my oatmeal or dip (cottage cheese + hot hot salsa) – it just tasted *wrong*. I also tried it with milk – as a shake – and that activated my gag reflex and bad memories from countless diets on liquid shakes. So a very bit NO to that.
But OK in my oatmeal pancake, and also in muffins. So far. I will try to make a proper smoothie with plain yogurt, banana, kiwi and maybe some mango – and see if the protein powder is OK with that.

Hope everybody’s days improve a lot!!!! :goodvibes