Good for you Von!

Life is nothing without him. He was why I got up in the morning. He was why I never made plans that would interupt his schedule.

Jezzi won't go outside, she only did when I was taking Mista out.

Her life is messed up too, and I can't help her.

All I have to look forward to is her passing, and Taos passing. And I can't do that again.

I can't do this.

Nothing matters anymore.

Lindor - pick up the phone, ring the first available counsellor and TALK TO THEM. You're grieving for Mista, I understand that - but his death has tapped into something deeper in you - and I'm sorry matey but I am EXTREMELY worried by those comments you have just made.

Mista was not the purpose in your life, he was an animal who enriched your life and brought you a lot of joy. He was your constant companion, but your life NEVER comes down to a single purpose.

I'm serious matey - and I'm only saying this because you are my friend. If you are really feeling as dark as your comments sound, you absolutely need to pick up the phone and tell someone. And stay in touch with us please, because I'm feeling a little bit worried

What she said! Trust me, I just lost my mum, I understand the feeling of loss.. but life goes on. It has to. People and pets are put here for a reason - and Mista gave you so much happiness and love for so many years. You have got other people, other pets, other responsibilities to go on for. Seriously, I could cry all day and night still but it's not going to bring mum (or Mista) back.. so you have to give yourself a kick in the pants and get going.

Lindor - I echo the above. Pick up the phone and talk. Even if u have a friend no matter how far away they are - do it. I can only imagine what you are going through and I get pretty sad when I even think about when it will be princesses time. She's nearly 16 yrs old.

On a different note - went for my first session with a PT at the gum today. Carla (my trainer) was awesome. And so understanding of some of the hurdles I have to working out. She did the usual chat first and goal setting, Then we did my measurements And when I jumoed on their scales they are a kilo LIGHTER than mine at home - woohoo lol.

So I do a 5 minute warm up - then I have 4 weight machines 3 sets of 15 and then i am to do 20 - 30 minutes on the cardio machines. Did well on the elliptical, bike, treadmill and rower but when it came to the steps oh boy lol. I walked out feeling like jelly but really good. Now - I just gotta fit it all in around my shift work.

He was my life.

Everything I did was for him, to keep him comfortable.

I wanted to be with him when he went, to know he was comfortable then, to comfort him if he wasn't. He went on his own.

I wake up and think I hear him snoring, I go look, and his bed is empty. I wake up to the sound of him drinking through the night, in the morning he is not there.

He's gone...and I am still here. I can't handle that.

Lindor, seriously - ring Lifeline and at least talk to someone about how you're missing him.

Words, talking, nothing will help.

I just got up to let him out because I thought I heard him walking around...

Lindor that's a normal reaction to grief matey. When you've shared your life with a person or animal for a while, it changes the landscape of your day when they are no longer there.

Whether you want to talk to anyone or not is up to you. It would help, because grief is exacerbated when you feel like you're alone - but nobody can make you do it.

Two more days until weigh-in for me, and even though I have been OK with eating I haven't been as good as last week. What I have been doing is coming home from work and spending a few hours in the garden every day this week, so hopefully that will help a little.

Went for a nice walk today.. was hot but waited til about 6pm and it was gorgeous. Might have been a bit ambitious.. was tired then had a massive steep hill to get home (doh) but the park is only 15 minutes walk away, it's beautiful and you can't believe it's right in the city.

PS: Within the next week, I should hit the 20kg lost mark!

Weigh in: no change! Oh well, at least I didn't head in the wrong direction.

My goal for this week is to eat better, move more and drink some water. Sounds easy when you say it fast

I went horse riding today. It was bloody hot, but it was good. Not the best horse or venue though, might try a different place next time.

Just organized to go away next weekend to Niagara Falls with some friends and my ex brother in law. It's a long weekend so should be fun.

wow gen Niagra falls will be awesome. Well I have just completed day 3 at the gym. Lovin it

Good for you Von! I am thinking of joining a new gym near my house.. $10 a month or $19 for a "platinum" membership that also gives you access to other gyms in the chain. It's also open 24/5 during the week and until midnight on weekends.

I get free gym membership at the uni, but it's always packed with teenybopper college type skinny biatches and you can't get a machine!!

PS: My horsey riding bruises are not pretty! My poor back too. Heh.

PPS: Lindor, what's going on with you? I am worried about you..

wow Gen you are sounding awesome! how have you lost 19kg?? when I was last here you were heading towards surgery?? did you have it?? how is everything??

I keep in touch with Vonni and Amy on facebook.

everyone else it sounds like you are all having lots of ups and downs, Life is great like that SIGH.

I have now lost 22kg since my brain surgery. it is so so cruel that a tumor causing a disease can put so much weight on you and affect your social skills and confidence so much BUT i am BACK BABY

I have been doing the things I was doing when I had a tumor that i thought SHOULD work but didnt.

The main thing is still making a choice. everytime i see food i think for a split second before eating it ALL. i eat whatever i want but i dont eat a whole block of choc and i dont eat a cup of rice with dinner 2/3 or 1/4 is more than enough. things i have learnt years ago from weight watchers and calorie king helps but mainly i just choose NOT to be fat, that works better than choosing to be skinny. i dont have to be skinny i just dont want to be fat anymore.

i have been getting fertility treatment that is going a lot slower than expected to try and have a baby. the doc said lose 10kg and i lost 5kg before i had to see her again and now i have lost another 2 or 3kg so i am so happy.

i am 1 or 2 kg away from a BMI of 30 so i will no longer be obese just overweight.

my moonface is almost gone and my belly is going away, today i am wearing a skirt that hasnt fit for ages.
i am wearing my engagement ring.
i have not been this weight for 2 years.

I am not dieting as such or overly exercising, i take the dogs for a walk sometimes or sometimes just jemima in the pram. i walk up and down to feed the chooks and the dogs and the goats and thats about it. oh i did one wii fit the other day and plan to zumba at home soon and then when i feel ready zumba with some other town folk.

my next goal is 90kg which is about 1 or 2 away.
after that my goal is 82kg which is my pre-tumor weight that i remember getting to.
after that is 74kg which is my pre-baby weight.
then i may think i need to lose another 5 so we shall see how we go.

hopefully i get pregant soon, but i plan not to put 30kg on like with jemima, that is unecesassary... more like 10 or 15, lose 10 with the baby and then have 5 to go.

have a great day.

Dont deprive yourself, live everyday in moderation.