When I was think and model-esque I was literally TRIPPING over men... they threw themselves at me all of the time. I did get a lot of dirty looks from wives as well. As a thinner person I LOVED dressing up but also enjoyed goin out comfy.... the difference right now is that I can't wear clothes that I like, so I don't enjoy it as much... as for attention-I definitely still get hit on just not nearly as much. I am more comfortable communicating as a bigger girl with cute guys in a way becausethey are usually not interested.. so I can see conversations can vary... at the same time I feel uncomfortable while talking to cute guys because I am the fat girl. I think I ring skinny again will bring a different discomfort with interaction but I welcome it. I dislike knowing that my weight sets me apart in a visible way from other people in the room.
I don't go out much, except for the school run so really don't run into many men. I get a few smiles and looks from people in cars, but they are probably being friendly LOL
However, I have noticed that other women are the ones who look at me differently. I wear nice clothes now, I do not look tarty, I am very casual but it is not unusual for someone to look me up and down and give me a funny look.
So I'm more self conscious around other women than I am men. I went from doing the school run being over-weight with my head held down wearing baggy clothes to a slim confident person who always looks her best and yes, I have noticed funny looks from other women ever since so I feel like I stick out even more now that I am slim than I did when I was bigger.
What is the environment that this "unwanted" attention is happening. My first thought was at a bar/club/pub. If that's the case....
men + drinking = rude/obnoxious
They will hit on what they think is an easy target. It's how you carry yourself. If we act like we know we're awesome and deserve better than the gross guy with the chest hair popping out of his shirt then it will happen.
that's the problem, chunkey munkey: as a fat chick, i'm almost obligated to be "jolly", "warm-hearted", "nurturing" and all the rest of that crap.
you know - the "pleasant personality" - which i suck at.
I missed out on this when I was fatter. I thought when I was thinner I would have to beat them off with a stick but as it turns out I haven't had that issue. Maybe it's from years of mistreatment and my guard being constantly up, or I'm just not receptive to it. Or the fact that I am oblivious to people and almost always in my own little world so I don't notice. But either way hasn't become an issue, sadly.
If you don't want the attention a firm but polite "I'm not interested" is all you need. Then turn around and ignore the guy. If he's pushy, walk away. If he still persists, tell him he is making you feel threatened and if it continutes, you will call for help. It never usually gets that far though. In my experience once you say you're not interested, they back off.
Absolutely. In my early 20's I used to frequent some busy clubs/bars and have had uninvited hands on me. I've also reported it and had the people thrown out every single time, and I once called the police when someone grabbed me.
If someone is just talking to you because they like you, be polite and flattered, but make sure you say exactly what you feel. No need to lie or be mean to them.
ok... I am a member of a dance community. It is normally always cool and friendly and like a "happy family" - sounds cheesy but that's how it is. However.... I showed up for class on monday wearing my new happy Red Skinny Jeans which I had just bought that day to celebrate my weight loss... and one of the guys there (who I thought was my friend and who is MARRIED btw and his wife is also in the community)
grabbed my boobs while he was dancing with me. full on grabbed and squeezed. and it happened twice.
sooo... you might say, hey he's a creep... whatever. but this is a guy I've known and been friends with for four years. he's always been nice and normal, and suddenly I hit 150 pounds and THIS happens.
All of these comments kind of scared me. I was going to start a thread about it but I don't think I will until it becomes an actual issue.
About five years ago I (accidentally) lost a lot of weight. I was about 40 pounds less than I am now, and even then, the attention I got from men went from being non-existent to kind of uncomfortable. If I went out I'd get lots of comments about my breasts (they're huge) and lots of rude guys hitting on me (when they weren't busy hitting on my much smaller sister) because I suppose they just thought a fat chick would be up for anything, even with a gross and unfortunate-looking guy.
Not true. I don't like attention at all. I'm reasonably attractive and so I guess I'm afraid that when I lose weight I won't know how to navigate the world as a "normal girl." I've been fat forever. I've never had to learn how. I grew up as a fat girl and I relate to people, especially men, accordingly. The lack of attention I get being so big is what I see as one of the 'pros' of being overweight. It's not that I'm not interested in finding a guy one day, I just don't want to be noticed and subjected to awkward social interactions. I hate it.
It's funny, but the bigger you are, the more invisible you seem to be. I suppose I'm used to that now.
OP: I don't know you at all, but I would say that if you're not naturally assertive then you really need to work on acquiring those skills. No one has the right to make you feel uncomfortable or to invade your personal space. There are subtle things you can do to deflect unwanted attention (invent a boyfriend or an excuse to hurry off) but if a guy's just not taking the hint, that's his problem, not yours. Remove yourself from the situation. No one has an automatic entitlement to your time, so just remember that. Don't insist on being 'nice' when a guy's invading your space and making you uncomfortable.
ok... I am a member of a dance community. It is normally always cool and friendly and like a "happy family" - sounds cheesy but that's how it is. However.... I showed up for class on monday wearing my new happy Red Skinny Jeans which I had just bought that day to celebrate my weight loss... and one of the guys there (who I thought was my friend and who is MARRIED btw and his wife is also in the community)
grabbed my boobs while he was dancing with me. full on grabbed and squeezed. and it happened twice.
sooo... you might say, hey he's a creep... whatever. but this is a guy I've known and been friends with for four years. he's always been nice and normal, and suddenly I hit 150 pounds and THIS happens.
so.
weird weight loss stuff. plus cute red pants.
?????
Not "weird" that is ASSAULT! I hope you told him in no uncertain terms that he is never to touch you inappropriately again. I filed a police report for a similar situation, though it was the attendant at a gas station when I stopped in.
He's not nice or normal, and you should definitely say something about it and keep your distance. I would absolutely ream him in front of his wife and everyone else in the class, but that's just me.
ok... I am a member of a dance community. It is normally always cool and friendly and like a "happy family" - sounds cheesy but that's how it is. However.... I showed up for class on monday wearing my new happy Red Skinny Jeans which I had just bought that day to celebrate my weight loss... and one of the guys there (who I thought was my friend and who is MARRIED btw and his wife is also in the community)
grabbed my boobs while he was dancing with me. full on grabbed and squeezed. and it happened twice.
sooo... you might say, hey he's a creep... whatever. but this is a guy I've known and been friends with for four years. he's always been nice and normal, and suddenly I hit 150 pounds and THIS happens.
so.
weird weight loss stuff. plus cute red pants.
?????
I second Munchy here. That is assault, plain and simple. I sincerely hope you told him to f*ck off and to never touch you again, but if not then he needs to be made aware that you will NOT tolerate that sort of behavior. He obviously feels entitled to touch you (and probably whoever else tickles his fancy) and he needs to know that it is NOT on with you.
Sorry you had to go through that. Skeevey men... *shakes head*
You just have to tell them in a firm, yet polite manner that you're not interested and after that completely ignore them. If you don't ignore them and try to reason with them they'll think they still have a chance. Now, if a friend assaults you, like in the situation you described, I think you need to have a serious talk with them. He can't get away with that simply because he knows you, that was a very aggressive gesture and unless you establish some boundaries, he's probably going to do it again.
UGH I forgot all about the male population when Im fit.
There was a time in my life that I weighed about 135 (it was kind of a while ago lol) well anyways its like men were just animals...I dont understand it!
Im losing weight now but no where near that 135 that I once was, and I get a lot of less attention from the male animalistic species population (thank GOD, I do not miss that at ALL lol)
My best advice here is either ignore it, or dress more conservatively. You cannot control other peoples actions/comments and unfortunately thats just something that sucks....
Its interesting, when I was heavier I think I got more street harassment than I do now that I am lighter. I think part of it had to do with having a hard time finding bras and tops that fit my ample bust well, especially anytime I wore something stretchy or (on the rare occasions I'd muster the courage) a tanktop.
I think my look is pretty cute now, but necessarily modest, since I haven't had the money to buy lots of new clothes, and most of what I wear is pretty baggy on me. I like my fit body quite a lot, but it definitely is less voluptuous and sensual (to me). I am sure every woman's experience really varies with this.
