Good morning guys. What happened to you all yesterday afternoon?

Noelle one of our massage therapists was just talking to me this morning about her little girl going into K this year and she can't stop smiling about it. She sadi that she has her moments but the thing she is really looking forward to is having her own schedule. I told her how you are a little down in the dumps about it.

Julie what did you have for dinner last night? We ate at grandma's and she had chicken spag. w/salad and garlci bread. Talk about good.

Angie how are you doing today? I am still down in the dumps but Joe and I talked a little last night on the way home and he said that I need to just start to workout and then my self image will change. I told him that he needs to understand that this isn't something that you can just turn off. I think that men seem to think that we can just stop doing what we are doing and eveything will be ok but it isn't that simple.I wish I could just flip a switch and be happy with myself.

the scales this morning is up over 200 pounds!!! It is all my fault. I would be so embarrassed right now if we were all to meet up together.

I was playing around on Petfinder last night and I found a Cairn terrier/JRT mix puppy. He is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I want him.

It is hot today so I am sitting on the couch. I am dreading work. I will sweat to death.

What is up today for everyone?

hey Kempy I guess we were posting together. I totally understand about self image. My problem is that I will never have a good self image because I still dont look good at 130 pounds either. I have so much extra skin that there is no way to hide it. My stomach,thighs,boods, and underarms. Even in my clothes you can see it. It is pretty gross. I dont know how to gain self esteem if I think I look gross at any weight.

I made the shrimp scampi for my supper last night. I love that recipe. Tonight will be tuna helper I guess. I need to get the fudge delivered to the bakery so I stop eating it.(and everything else in the house) I think I am so big now that I am working against myself because I am so big I dont want to do anything.

Hey Angie we were posting at the same time.

Maybe if you kept a food journal it would help you. I know when I did I lost a good amount but I became a little freaky about it. I would go home and pull half of the pantry into the office and enter everything into Fitday. It seemed like that was all that I was doing with my spare time.

I wished I could stop obsessing about my weight and just be happy. Jay doesnt care if I am big or small. I am so sick of every waking moment being about food (wether it is dieting or pigging out) I have no idea why I make food so important to me. I can only imagine the damage I am doing to myself being 140 one year and 200 the next. It is all so sickening to deal with.

I know that is isn't healthy to yo-yo either. I have tried to read every book I can get my hands on hopeing that it will hlep me but nothing really seems to work. I guess I am just going to have to break down and see a therapist. I didn't start my St. John's Wort again so maybe that will help me a little. I wish I could just remember when my image issue started. Can you?

I have always had no self confidence but it got worse when I met Jay and started to gain all my weight. It isnt his fault or anything it just got worse when I started to feel gross looking.

How sad a group are we? It is summer when most people are happy and enjoying themselves and we are all depressed. It is a sad kind of funny.

I know Angie, isn't it terrible. I get this way every summer though. I think it is b/c I don't have time to think during the spring with all of the house stuff that we do but when it gets hot I stay inside and think bad things about me.

I remember being down on myself when I was a teen too. I was the big girl of all of my friends and now that I look back I wasn't even that big. I hated being the girl that no body wanted to date. I had a lot of friends when I was younger but no boyfriends. Talk about hurt your ego.

Hey girls,just a quick one. I just dropped Michael off for his first day of Kindergarten and I only cried a little , I consider that a victory. I guess I'm feeling happy and sad that he's growing up so fast. He didn't cry at all, just said "bye mom, I love you" and off he went. I'm okay. I gotta run for now, I'll be back later. CHEER UP EVERYONE, IT'S A GREAT DAY TODAY.

Kempy, I was the same way. Only I went slutty back then and of course now I regret it but I think it was my way of feeling like I was liked. Maybe now because Jay loves me no matter what I dont think I deserve him or something. I dont know. I sure wished I could figure it out.

Hey Noelle, See it wasnt as hard as you would think. The parents always take it harder than the kids do. Mine couldnt wait to get away from me and actually play with some new kids. I will bet he is having so much fun.

I sent in an application to try and adopt McDuff. He is so sweet. I will try to post a link to his pic in a minute.I am crazy I know.

Isnt he sweet?

It is so good that we all have each other to lean on. I don't even own a scale because I get so depressed every time I get up on one. Even when I go to the doctor, I don't let them weigh me. I have a size goal for myself instead of a weight goal. Of course, with a lean weight of 175 I can't dwell on the pounds. My goal size is a 20, right now.

I want so much to post some pictures from my trip, but I can't figure out how to do it. I have most of the pictures on a Kodak Picture CD and I have a scanner, but I am clueless how to post the pictures here. If anyone can help I would be grateful.

Kempy: I did hear something about an indoor water park. I believe it is in Anchorage. We didn't spend much time there; only about 1 day. Most of our time in Alaska was spent in the interior and in the Yukon.

I went to the school where I'll be teaching; the office opened for registrations yesterday. I will actually be helping to mentor a 1st year teacher. I look forward to it. Teachers don't have to report to work until Aug 2, but I will be in and out over the next 2 weeks to set up my room. Once I had only 1 day to set up and I don't ever want to do that again.
The kids come back on Aug 5. I registered Ashley at the same school where I'll be teaching; I'm looking forward to having her at the same school. I know I won't have to worry so much about her and what time I have to leave school. Also, I will be able to be more involved with school activities. In fact, I talked to the principal today about organizing a debate team/club. I love teaching debating. I tell the kids that it's learning to argue without arguing.

Noelle: I remember Ashley's first day of Kindergarten. I was near tears, but I held back. There were several parents who were crying, and many with video cameras. I actually felt sad on her last day. I don't know why, but I did.

Have a great evening everyone.

Cal

Good Morning girlies!!!! It is WARM outside today(I am sure it would be cold to you Cal. ) I am waiting for someone from the Rescue to get ahold of me for a home visit before they decide if I get McDuff. The rescue is in Mass. I wonder how they will get someone to my House? I found a house that I want in Lincoln. It is the last house on the business street. It is down the road from the Walmart. It has a nice big garage that I could convert to a bakery front and use the whole front lawn area for a parking lot. It would work out great because we still wouldnt have to leave home to work. It is like the first business anyone getting off the interstate would see. It has 4 bedrooms 1 1/2 bath and almost 4 acres of land with it. Now to see if I could do some sort of business proposal with the banks to get it if I can sell my house.

How are all of you beautiful girls doing today?

Noelle, How did Michaels first day of school go? I bet he loved it.

Julie, How is your son doing? I hope he is getting better. Give him a hug from me.

Cal, Alaska sounds beautiful. If you want to you can send them to me and I can post them. What I usually do is put them in a file and I use Picture it to shrink them to 1/4 page and save them like that. Then when I post a message on here there is the box that says Manange Attatchments. Click that and it will have a button saying Browse. Click that and it will take you to your files. Pick the picture you want to post and then hit upload. You can do 5 pics per post. If you cant get that then feel free to send them to me to post. It isnt a problem for me to do it either.

Kempy, I hope you get a chance to post this weekend. We miss ya when your gone for 4 days. What are we gonna do when you start to work in a salon and wont be near a computer. I hope you dont leave us then. We love ya girl!!

Summer and Holly how are you to doing this week?

I will check back later.