wow!!! I just heard on the radio about a cow beauty contest!!! they take fOUR hours to shower and groom the cow,with eye makeup and hairdressing ----they close off the udders with white glue so they appear nice and silicony and plump-----tart cows in other words---and then they show them like show dogs!!!!!------- peeps have no calories and contain crack

I'm in....I think a little crazy glue would do me good. I would like to crazy glue my rolls of fat...sort of like a french bustle of the stomach. I think it will be a fad.
I have nothing to say. I'm seriously thinking of cleaning...you know what that means!!!!!!!!!!

Where is the SPCA? Is this some kind of stunt pulled off by bored snow-in Canadiyan??? What do you "close off their udders." I am mad!!!! What does the winner get???? How does the talent section go? Keep posting. I am home. I am stresssssssSSSSSSSSSSED

Poor cows! what happens at milking time? Do they just get all backed up??? And I don't think they need the mascara, they have such pretty eyes without all that makeup.

Kiwi, good girl for going to the eye doc. Glad to hear that everything is ok. I was visiting my eye doc yesterday and I was reading the "floaters and spots" brochure in his office, thinking of you...... and by the way, my eye pressure is fine and my visual field test was unchanged, my optic nerve photos were unchanged, which is very good. And after going thru all that, my doc said "next time we'll do a complete exam. What was the one I just went thru??? Sometimes I feel like I live there.

Lush, I started back at Curves on monday. Gotta go today. They have a new "Glute" machine. I should have a lovelier behind by summer. ha.

I'm supposed to be doing my stuff for the accountant. Bleeeeh. Gotta go.

I am checking back and I see that only Wabby has posted. You all get three hundred demerits (or 330 in Canada). I am off again and will return.

Isn't a complete exam when they freeze your eyeball and stick a suction cup on it? Or did they already do that?

Talk to us, Peachy, tell us about your stresssss.

Tarty domestic animals. What will they think of next?

My computer has been taken over by 3 Men in Search of Deals. eBay, eBay, eBay, day and night.

My Stress
By PEACHES O'BARRELLOFFAT

Tomorrow I have to go to this other city to talk to a human from social security. I have been to this city twice, it's far, I don't know my way around, and the outcome depends on the mood the human is in. I want you Alllll to come with me. Please. We'll stop for lunch at Burger King.

Plus !!!! ##^@@%*# Hudda @($&@ My landlord has come a few feet up my driveway and tacked a sign on a bush saying the house is for sale. This lot is over 1.5 acres and he could put the sign on a tree on the road. He is an idiot. Probably he's just man but he's very on my nerves.

Our little Dogpatch is having a weekend thing where old people come. Elder hostile or Elder hostage or something like that. So grey haired happy old people are walking around and I am insuch a baddd baddd mood that I want to yell at them and hit them with my purse. My office mate, around my same age, said we could form a gang of young ruffians, just the 2 of us, and go run them off. They are all in couples and have bright colored clothes and shorts and and nice silver hair and they walk down the HUDDA sidewalk reading the names of the businesses out loud and saying "How far is the cafe?" The cafe is this place where all the veggies arived in cans and the mayonnaise must be bought by the bus load as no piece of bread leaves the kitchen without a thick thick layer of mayo on it. Sandwich = bread, 1/8 inch mayo, tuna with mayo in it (or vice versa), 1/8 inch mayo, bread. Next to it will be decaying fruit.

And And and last night my landlord called to get me to let him into my house today and I said no, wait til the weekend like we TALKED ABOUT THE DAY BEFORE and then I called Herbie, the professional landlord, for moral support and he said:

Quote:
You should thank him for letting you stay there

And so I, being quite HUDDAed off, said :

Quote:
I Thank HIM EVERY MONTH BY SENDING HIM A CHECK!!!!!

The whole conversation suggested to me that HERBIE IS OVER HIS GUILT TRIP ON BEING AN ... hmmmm... HUDDA ORIFICE .... and I Wish HE WOULD WALK DOWN the sTREET REading the Names of BUSINESSES OUTL LOUD AND I COULD HIT him with the NEWSPAPER RACKKK!K!K!!K!!

There.

I feel much better.

Thanks for asking, Sugar.
Weight loss advice for whom it may concern:

Quote:
Lay off alcohol. "Studies have proven that as little as four ounces of wine can slow your body's ability to metabolize food and burn fat," says Austin. Alcohol also tends to make you feel hungrier and less motivated to stick to your healthy new eating goals. Finally, since alcohol can be a depressant, it can leave you feeling hopeless about your efforts to lose weight -- and more likely to binge.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just spit green tea all over my keyboard, Peachy! Sounds like Dogpatch has gone nuts and you're right in the middle of it. You go tell those old ladies to behave themselves. And your landlord. And Herbie. Isn't there some clause that says that landlords can't just butst in any old time they like? I think they have to make an appointment with you first because you are paying the rent and it's your place. Sort of. But what do I know. Are they going to be people traipsing in and out at all hours of the day and night?

I don't drink alcohol, I don't drink Coke, I don't even drink Diet Pepsi any more. How come I'm still fat? I'm blaming it on my glands.

Dh want to do online banking. He went to our bank and got the stuff. Says they didn't give him a PIN. I think he wasn't paying attention and they did give him one and he lost it somewhere. And now *I* have to go to the bank and feel stupid (as usual) and get things figured out. I hate banks. I don't have any money anyway.

Anyone ever made a top hat out of construction paper? ds6 wants to be a magician for Mardi Gras and I'm too cheap to buy a plastic hat that he'll only wear once. ds9 is going as a sherrif. Easy. Hat, vest, star, moustache. Guns and swords aren't allowed at school.

Guess I should go to the bank now but I don't wanna.

I think you need heavier paper than construction paper..unless you have a very careful kid. Posterboard would do it. Is he wearing a striped vest, too? What about jowls?
I just started online bill pay this month. It is designed to end me driving around with envelopes in my car, leaving bills unpaid for want of a stamp.
I should be doing a list....but I really don't want to. I don't feel like cleaning. I don't feel like doing anything. So there.

Thursday and three of you are AWOL.

Sugar, the hat will be really cute. Have Lush tell you step-by-step how to do it.

The social security man or woman (someone I didn't see because we had a go-between) will make a determination later.

Yes, you're right. Posterboard it is. Construction paper would only be demolished by those wacky first graders. No vest. He wants a black cape with pockets. That should be fun. Remember when you made that poodle skirt about a 100 years ago, Lush?

I'm very disappointed with the turnout on
Peaches' Day Off We must all try harder next time.

I wonder if you could make a peep smoothie if you whirled those little guys up in a blender with a little tequila.

The bank did, indeed, forget to tell dh his PIN. Duh. I remember when my parents were here and wanted to cash a travellers cheque (notice the fancy French Canadian spelling) all the bank employees were running around like chickens with their heads cut off not knowing what to do. I wanted the bank guy to fill out a form for me too today so I can bank from the comfort of my own home, and he said he was just sooooooo busy at the moment and that I should come back later in the afternoon. I am punishing him by not going back until tomorrow. Customer service is a dirty word here. OK, it's two dirty words.

But I keep getting locked out. DD is downloading music and it hogs the bandwidth so badly I can't do anything.

I have to include a picture for you. Unbelievably, this is my stepfather and my mother in costumes they made for Halloween. I don't really know how my dad made his or how long it held up. It's lovely though, don't you think?

I have to drive 75 mi. to go to my eye appt. at the ***crack of dawn tomorrow. Does anybody know how long you can't drive after a bunch of those drops? Wabbit? I didn't have any trouble driving home the other day, but they only dropped one of my eyes (haha dropped one -- there's an image), and they might do both tomorrow. Plus I suppose it could be something entirely different from just dilating drops. My dr's office said I should have someone with me to drive, but I didn't think to ask how long it would be before I could drive myself. DD wants to bring a friend with her to do some shopping, and DH will go if he has to, but he doesn't really have any other reason to go.

A peep smoothie. Sounds fabulous. Bagz, go work on that, will you?
Repeat after me: "I can't come back; I'll just wait while you do it" Probably won't work, bureaucrats rule in Germany, don't they?

Kiwi

I've been trying to post like a good girl on Peachers day off, but the fat chicks wouldn't let me on. I'm totally flabberghast at your banker, Sugar. I guess in the states we're just money hungry or something because here the banks will do anything for the pleasure of my measly funds. At my bank the tellers are always asking me if I've lost weight? ha! do they think I'll fall for that old line?????

Kiwi, it depends on what kind of drops. The stuff they usually give me only numbs my eye so they can check the pressure. It wears off in about 15 minutes and then I can put my contacts back in and drive home.

Isn't Lush just the most creative mom??? It's been so many years since I made costumes for my munchkins, I don't remember how. The most adorable ones were Raggedy Ann and Andy when the kids were 1 and 4.

Peachers, out here on the frontier the law states that landlords must give tenants 24 hours notice before they can gain entry to a rental home. That means all real estate agents must give you 24 hours notice every time they show your home. And tell the Herbster that he's talking like a pompous *ss. Or don't tell him, but you can think it. Did I spell pompous right? It looks funny. I sure hope the social security person was in a good mood, did you bring them any donuts?

This is why I'm incredibly ticked off today - We bought an entertainment center - you know, big shelf thingy for the tv, dvd player and all that stuff. It came in 3 sections. When we saw it in the store, we asked the sales person "how much for the entertainment center?" She said "x amount", we said "we'll take it". On the sales receipt it said 3 pc entertainment center. When it was delivered today it was missing the center part that the tv sits on. When I called her she told me "oh that part is extra. If you want it we can have it delivered next week for an additional $500." I asked her what she thought we were going to put our tv on, the floor???? She just kept saying, "gosh, I'm sorry there was a mis-communication." So now DH just wants to go buy a bigger tv set that has the bottom part attached. I don't want to spend any more money. I want what I was sold. I'm reallllllly ticked.

Oooooh, Kiwi! Make your dh go with you and drive you back - last time I had those dilating drops I couldn't see anything for about 3 hours. We want you home safe and sound!

Help! I can't see the picture. I must be going blind. Do I have to push something?

You've already left, or I would tell you to go alone. Stay overnight in plush hotel with a deep bathtub and room service. Ahhhhhhhh.......

Can you believe that they closed school today? They are concerned about all the melting snow and flooding. These kids are so bored! Let them go to school. They are going to be in school until August at this rate.

Wabby, call someone and make them sorry. That is absurd that she would think you wanted an entertainment center with no space for the TV. People...ach.

I'm sorry I missed yesterday. I'm so boring that I couldn't have been truly missed.

I don't feel like doing anything..but I have to do something. So I will.....maybe a list...maybe not. It depends on how well I do. Sorry to leave you hanging.
bye