Barb what's going on? Are you giving up? Sounds like almost everyone is going through a hard time trying to get our heads around even wanting to lose weight at the moment. I know I'm struggling.

I wish there was a magic wand you could wave to make us all enthusiastic and motivated, but that isn't going to happen. I'm in a petulant mood with my weight loss - I feel tired of always watching what I eat, tired of having to be strong and resist things that seem yummy. Maybe after almost two years I am experiencing a little bit of 'battle fatigue' - I'm not sure.

I am also aware that I don't have the self-belief, at the moment, that I am ever going to reach my goal. It may have been a mistake to set my end-goal so low.

I haven't gained any weight. This morning I weighed 77.9kg - which isn't worth changing my ticker for - but the scale isn't the problem. The problem is my own lack of commitment to reaching my daily goals.

OK - what to do? This is what I have achieved so far:

• Lost 27kg/60 pounds;

• Lost 27.7% of my body weight;

• Beaten obesity and become overweight.

In the process I have learned a lot about myself and changed my relationship with food. But I'm not quite there, and I don't yet trust that the change is permanent.

Maybe I should change my ticker and aim for something more realistic. I'm reasonably confident that I can get close to 70kg by the end of this year, as long as I work hard and get back on track. I'm not sure I can get below that though - it just seems like a really hard thing to do.

I'm going to try and get back on track today. It would be good to finish the week weighing no more than I do right now, but I'll see how I go. Here are today's goals:

• Eat no more than 1550 calories;

• Surprise myself and drink more than one mouthful of water;

• Make sure I include 5 serves of vegetables in whatever I shove in my mouth; and

• Reach 10,000 steps (won't be hard - I'm working) on my pedometer.

Maybe I should change my attitude a bit too - because it's times like now, when things are really tough, that will measure whether I am fair dinkum about wanting to be strong and healthy - or whether I'm a pretender.

Sorry for the self-indulgent rant. I'm just trying to find a way to get back on track - and you girls are the only people who understand what these times are like.


Ani

Hey guys ive been back a few days but John has been a computer hog lol.. we had a great holiday.. i have gained weight but thems the breaks i suppose.. i suspect some of it is water weigth though.. since all the salty food .. some of it is fat too becuase its wasn't healthy either.. lol

OK the holiday ... the food was bad.... but very good lol we walked everywhere .. and the kids were perfect..
We caught a grand total of 5 fish... lol but we didnt care.. We took the kids on the ferry and paddlesteamer tooked them to the museum of paddlesteamers .. And then scared our selves half to death lol...

The scaring part is really funny

We went for a drive down this rather eary road where there was nothing but steep hills either side and some cows and the road had turned to gravel .. its felt creepy and i said to John hey where the spike strip.. this place is like that movies... the hills have eyes... lol.. and he agreed it was a creppy road.. so we turned around and went back to town.. we had our dinner ( It was delicoius but bad lol chicken breast prawns,calamari swimmimg in a creamy garlic sauce and served with chips lol ) so we played a few games on Pool had dinner and then left the resteraunt .. on the way Cameron noticed there were alot more stars in the sky... So i told John to drive somewhere dark so he could really see.. them..
He drove down the creepy road.. i said not this road but he said we'll just go up a little bit and stop b4 the gravel bit we will be fine..

So we pull over get out the car turn all the lights off and look up .. Cameron was amazed... THEN I HEARD SOMETHING MOVING BEHIND ME...... i told John and i heard it again.. ITS GETTING CLOSER ..... we threw the kids and the car no seat belts nothing and speed off further down the road... all ****ting our selves.. completly freked out by what could have made the noise.. John turned the car to head back to town.. as we passed the spot where we had pulled over... we saw a cow lol...... we started killing ourselves laughing.. John said to Cameron who was still freaking out.. Camerons scared of a moo .. which he replyed so are you.... and he started laughing too.. Leah still unaware of what we were all thinking just whined that her seat belt was undone.. lol She wasn't scared at all...

It was so funny .. but i said to John whay did you go down the creepy road to which he replyed.. i dont know.. i must be a sicko... lol


the last couple of days i have been doing nothing but washing.. lol holiday??? omg what a pain lol.. with 2 kids when one wets herlef 5 or 6 times a day lol .... and your at the river and they are playing/walking in the mud.. lol... i know i should be wrotten we really did have a great time ..

I havent recorded my food since last wednesday and im feeling very bloated at the moment and im up about 2 pounds .. atm.. but i know i havent drunk enough .. so im not classing that 2 pounds till the end of the week lol.. lets just see what happens.. since i wweigh less at 11pm then i did when i woke up thismorning and i have had breakfast and 3 glasses of water since... lol lets just see.. lol

Ani you have done incredible with your weight loss .. 60 pounds is unreal..
Barb i know what you mean about feeling like giving up .. but in the end what is that going to achieve?? ive gained but im still going at it.. its taken me years to get like this.. and its gonna take year to get rid of it.. im here for the long road.. ..

Vonni im sorry the baby is having trouble i know what that is like Cameron had bad colic and would scream the house down from 12pm to 8 pm ( then would sleep all night )everyday .. in that time he wouldn't sleep or feed properly.. and just made us miserable for 8 wholes months.. Leah had reflux and had a 20 minutes sleep cycle till she was over 1 year old.. i would have the colic with sleep over the reflux no sleep any day lol << why i dont want anymore kids lol...

Kel is jem enjoying daycare??

Sounds like you had a nice holiday Amy love your story about the creepy road! I totally know what you mean though, sometimes you just get a vibe and something very ordinary can suddenly seem scary

It sure does sound like everyone's hit a bit of a rough patch at the moment. We all know how hard this is and we all feel like giving up from time to time. I have to remind myself that giving up is what kept me fat for the past 7 years and I don't want to go back to that. If I feel like eating something that I know is bad then I will and I'll damn well enjoy it the key is not to allow a slip up to turn into failure and defeat. We've got to allow treats every now and then!

Ani, you've come a helluva long way mate and it's only natural that you'll lose the drive to carry on occasionally. The thing with you is that you're obviously a determined woman and once you set a goal, you do all you can to achieve that goal. I've said it before and I'll say it again - as long as you're thinking about things and setting yourself achieveable goals then you're already well on your way to success.

And I must say, 27kg lost? Damn, that's a FANTASTIC effort! Don't sell yourself short - you CAN do this and you WILL achieve whatever goals you put your mind to.

How about stopping weighing yourself once you reach 70kg? You could stick to the same diet plan and set goals based on achieving strength or fitness or something like that. Go find something in Bunnings that weighs as close to 27kg as you can find and try to lift it up. That'll be a good reminder of what you've achieved already.

I rekon that weight is a dangerous thing to get stuck on. I may have lost only 14kg so far but my body shape has changed tremendously. I'll never be a light person, I know that from past experience. When I was 20 I was very fit and a small size 12 and I weighed around 70kg. According to all the charts and scales etc I was obese when in fact I had low body fat, a decent amount of muscle and was in the best shape of my life.

Come on ladies, don't give up. WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!

what can i say but lol scary scary cow lol


hey guys do you think its the weather affecting you? Cold nights which make you wanna stay in bed with nice warm comforting food??? lol hot chocolates.. etc??? the cold is bad.. it makes me hungry... very hungry..

Im doing ok though i think.. just not when we were away .. and 3 days of junk and lots of salt.. has done me no favours.. monday i was exhausted all day long yesterday i felt better and today im fine .. but till bloated.. i must say i have been a frequent visitor to the loo today though.. so hopefully tomorrow will bw better.. John wants to go around and visit his parents tonight.. I said id stay home and cook te.. so we dont eat junk again.. and he had a big sulky and said FINE ill ring her up and tell her we are not coming then... arggghhh MEN!!! Why cant he go without me?? its his parents.. then we can have a decent meal tonight?? lol..

Leah is in the bath ATM that how i got back on here.. since the bath is directly behind me and she needs to be watched.. anyway .. time to wash her hair .. Later

Ani, I'm just sick to death of watching everything I eat and still eating things that I know I shouldn't. And you know what makes it even worse is that I know if I keep at it, it'll be worthwhile, stupid isn't it! I'm in the same place you are. If you ever find that wand send it my way will ya!

I had a good laugh about your scary cow too Amy!

Julia its good that you've found something you love that's also not terribly bad too! I'm into hummus and vegie dippers atm, but then a nice glass of wine always goes down well with it too.

Oh my goodness …… today is going to be a LONG day.

I went to get my tattoo finished last night. It’s all done now and it looks amazing. As we finished up, I asked Tattoo Boy if he had any plans for the weekend. He said no but there is a gig he wants to go to tonight. It’s a punk band and I said that I’d like to go to something like that but have no friends who would want to go with me. He said “yeah same, at the moment I’m going by myself” so I said I’d like to go with him. He took my phone number and will call me today if he decides to go.

So I figure that now I've given him an opening and that if he's at all remotely interested he'll call so it's out of my hands now.

Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me ladies.

Julia everything is crossed - that was very brave of you! Are you nervous now?

Amy I laughed about the cow too. Glad you had a great holiday - don't worry about gaining a few pounds, it will come off.

Barb as sad as it is there isn't any magic wand. We have to find that "something special" inside ourselves and make it happen. Do you know what's making you struggle, or what foods are tripping you up? Or is it something emotional? Whatever it is, you have to find it and make it your friend.

I'm still in a bad head space, but I've given myself a time limit - I'm allowing myself to be an idiot until tomorrow night, and then it all gets back to normal. I'm also thinking that I may change my goal when I weigh in on Monday.

Anyway I had better go and get ready for work.


Ani

Well done Julia! Your a very brave girl. I wouldn't have been able to do what you did. I've got everything crossed too!

Ani I have no idea what my problem is at the moment. Besides eating out of habbit, eating to feel better, eating for the **** of eating, goodness knows! I've pretty much summed it all up there haven't I! Our life is a bit of a mess lately and there's not a lot I can do about it. I feel a bit helpless and food is reliable. Wow, there you go, I do know what's wrong with me!

Nervous? My stomach is churning! I'll be gutted if he doesn't call but the reality of actually going out with him is bloody scary! Oh well, it's out of my hands now so I shall just have to wait and see.

Have you heard anything yet Julia?

Anything yet?

He has a girlfriend

He text me at about 9 last night and I met him at the concert. Had a great time hanging out with him, the band was great but then at the end of the night he mentioned that he has a girlfriend to get home to.

Gutted.

OMG. BUT you may have made a friend lovey. If you are ok with being friends - - - guy friends are great. And who knows. he may have some cute mates lol.

I am officially a single woman. He fully moves out next week, but everything is official as of today. I've been a blubbering mess all week, everytime anyone says anything to me I start bloody crying grrrrr. But its ok, I'll get over it. On the brighter side. I dont have ANYONE to answer to when I go down to Melbourne to meet you goes woohoooo. Just either A - need a baby sitter to come with me, or B leave the kids behind and find a sitter here. I wouldnt like to be that distance away in case of emergency, however I am thinking I can make a week of it with the kids and pay for my daughter to fly down and stay just for a couple of days. Or I have a single mum girlfriend who might come down for a holiday with her son, but get her to babysit while I go off with you guys.

Better fly, washing up to do.

Vonni xxx

vonni - bring ebony down to play with jemima
julia - that sucks but bring on the cute friends - that is kinda but not really how i met benji
ani - lose another 3kg coz then you can say you lost 30kg that is so cool
amy - moooooooo that is so something i would be scared of and jemima would laugh
barb - you know you are eating just for the sake of it so just stop for the sake of stopping?? is the kind of food in your house that you are eating for the rest of the family?? are they "fat" too? should you all be eating better?? could maybe you see the times you eat the most and tell us and we will give you a plan of attack?
i am about to get a good plan of attack for my worst time which is between 5pm and when benji gets home i cant hold out til dinner especially when i am giving jemima her dinner - the poor kid it doesnt even reach the highchair tray and i am eating it for her! so i am going to either eat with her and benji can eat later or have somekind of snackfood i can snack on at 5pm so i dont pick when i am cooking either, as i have identified that time as the dangerzone i am feeling confident about doing something about it

jem seems to be liking daycare - i am not really loving sending her there so cant wait til it can be less but for now i need her to get used to being there alot just in case i have weeks where i am working fulltime (i have one full time week lined up - but nothing for 2 weeks and nothing after that...)