Let me start by saying I have great friends, and I know they mean well, and I should take this situation as a compliment... but I didn't, just a little rant...

So it was one of my good friends b-day last night and I was going out with a group of VERY stylish/fashionista girls, which I am not. I was stressing about it so my boyfriend gave me money and said, go buy yourself something you feel fabulous in. Yes, he is wonderful

I bought, some super cute winter shorts (my first pair ever - in a size 10). They looked amazing. I wore them with black tights and knee high boots and a cute black sweater. I felt amazing.

My friends freaked out when they saw me, but they all said, "those shorts are SO flattering on your body!" "So flattering" over and over. I feel like Flattering means, you look better than you really are.

I'm not sure what I'm even trying to say. The flattering comments made me feel like I wasn't deserving of looking how I did, like the piece of clothing got all the credit for my weightloss...

Does this make any sense? Does anyone else hate the word "flattering?"

I kinda see what you mean.

"Those look great on you"- you look good, and the clothes you're wearing are cute too.

"Flattering"- the clothes make you look better than you normally do.

At least, that's how I see it.

I don't think they meant any harm by it, but I do see your point. One time I told someone that the cut of their shirt was flattering, and this was a person who is small and very attractive. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I was like, That sounded bad! But I really did mean that the shirt looked great on her. Do your best to take it as a compliment and feel good about yourself. I'll bet you looked great. It sounds like a very trendy outfit that I'd probably NEVER be able to pull off!

I had a boyfriend tell me once "your butt actually looks great in those jeans".

Um.

Yeah, that was over 7 years ago and it still bugs me.

When I think of the term "flattering" related to clothes, I take it to mean that the clothing accentuates your best features. I don't think that means that they make you look better than you actually look, but rather, they help you to look your best. For example, if you have a nice butt a pair of fitted jeans would be more flattering than a pair of baggy ones.

I agree 100% with you!!

I think sometimes when we are super sensitive about something we over analyze it and its ALWAYS easier to believe the bad. Go easy on yourself (and friends) and know that you looked great in the outfit!

We are mad at our friends when they don't comment and mad if they do. They are in a no-win situation. Can't you just say thank you and take it as the compliment it was meant to be?

Women's compliments to one another can be so finely nuanced -- to put it nicely -- that they require some thought & interpretation.

But I don't think that's the case here.

I think you should take it at face value. (The analogy for me is when someone tells me a particular color that I'm wearing is "flattering." It doesn't mean that by default, on other days, in other colors, I look plain & washed out. It means that it imparts an additional "wow, that looks great" factor. It goes to 11.)

I think you looked harder at the compliment than you needed to & than you probably usually would have because 1) you're wearing something you said you've never bought before, shorts in winter; 2) you're pretty sure it looks good, others said it looks good, but still, it's not the usual, so you're still just a tiny bit unsure, way deep down. What you were really looking for, in any compliments, was an unconditional, ringing endorsement, to quiet any little qualms you were still experiencing.

I think your audience may have picked up on that slight unsureness of yours, and it was a very kind audience, and they honestly felt you did look great, so they added something to the compliment to address your concern. They said "flattering."

Which to your ears, sounded like too much, over the top & backhanded.

I really don't think it was meant that way. To put it briefly, I think the intention was good & that you looked great.

(Pictures? ;-)

- Says saef, who loves hearing females use the term "super cute" to describe clothing.

I understand what you are saying but agree that your friends probably were just trying to compliment you about how great you look.

The last time I lost weight, everyone at work went crazy over it. I lost about 15-20 lbs and I was getting stopped in the hallways by strangers asking me how I lost so much weight. It probably looked like a lot more because I am small...but I hated it. It made me feel awful like - wow - everyone really noticed I was a giant fat as*s and that I looked horrible before.

That probably (definately?) wasn't their intent...they just wanted to compliment me on how good I looked. But that's all I could think of. So...I get where you are coming from, but also your friends might be treading lightly about the whole weight loss thing and NOT mentioning it because they are afraid you would feel like I did.

Is it possible that they focused on complimenting your outfit and not mentioning the weightloss because they thought this would be the least likely thing to be taken the wrong way? especially if you are still trying to lose?

I know that they meant well. I think I was feeling extra sensitive this week! It was a compliment and now I look back and take it as that! Thanks for all the replies