Brides to be! part deux
 

The place for all your wedding planning (and related weight loss) madness. Post away!

Woo hoo! Thanks for starting the new thread :)

Re: the alcohol issue- we are also microbrew folks and there is a GREAT microbrewery across from the wedding site I think we're going to have growlers brought in for the wedding party.

Well, we have officially hit the point where we are ready to take the money we were going to spend on the wedding and go to Europe or something. We didn't realize that the wedding is the weekend before the Democratic National Convention in Denver (big "oops" on that one!), although the wedding is in the mountains and you don't necessarily have to fly into DIA, the flights will be expensive regardless and there isn't a hotel room available at this point. Thank goodness we decided on a big block at our hotel!!!

I dunno, I want a wedding, Ross wants a big party, and we deserve these things, but we are ready to just throw our hands up and run off because of all the silly drama and endles whining.

Thanks so much for the input ladies!!! :)

I kinda feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place though :( The venue I picked and put a big non-refundable down on (lol) won't allow any outside alcohol to be served, therefore I have to pay full price 4-5 dollars for every drink. They will however allow me to purchase bottles of wine from them to be placed on the tables which saves me a bit of money as I won't have to pay by the glass. I'm thinking if I came to a compromise like a twoonie bar or something it might be better?

Being able to give the guests a nice sit down supper in a beautiful setting was top priority for me and I'm kinda dreading the thought that guests will think we're being cheap because we really aren't between the cost of food and wine. I hope I don't regret my decision of the venue.... :(

I also have to add that you both have done such an incredible job with your weight loss, what an inspiration you are!!! I love seeing people who succeed, it gives me faith I can too :D

Can I play? I'm Shannon and my partner and I are planning our commitment ceremony for June 20, 2009. That is our 5 year anniversary! We are already "legally" commited, we registered with the state as domestic partners September 29, 2005. I'm excited to be planning our ceremony!

Weight loss:
When we started dating I lost some weight very quickly, just being happy and love sick! I've lost my motivation between work and school, but I'm trying to get back on the wagon. I'd like to lose 85 pounds by June 1, 2009 so that I can order my wedding dress!

Shannon

Shannon - We did that! Sarah and I had our ceremony April 21st of this year. If you need any info on same sex ceremonies, I am your woman (I have all the books and websites and...and... :D )

Thank you! I'd love it if you could point me in the direction of some websites, I haven't had too much luck. I have found that The Knot has a handful of same sex weddings featured. Where did you have your ceremony? I think we've decided on The Mendocino Hotel and Garden Suites, Mendocino is our special place and we'd love to share that with friends and family. They are right across the street from the ocean, so we can have our ceremony at the cliff's edge and then the reception at the hotel.
We are having a fairly traditional wedding I suppose. I will wear a wedding dress. I have no clue what Shelley will wear. She wants to pick her out outfit but does not want to wear a suit, dress or tux. I am going to guess that it will either be khakis with a white linen shirt untucked, or with a Hawaian print shirt. I'm going to carry a bouquet of circus roses and Shelley will wear a lei.
We have lots of time to plan though, thank goodness! In the summer we are going to spend a few days in Mendocino firming up plans with vendors and putting down deposits. Then we'll have another year to iron out all the details.

I have a question for you about ring exchange. We both wear sapphire and diamond rings, our engagment rings. Because of that I'm not sure we will do a ring exchange in our ceremony. Shelley does not plan to wear anything other than her current ring. I would like to have a diamond band made to fit with my current ring. Did you do a ring exchange? Do you wear engagment rings and wedding bands? Or something else? Thanks for your input! We don't know any other couples who have had a ceremony before, or even done a domestic partnership before. All of our lesbian friends are content in long term relationships with no legal commitments........:dizzy:

Shannon

Mandalinn- So glad to hear you are back up and almost running!!! Me, too! I start at the gym next week... thank God!

BuffBride- Cash bar weddings are very common in Wisconsin. Often, the couple will provide beer only and guests pay for their own wine and mixed drinks. Occassionally- but very seldom- the couple will also pay for champagne for the toasts but even that has become less common over the past 5-10 years as most people don't like champagne and/or don't like to mix alcohol. It's the good German practicality...

Talk to your venue about ways to reduce the amount of drinks served, too. We are having an open bar with a few key elements that limit how much people can drink. We'll have a cocktail hour where anything goes, followed by wine with dinner (cheaper than mixed drinks), followed by dessert and after dinner liquors (hard to pound limoncello and Bailey's), then back to whatever people would like. After 1-2 cocktails, 1-2 glasses of wine and 1 liquor, I expect most people will be done.

I would not worry about guests feeling you've been cheap if you choose to have a cash bar- some will and there's nothing you can do to change that. Most guests have no idea what a wedding costs and will eat their words the next time they have to pay towards one!

Shannon- My fiance asked for a good watch as his "engagement ring." Would Shelley be interested in something like that? I also have a friend who proudly wears her engagement necklace.

We both already have rings because we got engaged in May 2005 and then became domestic partners 4 months later. I would still like to do a ring exchange so maybe we will just exchange the rings we already have. I want to wear a diamond wedding band with my e ring but Shelley just wants to wear her e ring. I'll try to post a picture of our rings. Mine is the 3 stone sapphire/diamond ring. Shelley's is the criss cross band with a sapphire in the center.

Those rings are awesome!

I have the super-traditional diamond solitaire but, since my fiance knows me, the setting and ring are about as ballistic as fine jewelry can get. I am also looking at a diamond wedding band and, based on the website picture, I really like a bar set band from Precision Set (model 6319). How far I've come from just wanting a plain gold band...

I just have to share... even though we got engaged over New Years', we are having an engagement cocktail party (we had to wrangle a few family members from overseas) in a few weeks... note I said "cocktail party." My mother called to say my aunt and uncle will be coming... with their two small children.

All of our friends with children are a) able to comprehend without prompting that cocktail parties are not for children and b) have stated they are looking forward to an evening without them. I feel bad for these friends because, at the end of the party, I will return to my relatively peacefull child-free existence. They will go home and pay the sitters they so wisely hired, robbed of an evening of peaceful adult conversation.

This is just a rant with the hope that someone else is swallowing their opinion and putting up with this or something similar... misery loves company :)

Telling my aunt and uncle anything is useless- they love their children and feel compelled to inflict them (they are spoiled brats) on everyone until we all feel the same way. I mentioned that children will not be invited to the wedding because all of our friends have young children and would, frankly, outnumber the adults. My aunt had a melt-down about how SURELY her children would be included. My mother issued the edict that her children be included to maintain the peace... need I mention that, in addition to interrupting and demanding the center of attention, it will also cost $50/kid to feed them and God only knows what to pay a sitter because my aunt and uncle adopt the obnoxious "it takes a village (of everyone but us)" principal when it comes to watching their children at family events?

Hello All,
I just celebrated my 6th anniversary, so I'm not exactly a newlywed anymore, but I know what worked, and what didn't, when we tied the knot.
The Best Thing we did for our wedding: We had a Quaker Wedding Certificate. I'm not a Quaker, but I used their custom: Quakers don't have ministers. So, when they marry, everyone who witnesses the union signs a paper to legalize the marriage. I printed out our vows onto a large piece of colored poster paper, my Mom painted a folksy-type flower wreath around it, and everybody at the wedding (all 30 of them) signed the certificate. I've had it matted and framed, and I love it so much more than my bridal portrait. I like knowing that everyone there that day touched that same piece of paper. It's a piece of history; 2 people who signed have passed away now, and two people who signed have married now. The little fellow who left a child's scratchy signature is 13 years old now.

I even got our vows from a Quaker marriage-certificate website. I think it might have been intended for a same-sex couple, but it worked well for us.

Best Wishes, and Good Luck,
Lesley

Lesley, that's such a neat idea! I have a guest list that has now reached obnoxious proportions but that sounds like a fun way to cull out our nearest and dearest and give them a special role in the day. Thanks so much for the suggestion!

Lesley,

That is a neat idea! I've been thinking about having our guests sign a picture mat and then using that in the framing of one of our wedding pictures.


Shannon

Another cool idea... we both love history so we bought a picture book of old photos to use in place of the traditional guest book. I got the idea from a bride who bought a book of pictures of famous brides and used it as her guest book. This way, it can be on my coffee table forever.

Lafayette - I think that is a great way to personalize your wedding! That is what we are trying to do, little personal touches that have sentimental value to us! That's one of the reasons we are getting married in Mendocino, it's a special place to us and something we want to share with our friends and family.

Shannon

I feel like we've made so many big decisions already that we will be a year away from the wedding with nothing to do!:o We've already:

Decided on a venue, date, officiant, photographer, florist, baker
Decided on cake design, flowers, ceremony decorations, reception decorations, centerpieces, style, theme, colors, and invitations!

A few pics of what we have planned, my bouquet, Shelley's lei and the invitations we will order:

You do have a lot done, Shannon!

Trust me, I have everything organized and ahead of schedule, too, and there are some things you just can't do ahead of time. There will still be plenty to do! You'll still have seating charts and placecards, if you make them. Plus, most brides wait to create and print their programs until the last month before the wedding, too.

I'm having my invitations printed two months before they need to be in the mail so I have plenty of time to stuff them. Thank God the printer is doing the names and addresses when he does the return addresses on the envelopes so that horrible chore is done!

Are you registering anywhere? That can be a fun next step! We actually found our band at Macy's...

Hello ladies,
Can I join in the fun? My name is Karis and I was once a member...but I don't even remember what my screen name was!
Anywho, I am marrying my hunny May 17th and am trying to lose some weight before I have to buy a dress this spring!
We are doing things a little differently in that we are having a destination wedding with immediate family and then a reception for all our family and friends when we get back.

Hi Karis!

The married away and return reception idea sounds awesome! How much weight are you looking to lose?

What kind of dress are you getting?

Lafayette, thanks for the welcome!

I am going to try and lose 30 pounds- I think I managed to make a ticker :)

I am getting a real beachy dress for the ceremony that will be in Hawaii, we are planning on bare feet and pretty laid back. I may just get a white sun dress from J Crew or something like that.

I'm getting something different for the reception- I will try to find a pic to post!

I guess I will have to do it some other time because I don't have 10 posts yet!

I still haven't figured out how to post pictures... I was just thinking the other day that I would post before and after photos if it weren't for the awful before photos seeing the light of day in that scenario!

Just wanted to pop in and say "hi" to the newcomers Karis and Shannon (I'm a Shannon too :))

Shannon - You have so much done, I am put to shame! I really love your e bands, so pretty!

Karis - A destination wedding sounds so fun! The sales lady said the dress I picked out (pix here) is very popular for traveling brides, our wedding is in the city we live in but the ceremony is outdoors in a garden so a little informal.

Lafayette - Sorry about your aunt and her spawn :( Hopefully it doesn't ruin your party!

Shananigans, thanks for the welcome and I love your dress! how pretty! I will try to hang around more so I can post pictures soon of what I want :)

I just noticed how similar our "boats" are! I am getting married May 17th and have almost the exact same weight goals! Cool.

I'm trying to get to 145 by Thanksgiving... my original goal was 140 but I'll settle for what's realistic and hope for the best! These last pounds are taking an awful lot of effort to drop! At 135, I order my wedding dress! Wish me luck!

How's everyone else faring?

Just wanted to say hi to all of you - I miss you now that I don't have wedding updates to report!

:wave: hope you all are managing your stress as well as you can!

Hi all - I saw this forum and just wanted to jump in and say a big resounding "HELLO!" I just got engaged on October 21 and haven't really started yet on any wedding plans. I've been thinking about it a lot, have looked at different places for the ceremony, looked at dresses online, talked to my parents about it, but haven't settled on anything yet. I think we have settled on a venue (a winery out here in Virginia) and we are hopefully going to look at it this weekend and make a decision. I plan on going to look at wedding dresses in person some weekend soon, but probably won't seriously look until next spring. I will probably get something simple, but that looks right for a fall wedding (we are set on a weekend next October because I love Virginia falls so much.)

I weigh 147 right now, and would like to be down to 130 for the wedding. I have about 11 months to do it, and I think I can do it. I've lost 40 pounds in 7 months so I think with enough will power I can get down another 17 in 11 months. I would really love to look more toned for the wedding (especially my arms, they need a lot of work) but I am still happy that I will be smaller for my wedding than when I was at 187 in April.

I really have no idea about how to plan a wedding because I've never thought about it and was totally surpised by the engagement, so if any of you have any advice as to where to start with this whole process, I would surely welcome it!

NoVaVTFan, well I am now here myself but welcome!
AND CONGRATS!!!
A few words of advice on planning a wedding: Remember it is about the two of you, don't let your Mom, future mother in law or any other well intentioned person run the show.
Don't settle- you don't have to, it may take time and effort to find exactly what you want but you will.
I was married once before briefly in my early 20's and my mom ran the show. I had the "perfect" wedding in the historic home, beautiful flowers and elaborate linens and cake and gourmet seated dinner...and it was beautiful, but not "me", KWIM?
Now that I am marrying the man I should have waited for we are getting married on the beach in Maui with our immediate family and when we get back to Texas we are having a huge reception at a bbq restaurant in their banquet hall, twinkle lights and all with kegs of beer and all our friends and family.
I could not be happier we are doing it this way!
We have a great DJ, a laid back young photographer, we are getting invitations from a local shop and the girls there are so nice and genuinely helpful, the cakes are nothing "amazing" but really yummy! and the flowers are going to be Texas wildflowers and antique roses.

I think once you have a venue things will begin to fall into place. You can log into the Knot to see if they have vendors listed. I found my florist and photographer on there, I just looked at web sites until I saw what I thought would work for us.

I hope some of this makes sense and/or helps!
Good luck!

Karis

Here's the most important thing to remember while you're getting married...(use it like a mantra)...At The End of This Day, I will be My Beloved's, and My Beloved will be Mine".
I swear, it will not matter if the florist delivers old dead weeds, it will not matter if nobody comes to the ceremony, it will not matter if there's nothing but stale crackers to eat; all of that stuff will not matter. Because at the End of the Day, I will be Married to my Beloved Forever.
And that's when your life together really starts.

SCgirlie you are so right! that really is the bottom line :)

Hello ladies! Welcome to all the newbies!

Karis- I agree, the knot is a FABULOUS source for vendors. Their boards can be great for that, too.

Shananigans- I still cannot get over how beautiful that dress is- and that back!

NoVaVT- Congrats on your engagement AND your weightloss! I'm sure you will hit your goal with no problem.

Lafayette- Good luck!

Well, things are FINALLY looking up in the wedding dept. Despite the fact that this has only brought out how CRAZY everyone we know happens to be (I dunno, maybe we're the nutty ones :shrug:), I am doing much better. I've started a workout regime and that's helped immensely. Also, my MOH's (I have two- they're sisters and I have known them forever and can't pick just one) are in town, one right after the other from Boston and Chicago so help has arrived! I burst into tears the second I saw MOH #1 yesterday and I just felt so relieved. I also just returned from Barnes and Noble with:

-The Bride's Book Of Lists (I'm pretty aware of most of it, but it looked like a really great organizational tool)
-Altared, which is a collection of essays from brides and looked really sweet
-The Conscious Bride (I'm totally not a self-help kind of girl, but if there was ever a time for self-help...)
-The China Study (OK, not wedding related but I thought of Shananigan's reccommendation when I picked it out;))
And my favorite:
-10 Neat Things About Being a Flower Girl... a precious beginner level book for flower girls that I hope to get sent of here soon. Too cute.

NoVaVT- we started with our guest list, which prompted a conversation about how big the wedding would be and what people would enjoy. We just took it from there.

Knowing our guests, we booked a very easy-going photographer, picked an elegant venue that will handle just about everything, including a separate space for the kids (who originally weren't invited but you pick your battles). We hired a florist who was willing to work with our budget. We skipped cake in favor of a dessert from the venue and now, we're in the process of booking a very laid-back trio who love to play (and it shows) and welcome requests. Honestly, booking the hotel block was the easiest part of the whole ordeal and registering for gifts has been a rather bizarre and entertaining inventory of all the junk we've accumulated over the years (I'm 32, he's 35). The bridesmaids' dresses were easy. The tuxedos took less than 15 minutes to pick out. I'm getting the world's simplest wedding dress. We still have to book a limo, make arrangements for the departure brunch the following day, finalize the Church ceremony and finalize the spa arrangements for myself, the moms and the bridesmaids on the day of.

You can make yourself crazy (and I have) obsessing over favors (we decided against in favor of an open bar), contemplating colors, learning the Victorian language of flowers... remember, if you look at something and it will not change whether you are married at the end of the day, it's optional! SCgirlie got is right!!!

Junebug- good to see you back!

Mandalinn- your wedding pictures have reminded me that this is all worth it more than once. Thanks for the motivation! Good to have you drop by!

Shan- what's left?

That lists book is starting to make me wonder...

Thank you to all for your comments and suggestions!

Our guest list is going to be one of the problems with our wedding. I wanted to have no more than 30 people invited to the wedding, but that number doesn't look possible. My family (including extended) is very small. My father has one sister and one brother, and they have kids so I have a few cousins. My mother only has one suriving cousin. I personally only want to invite my mom's cousin, and my dad's sister (my aunt) and her daughter and husband (my cousin). I like the other members of my family, but I don't know them very well and really just want people at the wedding who I know very well. My father is paying for the wedding, and he would like me to invite my entire family because it is a small family and he doesn't want anyone to be insulted. I'm fine with that - I like the rest of the family, just don't know them very well, and I am trying to keep cost down as much as possible by inviting as few people as possible. But, since my dad is paying for it, and he really wants it, I'll probably be inviting our entire family, and then a few of my closest friends.

Now, my fiance comes from a HUGE family. His mother and father both came from families with 6-8 children each, so he has a bazillion aunts and uncles and cousins. He doesn't like most of his family, so he won't invite most of them. The problem is that he does like a few aunts and uncles enough to invite them, and he feels that if he invites a few of his aunts/uncles, he has to invite all of them so he won't insult anyone. I told him this was not going to make me very happy - I absolutely do not want anyone at our wedding that he doesn't at least like and want there. I want my wedding to only be filled with people who we both like enough to want to spend that special day with - I don't want my wedding to be a big circus with a bunch of guests that we feel obligated to invite. I remember my cousin got married when I was younger and she had 250 guests - most friends of her parents that she hardly knew. I don't want anything like that, plus I want to keep the cost down and I've learned from others that the way to do that is by keeping the guest count down.

So, that is my biggest dilemma so far. I believe I will end up inviting my entire family (some may not want to travel tho, so no big deal I suppose) and my fiance and I have comprised that he will invite a few of his aunts and uncles that he does like and want around. It will be more people than I wanted, probably around 50, but I guess that is an alright compromise. My father of course tells me not to worry about cost since he is paying for it, but I refuse to have a big blowout wedding just because I can - it was never what I wanted, I have always wanted something very small and personal, and I won't have something huge just because he says he will pay for it. I want to keep the cost down for him.

The one thing I will not budge on for the wedding - NO CHILDREN! Not many people who will be invited have children but a few do, and there children will not be welcome at my wedding. If they can't find a sitter, they cannot bring the kids to the wedding. I am not a big fan of kids, especially screaming crying ones, and I will not have them at my wedding. If the guests don't like it, oh well.

Sorry for the rant. I have so much to think about and it's a little overwhelming, but exciting at the same time. We are going to check out our potential venue on Saturday and i'm getting excited!

Ah... that wasn't much of a rant! I wanted a very intimate and relaxed wedding with no kids. I had my heart set on Ireland for a destination wedding. There will be compromises and battles that just aren't worth fighting.

...I have parents' friends that neither of us have ever met, children people have demanded they will bring, work colleagues and clients I have never met... it's safe to say I don't know 15-20% of the people on the guest list. At the end of the day, I'll be married, peace will be kept in the family (or at least it won't be my fault) and we'll never have to do this again. ;)

It will all come together!

I agree about picking your battles. I am only inviting family and friends that I see regularly and want at my wedding, my parents are fine and have expressed no interest in dictating a guest list. My future in-laws however have sent lists of people my fiance has never met or barely knows, but they are paying for the bulk of the expenses so I've decided to smile and nod and send out the invites, our wedding will be an opportunity to make new friends with extended family ;) I met quite a few of these mystery folks at the engagement party they threw for us last month and they all seemed like nice people that were genuinely happy for us, so it could be worse.

junebug41 - Good to see you around these parts! Thanks :) I really do love the dress. Enjoy the China Study. Be prepared to never think about diet and nutrition the same way again. :)

DF picked out his tux, we decided on a restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. What's left to do? Oh, plenty :o

We made a couple initial contacts with potential officiants, so we'll be interviewing them soon. I have to get a chuppah patter to my mom so she can start sewing. Send deposit to the florist. Consider ditching flaky DJ and look for someone more reliable but likely more expensive. Meet with potential ceremony musicians (they are free on our date, so that's looking good so far). Get my bridesmaids to order their dresses by January. Get contract with rental company for chairs and tent (we've agreed on a vendor with the couple we're sharing the site and the cost with).

And a million other details (programs, ceremony details, catering, cake). In the car the other day DF said he'd forgotten to bug me about taking his name for a long time. I told him if he concedes to a veggie rehearsal dinner and reception (the previous compromise was veg rehearsal dinner only) then we can talk. :devil:

Interesting topic- who's changing their name? I'm changing my name 100%; no hyphen, no maiden name as middle name, no "stage name." Then again, my maiden name is 11 letters and his last name is 7. Forget feminism vs. tradition, simplicity made the decison for me ;)

This will be done before our ceremony but I'm taking my partner's last name. This has always been the plan for us because it means so much to her. Also, we plan on giving our children her last name so I want all of us to have the same last name. I don't plan on using my maiden name as my middle name.
Next year in CA they are going to start allowing people who register as domestic partners to change their last names when they register instead of going through the court system. I'm wondering if this will be retroactive for couples who are already domestic partners? We've been "offical" since Sept 2005.

Shannon

I just finished the Conscious Bride and it tackled this issue. She talked about how it wasn't so long ago when women typically married before the age of 20 and had yet to establish their own identity and how now it's a tough issue for a lot of women because of marriage occuring later. Now, I'm only 25, but I've lived on my own and have established myself in my community and the music industry with my last name- not to mention I've always held tremendous pride about my last name- it's somewhat unusual and my family is very small and dwindling. DF's last name is ridiculously common. In fact, when I look at bridal mags, the examples they use for invitations and what-not is, in fact, what would be by new name! Needless to say, I'm stuggling with it. I'm reading about how to come to terms with it and may opt to keep it professionally, but I'm starting to understand the importance of the seperation of it and the sense of loss that comes with it, too.

Sorry, I just read a self help book. Probably not the "yes or no" you were looking for.:dizzy:

EDIT- I guess in short, I just really like my last name :lol: That's the issue with most women I know who hesitate to take their husband's last name. They just like their's better ;)

That's another big one. I would certainly want my family to have the same last name. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mom still carries her married name. It really made things so much easier as a single mom.