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"Every-Day" 21-Day Challenge -- Time to crack down!

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#286

redballoon , 08-13-2009 07:36 PM

more ranting...
Shad, "a nasty MOMENT??!" No, it's more like an entire exasperating a.m. I am in a foul mood. The scale did not give it up and...and...I wanted it to. Looking at my chart where I fill in weight each morning, I am so tired of this whole thing. It's just moving around and around but it's barely going down. I am built like a brick, really. I am so solid, it's not funny. Sure, I know the girl at the riding club has different bone structure and all that but she has NO fat. I asked her where she was going to lose it from and she said her thighs. And her thighs have got to be half the size of mine. I'm just sick of these skewed ideas of size and having guys actually egging them on, telling these girls they are fat.

Yeah, OK, people look different without their clothes...oh, really?!? ..... and maybe she does have some fat, but it's not even that, it's that I am a mammoth in comparison to these people. And yes, I have tons of fat still (covering the brick) so what does that make me? I'm like the fat lady in the circus compared to these people. Even though I never ask it, what do they think of me? Oh heck, I'm not even making sense here, jumping all over the place. What would an editor say of my drool of a post?

I'm just ticked off and now that I've started piano lessons, I feel this constant guilt over not practicing. ...maybe I should practice. Heh, yeah, may...be....you should practice.

Why, oh why is it SO incredibly easy to put on weight and so incredibly hard to take it off? Huh?!?!?

Yesterday I was proud of myself for not eating sugar. Now, it's like I'm just tired of the slog. And here, my biggest supporter, diyana, has gone down in tears. Sigh.

Shad, I am SHORT, totally fit in with the Japanese there, but my hands, head and feet are huge in comparison. How can we lose inches but NOT weight? How is that possible? No, I used to weigh 60 kg but that was before I started weight training. Oh, damn it.

I feel like going out drinking tonight, and smoking up a storm, and eating tons of unmentionables and just....just...just...what, finding myself back where I started? Yeah, that's the way it goes, over and over and over again. I am so sick of it.

Heh, diyana, how's that for a rant?

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#287

redballoon , 08-13-2009 09:37 PM

Ok...I practiced the piano.... yet another thing to feel incompetent about.... but... I did it! Could be an indirect nondiet challenge...?

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#288

Shad , 08-13-2009 09:38 PM

Oh dear well here we go again.

Muscle weighs more than fat and it is smaller!! A toned muscle with heaps of blood rushing through it can weigh as much as 3 or 4 kg and only be 1 inch thick and 10 inches long (I'm talking women here - although if the description fits - uhhhh back to my post) 3 or 4kg of fat looks gross and is 5 times as big as the muscle. The tighter and harder the muscle the bigger it gets and the more it weighs. The more the fat is, the bigger it gets and the more it jiggles. Not a pretty sight. I'm only 5.2 myself. The Japanese annoy me because they are so tiny - some are taller than me but they don't weigh anywhere near as much as one of my thighs. Genetics is what it is. Live with it. Whatever we are, whatever size we get to has little or nothing to do with the person inside. Under the skin, we all want to be loved, cared for and admired.

Now you and I might be built like a brick. The only thing that is going to change that is the muscle tone to give us shape. So stop fart arsing around and just get on with it.

Oh yes and while I am at, get off the computer and practice the piano.

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#289

Shad , 08-13-2009 09:39 PM

Oh and have you been reading my mind again??

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#290

redballoon , 08-13-2009 09:50 PM

Is it really hot in here or what? .... "heaps of blood rushing through it ... The tighter and harder ... the bigger it gets "
Shad, what was that now you were saying? Something about muscles? This girl is cracking me up! ("Watch your tenses, Red, you cracked up long ago")

I can just see her on a talk show panel, all serious-like, with others nodding their heads as she says... "The Japanese annoy me because they are so tiny."

"Fart arsing??" What's that and who is doing it?

Oh, my God, what would I do without Shad popping in here for some comic relief!

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#291

Shad , 08-13-2009 10:16 PM

It's a Kiwism. Like the geese from Upawapa who fly backwards to keep the dust out of their eyes. Our equivalent of the flying pig.

Fart arsing around is similar to dithering, wasting time or effort, blathering, shooting the breeze. Can't think of another explanation at the moment. Actually I'm amazed it got through the net nanny.

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#292

redballoon , 08-13-2009 10:35 PM

WELCOME!! It's the Shad and Red thread!

Ok, I got it. Actually, I pretty much had it figured out. I was just teasing ya.

Oh, can I whine about something else, please, please, can I? I just noticed the skin is hanging on my arms and belly, as if maybe I had lost some fat and the skin now had nothing to fill it out and it was too old and tired to pop back into an earlier position.

Oh, sorry to gross you out. At least, at this age, I get part of the bargain (if not all).

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#293

Shad , 08-13-2009 10:41 PM

Aaah the apron is showing! Whine away

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#294

redballoon , 08-13-2009 11:11 PM

"Apron!??!?! My God, Shad, it's not THAT bad!

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#295

Shad , 08-13-2009 11:26 PM

Get used to it, it may get that bad. I've got one too! Whinge, whinge, whinge, whinge.

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#296

diyana , 08-14-2009 08:31 AM

I'm doing a lot better emotionally. My head is out of the dark place and I'm seeing the light. I think Red gave me your cold. I've had a horrible sore throat since last night, along with a fever. I'm going to spend a few hours at work, then go home and back to bed.

MrsVegan - A big to you!

Shad - Thanks for the wonderful words of support. I loved your tough love for Red! Like you and Red, I'm probably more of a brick too - not as solid as you both...as I have much more jiggly fat than either of you, but I am strong. I'm with Red, I liked the description of heaps of blood rushing through...1" thick 10" long...good description of ... muscles, yeh, that's it...muscles.

Red - Thanks for the tough love. My pity party and frustration fling is officially over. Sheesh, I didn't mean to make you MAD at me. I never said I'd quit or anything. I can't quit. It's just not an option this time. I'm in this for the long haul (until I get to goal). I was just venting some frustration. I, too, sometimes think back to why I didn't start this sooner. I went from 107 at age 17 to 135 during a rocky marriage. From 150 to 175 during a difficult divorce. I don't remember how I got to 200, but then 200 to current weight was from both parents passing away in the same year, followed by a back injury. I'm NOT making excuses. I should've caught this long ago, back when I thought I was "fat" at 135. But I'm doing it now. I'm taking back my life and these are lifetime changes. And whenever you feel like a fat blob, Red, Remember we are the same height and your CURRENT weight is in the range of my GOAL weight and the weight my doc said I should try to get to. Oh, and you ARE a much better ranter than I.

You two are so funny! Thanks for helping me get my head straight.

Almost forgot to post yesterday's results:

Journal and Stay within points - 1 pause taken - 2 pauses left - Day 7 completed
Cardio (Gym or walk) at least 30 minutes - 3 pauses - Day 8 completed
Crunches (really engaging my abs and stabilizing my back) 25+ per day - 2 pauses taken - 1 pause left - Day 6 completed
Planks (total of 2 minutes per day) - 2 pauses taken - 1 pause left - Day 6 completed

Love and hugs,

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#297

redballoon , 08-14-2009 04:36 PM

defeat....temporarily
Well, I was just too lax yesterday. I met a friend for dinner and because it was too late to have tea (I would have been unable to sleep) and because I wasn't drinking, I had a bit of a dessert. I knew I was causing my challenge to fall, but it was just too much. I needed an alternative other than to just sit there. I should have taken my pauses later in the game. Whatever, I'm back today without any days off, so here goes.
Also, I've been lax on the journaling as well so that's starting over.

The scale is WAY up and I'm disgusted with things as usual. I know I'm retaining water but it's still disheartening. Oh well, gotta keep my head in the light.

For some reason yesterday...ah, yes, I tried on some clothes and they fit better (meaning, I didn't see the unsightly bulges I had before).....I was feeling good about losing weight, no matter what it took (did I say that?). Of course, that didn't translate into any real work, but I was not pigging out. Why does getting sick or feeling under the weather translate into falling back into old ways? Stupid, I know.

Good foods challenge -- Day 17 completed 2 pauses taken
No sugar! -- FALLEN!!!! (starting over) Day 0 completed 0 pauses taken
No alcohol (round 2, 1 pause on round 1) -- Day 5 completed 0 pauses taken
No smoking (round 2, 3 pauses on round 1) -- Day 4 completed 0 pauses taken
Journal (starting over) -- Day 0 completed 0 pauses taken
Caffeine Cut (Round 3!) -- Day 14 completed 0 pauses taken

**************

diyana -- Good to see you back and in a productive mood. Good going! And I know it's not easy. Yes, I'm sorry about going on and on when where I am is where you want to be. It's just that I've been here so long (and that's part of the reason...it's not so bad) but life is running away and I can't do the things I want because I can't feel the way I want to feel being overweight. And yet it's not that bad. Again and again, that's the problem. It's bad, but not bad enough. You'll get there and know what I mean. It's not, am I going to do it or not? Am I ever going to get where I keep saying I want to be? It's this constant feeling of not having done something that colors my entire life and I hate that...but not enough apparently to do something about it. Well, best of luck to you! You WILL see onederland by Christmas!

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#298

Shad , 08-14-2009 06:08 PM

Oh dear, I hope I haven't frightened off all the other people - DivineFidelity, Saralsmommy or Mrsvegan with my twisting and pumping muscles and descriptions of fat and aprons yesterday. Seems they have all gone into hiding overnight. I would have liked to talk to Mrsvegan about veganism (?) if indeed she is one.

Red - sometimes the best weight loss comes when we cut ourselves a little slack - like laughing and being happy and having some fun. Laughter after all is the best medicine. I know when I was achieving the most, I was in a job I enjoyed with people I enjoyed being with and we always had at least one social day a week. One day where things just didn't matter like calories and a glass or two. Lets face it - at that time I was exercising 6 days a week at the gym, climbing cliffs, working hard, enjoying friends. Maybe if we could all get back to that place, the weight would drop off. Anyway to cut a long ramble short. Enjoy the time you had with the friend and just get on with the next day and plan for the one after that. One day, one step at a time.

Michelle - Life is what it is, and I will put money on the fact that your weight gain is something to do with the way you are feeling right now. Cold, sore throat, painful chest. Guess what, the body goes into overdrive and the blood rushes antibodies to various parts (like lungs, head and throats - get your mind off that muscle and get on with the post). Get over that and you will be on the downward trend once more.

As for me:

Day 10 is all done and dusted. Might have been somewhat light on exercise, but the rest is fine. I'm counting it.

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#299

Saramommy , 08-15-2009 04:21 AM

HI everyone...it took me awhile to get caught up on everyone's post. If it makes you feel any better (Red, Diyana) I sometimes am sooo scared of the stupid scale that I don't weigh in for weeks! I try to weigh everyday...FOR SURE once a week. But then I have my "bad" weeks, and I just can't work up the courage to deal with reality...that I gained weight. And then it has to be SO sickening to step on the scale after a very good week (eating right, exercising), and see a gain. How discouraging. But like everyone else posted....THE LOSS WILL COME!!!

Red , It must be hard to see someone who DOESN'T need to lose weight, starving herself. I always think the same thing...if someone super skinny is complaining about their weight, they must think I'm a COW! That can't be encouraging to deal with...

Diyana and Red, try to ignore the scale's ups and downs. As long as you're making healthy choices, that's all that matters! The results will come. I always tell myself "It's a marathon, NOT a sprint!" ...now I'm going to go get a mirror so I can tell myself what I just wrote to you! haha!

On to my challenge:

1.Exercise Daily - DAY 2
2.Eat 1300 calories or less - DAY 2
3.NO eating past 7pm - DAY 2
4. NO desserts - DAY 2

I hope everyone has a GREAT weekend!!!

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#300

redballoon , 08-15-2009 06:17 AM

help!!!!!!!!!!
I am afraid I must admit to quite a sugar binge this afternoon/evening and now am feeling right disgusted with myself. You see, this is the vicious cycle, do well, then expect more and more, don't get it, throw it all away! Can I salvage the ground gained at this point?

Why do I do this? I felt sick and so I really try to make myself sick. The gym was closed. I big out, then got a package in the mail from my sister...more sweets. God, I hate myself.

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