Hey everyone!
My name is Fleur and I'm a college freshman. I just got onto campus recently and I want to make positive changes in my life. I have never been overweight by the normal standard, nor have I ever been extremely underweight. From that last statement, you may be wondering why I am on this site, but bear with me.
During high school, I developed ED-NOS, which turned into bulimia. While I was bulimic, I did not lose much weight at all; I actually gained some weight, which was extremely frustrating. Once I became afraid of what I was doing to my teeth by throwing up, I stopped, but I continued with the compulsive overeating that accompanied my bulimia because I was having a hard time at home and socially. As a result, I gained about 30 lbs on my small frame (I'm a little taller than average with a naturally slender frame, if that makes sense). At my highest, I was just under 150 lbs. To this day, my eating is out of control, and I guess I just need some support to normalize it and get healthy again. I would love to lose the weight that I gained during my two years of eating compulsively day after day. Eventually things got so bad that on some days I would eat enough to be nauseous, throw up, and continue eating. I also have a habit of overeating now, but that is really hard to break. How I never reached an overweight standard, I am not sure, but I really dislike how my body is proportioned right now.
Every time I look in the mirror, I get reminded of my eating disorder because of the way I look, and that is a depressing feeling I want to get rid of. I cannot fit into clothes that fit me before or even a few months ago. I would like to have my old body back, but more than that I would love to have a more toned body than what I had when my eating disorder started so that I can be proud of the way I look. I want to be able to go to the beach and not feel guilty because I feel like everyone knows about my eating disorder when they see me in a bathing suit. I want to look good naked. In more constructive terms, I would like to be between 115-120 lbs, which is in the lower healthy weight range for my height according to bmi.
I've never worked out regularly, so I would love to be active, toned, sexy, and at a point where weight doesn't control my life. I have grown a lot and I have seen a psychologist about my problems, but I feel that I need to do something about my weight and body to get over my issues and truly be happy.
I originally found this site through the Oprah magazine (she recommended it) so I joined. I have not made any posts yet and right now I feel inspired to make changes in my life because there have already been so many changes in the past few weeks. I want to live the life I have always wanted to live. I want to be the person I have always wanted to be. I'm young. I should be doing something productive instead of sitting on my *** and being depressed because of things that are in the past right now. I feel like being in a forum will give me more inspiration and motivation (which I really need).
To achieve my goal, I plan on trying to take things slowly. I'm really busy with college, but I want to start by making my eating habits healthier. I eat a lot of sweets and junk food, so I am going to try to minimize that and eventually cut it out altogether. I want to eat more vegetables and fruits and get my eating down to three meals per day (since I get out of control if I eat more than 3 times per day and the mini meals have never worked for me). I may start counting calories at a later date, but for now I just want to be aware of calories. I also want to get my study habits more developed so that I can't use the "I have no time" excuse for exercise. I'm planning to walk briskly/jog on the weekends at least. That's all for now.
I can't wait to get to know the rest of you and for us to make positive changes in our lives together!