I'm sneaking back in to admit that I've totally lost the plot

Only exercised once last week, have been drinking wine every night and have been eating rubbish. Life is just so strange post earthquake, I can't get into a routine with anything. I'm feeling depressed and just not able to do anything positive at the moment.

Tomorrow I go south for work for the rest of the week so that means restaurant meals. I will pack my sports gear and try to at least go for a walk after work.

Julia - you have been through so much. And I believe there was another earthquake last night. Its gonna take time for you to feel back to yourself. Keep up the exercise even if its only for 10-15 minutes, it will help release endorphins which will help you get out of that depression. Packing your sports gear is great! Eating out is hard, but stick to the healthier options, you will get back into the rhythmn of it all.

Wow Von! What is your goal weight?

Gen - eeek! Good luck with your exam on Tuesday!

Wow Ani - Bali - sound divine!

I lost 900g last week, I am pleased with that. We had lots of celebrating and I over ate on several occasions.

This week I have planned, prepared and will have a positive outlook.

I made Creamy Broccoli soup last night and froze 3 portions, I will have one for lunch on Tuesday. I also made Chicken, Tortellini and vegetable soup and froze three portions, I had one today for lunch - yummy!

Tonight for dinner I had Ham, Asparagus, Feta and Tomato Quiche and will have have more for dinner tomorrow night. Tuesday night I have PT and Liam has AFL training so it is hard to cook in the hour between the two.

I am hoping the preparation will pay off.

Work is so hectic - why can't there be balance - when my personal life is good, work is not! I have three days left before my long service leave starts and well...I think I should spend the next 72 hours there. I am expecting a "conversation" tomorrow, my son has swimming lessons as 5:30pm, and I went to leave at 5pm, that was cutting it fine to get him there, and my boss wanted something done before I left, we have a school education director visit tomorrow. Well I did it but it is a skeleton overview and not my best work, as it is, I left work at 5:40pm, met my son at the pool at 6pm. My father took him. He swam 25m freestyle - the first time ever. He also went up a swimming group, and I missed it.

I then went to my WW meeting feeling down, but i feel the glass is half full. I got my meals cooked, it meant that I ate at 8pm. We usually eat at 6pm. I didnt spend any time this afternoon with my son. I feel working mummy guilt. 3 days of face to face teaching - even though I am on long service leave I am attending a conference next Tues and Wed... work related. Not having to go to work for a month is a fantastic feeling. Hope tomorrow is okay.

Catch you all later.

How do you cope with toxic people?

Grrrr - My toxic person is my mum - I have lost 7.2kg, my clothes are loose on me, people at work are commenting how my face has slimmed down and one of my colleagues grabbed the staff photo off the wall and compared it to how I look now, I happened to be wearing the same outfit that day.

Well - tonight my mother says to me - "Have you put more weight on? You look like you have piled on the kilos again." "How much do you weigh?" Are you over a 150 kgs?

I dont answer her. I know that if I answer her I am dammed if I do and dammed if I dont. Its her comments that drive me to eat! If she thinks those comments are going to make me feel motivated to lose weight...

She hasnt said anything positive to me, my seven year old pipes up... " she lost 5.2kgs this week, so be quiet!" I smiled at him. I think he has watched too much The Biggest Loser. But her saying it in front of my 7yo is annoying me too.

I would sever all ties, but she helps me with before and after school care. So, I will continue to bite my tongue, but one day...

Julia, I'm sorry you're feeling like crap. I agree though that exercise seems to be your thing and when that's happening you seem to feel better so do see if you can get out just for a little walk at least.

Vanessa, I know my mother had my best interests at health regarding weight, but she used to constantly say things that I found hurtful about weight. I think when you're overweight, you're already so sensitive about it (it's not like we don't know we're fat, thanks for letting me know, dummy!) that anything is hard to accept as constructive. I mean, if I said I had a sore toe she would tell me that it was carrying all that weight that did it etc.

In the end I just said to my mother, listen I know you mean well, but I don't find it helpful when you comment on my weight. I know what I need to do, and I will do it when I'm ready, but in the meantime I just find your input upsets me, please don't mention it again. It seemed to help.

Even if you mum helps with childcare, you're both adults, I obviously don't know what she's like and maybe it wouldn't help but something to consider.

Now me:
- somehow, god knows how because my study was - shall we say - minimal, I got 97.5% on my final exam. Don't know how as it didn't seem any better or worse than the other 3 exams I got sucky grades on. Oh well, I'll take it.

-weighed in at 74.9kg today. Lowest I can remember as an adult about 11 years ago was 74 so that is pretty cool.

Gen - What a fantastic week you have had a great score on your finals and weighing your lowest ever!

I am on Long service leave and I am hoping tomorrow's weighin is a loss, but I am struggling with being able to non-stop go and check out the fridge and cupboard. I like routine.

But I am enjoying just veging out - on Friday, I took my son to school and watched the Harmony Day parade and watched Liam's poppy help him with his school work. I love card making and I have pulled out all my stamps and made 16 cards in 2 days, some male birthdays, female birthdays and kids birthdays, and a thank you card. Yesterday I went and watched The Kings Speech - excellent movie. And today I am just enjoying the leisurely pace of it all, no Mondayitis starting to overwhelm me.

Hope you all have been well,

Sounds like you're on fire Gen! Good for you, it must be a great feeling

Vanessa that's really sad that your mum is like that. All I can think of is to maybe call her on it. Do you think confronting her about her behaviour would help?

I'm slowly getting back on track. Was housesitting a dog over the weekend and walked it twice. I'm back there looking after the dog from 11 April until the end of June so will have to walk it every day which will help me get off my fat butt!

Bootcamp starts back up tomorrow - it hasn't been on since the earthquake - and I'm looking forward to that. Being on a Monday it is a positive start to my week and makes me more likely to get out and do stuff for the rest of the week.

Did some grocery shopping today and have made my lunch to take to work tomorrow including a couple of healthy snacks.

Here's hoping I can finally get back on track properly.

Well today at work we were called into a meeting and told that of the 12 of us in my office, half of us will lose our jobs. 2 positions have been disestablished and the other 10 of us will have to compete for 6 positions.

I am not boot-camping tonight, I am sitting on my fat arse and drinking vodka. Chocolate will probably follow.

How devastating! Try and get back to boot camp - you will feel better for it.

The ex had still been living at mum's place. I went home unexpectedly in the middle of the day on Thursday and he was in bed with a woman. Thankfully they were both asleep and fully clothed because I couldn't have handled the alternative.

I told him to get out right away and he has found a place and was due to move out on Tuesday next week. Last night I flipped my lid and a whole bunch of circumstances led to me packing all of his stuff and dumping it outside. He's now gone and while I know this is for the best, I know that he's treated me like crap for so long, it hurts so much. Now it's all totally final my heart is breaking all over again

For as hard as it may seem at this moment - for every darkest night, they is a brighter day just around the corner. You have been through a lot in such a short space of time. Do something special for you, go out with the girls, plan something special, a dinner, a pedicure... I hope your spirits get lifted.

I am getting ready to fly out in the morning. We are off to Lindeman Island via Hamilton Is... I believe its gonna rain for the entire week I am away. But I am sure the sun will come out some of the time we are there... I am an optimist. I am just looking forward to getting away from it all. See you all in a week.

flew to melbourne. flew back. great time, will read and post tomorrow

I went and got my hair done, got a massage and talked a whole lot to a bunch of people and am feeling a bit better now. It'll just take time.

Am going to try to get back to looking after myself properly now and as tomorrow is Monday that means it's time to get back to bootcamp. God help me!

I'm back from Bali, and am as sick as a dog. I am getting checked for Dengue Fever, hepatitis and who knows what else - but not feeling great.

And now I have to go to NSW on Friday, spend a week packing up my mum's house and putting her in aged care. I cannot even begin to say how horrible that feels - but it was her decision, so I guess that's something.

Don't know what I weigh, my stomach is too distended and I am pretty dehydrated… so I have no idea.

I'll pop in when I can, but the next couple of weeks are going to be hard. I have been reading everything, just feel a bit too sick to say much - but wanted to catch up with you all.

Oh cripes Ani I'm so sorry to hear all of that I hope you get better soon and I definitely hope you have someone to support you through the stuff with your mum. Please do pop in and let us know how you're getting on.

Today was day 1 for me. Day 1 of getting on with my life, of treating myself better and of doing things that are good for me. That meant going to bootcamp tonight and DAMN it was hard! Daylight savings ended yesterday so it was dark and it's also pouring with rain so we were grovelling around under the trees in the park getting drenched and covered in pine needles and dirt!

I'm so pleased that I went though and it's made a really positive start to the week. Tomorrow I'm going out for dinner with a friend but I'll have an hour and a half at least between work and dinner so I'll go for a wee jog in that time.

Next Monday I start 2 1/2 months housesitting and looking after a big hairy dog so I'll have to exercise him every day and that will be good for me.

Julia - what an a-hole!

Ani - sorry you're ill and about your mum. Hopefully though you can worry a little less once she's somewhere she can be supervised, especially if it was her idea.

Me -
- in the middle of crazy busy 5 weeks with 36 hrs clinical then 36 hrs of work per week.. sucks to be me!
- roommate backed out of new place, 2 weeks before we were meant to move in.
- decided to move in anyhow since i like the place
- ran into doc at work who lives there and said walls are thin, noise from neighbours is terrible, and a 3am train likes blowing its whistle every night...
- Oh and had a car accident 2 weeks ago when kid ran into me on the way home from work and totally jacked up one whole side of my car. Sucks to be me.

F'ing sucks to be me!

On the good news front (yes, there's some..!)
- clinicals are going well and I already have a job offer for after graduation next April
- I am wearing size 8 work pants
- I have 2 pairs of size 6 jeans
- I am 73.8kg - have lost 43.9kg..has slowed but still going
- Ran 30 mins the other night!!!!!!!!!!!