Hi 2b... hugs again

I'm so sorry things are rough with your husband. I know *exactly* what you mean about even though this stuff should motivate you in theory, it doesn't really help at all, and just makes you resent your DH and feel even worse about yourself... I know, for me, when I feel bad about myself, it doesn't really motivate me in the right direction...instead I just kind of sink lower and lower and eat more and exercise less.
And then there is the question of WHO exactly you are losing weight for? I wonder that even if you lost all of the weight, would you still feel upset and resentful at your husband for not loving the 220 lb you vs. the 150 lb. you? I agree that men are more physically-inclined that women...they are visual creatures by nature. But that's not all to it, and I don't really buy that men are ALL about the physical. Otherwise, men would not be divorcing super model-like women because they drive them crazy. You are a great wife and mother. Don't think or feel differently.
Forgetting about your husband for a second, what are the reasons why YOU want to lose weight? Physical appearance? Better for your health? Have a goal in mind (running a marathon, climbing a mountain, etc.)? Saving your marriage? Those are all very valid reasons. I think if you shift the focus from your DH over to your personal reasons for wanting to lose, you will not feel so frustrated, discouraged, and angry. Do it for you. You say that when it comes to other areas in your life, you are very focused and determined. Is there something specific you could set your goal on (like running a marathon, for example) that could help you with determination and focus?
Bringing your husband back into the picture, I was reading an article the other day about bringing romance back into the bedroom. A part of the article addressed women who are overweight or feel really insecure about themselves. You can be sexy and still have extra weight. You can be romantic and still not weigh 150 lbs. Ugh, I don't remember if I posted this on here, but when DH and I were engaged, I really let myself go. I gained a lot of weight, yeah, but I also stopped wearing makeup, dressing up, etc. I was in sweats and sweatshirt all the time because I was so depressed and ashamed of myself. Then other women started mistaking me for DH's sister, and not his fiancee. I was totally Frump Girl. And that's where the fears started...that someday, even though DH is a great guy, he'd meet someone way more attractive than me, and leave. It takes a LOT to get out of that funk... like you, I hate shopping, because stuff doesn't fit me. It's either too small or too big. I cringe every time I have to buy something in a size 16 or 18. I have more than TRIPLED my clothing size in the past 2 years! It is so hard not to resort to comfy clothes, but there are some great plus-size clothes out there. When you feel good about the way you dress, you're more motivated not to ruin it by eating unhealthy food.
Sorry, this is really long, I just wanted to offer an ear. If weight loss was easy, we'd never have a problem doing it.
What is your current eating plan look like?