It is very discouraging to say the least, and it's unfortunate that there are several of us that have to deal with this negative stigma on a daily basis. As long as I take motivation away from it instead of hurt, I'll be fine. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, right?
Wow, you certainly touched a nerve with me. My parents are the most negative people I know - thats why I have chosen to block them out of my life. I no longer speak to them, as they are so poisonous. My mother was never fat, and she could never understand why I was. She regularly told me how ashamed she was of me. The only time she ever seemed to treat me like a real person was when I got under 200lbs. If I were you I'd tell them you want more support, or more of the support you need, and if they can't support you, don't tell them !! Tough I know, but pandering to their negativity won't help on this journey.
I swear as a parent myself, if I ever get like my own I want to be taken out and put down !!
Congratulations on your weightloss, you are doing great, and deserve lots of kudos.
x
Wow, you certainly touched a nerve with me. My parents are the most negative people I know - thats why I have chosen to block them out of my life. I no longer speak to them, as they are so poisonous.
This really makes me sad. Don't get me wrong, I used to be the same way w/ my dad before he decided to become sober. I used to think about it and I had decided that if he passed away I wasn't sure I would be able to shed a tear for him. He had been a drunk all my life and an abusive one at that, so I didn't feel any loss. But...5 1/2 years ago now he got sober. It took about 3 years before I finally decided that this time was it and I was going to give him a chance. We've since repaired our relationship (not 100% of course, it probably never will be) and I have to say I feel a lot better about things.
While I understand your reasons for cutting all contact w/ your parents, I do hope that in the future things will change and you will let them back into your life. It would be a real shame for you to lose either one of them w/o having some type of closure on the situation. I hope you are able to repair the relationship to some point before it's too late. I'm glad that I have had the chance.
Comments like these coming from family just remind me of the stark fact that, when it comes down to it, we need to learn to be self-reliant.
We're alone in these bodies. No one's in there with us. (Well, not permanently.)
Don't get me wrong. Support from others really, really helps. Or I wouldn't be on this forum. But finally, we're in complete control here, we're the only ones responsible, and we need to find strength & motivation inside us to do this & to keep on doing it, to stay healthy.
(Nothing turns me into an existentialist quite like thinking about weight loss does.)
Too right Saef - you are very wise !!
Natasha - both of my parents are alcoholics - they will not make the change, so I will not be involved - it's too darned painful and the criticism is too much. But I hear ya........
I don't think my parents ever believed I would reach my goals - in fact I never even told them what my ultimate goal was as I was pretty certain they would tell me not to aim so low - that I'd never reach it. I just quietly got on with it.
But when I hit my first goal and told them I was starting running, my mum was frankly sceptical. When I, half jokingly, said that maybe I would be running a marathon one day my mother laughed in my face - literally! To give him his due, my father has always been supportive! However even from him I sometimes hear that I am looking TOO thin!
So I decided that day that one day I WOULD run a marathon. If she had not been so derisive, then I might not have stuck with it, but I felt so awful that she had so little faith in me I decided I would prove it.
SO far I haven't managed a marathon - the most I have managed is 10K, but it's 10K more than I ever ran before in my life and I WILL run that marathon one day!
Natasha - both of my parents are alcoholics - they will not make the change, so I will not be involved - it's too darned painful and the criticism is too much. But I hear ya........
Wow...that sucks (for lack of a better phrase). I know what it was like having 1 alcoholic parent...I couldn't imagine having 2!!! No doubt, though, that if my dad hadn't sobered up we would still be the same as we were 6 years ago. So I totally understand...I do. I hope for the sake of you and any other siblings you may have that they DO eventually make the change. Until then, those of us here at 3FC will be your support system.
Squid, your parents are always going to have that mind set unfortunately. But don't let their shortcomings hold you back. You're doing an awesome job already
I haven't even told my mom or my kids. Only a few people at work. I am relying on these AWESOME ladies here at 3FC for my support system, I know everyone here has felt like I have/do at least once.
Keep up the good work
Last edited by islandchick1; 08-30-2010 at 09:51 PM.
You're all so supportive, I don't know what I'd do without you! Every time I start feeling discouraged I come here and read all the words of encouragement you wrote. You're all wonderful!
I decided not to talk about my weight lose with my mother because every time she call me and ask about my weight we fight... because, for example, 2 days ago:
Mother: how much weight have you lost?
ielena: 2.5 pounds in the last week. I weight 187 pounds.
Mother: 187???????? OMG!! That´s a lot!!! you must diet and exercise!!
ielena (deep breath): Mother, i´ve lost 30 pounds already, i think i´m doing fine.
my mom is the same way. knows exactly what i *should* be doing. she's overweight herself and a smoker. i tell her that i've decided to make a change and she brings home fried chicken and macaroni and cheese. i lose 12 pounds and she says "don't expect the weight to keep coming off, you've prolly plateaued." and things like "i wasn't going to say anything but some of your snacks aren't healthy" this coming from a woman who will buy 2 1/2 gallons of ice cream and put them in my freezer. i can't get excited about my lifestyle choices around her because she brings me down. We had fish the other day, and I hear "what? no tartar sauce?" I said no, it's not worth the calories, she says "well just have half a serving". What's the point? I really didn't even want it. I tell her what I've eaten today, and I hear "don't make yourself sick!" This is what i'm passionate about and it's hard to not share it with the people i love. But im learning to keep somethings to myself. Thanks for all the support I do get here! <3
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