When I was 10 years old my BIL who was 25 molested me for the first time. (Thankfully, it never lead to rape. ) It went on periodically until I was 15 and threateded to tell my sister or parents. I thought I had dealt with it, but when I see and hear stories from others, my old anger bubbles up.
I am not now, nor have I ever contributed my on-going weight problems on this, but it's odd how many overweight women seem to have this common history.
So, I just wonder if there are any other Jaded Ladies who have gone through this?
I also don't contribute that to my weight problem. That is a whole problem in it's own. But it did keep me from standing up for myself.... which is why I ended up in a marriage that was controlling.
I agree with you, a lot of over weight women have this common history. And it's sad. If they aren't over weight, their starving themselves.
I was molested when I was 15 by a family friend. I have often wondered if being overweight wasn't some kind of psychological security blanket, like if I were heavy men wouldn't pay attention to me.
I also have in the past sabotaged my diets when I started getting some looks or more compliments. This is an interesting topic. I was very thin as a young girl. (weighing 105 at graduation at 5'8"). I had a very controlling marriage and after the divorce I exploded. Drinking and not caring what I was eating.
Actually, I had a very sheltered childhood. To this day, I don't go anywhere unless my parents know where I am heading. (They live next door and my mom works in the cafeteria where I teach.) It's not that I am made to check in... I have 2 kids that depend on me and I guard my safety... if I am not where I am supposed to be, I have the comfort of knowing that my family will open a can of whup *ss and have the national guard out in about 2 seconds. LOL
I was never molested- although I have a few relatives that I wouldn't doubt are capable. (I think every family has some sickos.) I didn't even lose my virginity until I dated my DH at the ripe old age of 24. (Yes, I have been the butt of thousands of Virgin Mary jokes- Mary is my real name BTW) I can't even begin to fathom the anguish that anyone who has been through that experiences. Sometimes the anger is a good thing- it reminds us to take precautions- and teach our children well. (It's not only daughters that need to know about rape, our sons need to understand that no means no.) This is a good subject, Jana. I will remember you all in my prayers.
I am so sorry to hear all this, my heart goes out to each and everyone of you.
I have my own little story to tell but not sure if it fits into the category of molestation, deffinitely not rape but very well could have happend next. I will share later when I come back. Gotta go for now,
The first thing I remember I was three years old and my uncle molesting me. I told my aunt who told her husband (my oldest uncle) and he beat the tar out of his younger brother. Later years found out that I was one of many that he had done this too. My mom still denies it. DUH!
When I was 6 yrs old I was brutally raped by *family friend. It was brushed under the rug cause at that time my grandma was dying.
My mom remarried when I was 7 and thats when my step father started. When I turned 15 I fought back. I had been training for the Canada Games, and could bench press more then my weight. I made sure he didn't walk right for a very long time. And he had to explain why his face was busted up.
I surpressed most of that untill 8 yrs ago when Brandon told his best friend about a situation with another neighbour kid. Hois best friend told his mom (teacher at the school) who then told me. I freaked, to put it lightly. I had Brandon is therapy within the week with the best councillor in child molestations. I couldn't let it go, I had night terrors, cried all the time and just was a mess. I talked to the sexual assault hotline alot and became friends with a woman named Michelle, I was close to suicide. She talked me into going to my DR. I hated having to, *Me? Im not weak, I have always been strong,,,I can't be depressed* was my mentallity. I went and spent 4 hours crying, with my Dr holding me and crying with me cause of the loss of innocence. Even now I can't think about it without breaking down. I spent 3 yrs in group therapy. Best thing I did.
I had never talked about my past untill everything more or less blew up in my face. And I came out a better person I think, Im softer. And at the same time not a push over.
Something my mom said to me all the time which I was able to talk about in therapy. *if your fat no one will love you* Well it took a year of group talking but we came out with,,,no, your wrong, some one will, I will LOVE ME! And Im the most important person.
You have to understand that I was raised to never show emotion, that if there are things happening act like its not. Violence was ok to show, and believe me it was shown alot.
I have done everything I can to break the cycle I was raised in and have more or less left that part of my life behind with my family.
I could go on with more about how life was and how life is, and the big difference it is. But thats for another time...*smile
night all
Angie
I was molested by my dad, I don't like to pin my weight on it but I know that now - many years later I have finally started to do something about the weight I had gained after I left home at 18 and I find myself feeling more unsafe almost like I am more vulnerable and I don't like it. When I was big and men looked at me it didn't bother me. Maybe I used the weight as a shield.
(((((((((HUGS)))))))) to Marti, Bandaid, Angie, Petra & Cristi.
Kaycee, thanks for your prayers.
I'm so sorry for those of you who have suffered! I know what you have been through. The feeling of helplessness is so awful. I remember thinking "What did I do to make him think this was okay????" He was a pillar in the church and came across as a real nice guy - the kind everyone says good things about. So I thought it HAD to be my fault!
When my daughters were young, I told them if anyone ever tried to touch them, to tell me right away, no matter what, and then when they were old enough, I told them what happened to me.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your stories. I wonder how many more are out there?
<<<<<HUGS>>>>>> from me too! With so much joking and happiness on the chit-chat thread, it was sobering to realize the depth of the pain that some of us have had to deal with. For every one that has spoken up about this here, there are thousands more out there.
I remember watching some program and the statistics were 2 out of 10 females were molested. That was almost 20 yrs ago. I wonder if that has changed in numbers? Im thinking 20 yrs ago NO ONE talked about that, its more open now I beleive.
Petra, I know I used my weight as a sheild. I was told so many times that if I could just lose the weight I would be pretty...hmmm gee thanks...I guess
Oh Cristi!!
How scary that must have been at such a young age!! I can't even imagine that! I also have spoken to my daughter about being in a situation that makes her feel uncomfortable....to IMMEDIATELY tell me or her dad. She is very open and she tells me everything... but something like that... you never know!! I just hope she never gets put in a situation like that.
Thanks Marti! It was scary and at first I was scared and then I was embarrassed. I don't know if he would have tried to do anything else but I wasn't going to wait and see.
That is so sad and terrible about that guy-UGH! You probably didn't move because you were so shocked that this person, someone you trusted was doing that to you. My heart goes out to you. I am glad he went to jail! The guy was definitely scum, I just don't get grown men preying on young girls, and boys. Because it does happen to boys to.
What is wrong with people that they do stuff like this to kids/teenagers? It's just so sad, and unfortunately it happens too often I think. I definitely think it is more common than people think.
My cousin was almost raped by her dad. The guy had a major breakdown and went after his own daughter. Of course when this happend my Aunt kicked his *** out the door and divorced him! The guy really lost it, he has now been married about 6 or 7 times. Not sure if he tried anything with the other wives kids.
My sister and I had a mutual friend in High School and we had gone to the state fair with her, her brother and her dad. At that time I wasn't into riding the rides especially if they spinned around. So, they wanted to ride this one ride and my sister ended up with her dad and the friend and her brother ended up in the another car. My sister when she got off the ride pulled me to the side and said our friends dad tried to french kiss her! He kept grapping at her and trying to kiss her and wouldn't stop until the ride stopped, even though she was trying to push him away. I couldn't believe it! I had noticed when friends, especially my sister, would go to her house that her dad was always looking the girls over but never thought he would do anything. We went our own way for a while and walked a distance behind them because my sister didn't want to be near him , which was understandable, and we didn't really know what to do. We had rode up there with them. Anyway, she never told our friend, and her parents ended up divorcing a few years later. I have kept in touch with this friend and her dad remarried a few years after that. that was back in the 70's. In 1999 I had talked with her on the phone and her dad was getting a divorce and the soon to be ex had pressed charges against him saying he had raped one of her DD and fondled the other. My first thought was OMG, the kiss at the fair! Of course she went on saying he wouldn't do something like that. I wanted to so bad to say, I think he would. He got away with it because they thought it was just another bitter ex making up stories! OMG!
Anyway, it is all so sad. And I will never understand.
What get's into mens' heads thinking they can take advantage of anyone?? Women too. I've heard of such things. It's all bad.
Jana- I wanted to let you know that starting this thread was almost another "healing session" for me. I haven't talked about this in years. And when I do, it's very brief. Getting this all out felt good. I apologize if I gave more detail than what was needed, so if you need to edit go ahead. But I honestly feel better inside.
Now,, to work on other issues that haunted me in the past.....that could take up pages!
You are right Marti, and I didn't mean to exclude women in with the kids and teenagers in with my post.
There was just a rape the other night on the news about a woman leaving a club downtown who was raped after dancing with a guy in the club that evening. I remember when I did the club scene (many, many years ago), one guy had bought me a drink and just came right out and said so this means you are going home with me? Ummm, NO! He took the drink back! I went clubbing years ago one to enjoy the evening, the music, to dance and have a drink or two with my friends. If a guy wanted to buy me a drink then so be it, but to expect me to go home with him because he bought me a drink I don't think so. I wasn't there to pick up a guy or to be picked up. I actually had this happen several times.
Were you molested or raped like me?
It was scary and at first I was scared and then I was embarrassed. I don't know if he would have tried to do anything else but I wasn't going to wait and see.
