Bad days all around
 

After having a week off, I'm home this morning with cramps that could kill a cow. :moo: I feel awful for missing even a couple of hours at work. I think I need to see my doctor about all the "female" problems I've been having. It's starting to concern me. :( In fact the pain was so severe this morning that after trying midol and advil, I got my vicodin prescription filled that the dr. at the hospital prescribed me for the cyst. I didn't know what else to do. Does anyone else experience this? Do you have any suggestions? Aaarrrgh. Well, at least startin my period might explain the three lbs. I gained. ha ha...

Ang: I agree with mette that you may be to harsh on yourself, much like I am with the exercise. I don't want to tell anyone they need therapy, I know it's a sensitive subject, but I went to a counsellor about a year ago and it helped a lot to talk with someone detached and unbiased about my life.

Mette: Thank you for the support about the smoking. It IS very difficult to quit, the longest I managed was 1 month and it felt like the longest month of my life! Of course, I wish I'd never started but hindsight is 20/20. And about Mike and if I would say yes if he asked... absolutely. Even though I've been divorced and it was horrible, I never was bitter against marriage because of it. It was just the wrong person at the wrong time. I very much want to settle down and have a family someday and I see Mike as being my partner in life and my best friend in addition to being my bf. I've never felt so loved. Did I ever mention that we met online? Yup. It's a little weird telling people that, because there's a bit of a stigma, but seeing as though we would have never met otherwise, I'm pretty thankful that I did it. In fact if you guys want to see a picture of us, we are on the e-harmony "success" page here: http://www.eharmony.com/core/eharmony?cmd=testimonials2 :D That picture was taken in February when we went to Hearst Castle for Valentine's Day.

You've come up with some pretty creative uses for the protein powder. Sorry they haven't all been tasty, but at least you're experimenting. I usually get vanilla flavored and make shakes or add it to my yogurt. I really think it's trial and error to find one you like. One that I found that's pretty good is "Isis" which is soy protein that is geared toward women. I found it at Trader Joe's and I don't think it was terribly expensive.

Well, I think the vicodin is kicking in. Now I just want to go to sleep. :dz: Feeling "normal" never feels better than after you've felt terrible pain. Ahhh... Getting much better.

Anyway, hope everyone's day improves, too. I hope I can drag myself to the office and salvage the rest of mine. Bye for now.

Oy. I just read Jessica’s post! I just want to clarify that I do not mean that any of you *need* therapy! :foot:
I just meant generally – in life – getting to know oneself – etc – I think journals are a good thing, and I also think therapy is a good thing!
Just want to be 100% clear on that! :^:

And Jessica – how nice to see your face! It’s so nice to have a face to connect the posts to. You both look absolutely adorable! :D Such a nice story too! And I’m glad for you both that you found each other!
Now we all have to look into getting photos of us online too of course... ;)

Sorry to hear about your cramps, and yes – seeing your doctor sounds like a very good idea. I’m sorry to say that I don’t have any good ideas for you – except for hot bottles and hot baths – but that’s for minor cramps and not the kind you need drugs for.

The stigma of meeting online? Really? There’s a stigma? I’ve never actually gotten that impression before, I have friends who met online – and know several more couples, and I’ve never heard anything negative about it. Maybe that says more about my friends, though! :p

Good luck getting to the office!

Jessica that picture is awesome! You can definately see how connected you guys are. And yeah, no Stigma here. The friends coming to visit include one Canadian I met online 10 years ago through a game we both play. We met in person a few times, and a few years after that started dating. While we are not dating currently, there is definately a bond there that will never be broken. :)

As for live journaling, I have one, on, what would you know? The livejournal website. :D It helps on some things, not on others. Like, when the cat had to be put down, I posted there, and it helped me get over that pretty fast. But recurring problems, like work- no amount of journaling or anything seems to help me. Work is definately my biggest hurdle. Nothing about work provides a positive response with me - and food/snack/junkyeating is my stress relief. I really think getting out of here, is going to be the best shot I have at reworking my lifestyle.

Like just two minutes ago, I had to call my boss who is out, to explain that he (the boss) has specifically told me to only sell this customer cast film, and the customer is 100% certain he wants blown film. I am to 'give him cast without saying he is getting cast' - so basically I am lying, and when it comes down and he sees CAST on the boxes, I am going to be the one that gets blamed for it. I need out.

Anyway... sigh. I am happy to announce that as of 1:30pm my meals have included:
Slimfast for breakfast.
Soup and 1/2 of a low carb whole grain tortillla sante fe wrap. No beans, or sourcream. So, the wrap, some cheese, chicken breast and salsa. I forgot to ask for tomato instead of fries, but limited myself to just 10 french fries.
And the biggest, hardest change I did today. I had DIET Coke for lunch. *blech* But I still had it.

Maybe there is hope for me yet! Well work just got real busy all of a sudden, I'll write back and touch on the other topics of today in a bit.

I changed the signature. I really appreciate your support. Unfortunately a lot of times I am a negative person and a pessimist. I try not to be when I can but sometimes I just don't seem to control it. I know it's good I lost the weight but then I put on 15 since I moved here. I guess it's not the full amount, but still bad. I have a presentation at a conference next month and I'm not going to be able to fit into my suit. I'm not sure what I am going to do as I am not going to buy a new suit (I only wear a suit once or twice a year).

To add insult to injury - I am this way with therapy. I actually have a mental illness that I really haven't talked about so I have been in and out of therapy for years. I'm still here so I guess some of it has helped, but I still have a lot of things to work out. Right now I am not on regular medication for my problems but I have been considering going back on something. We'll see. Right now I am being stubborn and saying no.

I was thinking about starting a journal again but in some ways I use posting here as a kind of journal. I don't know if I have enough time for a journal and keeping up with all of you. :lol:

mette - I'm glad I didn't remember to buy the protein powder the other day. Does it have a taste? Right now I am trying to remember to incorporate flax seed meal into my diet. I think it is just a habit I need to get into. It's not easy without cooking so I can only add it to things like cereal. Let us know how it works in the smoothie. It sounds delicious.

Jessica - I'm so sorry to hear about your cramps. I used to get them pretty badly and unfortunately just suffered through them. Have you tried hot water bottles? Stretching? Massage? Sometimes light exercise actually helps. I hope they are better for you soon.

Jessica - I have met a few people online. I think it is getting to be a regular thing. It just depends on your 'crowd' I think. I met my current bf online and my ex-husband. I know what you mean though about being hesitant to mention it to people. There are some people that still think it's a little odd or at least won't admit that there is nothing odd about it. :dizzy: You two make a really great couple. How pretty you are. :) I will keep my fingers crossed that Mike asks you to marry him. You seem really happy - it's wonderful.

I also am glad to put a face to the name. If any of you want to see me (looking professional which is so not me normally) you can check me out on my work page. Just PM me or e-mail me and I'll try to send a url, because I don't want to give my full name on this public forum.

Yeah for Renee! :jig: :bravo: :cb: :dance: Awesome job today with your eating and all this with stress at work. Your boss sounds like a real jerk. Get out and don't look back.

Breakfast - cereal (I can really tell when I skip my fiber for a few days.)
smoked turkey and lf cheese sandwich, banana, soybeans (cahun - yum).
Ready for a snack - peanuts or more soybeans, maybe with an apple
Dinner - no clue yet - not good but I have veggies at home so probably something like that.

Work is almost over - yeah! Jessica - did you make it back to work?

Hi everyone,

I did make it to work, felt doped up but at least I was there. They really needed me there in the afternoon, so I was grateful I felt well enough to be there. I'm still in pain, although it's milder than it was this morning. I have an appt. with my Dr. on Friday, so she may be able to at least give me some advice. I had some errands planned for after work but opted to come home and relax instead. I'll finish posting, read and hit the sack early. I'm tired of always having something wrong with me. People at work think I'm falling apart, and maybe I am. :p

Thank you for all the comments and compliments on my picture with Mike! I was so happy when they posted that on their site; we're "almost" famous! ;) I think you're all right; maybe there used to be more of a stigma about online dating but now it's becomming more of a normal way of meeting people. I had dated others I'd met online, but Mike was the only one on e-harmony. It's a bit more expensive than the other sites but really finds people that are compatable with you, not just on a superficial level. I'd highly reccomend it to anyone looking. :love:

Mette: I'm so sorry about what I said about the therapy; I certainly didn't mean that you were telling anyone they needed therapy. I was just trying to suggest it based on my personal experience and didn't want it to come accross like I was telling Ang what to do. That wasn't directed at you at all! :sorry: We are both in agreement that it can be a good thing for anyone sorting out problems in life, as well as journal writing or even coming to this community and sharing with one another. You were totally clear on what you were saying. Maybe it was I who "misspoke"! :tape:

Renee: Way to go on the food today! :high: You did great. And you felt good doing it? You sound in a much better mood today than last night and I'm really happy for you. The work thing sounds like it just sucks. There is nothing worse than being given contradictory information or being told to do something you know is wrong. What a no-win situation that is. We'll all keep you in our thoughts for finding a new job. :crossed:

Ang: Thank you, again, for the nice compliments on the photo. :D I'll have to get a new picture up somewhere with my thinner face and new hair cut! By the way, I come from a long line of family members with various mental illnesses- depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, so if you ever want to talk about it here or privately, please don't hesitate. The irony of it all is that my mom is a mental health nurse and she married my father (biological father, not step-dad) who turned out to be, from what we can tell, schizophrenic. He's actually homeless now and lives in D.C. I'm very phobic of having a mental illness given my family history, which may be where my interest in psychology comes from. I've been diagnosed with depression in the past but for the most part function fine without medication. I took Prozac for a while but my mom said it made me manic. Of course that was when I was really trying to make choices for myself and get back to school, so maybe it wasn't a bad thing, she just didn't like the choices I was making. Who knows. :?:

And if it's between a journal and us, definitely, pick us!!!! I also didn't know you've been married before. Do you mind sharing that story with us? I'd be interested to hear your opinions and experiences with the marriage thing.

Alright, ladies, time to relax and get ready for bed (at 7 p.m.; I really AM falling apart!) Hope everyone has a great evening and talk to y'all tomorrow.

Morning everyone,

I'm still feeling yucky this morning, plus I got really sick last night from the vicodin. Guess it's back to advil even if it doesn't work as well. August has just been a weird month for me! I'm looking forward to next month, my trips I have planned and hopefully just feeling better in general.

Hope everyone has a great Wednesday! The weekend is almost here... I woke up late so I have to get ready for work. Talk to you all later.

Hello Ladies.

Just a quick check-in as I MUST get some work done today. I keep getting interrupted at work by coworkers who think their issues are more important than mine. I'm ready to get mad in a second but will try to keep my cool. :p

Jessica - I'm sorry that you are not feeling better this morning. Hopefully your doctor will be able to help you. Hopefully work will fly by so you can get home and relax.

Jessica - you are not the only person to recommend eHarmony. If I decide to try again I may go there. I am not proud of my marriage as it was a mistake from the beginning. He was a nice guy but not right for me and me not right for him. We sensed it in the beginning but I think we both thought we should get married and were getting older so we went for it and ignored the nagging feelings. We even went to therapy before and after the marriage. We were just being stupid. The marriage became a disaster as our personalities clashed. We wanted a dream and forgot to realize that you have to have the right person to complete the dream. I think I learned a lot about myself during the process but in some ways I am still finding guys that are not 'right' for me so I guess I am still ignoring my own feelings. I really think there is still a lot more for me to learn about myself and until that is done I'm not sure I can ever be truly happy with a man. I don't talk to my ex anymore. I moved and he moved back in with his parents (does that tell you something about him :lol: ). He is actually getting married again in the spring. He wasted no time finding someone who was more like him and I hope he is happy. I just want to be happy too.

I'm not sure how I feel about getting married again. I had changed my name and REALLY wish I had not. We had merged our money and it was a pain to separate later. I just wanted to get out so I lost/gave up a lot of stuff and money just to make it easier on me. I bad experience all around basically. 7+ years together with 4 in the marriage and only 2+ living together. Yikes.

On to something else...Jessica, I'm sure you are not falling apart. Hang in there and it will get better. btw - I'll pick you ladies over a journal anyday. :D

Hump day again - wow!

Renee – you seem to have identified very well what you’re doing: work is the problem and eating is the symptom. As we learn in psychology: you can treat the symptom – and sometimes we do that – but it’s much better if we can solve the problem. Your boss sounds absolutely horrible! And I agree with you: you need out! And good eating btw!

Ang – I know about being a pessimist, and I always say that some of us have d*** good reasons for being pessimistic too. ;) The positive outlook, looking for the good stuff, looking for coping and success – I have to concentrate to see those. Especially with myself. For some reason it’s easier to be positive toward others. Do you find that too, Ang? Because I think of you as very supportive and positive toward the rest of us here.
For the presentation – could you wear something else, a pair of black pants and a nice shirt, or something like that?
I’m sorry you have been ill Ang, but as long as you’re OK now – at least that’s good.
I have been depressed in periods throughout my teens, twenties and thirties, but I never went into therapy or got diagnosed – I moved around too often, or at least, that was the excuse I made for myself for not doing anything with it.
The depression I got stuck in three-four years ago was really bad, and lasted for a very long time, and when I got through it, and it got a bit easier – I decided that the next time I feel this coming I’ll go into therapy or try medication as soon as I can. I don’t want to go through that again.
And I’m with Jessica: use us instead of a journal!!!! :D
Your eating looks good – do you eat the soybeans as snacks? Just plain? Does it taste good?

Jessica – I’m sure you’re not falling apart. And hopefully the doctor will put you at ease and fix you by Friday!
And I think we’re completely on the same page when it comes to what we meant about the therapy! I was so afraid that anybody would get the wrong idea from what I was saying, but I think I should trust you guys to interpret what I’m saying in the best possible meaning. Because that’s what you all do – and of course, it’s what I intended too! :D

Sorry to hear about your dad, Jessica. It seems we are struggling with some of the same issues - depression. Good to hear you’re doing well now. And I hope you’re feeling better.

Ang, sorry to hear about your bad marriage and breakup, at least it didn’t turn you off men completely. And as you’re saying: you learnt a lot about yourself in the process.

I’ve gotten a bit busy, and have a lot of writing to do.
I have one patient who’s been very ambivalent about coming to therapy – he’s met up for about half of the sessions we had during spring. So as I make a treatment plan for him I have to prepare something in writing about theoretical aspects of ‘ambivalence’ as resistance in therapy. Look into how different psychological theories tries to solve it – the reasoning behind, the methods to try out, etc. It’s always interesting to do this kind of work, when it’s rooted in a specific case or client.
And also – we have an internal newspaper/journal/magazine/whatever at the university and the next issue is going to be about psychology and movies. I want to write a piece about the psychology of heroes and heroines – and why it’s always about the hero and never about the heroine. The only heroines who have carried movies in the 00s, which I can think of, are The Bride (from Kill Bill) and Lara Croft. But the heroes? 20 movies a year!

So I’m looking at websites for information about American movies – how many have leading actresses really? And how many of those are about bona fide heroines?
Any input guys?

And as always: have a great Wednesday!

Profile picture up
 

It’s been so great to get to see pictures of you guys. And I should probably stop calling you “guys” now, and start calling you what you are: beautiful women!!! :yes:
But anyway. To even things out a bit. I took my picture a minute ago while sitting here, and uploaded it as my ‘profile picture’. No preparations, posing or any professionals involved at all – so consider yourselves warned!! :p
And - you probably should look at it while it’s there – it could come down again pretty fast! :lol:

Mette: You're so cute! My hair is almost as short as yours now. I wore it curly today and actually had two guys flirt with me... I'd forgotten what that feels like- it's been awhile! I may have to wear it curly more often. ;) Your projects sound really interesting. And you're right about films; the last several movies I've seen have featured men as the heroes. The only other movie I can think of to come out this year where a woman is the heroine is "Cat Woman". Of course, all of the movies mentioned don't feature the women as "real life" people, but comic book stars, or caracatures of people. Have you thought about movies where the women were strong characters but not necessarily typical "heroines" like maybe "Cold Mountain", "Iris", "Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" for example?

Ang, sounds like we had very similar marriage experiences, although I didn't stick mine out nearly as long as you did. I'm still using my exes last name because it's such a pain to go through changing it again. And combining the money; money was our biggest downfall. Mike and I have very similar ideas about spending and saving money (which is pretty much to just spend it!) and we've been very open about our credit histories, what we owe, what we make, and what our goals are. That's really important. I'm sure we'll still fight about it but I know it won't be a nightmare like it was with my ex. I remember him berrating me for buying my "feminine" products at a drug store instead of a grocery store because he thought they were more expensive. If THAT kind of thing can cause an all-out argument, there's definitely something wrong! :p

I'm feeling better this afternoon. Work has been pretty low-key and my tummy pain is finally subsiding. I'll get my errands done this evening and try to get to bed early again. Talk to you all later! :)

It wonderful to see pictures and put faces to names. Even though I did not consciously try to imagine whay you looked like, I found myself 'surprised' by the pictures. I much prefer the real you though and will let you all know when I get a 'better' picture in my profile.

mette - I am definitely more supportive, understanding and optimistic with other people. Actually supporting friends and loving people is what I live for and it makes me happy to help others. I just don't always listen to my own advice or for some reason I think I don't deserve what other people do. I'm working on it in therapy - maybe someday. For now I am happy to be here for you ladies and for my friends in town when they need me (and bf when he lets me :o ). btw, the jury is still out on whether or not I am OK now. Some days I think yes and some days I say no. When I can't take the nos anymore then I look into medication. That's the plan. I can get suicidal and I need to avoid that if possible.

I eat soybeans as a snack and for a little extra protein, although they don't have nearly the protein I would have thought. I eat the cajun flavored ones like they were popcorn or something. I like the flavor. Eating them plain requires putting them in a salad or something else - gives a little crunch.

I think it's amazing how many people have some sort of "mental illness" in their lives. I can't speak for you, but I know that my mental issues contributed and still contribute to my excess weight. I think it is true for many people. I applaud you (Jessica and mette) for working through your depression and becoming better people and really taking control of your lives and improving them. I learn from you everyday and hope to keep doing so.

mette - You are right that woman get the short end of the stick in movies. The only one that came to mind was Cat Woman but Jessica already beat me to it. I don't envy you the writing, as I have a lot of writing to do too and I don't want to, but it seems that you have very interesting things to write about. Depending on your definition of hero and heroine, are there that many heros to begin with or more like strong characters as Jessica metioned?

mette - I like your picture and I hope you leave it up so we can 'visit' you when we wish. :D

Jessica - even though you have Mike, how nice to have men flirt with you. When I was on the farm Sunday a new 'friend' (friend of farm friend) stopped by and expressed interest in taking me to dinner (told the friend and she told me). He met bf though and knows that I am not available right now so he did not say anything to me. I was flattered, even though he is 56!

No matter what you try, money is always issue between people. I think the relationship just depends on communicating about it, being honest, and being in the same ballpark with your ideas. It sounds like you and Mike have all this. It also sounds like your ex may have been a tad bit of a jerk.

Jessica - so glad you are feeling better. Were you able to get your errands done?

I had major problems at work with equipment and my subject today (don't get me started about how badly I am treated at work because I am female and the 'new kid' at the Institute) so I got out an hour late. Wednesdays are my big day on the farm and I was really upset that I lost half the time I had to spend there. With the sun going down so much earlier it is hard to get a lot of quality time in these days. :( I went anyway and picked a bunch of tiny tomatoes and got a little weeding done. Unfortunately I didn't even put a dent in what needs to be done or even what I wanted to get done. Oh well, I worked well into the dark until I couldn't tell the weeds from the plants and got in about 2 hours. At least it was some exercise. Tomorrow is running again with the club for 30 minutes. I'm hanging in there ladies and trying to stay with it. Needing accountability (since you are all my journal ;) ),

breakfast - cereal
lunch - turkey and lf cheese sandwich, yogurt, banana (couple of small carrots and ~6 little pretzels brought in by coworker)
snack (5pm) - protein bar and apple
dinner (9pm) - 2 slices tomato, green pepper, 2 small eggplant, 1 wedge cow cheese (I don't remember what it is called but it has something to do with cows and it is circular with little individually wrapped cheese wedges), peanutbutter sandwich

At dinner I craved something warm and/or something meat but didn't really have anything that I thought was appropriate so I managed to not eat anything else. I will try to eat something hot for dinner tomorrow night after the pub run.

Wednesday is over - not a great day but definitely not the worst. :)

Good morning!

Jessica, thanks for mentioning the movie Cat Woman – I had actually forgot (repressed? ;) ) it. I do agree with you – that when you go for real life strong characters, there are more women to choose from. Not many, but there are more. But for this I want to look at heroines, because I want to use the French feminist Luce Irigaray. She writes that women are not included as a gender of their own in the symbolic realm, that the only gender that exists is man – and that woman are simply seen as negation of man. Women are what men are not.
I want to use this point in discussing heroes and heroines – when the hero’s story is told so many more times, in so many different ways and repeatedly, and the heroine’s story so seldom – we don’t get strong symbols or archetypes (to use Jung) for heroines – and what a heroine’s journey, story or quest is about.
Oh yes – feminism is poring out! :D
Irigaray is a psychoanalyst and writes from that tradition, Jung is of course also a writer of psychology – so they are my theoretical link to psychology (and not only feminism!). I’m just doing drafts so far, I haven’t sorted it all out in my head yet. But the point of the whole thing is of course that we want more heroines!!! :lol:

Jessica – glad to hear you’re feeling better! Hopefully you got to go to bed early and sleep.

Ang – I know what you mean, I was a bit surprised by the pictures of you guys as well. I don’t know why exactly – and as you I prefer the real you! :D

You are right that an important thing is to avoid becoming suicidal, and one thing I learned through therapy was my own “warning signs”. I know now, that when I get the need to be alone all the time, the need to do nothing, or the need to sleep all the time I have to consider very carefully whether I’m becoming depressed again. It’s not so easy to just monitor emotions and moods – because I still have downs and blues and such – and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with depression.
You seem to have a plan and know what to do about it, so you’ll be able to take care of yourself. And that is a very good thing.
And that the depression is connected to weight gain? Definitely! I gain weight when I’m depressed, there’s no question or uncertainties but a 1:1 relationship. It’s about isolation, no energy, sleeping, trying to numb myself: I eat constantly and I eat only fatty, sweet comfort food.
When you look at the DSM or other manuals to find the symptoms of depression, the only symptom connected to eating is loss of appetite. And frankly, it's just not correct. Sometimes it's about increased appetite!

Sorry your day yesterday wasn’t too good – that you both lost time at the farm, and that they treat you badly at work. No wonder you’re wondering about leaving if that’s the case. Your eating looked really good though.

And just to report in on the protein powder (and yes – I bought unflavored): I put it in a smoothie with banana, kiwi and plain yogurt this morning, and it was actually very tasteful. I didn’t notice it was there at all. :smug:

Hope you’re having a nice day, all of you.

Hey everyone,

Just home for lunch and checking in. Work has been busy yesterday and today, but I got more pats on the back from our manager and supervisor yesterday, which felt really good. I'm very lucky that they don't hold back on the praise in my new department. The front office staff is pretty "clicky" and gossipy, I just try to stay out of that, but at least management recognizes when the employees are doing above and beyond what's expected. Maybe people tend to only do what's expected which is why they notice, I don't know. I seem to come accross a lot of problems that need to be solved; by taking the initiative to solve them, I'm learning a lot and having to go to my bosses and ask for their advice. This is great because they see that I'm catching things that others have missed and that I'm showing "leadership" skills, but I'm also ending up with an increased workload because of all the problems I'm having to fix. Sheesh.

Anyway, enough about that. Yes, isn't it funny how we construct our own mental images of what everyone looks like, even without trying? And Ang, I was really impressed with your "bio" on the site you sent me. What a smart woman you are!! And what beautiful and smart women you ALL are! ;)

I got my errands done last night and went to bed kind of late. I'm sleepy today but it's our "Friday" so it's not so bad. I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow morning and then I'm going to detail my car with my step-dad. That's pretty much how he and I bond, so it should be a good thing. Mike is due home Saturday morning, so I'm looking forward to having him back.

Anyway, I'll check in again after work. Hope everyone's having a great day!! :D

This place has been quiet today. Where are Ang and Renee?

I’m so glad to hear you’re having a good time at work Jessica. It’s very good when the management actually notices that you take initiative and solve problems, I’m sure you’re constantly confirming for them that they did a good choice when they gave you your new project. You’ll be boss and run the office in no time! Just wait and see! :D

Hope everything goes well at the doctor too.

As of this morning I have done my introductory 4 weeks at the gym – so on Monday I’ll start increasing weight. I have to read up on Krista and the LWL forum about “lifting to failure” – as far as I understand it’s the only way you get strong: you lift to failure every time! It sounds heavy! ;) I’m a bit excited and a bit anxious. I’ll start Monday with lower body.

I had a very good morning at the gym today; for the first time there was another woman lifting weights. So at least there were two of us there for a while.
I actually think that the muscles in my arms are bigger and more defined already, but I could be fantasizing… ;)

Hope you all have good Fridays.

PS: And yes Jessica, I got very curious as to what you changed your mind about… :p

Hi everyone,

Wow, I can hear the crickets in here, it's so quiet! Hope everyone is having a great Friday!

Mette: You have been so good with the weights! Have you been taking measurements? I bet your muscles are growing and you are getting stronger. I don't think it's your imagination! Let us know how the lifting goes next week. Oh, and what I changed about my post... well, it was about pornography and what you guys feel about men you're with using it... I won't go into the story, but I was able to talk to a friend about it and felt better, didn't think it needed to be discussed here, as I wasn't sure how everyone would feel about it. Anyway, I deleted that part of my post fearing it might be offensive, sort of, or at least way off topic for what we talk about here.

The highlight of my day yesterday was receiving a delivered boquet of flowers from one of my customers! It was a large bouquet with gerber dasies (my favorite flower, in fact), carnations, daisies and snapdragons. It's very lovely. He called right after it was delivered to explain why he sent them, so I wouldn't get the wrong idea. He said that he loves working with people like me and he knew I was going to go the extra mile to help him out (I found someone's mistake and saved his client about $7200). He said that he knows we work a thankless job and never hear how good we are. So, he wanted to make my day. Isn't that awsome? I felt all "warm and fuzzy"!

Went to the doctor this morning. She pretty much said what I thought, which was that I could go back on birth control to prevent the cramps and the cysts. I stopped because I thought it might help me lose weight, but I know the truth is I gained weight because I was eating like a pig, not because I was on birth control. So I think I'll start back up with the patch and see if that helps things. She didn't seem terribly concerned, and that was reassuring. I spent the rest of the late morning and early afternoon hanging out with my step-dad. We washed and waxed my car and had lunch. It was hard work but fun and nice to spend some time with him. And exercise, too!

I'm getting ready to do some cleaning here at home, and then I have plans for dinner with a friend. We're going for sushi, and I tend to overeat at sushi places, so wish me luck with that. I haven't lost weight for two weeks now so I know I need to reign things in and get back on track. I haven't gained, either, so that's good, I just know that with my health problems and my trip to see my family, I haven't been making an effort even with my food. It's time again!

Anyway, would love to hear from Ang and Renee, too. How are you guys doing? Talk with you all later!

I can't believe I missed two days with you. I really didn't know it. Oops! I HAVE TO SLEEP so I'll catch up as soon as I can. No time at work and just pooped at home so little e-mail to anyone. Sorry.

Mette - your paper sounds like it is coming along nicely.

Jessica - glad to hear that things at work are good. Isn't it always the case that the 'better' people get more work. :D In the long run hopefully it will be a great thing for you though. It seems that the praise is already a good thing. Flowers - wow - that must have made your day as I know it would have mine. I haven't gotten flowers from anyone in a very long time. I hope you brought them home and are enjoying them every chance you get.

Glad to hear the doctor visit went well - Jessica. I hope the patch helps you. I know I don't have nearly the cramps when I am on the pill. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

mette - thanks for letting us know about the protein powder. I am still trying to remember to put my flax meal in stuff but will give the protein powder a try if I think I need more protein. One of these days I am going to sit down and really analyze my diet. I even have a running friend who is a personal trainer and is willing to look at my food with me. I'm not sure how I feel about that but that is to worry about at another time.

Have a great night - the farm calls me and the bike tomorrow but I'll try to stop in to say hello. Have wonderful Saturdays.

Jessica - I really should take my measurements. That would be a good thing to start doing while maintaining I suppose, I could see if my measurements change even if the scale (hopefully) doesn’t. Good idea!

And how wonderful that you actually got flowers for doing such a great job!!!! Wow! That is so great – no wonder you got all warm and fuzzy!!
You’re really experiencing the extremes aren’t you? One week you’re being yelled at – another week you’re getting flowers! :D

Hope you had a nice dinner with your friend (and overeating sushi? How bad can that be?). But I get that you want to get a tighter grip on your food – I’m sure it will be easier when there’s no family vacations or hospital admittances involved. ;)

Ang – good to ‘see’ you again. We missed you, you know. Good to hear you’re doing well: busy – but well.
Analyzing your diet and getting help from your running buddy too, sound like good ideas. When you feel like it, when you want to, and when it’s time for that. Maybe it’s not something you need to stress with – I think your strategy of finding out what you want to eat first is very good.

Hope you get a wonderful Saturday at the farm Ang, lots of nice weather – and remember to bring food! “Woman does not live on tomato alone!”, remember? ;)

I’m doing patient-work this weekend; writing journals, making treatment plans, reading up on problem areas and possible approaches toward those. I feel myself getting back into student-mode, the new semester is on!

I’ve been thinking a bit about my body, what I see when I look at my body – especially at the gym with all the mirrors. One of the reasons I started the weight maintenance 2 months earlier than planned, was that I didn’t really see whether I had lost weight when I looked in the mirror. I know I have – according to the scale it’s 25lbs, and my clothes are bigger. But since I had problems seeing it, I knew my head was having problems keeping up with my body. It’s back to the phenomenon of phantom fat. If I maintain for 9 months – hopefully my head will reach up with my body, and I’ll get it all together again. :p
What I think, is that being at the gym will help this process too – and not just because of the weightlifting. At the gym I look more at my body than what I normally would for an entire week (I have been trying to ignore the fact that I have a body for years now…. :lol: ). And watching myself 3 times a week for 9 months must to do good, I think.
I have fat on my back, I have a belt of fat around my waist falling over my pants when I sit down (with clothes that actually fit, like my gym clothes!). It’s visible when I squat, when I sit on the bench doing biceps curls and shoulder presses. I look at my body and I see this, but these are the things I got to get used to. I need to know what my body really looks like.
When I lost weight before I was never satisfied with the loss, it was never enough. As long as fat was visible on my body: the weight loss I had achieved had no meaning, it was no achievement, no success because I had not achieved my goal.
I do feel safer and saner now; I’m not in such a hurry. I accept that it takes time. This doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle, but at least the struggles change. Thank god for that. ;)

Have great Saturdays everybody!

Good morning!

Mette: I know, work has been a series of extremes lately! Hopefully the good will outweigh the bad. I'm still amazed I got flowers; I guess it's a lesson to all of us that the nice, little things we do to show appreciation for people in our daily lives really DO make a difference and can brighten someone's day. I'm going to pay more attention to letting people know that I appreciate them.

Dinner last night was really good. I don't spend enough time with my "girlfriends" (the few I have) so it was nice to talk and catch up. The food was really good. Of course, we don't get the healthy sushi, we get the stuff with rich sauces and tempura, so I know it's not very good for me. I also got green tea ice cream to bring home with me and it was yummy.

Mike and I are also going out to dinner tonight, and then we'll probably go out for breakfast tomorrow. He has to go back out again on Monday at 2:30 a.m., and then he'll be home that night, and then back out on Tuesday. He's been working so hard. I guess we both have in different ways. The California Lottery is up to like 97 million $$; maybe I should play, just in case!

You have been so good at being honest with yourself about your body and self-image. That's not always an easy thing to do and I know you've had a long hard road to get to this point. You should commend yourself for all of the progress you've made, not only physically but mentally too. I think when you're a cerebral person, it's too easy to just live in your head and forget that you have a body. And without your body, there is no way your brain can function. We have to find that middle ground between the two and learn to see what's really there, which is why I think your approach is such a good one. All these smart women!!

I've pretty much frittered away this morning, but it's nice being lazy sometimes. No big plans for today. I'm just glad to have Mike home. Hope Saturday is wonderful for everyone!

Measurements sound like a good idea all around. I have actually been taking measurements on and off for a couple of years. Maybe it is time for new ones - just in case the clothes are not telling the whole truth. :lol:

Today I spent 5 hours on the farm doing not much of anything but it was relaxing. I got to do some thinking, which can be good (and bad sometimes). I did get in 40 minutes of bike riding too. I planned on doubling that but got a little side tracked. Sometimes I can't be alone exercising if my mind is not in the right place - it wasn't today. I am hoping to get up early to run 6 miles with my club (or behind my club :lol: ) in the morning at 7am. Tonight I went out with friends and ate whatever I wanted at dinner. I know I shouldn't have but...

mette - can we trade jobs? :D Your work sounds so interesting. To spend all your time examining people. Maybe I wouldn't spend so much time examining myself. :)

mette - it is unbelieveable how in tune you are with your thoughts and feelings. It really sounds like you learned a lot from the past and have a healthy outlook and process going on now with weight loss. Body and self image are a tricky thing. When I was 235 I knew I was big but until I saw some pictures I really didn't realize how big in a practical sense. Now I am a little smaller but still see myself as being very large. Perception is not always truth. Good luck and continue to share your thoughts because I know it helps me too.

Good for you Jessica that you are going to take this good experience (getting flowers) and share it with others. About a year ago I really realized how easy it is for people to share negative things and complain, since then I really try to share nice things with people when I can. Just the other day I told my 'farm friend' how much I appreciated her assistance with the farm (she ahs a lot more knowledge than I do) and her company, etc. It was out of the blue but I had never told her that and she should know that she is liked and appreciated. It wasn't a big thing, she may not have even cared, but it was the right thing. We can all share a smile or a nice gesutre or a kiind word more often. I just wish it wasn't so hard to do sometimes to the people that are closest to us. Hmmm....I need to work on that one.

Sorry Jessica that time has been so tight with Mike. I hope you enjoyed your day together. Will it get better soon now that September is almost here? And couldn't we all stand to win the lottery. :lol:

Wish me luck that I do all the exercise tomorrow that I have planned and that it does not rain. Run in morning followed by much needed mowing, some time at farm doing who knows what, and then a bike ride around town (probably won't be too hard) with some friends at the farm.

I'll let you know what happens.

Are we having excellent weekends so far?! :smug:

Jessica, did you have a nice time going out for dinner last night? Hope you and Mike are enjoying your time together.
Ang, your activity level during weekends is truly impressive: biking, farmwork, running, etc. I can’t believe you’re not losing weight!

Heh. I would love to trade places and jobs for a little while, Ang. It would be great to try out somebody else’s job for a while. But I’m sure we both would want to get back to our own eventually…? ;)

It’s very motivating to share thoughts and feelings with you guys, because you’re always giving such nice feedback. It’s much appreciated! :D
Ang, you’re not just a little smaller – you’re 55lbs smaller! – so yes, I think we both need to work on our perception a bit. ;) Maybe you should look for some honest feedback, do you know anybody you trust to give you that? I've found that sometimes it's very helpful to have somebody else tell you how they see you.
Also: hope it didn’t rain on your Sunday!

I don’t have much to report actually. It’s Sunday, the weather is fairly nice, I’m going out with some friends – we’re not sure whether we’ll end up drinking coffee or hiking (or both!?). Yesterday I went to the marked and got blueberries and made the world’s best smoothie: blueberries, plain yogurt and protein powder! Tasty!
I have been eating 11.500 calories this week – 1000 more than the weeks I lost weight. If all goes well I’m aiming for 12.500 next week. I’ve found that I don’t eat the same amount of calories on weekdays, so basically I count up by Friday night – see how many calories I have left for the week and then split those on Saturday and Sunday. Normally I end up eating less those days than the weekdays, which is a bit different from what everybody else is doing. Are you guys eating more during the weekend or during the week?

Have nice Sundays everybody!

Quick check-in.

I did go for a run this morning (52 minutes). I didn't go with my group though because it was early and I would have been running by myself so I opted for more sleep and running near my house. I then mowed my back yard, went to the farm and did not much, went for a 3 hour bike ride (leisurely with some scenic stops), and then feverishly picked veggies for 1 1/2 hours. Pasta for dinner because I was so rushed and it was late - didn't get to go grocery shopping so NO FOOD for tomorrow - yikes! Even with all the activity I don't think I lost anything. Oh well. I had fun and there is something in that by itself.

I hope everyone had a great weekend. This week will be so hectic for me. Subjects crammed in at work and I have started taking some initiative at the farm to pick and sell (bf is not doing enough) but I don't really have time. Why does everything happen at once.

More later - have to get up early to get ready for my week. Sweet dreams!

Hi everybody – hope you’re having good Mondays.
Ang, great going on the exercise this weekend! Running, farmwork and biking – and having fun too! :D

I suppose we’re all having busy days this week. Where is Renee, btw? Does anybody know?

I’ve lost another pound, and: 1) I’m down to the weight I want to maintain, 2) I’ve lost 60lbs, *and* 3) my BMI just crossed over to the “normal weight” category – it’s 24,9! Heh. And this week I’m going to aim for more than 1700 calories a day. Yey! :D
I’m having some problems organizing my days – being at school the whole day, and then going to the gym after. I’m tired, the place is full of people, I’m crabby – it’s not the making of a great hour at the gym.
I’m going to look into whether I can go before school in the morning – they open at 7, so I’ll try that. My lectures don’t start until 9 most mornings, so that should work.
I was going to do lower body today, but the place was so overcrowded that I only got to the cardio machines – so I did 15 minutes on a bike, and then 15 minutes on an elliptical trainer. This will have to count as my Tuesday-morning-jog, and then I’ll get up early tomorrow morning, go to the gym at 7, do my Monday-lower-body-weightlift, and see if that works better for me.
I just have to try out the different possibilities – and see what works. And my weeks differ too, so something that works this week, probably won’t work next week.

Ah well. I’m off to organize and prepare a meeting we’re doing tomorrow about the results from my summer research – I’m going to present the results and have to make some nice power point slides.

Hope you’re all doing well!

Where are Jessica and Renee? Maybe they're off together having fun. :lol:

mette - congratulations on losing that last pound. I'm not surprised given that you only increased your calories by 1000. How did you feel at that level? Are there any particular ways that you increase your calories? More foods or just more of the same foods or different foods altogether?

60 pounds is amazing! :strong: :jig: :bravo: :cp: :cb: :dance: :balloons:

Even more impressive is your BMI. I know it's not the best indicator or fitness but it can be better than weight alone. Have you ever done your body fat?

I think going to the gym in themorning would be great for you given the way you describe the events later in the day. You were so excited about lifting before and I would hate to see that enthusiasm wane because of your schedule. Luckily your classes don't start too early. Since you run in the mornings I am going to guess that getting up to go to the gym shouldn't be too hard for you. Let us know how that works out for you. I love flexibility in my schedule but can also sympathize that an unstable schedule can be difficult. I'm confident you will work out something good for you.

Good luck with you presentation. Don't you love making PPT slides? :lol: I ahve to write a presentation soon for a conference later in September. Can't forget or I'll be writing the day before I leave. :o

Today was an ok day for me. To take some stress off I decided to not worry this week about editing my article. My morning subject did not show up (some people are so inconsiderate) so I was able to get a lot of 'administrative' stuff done today. I feel a lot less stressed since I don't have to worry about all those 'little' things that I had to do. Did I mention that I was going on a business trip Wednesday until Friday? I need to find time to clean up my house a little so it is not a disaster when I come home (need to take care of cats and clean all dishes and stuff). After work I picked tomatoes for over 1 1/2 hours. I am so into it now that I was sort of shown what to do - it isn't as easy as it may sound. Tomorrow I go to finish picking and selling the stuff wholesale to a farm stand thing down the street. We have so much that I just need to unload some of it before it goes bad. I am excited about taking the morning off to do this and wish I could quit work and just farm full time. Not going to happen anytime soon unfortunately. I am seriously looking into a new career though as I realize that sitting at a desk (even if some of the time is in a lab) and being 'confined' is not for me. I need to be outside, working with my brain AND hands and doing something that really makes a difference. A friend suggested an environmental engineer or something in agriculture. It would have to be something that I could do without going back to school since I just got out after so many years - unfortunately I need the money from a job. We'll see what happens. It's kind of nice to know that there may be options. I just need to feel free and I don't in the environment I am in so I get unhappy.

Off to bed - hope to hear from everyone soon. mette - good luck at the gym in the morning.

Hey guys! I know I know, been a long time. I meant to write before I took off to let you all know I took off. But, my friends have gone home now and back to the grind. I am really tired today so heading to bed, but I got some new discoveries to tell you all about tomorrow!

Just a quick check in, I started Day 1 of south beach today. While my friends were still here, and while eating out. I made the best choices I could and I think I did it! Tomorrow, I have actual SB recipes, so I am excited. Now then, if this headache would scram. ;)

Catch up tomorrow!

Hi everyone,

Wow, I haven't posted in a couple of days almost, huh... Haven't been busy, just been pretty lazy and my eating has gone to sh**, and no exercise, of course. Haven't weighed myself in close to two weeks... this month has just reeked havoc with my schedule and I feel out of sorts in pretty much all areas of my life. Hm. I'm not upset about it, just kind of apathetic, going about my business and not making much of an effort at anything except work. Just a slump, I guess.

Mike and I had a nice weekend together. Dinner Saturday was great; we hardly ever go out anymore so it's always a treat. Watched a couple of rented movies, just relaxed and again, were lazy. He had to leave at 2:30 this morning and just got home a little before 9 p.m. Work's busy, as always, and tonight when I got home I just vegged out in front of my pc playing card games. Hm, again... Anyone have any ideas on jumpstarting myself back into my routine? Maybe I'm just burned out. Was hoping my week off would cure that, but I guess not.

Mette: I hope you figure out a workout schedule that works for you. Sixty pounds really is AWSOME and you should be so proud. I know you'll make it the 9 months of mainaining and I'm interested to hear if your brain catches up with your body by then.

Ang: You really should find something new to do if you're unhappy in your current work environment. It was funny because as I was reading I was thinking "environmental science" and then you said it. Would that require more schooling? Can you find something related to what you currently do, only observing people in outside enviroments like construction sites and such? I wish we could all just persue our dreams and not have to worry about a paycheck. What a different world it would be, huh?

Renee: Congrats on starting the SBD today! Sounds like you did really well. What's your news?

Alright guys, time to get ready for bed. Talk with you all tomorrow! Nite!!

Well, as I mentioned last night, I found out some things while off work and away from the stress and boredom of work. I had no cravings. In fact, I had only mild reminders of hunger. I ate smaller portions, got filled up faster and didn't crave junk food at all! I guess that means that nearly all of my eating stems from stress or boredom related issues. Good news to have discovered that, bad news to have to find ways around it. I always knew that I ate when bored, or upset. I never realized though, how so many signals I thought were genuine, were still coming from those triggers.

So far though, I feel refreshed. I've stuck to the diet so far again today and have my momentum going. I had the egg muffin things for breakfast, and am about to eat my 30 pistachios hah. Work is not bugging me out and I feel over all 'pretty good'. I guess the time off really did wonders. I'm trying to keep a more positive attitude on things - but am still going to look into finding a new job/career.

Gonna try and catch up on all the posts I've missed after work calms down a bit more. I do hate getting back into the swing of things! Anyway. I guess if you guys have any suggestions on ways that I can teach myself better stress management or what not, that'd be helpful. I should search online some. :)

Ang – I just wanted to be careful when I added calories, you know? Everybody is saying that you should add calories very slowly – so I thought I should do that. I have basically just eaten more of the same, but I want to add some more sweets. Maybe I should make some cookies that are relatively healthy – with little sugar and fat?

I have never done my body fat, so I have no idea. Have you measured yours?

I went to the gym this morning. Up at 6.25, got dressed (gym clothes), had a smoothie (plain yogurt, blueberries and protein powder), walked to the gym (15 minutes), was there at 7 and had a short warm up (I was already warm): 10 minutes on the bike. I did lower body on the weights, and was home again by 8.
And I added weights today – I lifted 45lbs on the squats (just the bar) the last 4 weeks, and added 10lbs today. I thought about – and wanted to - add more, but I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to lift the bar off the rack and/or from my shoulders and back on the rack. I’m doing OK with the bar on my shoulders, because my shoulders and legs are strong – my arms…. not so much… ;) – so I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get it off my shoulders and lift it back up on the rack without dropping it to the floor. (That would have been embarrassing, you see that – right?)
I suppose that’s another kind of fear I have to get over, huh? :D

My presentation today was very short; I just made some PP slides of our main findings and talked about them. It wasn’t a conference presentation like you’re doing – what are you going to talk about?

Good to hear you didn’t have a stressful day at work yesterday, and good luck on your trip tomorrow.
Your career ideas are really great! It’s so nice to start looking at things from another perspective: knowing more about what you *don’t* want to do is always a good thing: it makes for a better starting point. And like you say: there are always options!

Renee – good to have you back! And congratulations on getting started on the diet! I’m sending good vibes! :goodvibes
And the fact that you don’t have any cravings for food when you’re not working? Yeah, it pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?

Jessica – not being upset about your eating is probably a good thing, don’t you think? :lol:
Good to hear you and Mike had a nice weekend. He’s really working a lot, isn’t he?
How to get jumpstarted into your routine? Isn’t this where we all go back and look at the reasons why we started this in the first place? Reading the archives of Skinnydaily? Reading other stuff that inspired you when you got started? Does anybody else have any good ideas?
If you’re burned out Jessica, the best thing is probably to get some rest, sleep and try to get your energy back.

OK. I have some more work to do. I’m going to the gym again tomorrow morning, upper body, and I’m planning to add weights there too. Have a nice evening everybody!

Jessica and Renee - good to have you back.

Sorry about your slump Jessica. Unfortunately we all get into moods sometimes. I guess it is just a part of life. I am glad that you are not upset about how things are progressing. A good perspective is key to rebounding when you are ready. Nice to hear that you had a good weekend. It must have been nice to spend some time with Mike. Now that you are in the week again, could you pick one thing about your 'old' routine that you could focus on putting back into your schedule? Decide and then make a promise to yourself to do it no matter what. Maybe if you start getting back into the habit with one or two things the rest will just come back.

I'm going to try and find someone to help me find a new career. My therapist says that there are specialist for changing careers and they should be able to help me find something I like that would not require going back to school or at least not getting a whole new degree. Anyone have any ideas on where to find such a specialist?

Renee - congratulations on your success with the SB diet so far. Does the book give a lot of suggestions for things to eat? I'm VERY curious to hear about your progress and thoughts on this diet to see if I might want to look into it more and give it a try (once the veggies die at the farm of course). :D Keep up your momentum and continue the good work.

I think it's great Renee that you have identified some triggers for eating. Knowing the problem is half the battle. I think we could all use some stress management tips. Have you ever tried relaxation techniques (breathing or muscle relaxing exercises)? Short walks could be good too.

I think if we all had stress free lives we would be perfectly healthy. :lol:

mette - I think you are very smart to add the calories slowly. More of the same seems like a good idea so you are still eating healthy. Some sweets now and then are a plus. Do they actually 'make' cookies that are relatively healthy? :lol:

I have measured my body fat but not recently. It's not a pretty picture. If you don't want to buy a scale that does it, you may be able to find a place at school that will do it free or very cheap. Through our town community center we used to have someone come in once a quarter and charge $3 to do caliper testing for body fat. The best thing is to measure it the same way every so often and use it as a relative measure. When you have muscles it can be a lot more accurate or representative than weight. Women are supposed to have <25% bf. It's not hard to be in the 30s or even 40s though.

mette - your activity today sounds wonderful. How did you feel about getting up this morning to workout? The walk to the gym sounds like a great added bonus. You get the activity and a warm up/cool down all in one, actually saving you time. Congratulations on adding weight. I don't blame you for not adding more weight to the squat. I think it's important to hold good form and not injure yourself trying to move the weights around. The embarrassment factor you'll have to work on, but injuries are not something to take lightly. You do what you feel comfortable doing. Did you feel like you were working hard with the 10 pounds added? If not, there's always the next workout for adding a little more weight. Slow is good.

My presentation is going to be on a study about perceptions of slip distance when walking across a floor that is slippery. Basically we measured how far people actually slipped and related to the person's rating of slipperiness. FYI - people are not a good judge of how much they slip. One of these days I'll start my slides. I'm glad your presentation went well though mette.

I need to write during the day more - I find myself being less focused and rambling at night. That's my cue to go off to sleep. I'll do my best to check in as much as I can while I am away. I will be back home on Friday anyway. I'm not sure if I am looking forward to this trip or not. I know I am looking forward to not having to go into the office for 3 days. :D

Good luck tomorrow to everybody.

Ang, hope you’ll have a nice trip! Maybe it will be fun? Or isn’t it that kind of trip?

A career consultant sounds like a very good idea, Ang. I have no idea where to find one, but I know we have some at the career center at the university. There are probably a lot of consultants out there though.

As for the “almost healthy cookies” – maybe I should look for some recipes for cookies with less sugar, fat, nuts – cookies where you use honey and some whole grains or oatmeal, or something. I’ll look around. I know that I do want to eat something sweet on most days, and it doesn’t have to be refined sugar products – I’m fine with dark sugar free chocolate and no sugar on my oatmeal now – so I would probably be fine with cookies with little sugar too.

I’m back to the protein problem though: as I eat more calories, I’m having problems adding the proteins. At 1785 calories a day (which is what I eat this week), I should eat 134 grams of protein every day. That’s really a lot of protein!! I can totally understand why people are eating protein powder: without a smoothie or two a day (each about 20grams of protein, depending on whether I put yogurt into it) it would be difficult for me to get over 100 a day. The hassles of a non-meat-eater, huh?! ;)

And the body fat thing – it would be interesting to do if I came across an easy and cheap way to do it, but probably not a priority. It doesn’t sound as you had much use of it, Ang?

The morning work-out was wonderful! I did it again today, I did my usual “Wednesday upper body” today, except at 7 in the morning. And I added weights to all the exercises and lifted to failure! I have no problems lifting in the morning as long as I get to bed early enough and get enough sleep. I like the routine of starting my day with exercise, where I don’t have to worry about it later in the day.
And sometimes I think about the things I struggled with in April and May when I had started losing weight, but couldn’t get into an exercising routine. If you had told me then, that by September I would get up at 6:30 every morning of the week and lift weights 3 mornings and jog 2 mornings – I wouldn’t have believed you! No way! :D
And I do agree with you Ang: injuries are not to be taken lightly. I am very careful, and I always keep good form!

So do people think they slip more or less than they actually slip? Or does that wary from person to person – where some people have a exaggeration-bias and some a underestimation-bias?

Again Ang: hope you enjoy your trip and your 3 days out of the office!

And where are Jessica and Renee? Are you leaving me here to talk to myself for 3 days? :lol:

Woo woo! Oh man, this is exciting! Well I have just gotten through day 3 on the South Beach Diet - even after softball, I was good and had noooo beer, not nunchers, nothing. I stuck to it. Breakfast was the egg thingies. 15 almonds for a snack at 10ish. Lunch was a salad with chicken and I used blue cheese dressing, which I think is illegal, but it had the fewest sugars and carbs, and I thought that seemed a good idea. (That's the whole plan the first phase right? No carb/sugars?) Anyway. String Cheese for snack. Fish and veggies, with sliced tomatoes for dinner. I am just about totally used to diet soda now. (27 years now I have said that day would never come) I have not had a single conniption (sp?) fit at work since doing this. I haven't been hungry, or craving sweets like I usually do. Like, if I were to eat fast food, I always always want to follow it up with a sweet. Milkshake or candy or something. Hasn't been that way. Anyway.

Just for kicks I decided to sneak a peek at the scale tonight. Tonight! When you're not supposed to weigh yourself, aaaand I am down 2 lbs!! :goodscale: What's better, is that it dips me to 181, the lowest weight I have seen on the scale in like.. probably like 6 months. I am ecstatic!

So far, I haven't had too much problem finding stuff to eat on the diet. But that is because dear old sis is cooking it up. Ask me again in another like 4 days :p

That career analyst thing sounds like a good idea! Work might be getting even more crazy soon because my friend is engaged and living with her fiance, and going to be married... soon? And well anyway, the fiance has a five year old son, whose mother just up and said 'custody is yours from now on during the week' - so the coworker needs to adjust her work hours to accomodate the kid after school and we are not sure they are going to. The second they let her go or fire her, if they do, I am going to walk in and ask for a raise or a bonus or something. Or maybe, I should not ask and just use that as collateral for getting those extra two vacation days.

Anyway, feeling pretty good right now. It's amazing, I feel so less bloated lately. I know I have a long way to go, but the way I feel right now, makes me not feel so totally fat. :) Anyway, hopefully all this extra excitement and motivation will ooze out and help you ladies too! I know you guys pulled me through the last few weeks!!

Hi Renee – is it just the two of us left? Where did Jessica go – did she take a vacation from us?

Congratulations on following your plan and feeling great! It sounds really good that you’re not feeling hungry or craving sweets. And the scale going down too!!! :D
And we can never get too much excitement and motivation around here, so just keep on spreading the good news!

I’m having a good Thursday so far – nothing much to report. Had a nice jog in the morning, the eating is going well so far. I have a lot of schoolwork and writing to do, but just wanted to pop my head in and say hello!

And Jessica, you should report in too! :wave:
Have a nice day everybody! :smug:

Hi Ladies.

I snuck into the local library to check in quickly. My meeting with the lab director went well and ended early so I thought I would take advantage of that. This trip was for business so not totally fun, but since it happens to be in my hometown I am seeing family and friends which is pretty good. Unfortunately I fall into the old routine of eating whatever I want when I am away. I know I shouldn't but I don't like to travel and somehow this makes me feel a little better. I'll watch what I can and just get back on the wagon tomorrow when I get home. Also, I worked on the farm for 5 hours yesterday and felt like I had really done something - didn't have the strength or time to run after that before I left. Today I didn't have the energy or time to run before my meeting. I am going to give it a try tomorrow so I can still get in 3 days of running this week by Sunday. I have cramps too and that doesn't help anything.

Renee - I am so glad that you are feeling so much better and that the SB diet is working for you. I hear you about having someone else do the cooking though. I heard that cravings were supposed to diminish on the diet but don't think I ever really believed them. You seem to be a testament that it does work. Maybe after Labor Day I'll look into trying it.

mette - great job with your exercise as always. If you find some healthy cookies let me know. Like you I can't give up sweets but I realize sweet things come in lots of packages and I should look around for healthier choices. The protein is really a problem. Are you not eating any protein bars even with the extra calories? The one I had contained 25 grams of protein. I guess you just do the best you can. I'll keep my eye out for high protein things. How are nuts? Jave you looked at tofu?

I think body fat testing is good but at this stage not better than anything else. If you have a weigh of measuring your progress that works for you then it is just as good. The scale just doesn't always work for everyone. With your lifting it might be good for you mette if you can find a cheap way. You could go to a store (like Sharper Image or Brookstone) and use their demo scale (hold in hands) to find out bf% and then go back in 3 months. It's cheap! :)

I'll check in again tomorrow. Take care and where is Jessica?

Ang, how nice that you check in on us! Great to hear that your meeting went well too.

After 5 hours of farm work, there really is no wonder that you didn’t exercise more. Rest is important too you know! Really! There’s no point in exhausting yourself! :no:

I’ve had some help from the LWL forum on my squats, and they work much better now. It’s all about how I’m *not supposed* to lift the bar with my arms. No wonder I was worried about not being able to lift the weight.
I got a bit worried that maybe there are other things I do wrong too – so I’m going to drag along an instructor, make him watch me do the exercises and see if I do them correctly!

I stopped eating the protein bars Ang, I didn’t really find any that tasted good. The protein powder is working OK – but I can’t use it with everything. I do smoothies with protein every day (2 smoothies the days I lift weights since I drink one before I go to the gym in the morning), and I put protein powder in some of the things I eat (oatmeal/whole grain muffins, oatmeal pancake). Wouldn’t it be great if we could put it in cookies, though? We could eat sweet and tasty cookies and get proteins too!!! :D
I’ll look around for some recipes.

I have looked at tofu, but I’m still not sure what to do with it. I know you suggested marinading it in soy sauce and then stir fry it with vegetables; I think I’ll try that this weekend. Renee – do you have any suggestions for dinners or sweets from SBD – that doesn’t include meat?

And yes – where is Jessica? I’m getting a little bit worried. Hope she’s just off enjoying life.

I am back from my trip. Unfortunately it ended on a bad note. My mother is not doing well (cancer if I didn't already mention it) and I just got really down eating badly, not exercising, not being home, etc. I also got very sad seeing all my family and friends with their houses, husbands and seemingly good lives. I'm just so tired of being alone and so unhappy and I guess I need the rest of today to just have a pity party and cry a lot. I just wish I was important to somebody around here. There is no one to call to talk to and I don't want to get dressed and go out just to talk to strangers. I even lost the will to go for the bike ride that I was looking forward to yesterday. My heart is just not in it. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and I will get back on the exercise and eating wagon. I'm a tad disgusted with myself though that I am wasted this partial day off and a lot of sunshine. I should be out having a good time running or biking or something. I just can't. :(

mette - I'm glad you're getting assistance with your lifting. Getting an instructor to watch you sounds like a really good idea. Getting help online is good but to have someone see what you are doing is really best. So are you not afraid of dropping the bar now?

I am not eating the protein bars regularly either. I also haven't gone back to the store yet to get protein powder. I have noticed that even though my flax seed meal doesn't have a taste, it does affect the texture of the food. It sounds like the smoothies are working for you though. btw - you can bbq tofu or do almost anything to it that you would do chicken, including putting it in soup.

Please send some good vibes my way. Anyone have plans for tonight or this weekend? No work Monday for me. Yeah!

Well the weekend is just about here and I am going to cheat big time on the diet tonight. I feel sorta bad about it, but at the same time, I didn't want to make this thing like an occult religion. My friend is in on leave from his station in Korea, and we are all going down town tonight for a good time. I maintained the diet all day though - my old philosophy would have been to make this a total 'free day' - and so I am not going to kill myself over a few beers. Maybe I will even get the Low Carb beers to help make it not so bad. :)

The rest of the weekend I am taking it easy. Hoping that spending a ton of time at home will not be hard on my dieting trend. I printed up some recipes from here and will make some 'sweet' snacks when I get home.

Ang - Really sorry to hear how things are going for you. Cancer runs heavily in my family, and is one of the reasons I know that my days of eating whatever needs to stop. Hope things turn up better soon on that. As for the other thing you mentioned. Man, words right out of my mouth. I am 27, but my sister is 44, brother 45 and other brother 39 - whenever I go to family things, or get invited out - I feel like it's the obligatory gotta invite 'the kid' along thing. I feel out of place. I too have no idea where to meet folks for relationships. It was supposed to be at the horse farm, but only retired woman volunteer there! Hahaha.

mette- I am looking for a 'shake' I can do in the mornings that is low carb and sugar free. I grabbed some recipes here, can you give me a warning on what the protein powder is like? Do you even notice it? I hope it's subtle hehe.

Well I likely wont be around to check in until much later this weekend, so you guys be safe and be good. Eat and exercise and have a great holiday!

Renee - I hope you had lots of fun with your friend. Although you may not be strict with your diet, it does sounds like you are making better choices overall with your eating. Do they really make beer that is low in carbs? :lol: I hope you enjoy your time at home this weekend.

mette - what are you doing this weekend?

Jessica - where are you?

Ang, I’m so sorry to hear you had a bad night. I’m sending lots of good vibes your way!!! :goodvibes:
Also sorry to hear about your mother’s cancer, I hope everything works out for her and your family. Is it hard to live away from her, when she is ill?

It’s really the worst thing about traveling: falling out of your routines of eating and exercising. Having food you’re not used to, trying to eat well with bad food options, and then have the emotional stress on top of that. I hope you get into your own rhythm now that you’re home again, Ang.

Also sorry that you feel alone and unhappy – hope everything is better today. :grouphug:
And that you maybe manage to focus on some of the nice things, like the nice weather, your garden, the farm, having time off work, etc. It would make your weekend so much better, and that would be very good...

As for being afraid of dropping the bar when doing squats: the thing is that I was taught to lift the bar incorrectly – you’re not supposed to use your arms to get the bar from the rack and onto your shoulders; you’re supposed to place the bar on the rack in the right height, and then just walk in under it and lift it off the rack with your shoulders. And then back off a couple of steps and start squatting!
No hands! Only shoulders! Once I got the exercise down correctly I added 10lbs when I did squats! :D

Ang; the thing you noticed about the texture of the food, when you added the flax seed – that was what protein powder was doing to my oatmeal, dip and some of the other things I tried to put it into. I didn’t taste it, but it *felt* wrong. But in the smoothies the protein disappears! Renee, when I make smoothies with plain yogurt (low fat) and fruit/berries (blueberries, bananas, kiwi, mango, pears, raspberries, oranges – whatever I have) and add protein powder – it’s not even noticeable that it’s there. I highly recommend it. Protein smoothies are great – especially if the fruit is half-frozen and you get that thick, melting-ice-cream texture: yummy!!!! :T

Renee, hope you had a nice time out with your friends! And that you enjoyed yourself and the beers. I found that I’m OK with the planned cheats, when I know I will be eating more or eating something that’s not on my normal eating plan. When I plan for it, it feels like a part of the program, and I don’t feel guilty about it. It’s the impulsive eating, when I suddenly and out of the blue get cravings for something (chocolate, cookies, etc) I see and smell right there, and then buy it and eat it – without thinking. That’s the sort of eating off plan that sends me into binges, guilt-trips, self-hate, and miserable feelings all around.
The way you did it today, Renee, when you planned for it – is much healthier, I think. Congratulations on that!

I’ve had a good week as far as weightlifting went: I’m still a bit sore – both in my arms and legs, and it really feels great. Friday morning when I woke up I didn’t really want to get up and go to the gym; I was feeling a little down and tired. But I got up, got dressed, went to the gym, got on the bike for my 10 minutes warm up – and sat there thinking that I would rather have stayed in bed.
It got much better once I got into the weight room and started doing squats (it also helped that I did them correctly, and therefore added weights!), and the other exercises. And when I left the gym I felt high because of the exercising. The strange thing was that I was feeling both the ‘down’ and the ‘high’ at the same time. I could still feel the slow low from earlier, at the same time as I felt the new high from the exercise. Very strange. I suppose it means that emotions really are fleeting and not the best foundation to build decisions on.
It’s just that sometimes I worry that I won’t be able to separate the ‘resistance-against-new-habits-down’ from ‘I’m-really-exhausted-and-need-to-sleep-in-this-morning-down’. I’m not really good at reading my emotions, so they’re scary to build decisions on for me. It seems I always change my mind later when I do that, because the emotions change all the time.

Ah well. Plans for the weekend: not many. Mostly reading and staying in. Some errands, maybe meeting up with some people for coffee, maybe a hike. We’ll see. I want to do some yoga both today and tomorrow: it’s so good to stretch out properly.

Hope all of you have good weekends!

Hi everyone,

Sorry I have been MIA this week. I can't say I've been really busy, it's just the little things that have taken up my time or distracted me from my normal routine. That's been happening alot lately. I've been reading everyone's posts, though, so at least you know I've been here in spirit. Everytime I started to write something, I either haven't had much to say or I've gotten torn away to do something else. I've missed talking with everyone though and will post this even if I don't end up saying much!

Work has been very demanding this week, with its usual ups and downs. My meeting Thursday night went very late and the worst part about it was I looked at the agenda and figured we'd be out by 8:30 pm. Mike had to leave for work at 9:30 p.m. and was going to be out to sea for at least a day, maybe even until Sunday we thought. We ended up not getting out until almost 11, so I didn't get to see him before he left, plus we had a couple of trouble makers at the meeting making my job difficult. Anyway, that wasn't very pleasant, but luckily Friday was pretty slow so I got a lot done. Mike also got in last night, so we'll have the weekend together after all.

Mike and I are going out of town next weekend on our mini-vacation. I'm very much looking forward to it. The hotel where we are staying is also a spa, so I can get a facial or a massage, they have yoga classes, as well as public and private mineral hot springs (we even have our own on our patio). He's made dinner reservations at their restaurant which is supposed to have really good food. It sounds like a wonderful place to relax and I can't wait.

In weightloss news, even though I've been so bad with my food and not exercising, I've maintained at 181 for about three weeks now. I was afraid to weigh myself because of all the crap I've been eating, so I was really pleasantly surprised. I think even though I've been eating a lot of fast food and take-out, I'm still consuming about the same amount of calories. I'm not eating much during the day and have really only been having lunch and dinner. I know it's not good, it's not what I want to do, but it is what it is.

Ang, are things better today? I was so sad to read your post when you felt so down and alone. I know it feels terrible to be in that place, but go easy on yourself and you will make it out and feel happy again.

Mette, as always, good job with the exercising! That's the problem with trainers sometimes, that they know even less than we do (in reference to the squat form). I think a lot of gym "trainers" are people who don't have much experience and who just get "certified" by the gym and give people bad advice. I'm glad you were able to figure it out now before it became a bad habit. You're doing awsome.

Renee, I'm so happy for you that you're doing so well on the SBD! It is a real bonus that your sis is doing it with you and doesn't mind doing the cooking. Enjoy your splurge this weekend with your friends and get back on track next week.

I need to reread some of the things that inspired me in the beginning, just like Mette said. Maybe that will help me get back on track. I'll let you all know how that goes. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!! Are you all off work/school on Monday for the holiday?

Every time I think my life has driven me to madness it gets worse (or at least more confusing). That's all I have tonight, ladies. I'll try again tomorrow.

Glad you're back Jessica.

Jessica, so glad you’re back with us! :cheer:
Ang, sorry that you’re confused – no matter what happened, I hope you’re feeling better! :grouphug:

Jessica – it’s good to hear that you’ve been here (in spirit), and you know - just posting to say you won’t post but that you're OK is fine! (I was getting a bit worried – it's only a couple of weeks since your hospital admittance, you know… Very glad that you're fine! :smug: )
Also glad to hear you’ve got Mike home for the weekend, and your plans for next weekend sounds absolutely wonderful.
My eldest niece will visit me next weekend, so I’ll probably be missing in action here at 3FC too.

Congratulations on maintaining your weight - doesn’t it make you feel safer when you see that even when you’re off your eating plan – you don’t gain? And of course: not eating breakfast and lunch, and only eating fast food – yeah, you’ll have to do something about that… ;) Looking into reading that inspires you is probably smart – I know you’ve talked about skinnydaily before, that’s why I suggested that. Maybe some sites for weightlifting too? Did you read Krista’s August 2004 rant about being stressed out? Sometimes we just need to relax, you know! :p

I have increased my calories by 1.000 again this week – I will end up having eaten 12.500 calories this week, or an average of 1.785 a day. It’s starting to look (and feel) like something I could live with.
For next week I’m going for 13.500 a week or 1.930 a day – and I’ll just keep on adding calories until I start gaining – and then stop. I basically just eat more of the same sorts of food I did when I ate 1.500 calories, but with some sweets thrown in. My days vary quite a bit – this week I actually had two days where I ate over 2.000 calories a day – it’s the first time since April. :D

The weekend so far has been rather uneventful, I’ve been watching downloaded episodes of Arrested Development and also Shrek2 a couple of times! (I thought of you when Puss-in-boots appeared, Jessica!!! :lol: ) I wanted something funny!

Hope you’re having a great weekend, both of you.