Hi Everyone.

Renee - how did everything go last night? Were you able to stick with your eating plan?

Jessica - Were you able to get to the track? A combination of running and walking is the way to do, especially at the beginning. When/if you ready you can keep track of how much time you do each and slowly try to increase the running. Bottomline - if it works for you then go for it!

I am glad that work was not as stressful yesterday and you could concentrate on the things you needed to do. Do you have any vacation time coming? I really want to take some time to relax but can't while I am running my experiment. :( The summer doesn't have enough holidays. Maybe we should make our own. :D

mette - It sounds likeyou are really enjoying your vacation and that is great. You deserved to enjoy the outdoors yesterday, particularly after completing a big house project. Were you able to part with many books?

I am glad the shoes helped relieve your pain and that you had such a great run. It sounds wonderful. I went to my track workout last night but only ran about 2 miles max. There were a lot of reason why it was such a bad day for me, but one of the two main problems was that I was in a bad place mentally and when I started to run I was flooded with emotion and just had to stop. I don't think I'll get in any exercise today :( , except maybe some work at the garden. next run will be tomorrow and hopefully my head will be in the right place. My eating was ok yesterday though.

Breakfast: cereal
Snack: peanuts
Lunch: 2 slices bread (Arnold's Health Nut), 2 ounces chicken breast sliced, 2 slice lf swiss cheese, 10 mini carrots, banana
Snack: protein bar (these things really do help - I am going to have to buy more - I just wish they weren't that expensive)
Dinner: Salad (lettuce, dried cranberries, gorgonzola cheese, 2 slices turkey breast, sliced almonds, ff vinegrette dressing)
*I think that was all for dinner but my memory stinks so who knows :lol: )
Dessert (after running at friends): variety of berries with lite whipped cream and one reduced fat oreo

Tonight I am having Chinese out with bf's mother (don't ask) so I will try to make a reasonable choice because I know Chinese is not the best food when bought out - so much sodium too.


mette - I am so excited for regarding your new workout routine at the gym. Your attitude seems great. I am envious and have it written down to find out the details of joining my gym. I think talking with the instructor was a great idea. It must be nice to know you are doing things right and following a plan that was made just for you. Remember that your instructor knows more than you and that this plan will be best for you - so don't increase anything too fast. :D I can't wait to hear how the actual workout goes. I also think identifying your challenges was great. I think I would have some of the same issues but can only hope that given a little time to just get used to the situation you will not have to worry about them anymore. My guess is that as you focus on the actual workout you will not have the time to worry about others in the room. Let us know how it goes.

Wow - I have procrastinated way too much and have to get some work done. I don't like not being accountable to anyone at work. My bad moods have made me waste too much time at work and things are suffering. I can't seem to help it though and force myself to get working more - focus is a little problem right now. Hopefully things will get better very soon or I am going to be in real trouble.

I hope everyone is enjoying hump day. Bye for now. Jessica - you snuck in before me - I think we were typing at the same time. :lol:

Ang

Morning ladies!

Man, what a bad week this has been for me, and I was so excited and motivated on Sat. after seeing some weight loss. *sigh*

Yesterdays meal plan was flushed down the drain by noon. I had Culvers for lunch (hot dog and cheese curds) - then I had Ramen noodles and potato chips for dinner. Blah. I am starting to get sick again, head cold like symptoms, but I am sure it is coming from the exhaustion that my work stress is causing me. I am so frustrated, and it's going to be like this all month! My Sales Rep. is out this week, then my co-account helper is out next week. Then my Sales Rep is out for the rest of the month. My head is so full of stress at night that I can't even sleep.

Mette- With the gung ho, I do the same thing. I feel good about it for like, a few hours, then the pain comes in. I tried this Bootcamp class once.. (Because the guy at the gym singled me out and asked me to join and played upon my poor low self esteem and made me feel all special! Haha) I was sore, literally, for four days and unable to lift my arms or move in any fashion of grace. Work into it slow and savor that you are still working!!


Shyangel- The shoe problem is that I was getting a lot of pain in my heels. I can't just wear everyday cheap shoes because I get sore feet. I really should have my whole foot looked at by a podiatrist, but HMO insurances are just a pain to manuever around with. So I had bought them -for- every day shoes, to help decrease my heel pain, and they have! Yaya. I suppose if I want to wear them every day and run in them, it will just mean buying replacements more often. I guess that will work. Or have to work anyway.

Tonight is a double header for softball, it's our last week. I am so tired though and just want to go bury my head in a hole until Sept. With the stress from work, I have fallen hard off the motivation wagon, and don't really care if I get dragged from behind it. I had Burritoes for breakfast again, but now I feel really sick and don't want to eat anything else at all today. >.< I want this month to be over!!

Jessica - since we all focus on the negative at times, it may seem like you are not following through but I think you have done a lot of things. try to acknowledge the accomplishments. Going grocery shopping is important also, especially when it affects how you eat, which is so important. I know that when I don't have anything in the house I eat even worse than usual. I hope you have a chance to exercise tonight but go easy on yourself; today is another day and tomorrow is past so you can't do anything about it.

Renee - what's happening that is causing the problems this week? Is it just work stress (not meaning to belittle the significance of work stress btw)? Have you been able to exercise at all? I'm sorry you are so tired but glad you have softball tonight. Sometimes doing something activity that is fun is just what you need to actually get more energized. ALso, some light exercise (even walking) might help you relax and take your mind off work. Do the best you can with eating, but if you are just too stressed don't add more stress by feeling bad about what you are eating. Just do the best you can. Maybe try to make a tiny (very tiny) goal for yourself each day (e.g. walk 10 minutes or make one healthy food choice) so you can accomplish something and feel positive. This might help with the motivation. Hang in there. We are all here for you.

Now that I have all the info I realize why you are wearing your shoes all the time. I guess for now quicker replacements may be the only way to go. You still may be able to use the shoes longer during the day but not for running as they start to wear out. You'll just have to wait and see when that happens. At least the new ones are helping with your pain (yea!) AND you are all set to start running.

I'm off to lunch - sandwich, banana, carrots - I'm actually looking forward to it. Maybe that's because I forgot to eat my peanuts and now I am really hungry. Oops.

Ang

I was thinking about you guys when I walked home from the gym today: about how motivating it is to have you guys to talk to, report to, get feedback and support from, somebody to cheer for and be cheered on by! This place is the framework of keeping me motivated. No doubt about that. Thanks guys! :goodvibes

Jessica – I know! About the food store and buying healthy food! I did that too! :D
I’m glad we’re both over that phase!
I think you should go in to the proper weightroom where the really good equipment is too! Because you know the only way we’re ever going to get through our fear and embarrassment, right? The only way lifting weights in that room is ever going to feel good is by lifting weights in that room! Nothing else will do it. Heh.

Thank you for your comments, you do help a lot – you all do – all the time. I’m sure once I’ve been at the gym a couple of times, know how to use the equipment (don’t do stupid mistakes and make everybody laugh at me!), it'll be better.
I think all 3 of you are correct – and that the way to slow down myself is what Jessica said: follow the plan precisely and accurately for the next 4 weeks.
Ang – I think talking to an instructor at the gym was the smartest thing I could do too. I think it increases my chances of staying with the program immensely if I start slow.
Heh. And the part about me going to love watching my muscles flex in the mirrors? Yeah. Well, Jessica, I’m just going to take your word for it! ;)

And Jessica – hope you get done some exercise today. But even if you don’t: it’s still not the end of the world. Even if you say that you’ll do something and then don’t – it’s still helping because you’re making plans. When you keep thinking up possible ways you can exercise, keep thinking up alternatives and variations – it will make it easier for you to make good choices in your hectic life. Because there are options, and on some days you’ll choose them. And I think you chose right when you chose to spend some quality time with Mike!

Ang – sorry you had a bad day yesterday. Sometimes the running will get you through bad emotions, burn them up – but I have also experienced what you’re talking about: that the emotions flood you and you can’t run. Again: working in the garden counts as exercise!
And how great that your eating was good even with a really bad emotional day!

You’re having dinner with your BF’s mother? (Oh. You didn’t really think we wouldn’t ask about that, did you? ;) )Wow?
I get this flash of one of the episodes of Sex in the City where Samantha gets together with a man, and the relationship with the guy isn’t all that – but she has a great relationship with his mother! And delay breaking up with him because she likes his mother and gets along great with her. :D

Renee – another one with a really stressful job! I’m sorry it’s messing with your motivation, but it really is true: when you’re tired and stressed out, there is no fun to be had anywhere. What are you doing as a basic food plan? Are you following a specific program or your own?
I’m on a 1500 calories plan, I started out just counting calories and trying to eat enough vegetables – but along the way I have been looking more and more at getting more proteins too. I don’t eat meat, so originally I ate very little protein – but I’m trying to increase it, so that I can get stronger and leaner as I continue to lift weights! ;)

And I had my first day at the gym today. Lower body today.

And, yes Jessica, the instructor had specific reasons for starting slow and not increasing weights for the first 4 weeks – just the reasons you mention: get the form right, learn the exercises properly, learn the equipment, and get my body used to working out this way.

I did squats (8x3, 45lbs (just the bar)), leg press (12x3, 90lbs), and leg curls (10x3, 65lbs). I also did shoulders.
I’m bubbling with excitement – because I actually did *squats*! You know, that’s like real weightlifting! (Oh.God.I’m such a dork.)(heh). I did get a kick out of it! And I think that’s something else about the gung-ho attitude and burnout speed – I get really, really excited at first and want to do it *all the time*. I think that’s part of it too.

So steadying myself. But still. I did squats with a really heavy bar! So yes. I had a really good day. :smug:

Jessica – enjoy your evening no matter what you do. Ang – enjoy your dinner! Renee – enjoy your softball and hope you get some rest and sleep too.
Talk to you guys later.

Hey all. Ugh, what a week. I'll try to be brief in explanation on the work issues. I handle the top salesmans accounts. This salesman is also owner and president of the company, and accounts for about 70% of the company's income. He is on vacation this week. He left a sizable amount of large, high profile accounts open ended with projects he started, but never finished, - and he never even warned me about them. I've had to start from scratch with customers who are impatient and intolerant of the fact the salesman didn't give me the info. To top it off, he (slmn) just isn't very good at this whole communication/organization stuff. He left me no paperwork to find on this stuff. So... he is gone for a week. Next week, he is back, but the woman who does the other half of his accounts (who is just as bad as far as filing things and being organized) goes out of town for a week. She returns, and then the salesman leaves for another 1.5 weeks. I don't know how I will make it!

Yesterday, I didn't do to bad actually, er scratch that. It was the last week of the softball season - so we had more than a few beers. Besides that I had, burritoes for breakfast, and subway for lunch. Forgot dinner! Oops.

Grr, work is being too busy for me to get through this quick post. I have no appetite for lunch today, bleh, so am going to go check out a new cellphone and then maybe eat a sandwich later. I woke up a bit early today, and think I might be able to fit in a 20 minute walk in the mornings if I really tried.

Check in more later.

Good afternoon.

mette - I am so glad that we can be helpful for you. I know that I too am so happy to have found you ladies. Except for the fact that I fail at our mission and goals all the time and feel badly about it, I really appreciate all of the support. We can understand each other.

Your workout seems great mette! You are indeed a real weightlifter. Bottle your enthusiasm and save some for later. Maybe write down (here if you want) all your thoughts and feelings about it now so later you can look back and be reminded about how good you felt at the beginning. Maybe take pictures of you now so later you can see the changes in your muscular definition. I guess it depends on what types of things motivate you. I think it's just super that you made the initial appointment and have followed through with this. :bravo:

My dinner with bf's mother was just because I see her sometimes when I go to the farm (their house is right near by and sometimes I need to use the bathroom) and she asked if I wanted to stop by for dinner while watering last night. Not really a big deal. His parents seem to like me and I am glad, but his mother and I aren't best friends or anything. I'll take a home cooked meal over my crap anyday and a little company and socializing isn't bad either.

I didn't think my stress level could get worse but it has been every day and I am at my wits end. I am sure you all are getting tired of hearing me complain so I appreciate you letting me babble because it helps. I now break out into tears a few times a day for almost no reason. It is not good to have all these emotions built up with no outlet (emotions about bf and other parts of my life too). I think I am just so frustrated that I don't even want to put effort into anything - including exercise, food, bf, house.

Renee - I am sorry that work has been so tough for you. I know how stress can affect your entire life. Is there any point trying to talk to the salesman and trying to implement some better organizational tools and practices? Try to take care of yourself and don't let any of these clients push you around. They are not more important than you are and they should respect you - of course that means that you must respect yourself first and demand the respect from them.

Subway isn't necessarily bad for you. Did you have a sub? What type? Skipping dinner and than drinking berr might not have been the wisest choice but did you enjoy the softball at least? What position do you play? I played for a number of years too.

Walking before work sounds like a good idea. If you're not hungry for lunch can you walk outside at lunch? Getting out of the office and walking might help ease the stress of work a little. Good luck with the rest of the day. Try to do something today for you, even if it is only a little thing.

Jessica - I hope you are off having a wonderful time. It seems a little slow/busy for all of us so not too many posts.

Take care - I'm off to try and convince myself to blow off farm and go to my 3miles run tonight with my club. I just wish I knew if anyone was showing up. It stinks to drive out there (a different town) and then have to run alone.

Ang

Renee – I’m sorry your job is so stressful too. Will it be better next week when your boss comes back to work? Even if the other woman is off, at least he will be there and help you figure things out right? Ang has some good ideas – both that you look into possible ways of getting your job more organized and also to find ways of taking care of yourself.

And yes – Jessica, what are you up to?

Ang – Good idea to bottle my enthusiasm actually – I need to remember this for later. And I actually did take pictures of myself in my underwear yesterday. I’ve never bothered with “before-pictures” before, but Krista (heh) also said I should do it. And now you too! It must be the right thing to do then! ;)
It’s good that the BF’s family likes you. Have you seen him at all this week? How did you two manage to get together? You seem to be on complete opposite schedules!

You are not complaining Ang! You’re in a really bad place right now: you’re stressed out and in emotional turmoil - and of course you should tell us about it. As often as you want to.
I’m sorry that you’re feeling so bad Ang. I hope you feel better soon.

If I should come up with something to say to you, it would be that you remember to also focus on the good things in your life: how far you’ve actually come, what you’ve achieved.
I know your job isn’t optimal or maybe the job you want to stay with for a very long time, but it still will look good on your CV for when you’ll look for your next job. And you’re finding out a lot of what you’re not looking for in a job – things you didn’t know about before you started in this job.
The BF – we all understand how exhausting that must be for you – and the emotions you are feeling are not good and positive at all. And it makes it even worse that he’s never there so you can talk with him! Do you have any idea when you’ll see him and spend time with him again?

Did you go out to run? I went jogging this morning in the rain, it was actually quite nice – but my legs were a bit stiff so I didn’t do as well as I’ve done before. Ah well. Have nice Thursdays everybody.

Hi guys,

Sorry I haven't posted today. I slept until 7 this morning so I didn't get my usual leasurly wake up time with my 3FC friends. I'm sorry you all are having a rough time right now. Must be something in the air. This has been such a stressful work week for me, and I'm really trying to not get down on myself about my goals for the week not being met. I woke up at a quarter to 4 this morning, and had trouble falling back to sleep until about when I normally get up. Figures, huh? I was feeling on the axious side for some reason, but I woke up feeling ok. I made a healthy salad for dinner last night, and did some shopping at the local drug store for "girly things" such as make up and a new hair dryer. Everyone has complimented me today because I spent some time on my appearance this morning and they noticed. I at least feel good about that. I have my Planning Commission meeting tonight, so I know I won't have any time to exercise, and at this point, I'm going to be happy if I go Friday after work and Saturday. That's 3 days, which is more than I've been doing, so, I'll focus on the positive.

Renee- I know all about being pulled in 3 different directions and being left out of the loop. You're not alone!

Ang- I've also been where you are right now. The crying for no reason can feel so frustrating, but your emotions need to be honored and delt with somehow. Definitely time for some positive changes in your life. Please post whenever you want about your troubles. That's what we're here for.

Mette- So glad you got out for your run. You are fabulous!

My lunch hour seems to go by faster every day, time to head back. I'll try to sneak a post in tonight when I get home.

Heya... well, today turned out not quite as bad as most of this week as far as work goes. Thanks for the encouragement guys. The owner is a bit dimwitted and well, there is no hope of teaching that old dog new tricks. He doesn't even know how to use his cell phone or email!

My eating was... well, geez, I have done so poorly this whole week. Burritos. Again (sigh) chinese for lunch. Dinner was left over steak, chips, fruit snacks and hershey kisses. I was so bored and lonely and tired, that I just kept grazing. Now I feel bad.

Ang - I hear ya too on the bottling up. I tend to do the same. I've always tried to be 'the strong one' and I end up pushing my feelings down and aside and back, then they start piling up and I turn into a wreck. Sometimes a good cry is well, good for you. Just make sure you got a big stuffed animal handy.

Mette- Dang, you are like .. making this sound so easy! :) I was all set last night to do some running to day, and I woke up sore from softball. My legs were bugging me, like, on the inside of the calf? Not the calf, and not the shin, but more towards the inside. Screwy, but I am hoping tomorrow will work. I was thinking about, for my first day at it, just not bothering with timing things or anything. Just saying 'Hey, Renee, go around the block, run when you can, walk the rest, and then pat yourself on the back for getting from point a to .. point a. :)

Jessica - you and me, heh tomorrow! We both come back and post at night talking about the exercise we did pull off! Deal? :D

So, I bought a new cell phone, yaaay finally not carrying around a big clunker. Anyway, I went to download ring tones and found out that nowadays you have to have the whole wireless blah blah. It's only $4 a month so I did it. No big deal. Just gotta get used to the flip phone style and all.

So, my alarm is still set for early-ish. I think I will leave it there and give this morning run an honest effort. Provided my legs are better. If not, then I will do some skating at lunch. And for the love of pete Renee, drive PAST the McDonalds! The drive thru cashier is so used to me now, that she asked me for the time as I went through! They probably set up wages, 'when is that girl in the silver car gonna be here?' Hahaha.

Also of note, man, I woke up with a reaaaally sore front tooth. I wasn't expecting those teeth to hurt anymore through out my treatment because they are pretty much where they need to be. It's so strange how they just out of nowhere start hurting, even weeks after your last adjustment. Ah well. Progress. :)

See you ladies in the morning!

I just wanted to post very quickly to say good night to all and again, I am so glad you all are here. As I read the posts before I tried to sleep I think that isn't it good that at least 1 of us is usually doing well so when our lives aren't great we can commisserate (sp?) but also have someone to look to for inspiration.

I did not run tonight (my whole club bailed on our pub run so I did not bother either) and went to the farm for almost 2 hours. BF was there and I really had a good time with the veggies - more tomorrow on all of this. In general I am just glad I got through today - that was my only goal and I made it. Tomorrow is a new day with new hope.

Renee - pass by the McDonalds. Make it a goal for tomorrow and let us know. Do it for yourself. I know you can.

Happy Friday - the weekend is almost here and I have lots of plans. What is everyone else doing?

Ang

Hello from the land of the overworked and underpaid...!

I just got home from my meeting. Was a nice 15-hour day on top of an already stressful work-week. And I wonder why I feel like I don't have time to exercise? Sheesh. Anyway, tomorrow is Friday which means it should be a light work day. I can't wait until 5 p.m. Woohoo.

Mike probably won't be home until Saturday. He (well, his crew and his boat) are supposed to be on local L.A. news tomorrow evening for the work he's out of town doing. They are helping to train the L.A. SWAT team in "homeland security" and the Mayor of Los Angeles as well as the Chief of Police are supposed to be there, so that's pretty cool.

I feel like I hardly ate today, and although my choices weren't terrible, I see how not eating enough can sort of throw my next meal or two out of whack.

No breakfast
Snack (at about 11 a.m.) small serving of bean dip with a few tortilla chips
Lunch (about 2 p.m.) hommade turkey melt on sourdough bread
Dinner (6:15 p.m.) Steak and blue cheese salad w/ vinegrette dressing from Quizno's Subs.

I think I ate even less than I realized. Like I said, it has been a **** of a week. Anyway, I'm finally starting to wear down. It's hard unwinding after such a long day. I'll talk with you all tomorrow.

Everybody is working to hard and being stressed out because of their jobs recently! I’m sorry you’re all having such *sucky* times at work.

Yey for Jessica who dressed girly and got complements at work! :D

Yey for Renee who had a fairly good day and bought a new cell phone! :D

Yey for Ang who had a good time with the veggies! :D

Jessica, you really did eat very little, but you know you'll improve your eating when your days are getting better at work and you’re not stressed out all the time. Whatever happened to slow and easy workdays in the summertime?

I’m really enjoying my days off – and haven’t gotten much done actually. The weather has been so nice, and it’s been great to be outdoors. It’s not as if the cleaning, organizing and filing is going anywhere! It’ll still be there when it starts to rain again.

Wish you all happy workdays on Friday. Ang, what are your exciting plans for the weekend?

Well poop. I panicked this morning as I drove past the last remaining places to get food. I have none at work. It was McDonalds (again) or Dunkin Donuts. I figured that at least McDonalds was lower in carbs.

I have a friend that calls me the undisputed Queen of Rationalizations. There is nothing I cannot rationalize my way into or out of. I wish I could apply that to something healthy, instead of always using it to convince myself something unhealthy was actually ok.

Determined to not let this undermind my efforts for the day, I -WILL- be going out at lunch to either run, or skate. This despite my calves still really hurting. The weather is beautiful, I am going to make use of it.

Tomorrow is horse farm work, and Sunday I am going to go on another bike ride. This time though, I will get a water bottle for my bike!

Good morning!

Well, as a result of my late night and long week I slept in this morning and called work to tell them I'll be in at 10. I feel bad about not being there, but the sleep sure felt good!

Mette: I'm sorry all of us are having such stress at work and elswhere; I hope we're not bringing you down! I think I am going to take a few days off toward the end of this month, just to have some down time and relax around the house. Enjoy your beautiful weather and worry about the organizing later!

Renee: I think we can all understand the rationalization that goes on in our minds when we're behaving in ways we know aren't good for us. I used to do it all the time, but I'm getting better at calling a spade a spade. Honesty with yourself is really important and when you are able to do that, you may be better equipped to develop new habits and behaviors that work in your favor.

Ang: What are your plans for the weekend? I hope you have a really good one and are able to take some quality time for yourself.

Anyway, I guess I better get moving. It will at least be a short work day today!

Talk to you all later.

Hi Everyone.

Wow - it's already Saturday. I actually cooked dinner tonight (stuffed chicken breast, salad, and rice) for a friend and then we went out to see a movie. It was kind of nice to cook. I'm slowly getting there and trying to adapt my eating to something I can live with. I realized that I was not allowing myself to eat enough carbs so I was feeling deprived and binging on them at times. I think controlled moderation would be better. After dinner I took her to the farm. It was so nice to be able to share that with someone. It is amazing how much joy I get out of those little veggies. :D BF and I put out a bunch of stuff yesterday and almost all of it sold in one day! Hopefully there will be more for me to pick tomorrow.

Tomorrow, after errands and shopping, I am going out in the city with some friends. I hope to have a good time, although I'm not thrilled about the prospect of dressing up. Sunday I am going with same friend to the beach if the weather holds up. Again, not thrilled about wearing a bathing suit for the first time in 2 years but looking forward to the sun and some relaxation.

What is everyone else doing?

mette - I'm so glad you are enjoying your vacation. I agree that the filing can wait. That is my philosophy right now with stuff around the house. I would rather be outside now and wait until the weather gets bad to do stuff inside the house. It's not going anywhere. Enjoy!

Jessica - I'm so sorry that work has been so stressful. I am glad for you that it is over. I also took the morning off from work at the last minute. Sometimes we just need some time for ourselves to rejuvinate a little. Don't feel guilty. You work hard and I'm sure you don't owe your job anything. Did you enjoy your short day?

mette - you do make it all seem so easy. ;) Did you go to the gym today?

renee - did you go out at lunch? Definitely remember the water bottle on your bike ride. I don't think I have been drinking enough water and it sure isn't good for you to dehydrate. Speaking of which, I think I'll go drink some water now. Can you get to the store this weekend and buy something to eat at home for breakfast so you don't go to McD? I've been really happy with my cereal and fruit. I get up and don't even have to think about breakfast - I just throw it together, sit and watch a couple of minutes of t.v. in my new rocker and eat my cereal. I bet you could find something you like that is easy and fast that you could have at home. Just think how good you'd feel starting your day off on a good note.

I did see BF last night for a little. Although we did have 'the talk', he did and said enough things to allow me to wait a few more days until our schedules allow us to have an evening together to really sit down and chat. It does stink to have opposite work schedules. He isn't home 5 out of 7 evenings. Even though I only saw him for just over an hour last night, it was a good time on the farm. He asked all the right questions and said some really nice things without being prompted. I still haven't given up on him yet.

Have any of you felt like this - no matter how heavy I am I always think that I am the heaviest person in the world. I'm afraid I'm going to break things, not fit places others go (e.g. rollercoaster seats), etc. Even though I lost some weight last year I still feel really big. The other day at my track workout we had to squeeze through a hole in the fence. Everyone was doing it but I was scared that I wouldn't fit. I was SURE I wouldn't fit. I gave it a shot and fit without even hitting the sides. It just hit me how bad and possibly incorrect my self image is. How do you get honest with yourself? Jessica - you mentioned calling a spade a spade but how do you start to do that? Sometimes it scares me that even if I lose 30 pounds I will still think of myself as fat. I believe that if I thought better (and more honestly) of myself I would improve my attitude and in the long run lose more weight and be happier.

Ang

Hi girls,

Where was everyone today? I hope it was a good Friday all around. :) My day was busy, of course. I ended up not getting out of the office for lunch, but had a cup of soup at my desk. I was so tired when I got home tonight. I hate to sound so needy, but I can't wait for Mike to get home. Thinking about it, this is the longest we've gone without seeing each other, and I guess the rest of August is going to be about the same. He'll be home early Saturday morning and I'm SO looking forward to having him back.

Ang, sounds like you have a really nice weekend planned! The beach, a night on the town... how fun! Do your best to not let your insecurities get in the way of having a good time. I know you will enjoy yourself. :D

I know how you feel about the distorted body image. When I was at what my goal weight is, I DID still think I had weight to lose and didn't fully appreciate what I'd achieved. I think that contributed to regaining the weight; so we all need to really work on how we see ourselves as we go through this process. :chin:

When I mentioned being honest with ourselves, I guess I was referring more to habits and behaviors than perceptions. In your mind, when you think of yourself as fat, that is being honest with yourself because that's your perception. You're not telling yourself you're fat to achieve an end. That's how you feel. But when you know you should be eating a piece of fruit for dessert and you opt for the slice of chocolate cake and you make excuses for why you did it, you know you are rationalizing. Just say "I ate the chocolate cake because I wanted it and it tastes great!" It's by cultivating that kind of honesty that I think we can achieve doing the right thing most of the time. It's the rationalizing that makes us feel guilty about our behavior and eventually sabotages our efforts. Does that make any sense? :?: When people at work offer me doughnuts and I'm able to say no, I am able to say, "no, if I have one I know I'll have three." That's being honest with myself, instead of "Well, I'll just have one with my coffee because I didn't bring my oatmeal," and then have three. Or if I have one, I think, I really want a doughnut so I'm going to have one. Not because I'm weak, but because doughnuts taste good. I am trying to have this same inner dialogue about my exercise, now, and that's why I get frustrated with myself about not going to the gym. I don't want to rationalize that one. I really enjoy it, yet time and time again, I feel like I let myself get distracted by other things and I put it lower on the priority list. I'll get there, though, where I understand my motivation and my short-comings when it comes to working out.

Again, I think the self-image thing is really important to try to get in perspective before we reach our goals, and I'm not sure the best way to achieve the proper perception. Maybe mette can help us out on this one?

My plans for the weekend are pretty much the same as last weekend, I guess. Visit my folks, spend time with Mike, visit with my grandparents, get my house in order for next week, try to exercise... I hate to even think about it, but I should probably spend some time at the office finishing some things I started today. We'll see.

And, last but not least, I lost another 2 lbs this week! I'm now back at the weight I was at when I started my last weight loss attempt. Feels good to know I've been able to break even. Now the real adventure begins! Whew! :goodscale

Talk to you all in the morning!

SW: 202
CW: 183
GW: 148

Hi guys –
I’m sorry. Monster-entry ahead. You’re warned. ;)

Jessica – congratulations on losing another 2 pounds!!! Great work! :high:

Renee – how did your lunch go? You probably shouldn’t overdo it if your calves are still sore. But in moderation – running and skating is great exercise. Do you find that it’s easier to eat better when you’ve been exercising? Or is it the other way around for you – easier to exercise when you’re eating better?

Ang – it’s great to hear that you’re enjoying cooking, and figuring out how it is best for you to eat. You’ve been feeling low a couple of days so it’s also great to hear that you’re doing better – and enjoying yourself – also at the farm and with the BF. Very good to hear Ang! :D

I’m not very fond of dressing up either. I often end up avoiding doing things where I have to do that, it’s not very good. But I hope you soldier through, dress up and go out, and have a fabulous time!
The beach sounds wonderful – I find that I’m self-conscious for a bit at first, but eventually I just give in to how good everything feels: the sun, the water, the breeze, being with friends. Hope you enjoy it Ang.

Ang – about feeling huge and thinking you’re the heaviest person ever, I think that’s quite normal. Have you seen the program “What not to wear”, where they go through the selected women’s wardrobes, tell them what not to wear, and send them out to shop for new clothes? Again and again the women are being pushed into wearing sizes that fit and are *shocked* that they actually should wear one or two sizes smaller then they thought.

And when you lose weight – like you did last year – I’ve found that it really does take forever for the image in my head to reach up with my actual size. Researchers actually have a name for it: it’s the phantom-fat phenomenon they find in previously over-weight women.
It will get better as you make experiences with your size and how big/small you are. Just like you did with the hole in the fence. When you lose 30lbs it will probably take some time before you start thinking of yourself as thin, and in one article I read the researchers found that previously overweight women continued to pay more attention to what they ate, what they weighed than normal women who hadn’t been overweight. But as long as it’s not extreme or excessive – I think that keeping vigil, so to speak, is necessary if one is to maintain a weightloss. Which we all know is the hard part.

Jessica – at least you survived your week and Mike’s coming home. Good for you, hope you two enjoy your weekend together. I also think you’re completely right about habits and behaviors; sometimes it’s not even possible to work through all the emotions, motivations and thoughts before you do something – because then you’ll never actually get around to doing the things you’re supposed to be doing if you want to ‘finish’ the emotions first.
But I’m not talking about you and going to the gym here Jessica, because – you know what? – the number one requirement to do that is having days where you have time and excess energy. If you’re tired, stressed-out, exhausted, then you’re not going to be able to go to the gym, exercise and spend even more energy. Energy you don’t have. And you need to stop beating yourself up about it too.

As for self-image, I think that I finally have gotten to the place where I select my battles. I’m slowly moving out of the all-or-nothing, black-or-white thinking when it comes to self-image, self-esteem, body-image, self-efficacy – whatever we call it.
There are a lot of stuff I avoid, there are a lot of stuff I sort of pretend isn’t there – I just choose to not deal with everything right now.
So, selecting my battles – I’ve chosen to focus on my eating and on exercising. I’m not sure whether it’s a very smart approach or a very stupid one. ;)

And it does look easy, doesn’t it? Somehow it is sort of easy too. It ties back to what Jessica was talking about – habits and behaviors. I’ve gotten into a flow of things where eating well and exercising isn’t hard work. But I don’t have your stressed out days. I don’t feel exhausted and emotionally drained from other stuff going on in my life right now.
And – no matter what - I still have to make the right choices every day, try to eat right and get the exercising done. I’m trying to go for 30%protein, 30%fat and 40%carbs – so I have been upping my protein the last week. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so much protein before in my life. And I’m having some difficulties getting enough too (it’s not as if I’m being a **** about it – yet).
Jessica, are there any sweets that are high in protein and relatively low in calories? I get sweet-cravings in the evenings, and eat stuff like fruit, berries, sugar free dark chocolate, and crackers with cottage cheese and jelly. But that’s mostly carbs.
I do eat protein bars though – that’s the only sweet protein snack I’ve found so far. Is it really excessive if I end up eating two a day do you think?

And yes. I went to the gym and did upper body, and have the sore arms (my biceps are sore!) to prove it. Yey! I did bench press with dumbbells (2x22lbs dumbbells), one arm dumbbell row (30lbs), bicep curls (22lbs), triceps extensions (25lbs). I did 8 rep and 3 series. It was hard, I had to take a break here and there, but all in all it was OK.
Then – the last exercise – was lower back extensions on an extension bench. Ang, you know about that fear of being so heavy that you’re breaking things? I have this fear of tipping the bench over. Heh. I haven’t yet, but I’ll let you know if it ever comes to that! :D
But the back exercise? OMG! I was supposed to do 8 reps and 3 series, but for the last 2 series I couldn’t do more than 6 and 5. My back was completely seizing up! No wonder my back hurts when I do stuff: I have no strength there. Ah well.

But yes. I’ve done my first week at the gym. Yey.
Have great weekends everybody!

Good morning!

Yes, I think it's definitely time for a vacation. I've been sleeping in longer and longer each weekend, and I think it's because I'm so burned out and exhausted. So I got up at 10:30 this morning! Mike got in about 6:30 a.m., so part of it was relaxation because he made it home safe and it was nice having him next to me.

Mette: Thank you for your post! When you were talking about the "phantom fat" it made me think about what happens when people get a limb amputated. Even though there is no leg there, the person can still "feel" a leg, wiggle their toes, have pain in their knee, etc. My grandpa had his leg amputated a couple of years ago and has had that experience. Just goes to show how powerful our minds are, and how attached we become to our bodies. By the way, "What not to Wear" is one of my guilty viewing pleasures! And you're right, women in particular always seem to wear clothes that are way to big and really do get shocked when smaller clothes fit and look good. I really like watching those makeover shows and seeing the potential that people have come to life.

I think your approach is a REALLY good one. Eating and exercising. Not getting bogged down in everything all at once, just focusing on the "mechanics" of living a healthier life. It really is like the Nike slogan. That's exactly what I did when I lost weight before. I didn't really "know what I was doing" I just followed the program my friend outlined for me, had faith that it would work, didn't veer off of it, and I accomplished exactly what I wanted to. I think it was when I tried to second-guess what I was doing, do more than what I needed to do, that I got off track. Sometimes we just need to not over-think things.

Thank you for the encouraging words about my exercise. You guys are always so right-on. I'm still doing great even without the exercise, so it will happen when it can and I'll try not to stress about it. And your routine sounds great! You're lifting a lot of weight to start- I can see where your trainer would want you to stick with that for a while. You did really great though! And keep working on those back exercises; that will help you have a stronger stomach and be stronger overall.

Alright guys, I should try to get moving. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Hi everyone,

Ok, I changed my signature. Yeah, I know, I've lost 19 pounds, but I really wanted one of those chickies! ha ha... Close enough to 20 anyway. With as crummy as I've felt lately, I needed to give myself a pat on the back. :)

Hope everyone's having an awsome weekend. :cool: Mike and I hung out at home, and I got some stuff done for work... stuff that I've been putting off for a month. It felt good to get it done so it's not hanging over my head. Other than that, a nice, peaceful weekend so far. What's everyone else up to?

Hi Jessica –
Great chicken! :D It’s quite amazing that you’ve lost 20lbs – that *is* a lot of weight off! I totally agree: close enough to 20 – and you deserve the pat on the back. :cheer:
Good to hear you’re having a nice weekend too.

I’ll write more later, I’m just on my way out. The weather is nice, and I want to be outdoors today. The plan is to go hiking.
I have to start getting things together tomorrow – I think I start up with practice in the university clinic on Wednesday – but I’m not sure. (Have to check that – another thing to go on my to-do-list).

Wish you a completely stress-free weekend Jessica! Talk to you later.

Congratulations Jessica - awesome job losing 19 pounds!

I just wanted to let you know I was around but I am also heading out the door to try and get something productive done today. Ran yesterday for 45 minutes but no exercise today. I have to go grocery shopping and get some other things done so I don't think I have time to bike. I can't enjoy exercise when I am rushed and anxious.

I did want to tell you that I went out last night and BF called while I was out. He invited me to his house when I got home - so of course I went. I got home today at about 1:30pm (no beach) and it was a nice surprise to be able to spend some time with him - granted we were sleeping through some of it but it was still nice to be with him. I'm not saying things were perfect or I am completely at ease with the situation (far from it), but he told me he loved me last night and that he just hasn't been telling me because he was feeling pressured. I don't know from where but that will be for the next talk (not at 2am). I told him I was afraid of the future and he assured me that the relationship has a future, at least a tomorrow because life holds no guarantees. I just wanted to share.

Jessica - I am glad you are having a peaceful weekend and I hope it continues. mette - I hope you enjoy being outside. Did you go for your hike?

I'll write more later hopefully regarding your past posts. I'm just having a hard time focusing right now.

Ang

Hi everybody. No weight-loss for me this week, but at least I’m up in calories. The last two weeks I’ve been averaging close to 1500 again. I think I’ve been more hungry the last week, which is a bit weird because it’s been really hot – and normally I don’t want to eat as much when I’m warm. But this week I’ve wanted to eat constantly. It could have something to do with increasing my exercise, and specifically the weightlifting. What do you guys think? Increase the protein?
Last week I averaged on 97 grams of protein a day (which is very good – I went back and looked at my first weeks in May and I ate about 76-79 grams a day). I’m still not up to 30%protein – that would be 113 grams a day. So maybe I should just continue to increase, huh? Adding a fruit/protein powder shake at night would probably be enough. (Oh no! Now I have to go into some body builder store, be stupid and ask embarrassing questions! Great! Just great!) Heh.

Ang – how superb that you ran for 45 minutes on Saturday! I’m so impressed by you! How long have you been running? Is it something you’ve always done?
It’s also good to hear that you had a nice time with the BF. And how sweet that he told you he loves you! :love:
It’s great to hear, and maybe you feel a bit more relaxed about him too?

And yes, I did go for a hike – I went early in the morning, before the weather got too hot. It was nice, but still a bit too hot though. It was wonderful to come home, take off all my clothes, sit on the sofa and drink cold drinks! :lol:

Good morning Ladies

Hmmm...this week is starting just like the rest. It is noon already and I have barely gotten any work done. In some ways I like that the time flies by, but hopefully this afternoon I will actually be able to concentrate on the article I need to edit. Have I ever mentioned that I hate writing, but my job depends on it. :devil:

Jessica - I hope work is less stressful for you this week. I think taking a vacation is a great idea. Hopefully you will be able to rejuvenate yourself and just enjoy some time for yourself. I was going to wait until October to take a vacation but am thinking that I am going to plan a day off this month and fill it with fun stuff just for me. btw - I read your blog and I think that addressing issues that are looming is a good idea. You never know what things could be lingering in the back of your mind and causing additional stress and problems in your life. Do you think your 'friend' will agree to see you and talk about your falling out?

mette - I also watch the show "What not to wear". I love any type of makeover show and really like watching this show when the person is 'like me' in body type so I can get some tips. I have no fashion sense so I need all the help I can get. Now I know some things to look for in clothes and just need to get my butt out the door and be willing to spend some money. I desperately need new jeans and when the weather gets cold I'm sure I'll need other stuff. I did buy new shoes for my night out on Saturday. They are strappy with 3" heels. Quite difficult to walk in but I wanted something a little 'sexy' adn these seemed to fit the bill. My clothes fit on Saturday and my friends said I looked 'hot' so I actually wasn't doing too badly with self image that night. I think that I tend to feel better when I put in the effort to do my makeup and where nice clothes. I just don't get much of an opportunity to do it (don't bother for work).

Jessica - I agree with you about being honest with ourselves. I am trying to work on this with myself. If nothing else, it sometimes reduces the stress about the guilt because I have no one else to blame for my behavior. If I make the choice and am honest about it then I have to accept the 'consequences'. Ihave also been trying to be more in touch with my feelings about food. It doesn't always help, but a little at a time.

mette - I'm so glad that although the scale did not show a loss for you this week that you are seeing the positive things that you have accomplished. I think you are doing great. Your calorie intake sounds good. How are you figuring out how many grams of protein you need? Your amounts seem high to me. I don't think there is anything wrong with having two protein bars in one day, but I would also think that if you could get your protein from other sources (1 bar a day) it would probably be more beneficial to you and give you some variety and other nutrients. Weightlifting and exercising can definitely make you more hungry. I read recently (running group) that a lot of people who run have trouble losing weight because they get hungry and then over eat. If you can hold out your body should get 'used to it' and you shouldn't feel quite so hungry. I think a small snack would be appropriate though. Is there a certain time during the day that you are getting hungry when you didn't before? Remember that weightlifting burns more calories all day and requires more energy.

mette- I am happy that I ran Saturday. Thanks for being kind but there is nothing that I do that should impress. I didn't exercise yesterday because my day didn't start until 1:30pm and shopping was a must. Hopefully tonight I'll run. I started running two years ago and then stopped for about 8 months between last August (moved) and this April. I never ran before that because it always hurt. This last time I bought the right shoes and had a plan (walk/run combo) and it worked out. btw - did you know that you burn about 100 calories per mile walked or run? It is a good incentive for me to try and up my per week mileage. My ultimately goal is 20-25 mpw. Right now I am lucky if I get 10-15 mpw.

mette - I'm so glad you had a good time on your hike. It is so sweet when you are done with something like that. I actually feel like I have really accomplished something and being outdoors is just awesome. Do you hike in the woods? Were you by yourself?

Jessica - how are you doing today?

Renne - it's interesting that we tend to post at the same time and then you just sneek yours right in ahead of me. :lol:

I envy you getting to spend time with the horses. I am sure they help you maintain your weight. Congratulations on that! :) Awesome that you got out and ran. I won't pretend to know what could be happening with your calves (is pain or just discomfort?), but I will say that you need to be careful at the beginning and watch the time when you run. You may have just pushed yourself - sometimes it is hard to tell at the time, especially at the beginning of the workout. Did you stretch well? I think 13 minutes is great. The routine is just a suggested starting place. You modify it as needed until you can do the whole routine. Don't discount the fact that you did it and you were out there for 13 minutes. Suggestion, would you be able to just walk the rest of the 20 minutes?

I'm sorry to hear about your new stress. I went through that once and it is not a good thing and there is nothing you can do but wait. It sounds like you don't have anything to worry about I'll keep good thoughts for you. Keep us updated. I think your plan for lunch sounds great (eating and napping). It sounds like your body could use a little rejuvenation. Somehow you need to give it a little TLC. Hopefully things will be less stressful soon. Hang in there.

Happy Monday (or at least as good as Mondays get :lol: )

Ang

Hi everybody – where is Jessica today?

Renee – I just have to second what Ang said: it sounds wonderful to spend time with horses. Do you ride a lot?
I have nothing to say about the pain in your legs – you did just get new shoes too, didn’t you? I had a knee that ached a bit when I jogged, but with new shoes it’s thankfully all gone away. But great work on the jogging anyway.

Ang – I agree with Renee: to run for 45 minutes *is* impressive! I know I couldn’t do it. It’s also great to hear that it was the right shoes and a good plan that made you able to do it and enjoy it. I think that once I’m more settled into the new gym routine – I’ll look more closely at my jogging. I’m sure there’s a lot of potential for improvement in how I do things.
And yes - it’s really good for burning those calories too!!! :D

Yes – what I like about ‘what not to wear’ is that women with different body-types/taste/personality/age also end up with different type of clothes. I think it’s the reason I like it – I hate the shows where everybody looks alike after the makeover.
And I agree that it can be educational to watch other women with the same body-type as me – I know now that my straight jeans are the best for me, I should go for V-necks, I should go for jackets that make the illusion that I have a waist, etc etc. It’s actually useful knowledge. ;)
How wonderful that you looked and felt “hot” on Saturday, Ang! Building self-esteem girl! :D

My protein is based on what Krista writes about weightlifting and how to add muscles and lose fat. She suggests a balance of 40%carbs, 30%fat and 30%protein. Since I’m eating 1500 calories – 30% is 450 calories – protein is 4 calories a gram – so I should be eating 113 grams protein a day.
I think it’s a high level too – but I thought I would give it a try. To see how it affects my progress and exercising. It seems like it’s about keeping the good balance: protein with every meal, eat a lot of the good stuff: cheese, cottage cheese, eggs and egg whites, tuna, salmon, lentils and soy beans. I suppose I can do that.

Yes, I’m definitely hungrier. I graze more – it’s like I’m hungry again soon after meals. And I didn’t use to be hungry in the evenings. But I’ll try to hold out – how long will it last before it stabilizes – do you know, Ang?

I mostly hike in the mountains and hills – I’m fonder of mountain views and open spaces than trees and forests. And I usually go alone – usually I start off too early in the day to get anybody to go with me! ;)
I don’t know how this happened, but I seldom sleep longer than 7 in the mornings these days. By 8:30 I’m more than ready to go hiking – and nobody else I know is! Heh.

In other news – I went to the gym today and did my first combination set: squats, bench press, one arm dumbbell row + stomach. I still get a kick out of squats and bench press – just because they’re so “weightlifty”! Heh.

Great Mondays, everybody!

the search for Jessica
 

Now I know how you feel when I don't post for a day - I hope Jessica is alright.

mette - if you decide to 'look into your running' please let me know. Talking about running is fun and usually motivates me to run more. Unfortunately I did not make it tonight to run. I had an appointment after work that upset me and I just couldn't do anything good afterwards. :( Thanks to both of you for being impressed with my 45 minutes. I guess it amazes me too that once you get into running you can lengthen your time quite easily (within reason) if you don't go too fast. One of these days I'll get back to a schedule. When I first started running I went every day before school. Having a good schedule is the only way to go.

mette - thanks for explaining about the protein amounts. I wonder where the numbers that I heard came from. I was told at least 50g of protein. What a difference between the two numbers! I would guess that I get closer to 75g a day. I eat a protein bar usually now which has 25g and since I eat meat it adds up more quickly. I don't know if you know, but used to be a vegetarian and would love it if you shared ideas for protein snacks and meal options (besides just beans and tofu). Like you I am trying to keep my protein up and limit carbs as best as possible.

I think the hunger can last a week to three weeks. If you are really hungry find a low cal snack for the evening, just enough so you're not uncomfortable but not enough to make you full before bed. Maybe some cheese or a yogurt or some nuts. Yesterday I went to bed feeling a little hungry and actually liked it.

Great job with the gym. You are my role model. I wish we lived close so we could lift together. :) I hate to admit that I haven't started lifting. I think for me to succeed I need a lot more structure in my life - something I was never very good at. You go girl, you're doing awesome.

Renee - how did your day go? Did you go through with your lunch plans? I have to laugh because you just did it again and posted as I was writing. :lol: Congratulations on the exercise. :dance: :bravo: Your dinner sounds great too. Since you are bringing leftovers for lunch you are on your way to having a good eating day tomorrow. Try to eat something at home for breakfast to start your day off right. Still crossing fingers that the test will stay negative.

Goodnight all. Ang

Hi everyone,

I'm sure you're all in bed by now. I had another "manic Monday" ha ha... Got up at 7 a.m., which left me no time to check in before work. And once I got there, well, I was in constant motion all day. Having other people out on vacation is really stressing me out, because the amount of people and work doesn't decrease, it just gets shuffled to the rest of us. Anyway, it was draining, and on top of the work that came in today, I had a load of stuff left over from last week. I hate when I do that to myself!

Thank you for worrying about me! It feels good to be missed.

The positive news for today is that I packed my gym bag at lunch and went straight there after work. I did 20 minutes of pretty intense cardio and some stretching. I came home in a much better mood than I would have if I'd not gone, I know that much. Anyway, it helped me see the benefits of exercise in stress reduction... now that's just one more positive reason that I can keep on my list!

Mike is back out to sea tomorrow for about three days (he's never quite sure exactly how long he'll be gone) so I'm solo for the week again. I'm going to be happy when August is over and his work slows down. I don't like having him gone so much.

And the best news of the day yet... I've got all next week off from work!!!! Wooohoooo!!!!! I'm going to try to plan out my days ahead of time so I don't feel like I've squandered my time. I have some ideas for things I'd like to spend time doing, so I'll start writing them down and daydreaming about my vacation!

Ang: Yes, 45 minutes running is VERY cool! You really are doing great and I'm so glad you felt good about yourself when you went out on the town. It's hard sometimes, but when I take care to do my hair and makeup and wear nice clothes, I generally do feel more confident and sexier than when I just slum in my normal clothes. It's definitely good to do once in awhile.
And my friend that I wrote about in my blog... we've been best friends for like 6 years, both went through divorces at the same time, partied together, lived in the same apartment complex, went through a lot together. In the last year to year and a half, though, she's made some really bad choices, got fired from more than one job, and eventually moved back in with her parents (she'll be 31 in November). She tends bar at night and last I heard was taking classes during the day at community college. I'm not one who judges, so none of that is so important to me, but the thing that started making me turn away from her was the fact that she was choosing to spend time with people who drank all the time, stole things from her, and weren't truly her friend, where she had me, who really cared about her, and she spent less and less time with me and treated me like I wasn't very important. Back in May we were supposed to go on a weekend trip with some other girlfriends, and my 19 year old cat (yes, that's like 100 in cat years) that used to belong to my grandparents got really sick and I thought she was going to die, so I wasn't able to go on the trip. When they got back, I got no phone call, not even to tell me how the weekend was or to ask how the cat was doing. Nothing. So, I just never called her. A month or two later, I got one of those mushy Hallmark cards telling me how much she missed me and how special a friend I am, blah blah blah. And I still haven't contacted her. I know I'm being passive-aggressive, but I also know that she is a bit self-destructive and brings some drama into my life that I don't need. But she was such a good friend, and I guess I just need some closure on that one. One of the things I want to do with my time off is get together with her and talk about what happened. I think I need that taken care of. Sorry to ramble so much there, but it has been on my mind and you guys are such a good, unbiased audience, maybe you can give me some advice?

mette: as usual, you are doing wonderful! I'm glad you are enjoying the weightlifting so far. The fact that you actually do squats WITH weight??! I think I'm still using a wooden stick because squats are so hard! I'm pretty uncoordinated, so just keeping my balance is a feat in itself. I'm with Ang, I don't think there's anything wrong with 2 protein bars. Maybe try a protein shake in place of one of them to mix it up a bit?

Renee: Oh dear... I've been in that situation before and know how stressful the waiting can be. I also think you probably don't have anything to worry about, but I will think good thoughts for you and hope all turns out well! I'm sure you'll be just fine, and can use this as one of life's little lessons to learn from. I know I've learned a lot!

Well, I guess that's all my time for tonight. Hopefully I'll get my butt out of bed a little earlier tomorrow and check in. Sleep tight everyone!

Just wanted to say good morning to you all! I feel really good this morning and am keeping my thoughts positive about work today. Amazing how the reality of having a week off will change your perspective about the day! I plan on doing the gym again right after work, and since I don't have anyone waiting for me tonight I will be able to work out at my leasure. I'll keep you all posted. Have a great day all!

Renee – I really envy you that you get to spend time with the horses, it sounds like a really nice time. I live in a very small apartment (just one room plus a tiny kitchen and a tiny bath) in the middle of town – I can’t have animals here. And I miss it. It’s so good to hear there are places that take care of the wounded and mistreated animals – and people like you that volunteer their time to work there! Great going Renee!
And yey! for the exercise! And hope the tests continue to be negative too.

Ang – I did go jogging this morning, and there’s still major huffing and puffing going on. I’ve been thinking that maybe when winter comes I can start jogging on treadmills in the gym – it would make it easier to follow an “improvement plan” with alternating walking/slow jogging/fast jogging. We’ll talk more about it later this fall, OK? I would love to pick your brain – so to speak – about it. ;)
To run every morning before school is very impressive – but wasn’t it too much?

About the protein – I suppose the numbers from Krista’s website are high because she talks from the weightlifter perspective. It would be different on other programs.

And I didn’t know you used to be a vegetarian! Why did you stop? Did you feel it was too limiting?
Protein snacks – I’m very fond of cottage cheese – so I like crackers with lots of cottage cheese and a little fruit or jelly on top. I also like cottage cheese in salad. And I eat Lanaii’s pancake a lot - http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=42517 – it also includes cottage cheese. Cottage cheese and banana in a bowl is also very good as snack.
Second: eggs. I like omelets, and make them with several egg whites and one whole egg, plus cheese (another great source for protein) and vegetables (tomatoes!). Egg whites also in the pancake (which I’ve been eating for lunch a lot lately – with lots of fresh fruit and berries – yummy!).
And cheese – low fat. Lots of protein there too. Warm cheese sandwich with peppers and tomato and mustard. Cheese in salads. Cheese in omelets. Cheese on bread. Cheese on crackers.
I also eat fish – and tuna (in salads with lots of pickles, or on bread with lots of tomatoes – and always a lot of pepper) is a great protein source. Also salmon – which I prefer smoked and on bread or crackers. Shrimps are full of protein and can be eaten with everything. I try to be a bit adventurous with fish when I cook – but I’m really not a great cook! (Not like Jessica). Thankfully I like really simple food – so I do OK. Heh.
Oatmeal also. Plus beans. I’ve never cooked tofu – I have no idea what I should have done with it.

And Jessica is back! Yey! And great going at the gym – it sounds wonderful that you went. And next week off job – it’s your turn to have nice long, lazy days! It’s well deserved!
Hope it works out with your friend too – that would be a nice thing either way – closure or renewed friendship. Have you contacted her yet or are you waiting until next week?

And – heh – yes I do squats with 45lbs! I’m actually a little proud of it – because I don’t have very strong legs. And I’m just lifting the bar – but still!
And good morning Jessica! :D Glad to hear you’re in a good mood: think positive thoughts and good luck going to the gym.

So. Tuesday today. My semester starts tomorrow with a meeting at the university clinic. I’m going to start up with a new patient this semester too – so hopefully there are interesting things ahead.
For the weekend I will go visit my father – and his wife and my two twin half-brothers – so I’m not online Friday through Sunday. I’ll go early Friday morning and come back late Sunday, I think. Not especially looking forward to it – but there’ll hopefully be some good stuff happening too.

Not much to report. Nice weather still – so I’m mostly staying outdoors drinking diet coke! Have a nice Tuesday everybody.

It's almost 3 a.m. here so I'll keep this one real short. My day and evening didn't go as planned. After I got to work I began experiencing abdominal pain in my lower right hip area that continued all day. Since that's where the appendix is, I was a little worried about it, so I went to the urgent care after work. After sticking me 7 times trying to draw blood and turning me into a human pin cushion, they finally got it and ran blood tests. My white cell count was elevated, so they sent me to the ER for a CT scan of my belly, thinking it might be appendicitis. Roughly six hours later (!), the results came back and my appendix, the little dickens, is fine. The doc thinks I might have a ruptured ovarian cyst, which would cause the pain and the elevated cell count. It's been a really long night. I'm glad I didn't have to have surgery, and I'm also glad it was SOMETHING, not just gas pain or something because that would have been embarrassing! Since I'm not dying, I'll have to go to work in the morning. Now I'm REALLY looking forward to my vacation. I'll talk with you guys more tomorrow. I need some SLEEP!

Jessica! So glad that you’re OK! What a terrible day and night you had! Hope you got some sleep and rest – at least you got to sleep in a little I hope? Did they give you something for the pain?
And yes, I bet your vacation is looking better by the minute. You must be completely exhausted!

Renee – I’m just starting on the 30-30-40 plan – and I’m having problems eating enough protein. I thought I would be able to eat more protein bars – but I really haven’t found any I like when I eat more than one of them. After the third or fourth bar (not in the same day of course) they all start to taste artificial and strange (and yucky).
I have to look into powder I think. If I can start off the day with 40-50 grams protein in a shake/smoothie, I should be able to get enough of the stuff.
I have no idea yet whether I will feel better or become stronger. So far I’m more hungry than I’ve ever been.

Good to hear the test at the clinic also came back negative! Good for you.

I’ve sort of had my first day back at school today – just a couple of hours. Then I went to the gym and did lower body.
I think I have to actually *work* on my confidence – it’s doesn’t happen automatically. Set stupid goals like: actually dare to ask the guy using the squat rack (or whatever that thing is called – it’s the thing where the bars are kept) whether he’ll be finished soon, whether I could use the rack too, and just use another bar. Instead I shy away and just wait until nobody is near the thing.
I do feel a bit stupid sometimes, or at least I did today – and it’s not the most productive emotion because it makes me beat up on myself mentally. It’s strange - which emotions make you want to eat. Feeling stupid usually does it for me.
Not that I overate – well, not much I suppose, not calorie-wise, but I don't feel satisfied either.

Ah well. Enough complaints. Glad to hear Jessica is OK! And hopefully free of pain. And that Renee’s tests still are negative. And where is Ang today?

I'm here
 

Hi there. This may seem strange but I really didn't realize how long it had been since I posted. Work is just crazy these days so no time during the day. I should be sleeping now but you all are too important. :D

There was so much going on so hitting the highlights.

Jessica - great that you exercised the other day but your experience at the hospital sounds terrible. I had an ovarian cyst once and it was really painful. Are you feeling better? I think doing some planning for your vacation could be a good thing but don't over plan. Allow yourself some time to relax and be flexible so you really enjoy the week off. You deserve it, particularly after your stressful weeks at work.

Renee - I hope you had loads of fun tonight. What sorts of things were you doing? I can relate to not having motivation to try when you feel low. The problem is that you need to do something to pull yourself out of the mood. I think it is great that you drove by McD yesterday. The fact that you splurged after going to the clinic is not a big deal. You are going through something very stressful. Yea that the test was negative - btw. Is there one very little thing in your life (eating or exercising or something healthy) that you could try and concentrate on changing? Sometimes it helps me to focus on one little manageable thing and then if I can be successful at that it helps motivate me to go to another little thing and so on. Make it little and relatively easy to accomplish. Baby steps.

mette - Good job running. I look forward to talking with you more about running later on. I ran today at lunch for 40 minutes. It is pretty hilly around work and it was humid so not the most pleasant run but I am so glad that I went. I did not go to my track workout last night (got a call from an old friend and just didn't have the heart to tell her to call back) so I was determined to get out there today. When I ran before school it never bothered me, like an injury or anything. I did not run as much, 30-45 minutes at my max, and I wore good shoes. I also didn't always run very hard and some days I did intervals. I think mixing it up helped keep me healthy. There was a time when I was pretty dedicated to the running and had a good schedule. It took me a long time to get it though but it did help me lose weight. So I guess I just need to find a new schedule here. As much of a pain as it is, I think I need to pick two days a week to run at work at lunch, no matter what. This will be even more important when the weather gets bad. If I don't make it part of my schedule then there is a better than not chance that I won't do it. You run before work and that is great - I can't seem to get up to run before work. I am thinking running on M and W might work. I'll let you know if I do it next week.

mette - You are right that your behavior won't change or your confidence build without you putting in some effort. Can you pick one thing at a time and consciously try to work on it? Maybe next time you can make yourself talk to one man in the room. Ask him whatever you want - to share bar, weights, move his stuff, anything. It's too easy to just sit back. I know you can do it. You have come this far, this is just the next step. You belong in that gym just as much as they do. Respect yourself and they'll respect you back. Good luck.

I was a vegetarian for about 5 years. I moved to a place where they didn't have many veggies so it was hard to find accommodating restaurants and such. Since I don't cook much I need to be able to get a lot of food 'prepared' and I got sick of trying to figure out how to cook beans. :lol: I also got involved with someone who was not a vegetarian. Long story short, it was a lot easier to just eat meat. I didn't start eating almost anything until I met current bf though. I was eating chicken only basically for years. The new bf is a chef though and I trust him to introduce me to good things. When he cooks for me I eat it and it is usually good. When we go out to eat I let him recommend something or try his stuff - again, usually good. I don't cook meat at home though and unfortunately don't like cottage cheese. I do like eggs though and need to remember to buy them. I eat cheese and try to get lf varieties when possible. Thanks for all of the suggestions though - I'll have to add them to my shopping list. :)

mette - I hope you have a better than anticipated visit this weekend. We will miss you. Any particular reason why you think you won't have a good time?

I was invited to a cousins cookout this Sunday at my brother's house but don't think I am going to go. It is 4 hours of driving and a lot of money for gas to spend with people I don't really know (except my brother and sister-in-law) and don't really care to know. All of my cousins on my father's side are married with kids so I don't fit in. I don't want to answer a lot of questions about the last 2 years of my life and then try to explain the bf situation. I think I'm going to bail and just go visit with my brother sometime by myself. Is that selfish? Also, there is so much to do here and I would just rather be at my house. The veggies have really come in and we are starting to make some money. The tomatoes are starting to fill up our table and things will only get busier. It is so fun. btw - Did I mention that I had a talk (not everything but enough for now) with bf and we hashed some stuff out. He finally assured me (completely sober) that he loved me. :dance: He has been super sweet this past week and we already have plans for the weekend. I hope things keep up this pace and only get better. He said he felt pressured and stressed and that was why he hadn't been telling me earlier. OK, so there are still some issues but I am happy with things right now and willing to see what time brings to this relationship. I think he realized that he almost lost me this past week and he doesn't want that at all. If nothing else, I am not obsessing about him now so I have been able to concentrate on myself a little. Eating not too bad. I have been doing the cereal for breakfast, an 11am snack, lunch is fruit and sandwich, and controlled dinner with lots of fresh veggies! I have also implemented a protein bar at 4 or 5pm and it has worked wonders in keeping my hunger down so I don't run into the house eating everything in site. I am eating the cookies 'n cream Advant Edge bars. They are the Body for Life brand.

Sorry for babbling so much about myself in this post. Jessica - I hope you are feeling better today. Renee - how did today go for you? mette - tell us more about what you are doing at school and this patient?

Goodnight ladies. Ang

Hey ladies! I would have checked in earlier but work pulled a loop on me. They shut down my internet (Which I use to send and receive confirmations and find other data) because they claim I spend all day 'chatting' on it. Yes, I chat and check websites - just like all the other employees. I also get more work done than they do and am the first person on the phone que line- which I just found out. It's rather irritating, as I am covering all the calls/orders from the lady who is out, that I should also be the first person on the call tree. It'd be more fair for the calls to ring through to whomever was off the phone for the longest amount of time. They are going to look into changing that. So they ganked my access to 'test productivity' without my having 'a distraction'. Gah, I really think a big job move is in my future.

Just yesterday they told me that I cannot have my vacation days that I have planned for my cruise because I dont have enough left. I am given 10. I've used 2.5 and have asked for 8. (Big deal, 1/2 day over) What they did, was take away my vacation time for the days I was sick that went over the 'five alotted sick days' we get. I used 7... so therefore I am now 2.5 overdrawn. OMG. They even threatened me by saying, "You can either accept that's how it is, or we can fire you." (So, I am taking my time off at the end of this month - my sanity break, and then going on my cruise. If they'd rather fire me and pay unemployment for however long that lasts, instead of missing me for two days (I even suggested they give it to me unpaid and they refused) then so be it. Maybe that'll be the big sign that I need, the famous 'pushed from the nest' move.
Ok sorry heh, end rant there.

Food and diet have slipped A LOT!!! Good news is, that the diet I had wanted to try (South Beach) but figured out that it just wouldn't work with my limited access to the kitchen.... Wweeeelll. My diabetic brother in law, (Who has more sweets in this house than my sister or I do combined) went to his doctor who said "Lose weight or die." (He has put weight on every year since being diagnosed with diabetes, it's just not good.) Then the doctor said, "I'd recommend the South Beach Diet." Sooo my sister is going to do it. She's gonna cook it. All I have to do is, help cook, help supply recipes (I already told her about this website - which, grr, if she joins, I gotta hide those posts about my previous worries, she thinks I am uh, a little saint??) HAHAHAHA. And I think I can pull it off. We are gonna start it AFTER my dad leaves town, because it will be too hard to monitor what we are doing and enjoy his time here with being so strict. But, I am really excited about it!!

I am heading skating on Friday night. And horseback riding on Sat. So I have a weekend full of fun and active things planned. Tomorrow, I think I am going to drag--- scratch that. Going to happily trot myself to the gym after work. There, positive thinking. :)

To bed for me now though, and hopefully I will have net access tomorrow at work!!

Hi everyone!

I am feeling much better, thank you for everyone's thoughts and wishes... I'm very tired, even though I did sleep in this morning and only worked 6 hours today. The end of tomorrow can not come fast enough for me, I'll tell you that much. I didn't eat anything today, and then had my first real non-authorized splurge tonight. I went to the ATM to get cash and realized I had left my card at the hospital when I paid my co-pay, so I ended up at the place I wanted to be at the least- back at the ER! There's a Foster's Freeze down the street from the hospital (I actually worked there for 2 years in high school) and I went there to get dinner. When I overeat, I sure to it right! Of course the funny thing is that I probably was still around the same amount of calories today as my good days, I just ate a bunch of junk. I wanted it, I enjoyed it, and I know why I felt the need to have it. Tomorrow is a new day.

Ang: I'm so glad things are going well and there seems to be more communication between you and the bf. I hope you guys enjoy your weekend together! I was a vegitarian too, but not for nearly as long as you were. It helped me with my weight loss for the same reasons it frustrated you- I really couldn't find anything to eat out, so I was forced to prepare my own meals. Now I guess I have the best of both worlds. It's really nice to have you back; it's not the same around here without ya!

Mette: I think you should do what Ang suggested and pick one time to open up and assert yourself at the gym. Just asking to share a piece of equipment would be a great step for you. I haven't yet worked out in the "real" weight room, since I just did cardio on Monday, but I do intend to get lots of gym time in next week, so I will make an effort to branch out. I'll let you know how it goes. Congrats on starting the new semester, too. You'll have to share what you're learning with us! And we certainly will miss you this weekend. Hope it goes ok.

Renee: Maybe your work situation will push you to find something new. It's definitely no fun being stuck in a job where you're unhappy. I complain about mine alot, but it's not the work I don't like, it just gets very busy and stresses me out. In fact today I had a client tell me that I have "a great attitude and demeanor to work in a place like this." But I think sometimes, I'm too nice and try too hard, that's why it gets me so stressed. I am very happy to not be in a sales department; I've done that before and really disliked it. I hope you find something that makes you happy.

Anyway, I need to get to bed. I still don't feel fully recovered and I'm starting to feel like I'm getting a cold too, so I know I need more rest. What a wuss I am! Have a good night all!

Ang – very good to hear about your lunch time run yesterday. I think success depends on getting these things into our schedules too.
When you do the same exercise often, I’m sure you’re right that it helps to mix it up a bit. Maybe I should think a little about that for my jogging – I’m starting to get bored with no progress – so maybe I should try intervals for a couple of mornings.

Me being avoidant at the gym – it would be a good goal to just talk to somebody there. But I have to have a reason – I’m not going to invent something or ask for help on things I don’t need help on (not the way to get respect I’m guessing). What I need is to become aware of how avoidant I am in the situation, and then recognize it when it’s happening the next time. It *is* easier to just sit back. So next time I’ll try not to do that.

And Ang - I can understand you got sick of beans if most of your meals were based on beans. I don’t eat it very often – I don’t really like it that much either. As far as I’ve found, soy beans and lentils are the ones highest in protein (but the soy beans are also high in fat) – so I think I’ll have to look into ways I can eat those. Soy beans – are they used in salads? Stews? Casseroles? Anybody know?
I haven’t eaten meat for more than 5 years now – and it hasn’t been very difficult either. Probably because I still eat fish and seafood. :)

Heh. Getting yourself a BF who is a cook was probably not the smartest thing to do when you’re trying to lose weight! :D But I must say – it does sound wonderful to be introduced to new and exciting food on a regular basis!

Visiting your brother by yourself sometimes sounds like a good idea to me. I don’t think it’s selfish at all – you should spend your time with people you like – that’s my golden rule. My parents are two of my exceptions to the rule (oy!), but cousins are not included in the whole ‘family-responsibility-thing’ for me. I just don’t feel the ties to my family very strongly, and we’ve never been a particular close family.
I don’t much like visiting either of my parents actually. But because they *do* fall in under the whole ‘family-responsibility-thing’, I *do* visit them. Not often, and I always keep it as short as possible – but I do go. Once a year is more than enough for me – and it’s a compromise I can live with.
I always feel guilty about it btw – I feel like the worst daughter ever, etc – since I don’t like visiting either of them.
But that’s just how things are too, I suppose. I always have to try to minimize stress and guilt when I go there.

I’m so glad you’re enjoying your vegetables Ang! And that you and the BF are having a better time! The stress levels are coming down in your private life at least? Great to hear the eating is going better too.

Renee – work doesn’t sound like a good place for you recently. Maybe looking around for other jobs would be a good thing to start focusing on. And ranting is always OK (and welcomed) here! ;)

Sorry to hear about your BIL – hope he’ll do better once you all start focusing on healthy eating. The three of you getting back on the diet, and supporting each other, sounds very good. I’m sure you’ll do great! When does your father leave?

Jessica – hope you get through today at work. About the splurge – you’re really having a great attitude about it – and you’re right: it’s 'bygones'. Concentrate on today.
Looking forward to hear your experiences at the gym too Jessica, although you’re probably not so intimidated by the gym since you used to work out a lot?

I went out jogging this morning – since it’s Thursday, and I do that on Thursdays. ;) Then, since tomorrow is Friday and I should be at the gym but won’t be – I went to the gym today instead. And did upper body. So even if I’m not getting any exercise done tomorrow or Saturday – at least I’m on plan with the gym.

I’m not expecting a weight loss when I go on the scale on Monday – I’ve been so hungry this week, and I have eaten max every day. And going away this weekend will probably mean extra food too. We’ll see Monday morning, but I’m not holding my breath.
Have a nice Thursday everybody! :smug:

Renee - Your job really sounds terrible. No internet? Yikes! Are you in a position where you could look for a new job? It definitely sound like this job is causing you a lot of unneeded stress. When does your father leave? This arrangement with your sister sounds great. You'll get help and support. I take it you live with your sister and brother-in-law. I'm really excited for you. It is so much easier to accomplish things when you have support. On-line is great but in person is so much better. Is there anyone else in the house? If not, then with all of you doing the same diet you should be able to really control what foods are in the house. Keep us posted.
Your weekend plans sounds great. I wish I could go horseback riding. Well, I guess I could but not going to happen right now. Are you going skating at a rink or something? Inline or ice? Good luck getting to the gym. Let us know if you go.

Jessica - so glad that you are feeling better. No worries with the eating. Sometimes there are more important things to deal with then being choosy about what food you eat. It's done so just move on and get all better. I know you'll be right back on track. Thanks for the kind words. I hope this weekend goes well. I will do my best to check in but while I am at bf's house there is no internet. Keep your fingers crossed for me that we have truly made progress and that we have any awesome weekend. btw - you are definitely not a wuss. You need a little time to recover from your trauma and just to recover from the stresses in your life. Give yourself permission to relax and enjoy the extra sleep.

Jessica and mette - why did you become vegetarians? Jessica - why did you give it up? You are lucky that you are a good cook so you can make whatever you want, with meat or without. I didn't eat fish or anything when I was a veggie. I even read labels to make sure there were NO animal ingredients. mette - I am actually a much better eater when I hang out more with bf. He cooks well balanced and relatively healthy meals. Over the winter I would eat with him 3 or 4 evening a week and always felt so much better. If only I hadn't ate crap the other days. I was also not exercising then. If he cooked for me all the time I would be much more satisfied and would probably eat less, eat better and lose weight. That's not going to happen anytime soon so I'll just enjoy the evenings he does cook. I love eating real home cooked stuff, especially not by myself.

I don't know anything about actually eating soy beans. I only know about having soy in things or eating tofu made with soy beans. You may want to try tofun. It is good in a stir fry if you have a sauce so it can absorb the taste. I actually bbq it a couple of times. I still eat very little meat so I am always looking for protein ideas that aren't meat. I do have a bunch of canned beans though that are just sitting in my cabinet because my mother bought them for me and I'm not sure what to do with them. :lol:

mette - I have noticed lately too that I can't measure if I am making any progress with my running. Sometimes I think I am getting worse. Tonight I ran 40 minutes while at the farm. I have done the route before and extended it but today my legs said no more. I think it is recommended to do an interval day once a week or once every two weeks if you are not running too often. Both of us will have to look at what we're doing, maybe September?, and maybe help each other with a plan. I know one thing I am doing is signing up for a couple of 5k races. It is a good goal and a chance to get official times to see if any progress has been made.

I would definitely agree mette that you don't want to fabricate anything at the gym. I just meant that it doesn't matter what you say to them, the important part is to make the effort to talk to someone. As you said, just be aware of situations that you shy away from and make that conscious effort to talk. You may be surprised at how nice the people are. At worst, you meet a couple of jerks and just write them off and move on.

I definitely decided not to go see family on Sunday. I agree totally with mette. I'm sorry mette that you don't get along better with your parents. At least once a year isn't too bad. Let us know how the weekend went.

Congratulations and kudos to mette for going jogging and going to the gym today. You are doing great with the weights. I need to find some of your dedication. I think right now it is hard enough for me to get a schedule for running though. One things at a time. Good foryou though. Maybe you could get in some walking while you are gone.

I definitely think eating better is easier when the bf thing is better. I'll take advantage while I can. I have been eating fresh veggies almost every night. I at an eggplant today (plus some little tomatoes picked off of the plant) and have a tomato for lunch tomorrow. Yum. I figure that I can eat all I want since they are veggies. Right?

mette - you are doing wonderfully even if the scale doesn't move on Monday. It sounds like your body is really starting to burn fuel, making you extra hungry. There is nothing wrong with being at the top of your range. Remember that muscle weighs more and when you start exercising/lifting sometimes your body retains extra water in the muscles for the first couple of weeks making weight loss difficult. Also, don't worry about eating this weekend. I ahve faith that you will make good choices and probably won't eat nearly as badly as you fear. It is more important that you enjoy the weekend and don't stress too much.

Recap for me today - I am posting food again for my sake and if you have comments I would love to hear them as I am no expert on food.

Breakfast - cereal with blueberries (no nuts these days)
Lunch - chicken salad sandwich with piece of cheese on hard roll, tortellini salad (food provided by work - couldn't pass up a free lunch) and an extra roll :(
snack - protein bar
dinner - tomatoes, eggplant (small thin kind),Linda McCartney frozen dinner (Thai noodles with fake chicken), pecans (10 halves?)

Ang

P.S. I just looked at my post - I'll try to shorten them in the future. My fingers just get going and I can't stop them. :lol:

Happy Friday everyone!

I feel almost normal this morning. Today is my Friday off, so my vacation has officially begun! Yay!! Well, sort of... I tried to get everything done and my desk cleared off yesterday and worked until 7:30 p.m. and still didn't get everything finished, so I need to go in for a little bit sometime this weekend. I can't believe how much work we've had lately. Mike got home yesterday and we're planning on going to the fair today. I think it's going to be another bad eating day, but you have to have all that good food when you go to the fair, right?

Ang: I really enjoy your posts, so don't shorten them because you feel you have to. It's great to know what is going on in your life and you're so supportive of everyone, so don't worry about it. It's really good that you've noticed your eating gets better when your emotional life is going well- although this can't always be the case, I agree that you should take advantage of it while you can and maybe during these times it can become more of a habit for you. Your lunch probably could have been better yesterday, but I know exactly how you feel about not wanting to pass up a free lunch! In my last department, we'd order lunch in for meetings twice a month, and I was making such little money that it was a really good deal to get free food! I think your decision to not go to the family get together was a good one. Spend some quality time with your brother when you can and enjoy your time alone with him. I actually have a family thing to go to next weekend in Fresno, which is about a 4 hour drive from here. And most of the people who will be there are cousins I see MAYBE once a year, but it's at my favorite aunt's house, so I'm looking forward to seeing her and my uncle. Problem is, it's like 105 degrees there. I'm just thankful they have air conditioning! I hope you have a great weekend with your bf and everything goes well. You seem much happier these days. On the vegitarian thing: I guess I stopped because I was getting sick a lot and thought that might have had something to do with it. I started back slow, with fish like tuna and worked up from there. I also didn't eat any animal products except milk and eggs, so it was a pretty drastic lifestyle change for me at the time. It does make it hard when you're in a relationship with someone who eats meat, especially when you're doing the cooking. Mike is such a meat eater, so it would be hard for me. I still enjoy soy products though, and should probably eat them more often. The soybeans that I've had that weren't processed are the "edamame" at sushi restaurants. You can also buy them frozen in their pods. They taste really good with a little salt and you can eat them like you would nuts, just pop them out of the pods and eat them plain.

Mette: I will join Ang in telling you what an awsome job you are doing with your eating and exercising. You are certainly helping to inspire the rest of us and I appreciate that! You did very well to run and lift weights yesterday. I'm pretty sure the increased hunger is a really good sign, because you're metabolism is probably picking up. As far as if I'm intimidated at the gym: it's kind of like the grocery thing I was telling you about before. I was very confident when I was in great shape, but now I have that nagging voice telling me that everyone is going to think I'm the poor fat girl trying to lose weight and feel sorry for me or think I don't know what I'm doing. I do a pretty good job of drowning that voice out, but it's still there. That's why it helps me to focus on my form, because I really do the exercises correctly, and to have a plan when I go in, written down on my 3x5 card. I feel more confident then.

I'll certainly miss you both this weekend! Of course I'll be around more next week since I won't be at work, so we'll catch up then. So far I have a couple of scheduled things I need to do, but overall just some general things I'd like to do for myself:

Today: Fair
Saturday: Vet for the kitten
Sunday: Work for 2 hours
Next Friday: Drive to Fresno for the weekend

Clean house, move and organize furnature, swim, run at the track, exercise at the gym, lunch with girlfriends, get hair done, lay by the pool and read, manicure and pedicure, facial (all at home, of course) motorcycle riding with my step-dad (did I ever mention I ride motorcycles?), gardening (start herb garden), farmer's market, coffee and reading at Starbucks, walk at the beach

That's all I can think of right now, but that's a lot of stuff. I'm really looking forward to doing some good stuff for me.

Renee: How are you doing today? Did you get your internet back? I'm so glad your sister and brother-in-law are going to watch what they eat. That was your big hurdle, and now they are on board with you! That's awsome. I hope your BIL does well on the diet and will be ok.

Allright, time to get moving. Hope everyone has a great Friday!

Happy Vacation Jessica!

Where is Renee? I hope things are going better at work.

Jessica - I am so relieved that you are feeling better. I can't believe you have to work this weekend though. Do you think you will be at the office for very long? I hope not. You deserve the relaxation and to not have to think about work. :coffee:

Yippee that Mike came home. I hope you have a wonderful time at the fair. What type of fair is it? Do you have favorite fair foods? I like funnel cakes but otherwise don't go crazy over fair food. I guess I'm lucky that way. I hope you enjoyed though and don't feel guilty. If you are going to eat the food then go ahead and thoroughly enjoy it. :D

Thanks for reminding me about soy nuts. I used to get them at a health food store in VA. I think I need to find a health food store around here. I can tell I need to shop because I am running out of my staples. I had to have a SlimFast shake this morning because I ran out of berries and it was too wet to go pick any. Lunch was my sandwich from yesterday (health nut bread, chicken breast and lf cheese), carrots, apple and a little macaroni salad (work provided and too much mayo - should have passed but...). I'm assuming bf will cook tonight but we'll see. I am trying to take advantage of the better swing in attitude. Let's hope I can continue it. I am hoping to run in the morning while bf runs an errand that I'm not invited to go on. No problem, the run is probably better for me. :D

I hope you have a good time next weekend. I think it makes all the difference when you are going to see some people that you truly want to see. Will Mike go with you? I have not heard a response from my sil - I hope they are not mad that I'm not coming. Too bad even if they are.

mette and Jessica - a different perspective on how we feel when in the gym. When I see someone larger than me working out (gym or on street) I am impressed and wish them all the best because they are out there trying to get healthier. Most fit people were unfit at some point and understand the difficulty of the journey. Everyone is at the gym for basically the same reason and I hope that most people are supportive of others efforts. The muscle heads that aren't supportive are jerks and not worth worrying about. You go show them what you can do!

Jessica, it sounds like you have a lot of good things planned for the week. I hope you are able to do all you want to do and nothing if that's what you decide. I'll try to check in tomorrow.

Have a great night!

Morning all,

I know you won't read this until Monday, but I thought I'd check in and say hi anyway. Yesterday was a really good day! Mike and I went to the county fair for a few hours, bought some trinkets we didn't really need, ate some food we didn't really need, looked at the animals/livestock :moo: (the baby calf was the cutest thing!) and just walked around and looked at stuff. It was really nice. After that, he took me to buy me a new computer! Wow, what a nice guy, huh? I'd been complaining about my old laptop I used for months because it had a horrible habit of crashing all the time. He said he didn't want me to be frustrated anymore, and bought me a new one. It's not a laptop, but it has pretty much all the bells and whistles and was reasonably priced, so I let him get it for me. He laughs at me because he practically has to force me to let him do nice things for me. I tell him I'm just low maintenance. Anyway, I spent last night cleaning up the computer area (my dining room table) and setting up the new toy, loading software, etc. So far it's been behaving perfectly, plays DVDs, burns CDs, has great speakers, and is very fast. I'm thrilled. :cp:

I didn't eat as much junk at the fair as I was anticipating, which was good. I had a polish sausage sandwich, fries, a regular Pepsi, and a carmel apple. :cbg: Dinner was just a ww tortilla quesadilla with salsa and guacamole. Not good, but not really terrible either. I've been thinking, though, that maybe "free days" aren't so good for me, since it seems that I have less resolve to eat healthy the following week. Maybe it's like an alcoholic who can never have another drink lest he falls off the wagon. Just something for me to think about. :chin:

Today I take the kitten to the vet for his rabies shot, and I really need to get groceries. Other than that, no big plans.

Renee: You weren't around yesterday; I hope everything is ok! Check in when you have a chance.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend so far. I expect a full report on Monday! ;)

Hi Jessica - I am here so I am glad you wrote. I am so happy that you had a good day yesterday. The fair sounds like loads of fun. You are so lucky to have such a nice man in your life. Good for you that you let him do nice things for you once in a while. You deserve it. Anyway, you need a computer so you can write to us. :D

Please let us know what you decide about your free days. Do you feel like you are forcing yourself to eat unhealthy on the free days? If you have truly made lifestyle changes, which it sounds like you have, then each day should be like the last and the next. I would just say that once in a while you should indulge in things that you truly want at that time (like at the fair). You shouldn't force yourself to free eat just because you can though. It is something to think about, why you eat 'worse' the week after. Hmmm.... :?:

My report on the first half of the weekend is that bf was in no hurry to see me last night (he had errands and did not want me to join him) so we didn't get together until almost 9pm. :( Good news is that I saw an old friend at the farm that I had been missing for a couple of weeks. It was nice to catch up. She bought a bike so we might go mountain biking together, which would be fun. bf and I watched a movie (a bad movie) and 1/2 of another one. Bed and then when we woke up he was off to do more errands (again without me). I spent the day jogging (43 minutes) and doing my own thing on the farm. The old man (the farmer who owns the property) was there the whole time and we would talk during my breaks. The veggie stand was not busy but I got to pick some veggies and sold a couple of things. It is a little disappointing that more people did not stop by since it is Saturday and the weather was beautiful. bf came back to land and I watched him fix a tractor. OK, so maybe it doesn't sound like fun to you gals but I love learning about things and I don't know a whole lot about tractors. I also like spending the day in my farming jeans and getting dirty. I am so not girly. :lol: bf was off to have dinner with friends (of course, I was not invited - getting the theme here :dizzy: ) and I came home to my house. Eating was not great today - heat and unstructured routine does that to me. No breakfast (not totally comfortable making my own breakfast at bf's house), lunch was a lot of Bing cherries, half a roll, 1 bbq chicken tender, a tiny bit of chocolate muffin, a couple of munchos. Dinner was the rest of lunch basically with an eggplant instead of fruit. I could have done without the muffin though as it is sitting in my stomach like a ton of bricks. I think maybe I have been eating a little better and my stomach doesn't appreciate it when I eat total crap. Could this be? I can only hope so. I will try to remember this feeling the next time.

Oh, I also forgot to mention the two diet pepsi and run. Not proud of this but I was/am just so upset that I put up with the **** I do from bf. I am just mad at myself for not taking the time to make my own life. I just don't like my life and would rather be a part of other people's. I know it's pathetic but I'm trying to be honest with myself (and you all).

Tonight is just me, the computer and the television. If I'm up for it I will go running at 7am (6 miles) with friends. As much as I don't want to get up, I think it would be good for me to see some people and try to strengthen the new friendships I am trying to build.

Jessica- enjoy your relaxing weekend. I hope your kitten is fine. I just got a new vet for my two cats. They go in for their yearly shots in 10 days. I hope the vet is nice. And aren't cats just so cute - especially as kittens? :)

Hi Ang,

I'm so glad you posted too! I just got up from a late afternoon nap. I've been so tired lately! It's not unusual for me, in general, but I've had so much energy since I've been losing weight, it's more noticable when I'm feeling on the lethargic side. Yawn!

Your day hanging out on the farm sounds so relaxing and enjoyable. I don't think it sounds weird at all. When I was a kid, my grandpa always had a large garden. He grew tomatoes, strawberries, onions, grapes, persimmons, and a lot I'm sure I can't remember. He even had a "worm farm" where he cultivated worms to use fishing. I loved watching him out there, and digging the worms out of the ground with him. ewwww... My favorite summer memory was eating the fresh tomatoes he grew, standing over the sink with a salt shaker eating them like apples. They were so good! I'm glad you enjoyed your day there.

As far as the bf is concerned, I don't think I need to point out to you how awful he's being. When you describe your time with him, it comes accross like more of an inconvenience than a relationship. I'm all for having independence when you're a couple, but you have to have the "couple" part to have the independence from it. I don't think your relationship is completely to blame for how you feel about yourself, but it's no wonder your self-esteem is low when you're being left out of his life and left behind like that. Anyway, that's my rant on that, I just have been in similar situations and I know it can be really unpleasant.

I hope you're ok tonight and enjoy your time at home. The run in the morning sounds like just the thing; I really hope you make it. You're inspiring me to look for similar groups in my area; I'd like to meet some new people that I have something in common with.

And the kitties: yes, they are so cute. My kitten is about 4 months now, so he's getting bigger, and he's such a little monster sometimes, but so adorable. I'll try to post some pictures on my blog.

I didn't go shopping today, so it was another less than desireable food day. I'll get back on track this next week and will have time to exercise, too! Let me know how your run goes tomorrow. Have a great night!