We found that we added "obligation" invites based on what we thought our parents would request in addition to who we thought would "expect" an invite. I had a friend reassure me that an invitation to a wedding truly is and should be an honor.

I based my revised list on who I really wanted there- the people I simply could not envision getting married without- and then went back to the longer original and cut every person I would not want to have interrupt me while I was talking to the people on the revised list. For example, I would not want one of my fiance's co-workers, whom I have never met, to decide to introduce himself/herself to me while I am talking to our international guests or my 93-year-old grandmother.

Mandalinn- I'm sorry to hear about your dad's side of the family! I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to scream, "Why can't we all just get along?" Reading that was one of them!

You know, I got myself to a point where I basically said "I only want people to be there who are there to celebrate my union" - I didn't want people to come because it was a novelty, or because they felt obligated. We ended up with a mix of people who all wanted to be there because they were happy for us, which was just where we wanted to be. And everyone has a right to their opinion...not inviting them let me keep that negativity away from my day. It doesn't make them bad people, it makes them people who don't understand and/or come from a different perspective, and thats fine...just not what I wanted on that particular day.

Now family functions, thats another matter. I had to practice my responses before last Thanksgiving..."my life is not a topic of debate". Oy.

You all have the right idea about the guest list I think, ultimately it should be about who matters to you and who you want to share that day with.

My sister recently sent me her master list from her wedding to help me make my own. I’ll probably invite fewer relatives than she did. There are just a few that I don’t know too well that I would invite because I know my grandma will enjoy seeing them. Her health is not too good (she suffered a stroke about a year ago and has partial paralyzation) and I know she’d really enjoy getting a chance to see some of her cousins, brother-in-law, etc. so I’ll send invites to them. A lot of them are also older and have issues that would make travel difficult so I don’t know if many would actually be able to come, but I will send them an invite at least.

Thanks for the tip about the destination wedding gowns. I looked at the ones on the sandals website, I do like some of the styles but they are all rather slim-fitting and look like they’re made of clingy fabric, not exactly what I need to flatter my figure. I’m a shorter full hour-glass, even if I lose a substantial amount of weight that will be the case so I’m thinking I need something that accentuates the smallest part of my waist, fuller A-line skirt, and minimizes the boobs, and draws attention away from my upper arms. Mighty lot to ask of a dress I know! I think I just have to try lots on, I believe I will know when I find “the one”.

Mandalinn- great attitude!

A rift has slowly developed on one side of my family that doesn't have any immediately identifiable source. I refer to our relationship as "estranged but the 'e' is silent" because I honestly don't think anyone can explain why we just don't talk to each other. It was hard to decide that the day would be about our wedding, not some attempt at fostering family unity, but I immediately felt better when I just decided to not invite them.

Shan- I found a dress style in a European catalog that is shirred at the waist and was surprised to see it at David's Bridal, of all places. It will be the style of my bridesmaids' dresses and the most likely style of my dress, too. It is incredible flattering on everyone who has tried it on. Even right now, while I have a belly (yuck!), it looks pretty good!

Most dresses in this style are sleeveless but I found one with a very pretty lace top that has a 3/4 length-sleeve that reveals while concealing the arms, if ya know what I mean!

I'll e-mail you some pictures sometime soon.

Enjoy some WI weather this weekend!

Hey gals! Well, the bridesmaid dresses are ordered! It feels good to have that taken care of. They are from David's - not my first choice, but pretty close - I compromised style/details for color - I wanted the cinnamon since it's a fall wedding. Let's see if I can insert a photo.

My dress has the same roushing (I think that's what it's called) at the waist, so they match my dress quite well, although mine have lace sleeves and a beaded/sequined bodice.

We got dyed to match shoes and I think I'll look for chiffon wraps for them in brown.

Now it's time for tuxes!
Cindy

BfL CatI love that brides maids dress it is so cute.

BfL Cat- You have great taste! I have the same bridesmaids' dresses picked out in clover for my March 29, 2008 wedding. My bridesmaids loved it because the additional layer of fabric in the front hides a multitude of sins, not to mention provides additional warmth! I'd love to see a picture of your dress as I am hoping to keep the style of my wedding dress similar to my bridesmaids' dresses, too.

Shan- sorry, I haven't sent the pictures of the dresses I plan to try on. I spent a relaxing, do-nothing weekend in Madsion, of all places! I thought of you as we drove past Monona Terrace- on our way to the Essen Haus, where my diet officially derailed. We also hit the Angelic, which has an awesome Asian salmon salad, and the Admiralty Restaurant in the Edgewater Hotel, where we stayed.

Lafayette – Glad you enjoyed your weekend in Madison! My DF got in trouble last time we were at the Essen House when one of the servers overheard him refer to the wait staff as “beer wenches”. It was after a couple of boots had been passed, and really, in those costumes it’s really not too off the mark. I love brunch there, the French toast is dangerous! Angelic is another one of my haunts, but I prefer the Dane for the beer selection.

I got out for a lovely run at picnic point over the long weekend. Too much going on right now and I need to get back to work. Hope to get back to thinking about wedding stuff after we close on the townhouse, a visit from my FMIL, moving, organizing 2 work events (major changes just thrown my way on the one that is happening on June 9), I’ve got a 5k this Saturday…you know…stuff. :faint:

Look forward to seeing those dresses whenever you get a chance to send or post pictures!

I just told my fiance the beer wench story... he said that's like walking into Hooters and getting scolded for saying, "Look! Hooters!"

We went there for lunch so we ate on the Essen House deck but were actually served by Come Back Inn. Sadly, I missed the outfits!

OK, BfL Cat- I have good news to report on our bridesmaids' dresses: I saw a wedding today where the bridesmaids had our dresses. (I work in an office building that hosts weddings ion our courtyard during the summer.) The girls were all different shapes and sizes and they all looked GORGEOUS! Yippee!!!

Lafayette - good to know! I love that you are doing the clover color - I would definitely like that for a Spring wedding.
Cindy

Hey girls have you had any wedding dreams. I had one the other night that was really freeky. I was running up and down the aisle trying to make sure everything was okay, ( in my wedding dress, might I add!!). Everything that could go wrong went wrong. I am scared that this might happen. I dont know why I had this dream. I havent started my wedding planning quite yet.

Anyone had any dreams like that????

From a just-married...Yes!

Wedding dreams are about to become a solid part of your reality. I had at least one a week for the last 6 months of planning.

Mine have ranged from normal to mildly psychotic! I even had a dream that an ex-boyfriend tried talking me out of it.

Mostly, I just fantasize about eloping... we went to the bakery last Saturday only to discover the $119 price I had been quoted for a sheet cake (to supplement a smaller tiered cake for the cutting) was not the $209 "display" cake pricing and, therefore, will not apply for our wedding. Hmm, what do I get for the extra $90 if it doesn't even say "Happy Birthday" or something?

I ask you, as I asked the bakery, how exactly does one display a sheet cake that will be kept back in the kitchen? I may ask them to write, "(The bakery) sucks" on the it.

I haven't really had wedding dreams, I wonder why that is. Maybe it's just that I feel like all my waking moments are spent thinking about the wedding or moving, so in my dreams I want a break. :)

As for the sheet cake, my friend had sheet cake at her wedding to supplement. It was never in sight of the guests, they just had it back in the kitchen, where it was cut and put out with the other cake. That does sound like a rip-off.

I am really frustrated with my wedding site people. I have been trying to speak with someone there for a week now. I have also emailed, with no response. I need to get the rehearsal planned, but can get no response from anyone about availability of our amphitheater. A week without responding to a bride? It seems a bit mean to me. As a result of their lack of communication, I have been unable to relay the timing for our rehearsal to my in-laws, and now they have gone to Italy for a couple of weeks. That means we will probably have to book the rehearsal dinner ourselves. Sigh.... Sorry for ranting, I'm just tired.

My Fiance's sister is getting married three weeks before we are. I just saw her dress, and it looks.... very similar to mine. Hmmmmm....

Hey, Christine- vent away!

I wish you luck with your venue- you can always just show up on their doorstep!

Did your future sister-in-law know what your dress looked like before she bought hers?

I finally spoke to them. Yahoo!

Lafayette, we purchased our dresses independently, without seeing the other's. I actually bought mine after hers, but didn't see it until today. Oh well, I guess we both have good taste. :)

That's the spirit!

I'm freaking out about my mom asking the prices of everything. This is the woman who lectured me on/yelled at me for being self-centered and selfish when she read IN A BRIDAL MAGAZINE that brides print menus to set at each place setting.

I'm not printing menus, nor did I ever plan to, and I'm paying for everything anyway no matter what I chose to do. We haven't really had a detailed conversation about the wedding since but she called last night "with a few questions." Aaaah!

I’ve heard that wedding dreams are quite common, but I don’t really remember my dreams so I’m not sure I’d know if I were having them.

Lafayette – The bakery sure does seem to be trying to take advantage, jeeze! Sorry your mom is being difficult.

We have a wedding website, right now we just have the free level of service. Not sure if we’ll find the need to upgrade later or not. We don’t have much up there yet, but I think it will be a nice tool for communicating with guests as we plan.

We’re closing on our townhouse this Friday and starting moving on Sunday! Can’t wait.

Shananigans - the wedding website was GREAT. We ended up with all kinds of content on there...my favorite (and my guests favorite) was a song request form. People filled it out, I sent the songs along to my DJ, and people felt special. I also had an RSVP form for our guest shuttle service...as soon as my photographer gets the bleeping pictures back, I'll be posting a big gallery on the same site so people can look at them. This saved us a TON of money on invitations too...although technically Miss Manners doesn't like the idea...we printed one card in addition to our response card with our website address. From there, you could get directions and other logistics information for the wedding, so we didn't have to include directions or maps in the invitation itself.

I wish my guests were technically savvy enough to do the website! I loved yours, Mandalinn.

I really wanted to do an online poll to determine what the song for our first dance should be... I think we're going to go with whatever song is playing in the background when the two guys from Boondock Saints walk into the basement arsenal!

I am so excited I finally get to start planning my wedding!! My fiance will be here in a week and a half or so, so hopefully by the end of June we will have everything set. All i know that is official is the date 4/05/08 and hopefully the location Fabulous LAS VEGAS!!:p

Congrats! That's awesome!

My best friend got engaged just afew weeks after me and our weddings are one month apart. We went to a bridal show yesterday and let me just say, it's best to start with a drink, have a drink half-way through and end with a drink- I don't care which diet you're on! My God! The insanity!

Hopefully, I found a good baker who can make my cake at half the price the evil baker quoted me. Other than that and an alternative bridal shower idea/registry with Pampered Chef, I really didn't get much (other than an overdose of fake flowers and fake people) out of the experience!

On a high note, we've decided to do a joint bachellorette party- location TBD- on Feb 29 because, "If it happened on leap year, it didn't really happen... "

Anyone else with any great plans?

Oh, yeah... and I ONCE AGAIN restarted my diet today!

Lafayette – I went to the wedding expo at the Alliant energy center in Madison before we were even engaged. We were doing research for our friends that are getting married here in September (they still live in LA). Those things are ridiculous! We did find a florist that we liked and our friends say they’ve had a really good experience with them so we plan to use them as well. We also found a photographer we like, our friends ended up going with someone else, but we just put our deposit down to reserve him for our date. Funny that we kind of started doing some wedding planning before we really knew there was going to be a wedding. A joint bachelorette sounds awesome by the way!

I went to David’s Bridal last Saturday with my future MIL since she was in town and really wanted to go. It was a little overwhelming with her gushing constantly, she is really more excited about the gown than I am. Of course I want something flattering, but I am just not that into formal wear. When I mentioned that I would be happy in a simple white sundress and would just as well skip the formality of the gown if it didn’t matter to anyone else she looked at me like I was crazy and said something along the lines of “no, you really don’t mean that.” She just doesn’t seem to understand that not every woman has been dreaming of her fairy tale princess wedding gown since she was a little girl. Oh well, at least it’s nice that she’s excited and supportive and means well.

I had a work event for most of the day so I wasn’t able to make it in for an appointment but we browsed around a bit and I got to see the colors I was thinking about for my bridesmaids in person. I like them a lot. I think what I might do is have my bridesmaids in the celadon green and have my maid of honor wear the cornflower blue? Or maybe half & half? I’m not sure.

We’re mostly moved into our new house, I love it! It is going to be in chaos for some time, especially since we’ll be away this weekend and won’t get a chance to do any serious unpacking for a while.

Shan- Glad you survived the bridal fair! I hope it goes as well with the move!

I'm not into the "pretty, pretty princess" thing either. I just want a simple, elegant dress to go with what I hope will be a simple, elegant wedding. I keep reminding myself that, while this will be my only wedding, this is not the last party I am ever going to throw, not the last flowers I am ever going to order, not the last dinner I am ever going to plan, etc. It takes off some of the pressure to make everything perfect!

Well, I am working on diet bliss today to offset the cake I had to "sample" last night. Boston cream... I think Mandalinn calls it "food porn" so I will shut up now. :)

Thanks, Lafayette! Appreciate that perspective!

Oh man, I had a wedding dream!

In it, I was going up the aisle.Lots of things were weird, but the biggest part was that some guy I had met twice was standing up to marry me! This guy I am not attracted to in any way, but for some reason I had agreed to marry him years ago. And as we were standing up there, I kept on asking him why on earth do you want to marry me? You don't know me! And my wonderful fiance was standing as a groomsman, crying like crazy. And I kept arguing with this guy that I couldn't even remember the name of, saying things like, did you see the invitations? They had mine and MICAH"S name on them. That means HE is the one I want to marry. Then finally, I threw a big fit and finally yelled out to the world, obviously I want to marry Micah, not you! And it was a huge scene. At the end, I needed to wait until later to marry Micah, so no wedding took place. My bf told me it wasn't the worst wedding she had been to.

Random

Christine – That is one freaky dream! I have read that you can “train” yourself to remember your dreams. Maybe it would be worth the while to see if I’m having any bizarre wedding dreams.

Lafayette – I hope you’ve found a reasonable baker. I can’t wait to go cake testing!

Did another round of moving last night. Looks like we’re down to one more trip, then we’ll be cleaning up and done with it. With the small exception of getting someone to rent the place. :p We’ve got a couple more interested parties this week, keeping our fingers crossed. We’ll have this weekend free (finally!) so we’ll get some time to take care of all that and get properly settled in the new place.

We have a consultation meeting with the photographer tonight. The owner of the studio has already been booked for our date, so we’re meeting with one of his associates. Hope all goes well. Any tips for these types of meetings? Questions we should ask?

Hope everyone’s planning is going well.

Shan-

The most important thing, I would think, would be to see pictures of the individual's work. You want to make sure this person has a style you like. You may also want to know their preferences for posed versus informal pictures, and talk to them about having your pictures, whether those will be before or after.

Planning is hectic for me at the moment. I feel stressed and tired of it all. BUT, I know it will all come together somehow in the end.

We’ll be sure to check out her portfolio tonight. I remember really liking the photos on display at the Wedding Expo (that’s where we found them) but I don’t know if any of those were her work. They definitely seem to be less formal and posed, more of a photojournalistic feel to them. I like that. Good point about discussing when we’ll do our more formal pics. Our ceremony site is really gorgeous, I’ll want to make sure we’ll have time to take full advantage of that for our pictures.

I’ve been looking around online at dresses again, and I’m rethinking my strapless A-line concept. Right now I really like the idea of a V-neck halter with lace overlay, this one I’m particularly in love with at the moment. (you can click the image for slightly bigger I think)

Attachment 26118

I’m trying really hard to imagine what this would look like on my figure though. The only site I’ve seen plus size models on is David’s Bridal.

Report from the photographer consultation: so disappointing! The head photographer’s work is really amazing, that’s why we were interested in the first place. I’m kicking myself for not booking him earlier. The photographer we met with last night was nice and her work is ok, I’ve definitely seen less impressive work, but she’s only been shooting for 2 years and the inexperience shows. It’s a little underwhelming. They charge the same for all their photographers, which I guess makes sense from their perspective, if you charge less for a less experienced photographer people will think that photographer is not as good. Even if it’s the truth (which I think it is) I could see why they wouldn’t want clients to think that.

Back to the drawing board. *sigh*

Shan- Our photographer is Katharine Reilly (check her website). I bet she would go to Madison.

My main criteria, since the photographer is really the person you spend the most time with, was that we like the photographer as a person. We got lucky that our photographer is also awesome! She does great candid shots- she actually works full time at the Aids Resource Center of WI and has spent most of her photography career shooting charitable events around the area.

She has taken the time to get to know us, continues to work with our budget and strikes me as being perfectly capable of handling all the chaos and any wacked out demands that I can't anticipate.

She is a one-man shop, so we were a little concerned about replacing her if anything goes wrong but has has several back-up photographers who are also skilled and personable.

The dress looks beautiful but I agree, you'll need to see it on. My friend had a very similar style and while she loved her dress, she wished after seeing her wedding pictures that the dress had more definition around her waist. I thought it looked fab but just a thought...

As for the dreams, I am in the phase where I keep thinking of guys that "could have been," contemplating "what if" and arriving at the conclusion that the one I'm about to marry is absolutely the man of my dreams! It concerned me at first but, hey, as long as I keep thinking he's the best possible catch, I guess I'm OK!

Shananigans:

Definitely try it on; you'd hate to have any surprises! I tried on a really cute halter dress at David's Bridal, but I quickly realised that it absolutely wouldn't work...the halter strap around the back of my neck was making me bow my head whenever I wasn't consciously thinking about my posture. I'd look like a hunchback in all the non-posed pictures!

Lafayette – Thanks for sharing your photog contact. I looked into applying at the AIDS Resource Center when I started my WI job hunt. They have an office here in Madison, unfortunately for me their development office is in Milwaukee. I checked out her portfolio, it’s very nice but I feel like I’ve seen a lot of similar ones for photographers in Madison. Part of the reason we wanted Pierre is we feel his work is very original, and he was really nice in person. Both are very important to us. What can I say, my FH is photographer, we are extra picky and spoiled. :p

We spoke with the photographer and he said we could meet with another photog with his company that we’re more interested in. If you wanna take a peek this is the website. http://www.pierresportraitart.com/index.php Click "wedding galleries" at the bottom you can see all the photographers in the sidebar. Pierre was our first choice obviously, check out his work and I think you’ll see why. Anna is the one we met with last night and decided to pass on. Now we’re going to be meeting with Michelle. I’ll be interested to see what her personality is like and see more of her work.

I will definitely be trying on any dress before I order it! I know how different something can look in my head and then on my body. I really need to find some time to go try dresses on someday.

OK, Pierre looks like he's got some skills!!! Those are awesome!

We aren't planning to have many posed pictures so the photo journalism style is well suited for the "snap shots" of friends and family I'm looking for. Katharine showed us some more "arty" photos she had done- they were pretty awesome, too, but my fiance and I agreed we want to limit the amount of time we spend with the photographer. Our ceremony will be a full Catholic mass starting at 2:30 and, if we plan to have cocktails in our hands by 5:00, we have to keep moving! Neither of us is very picky about photography... cake, though, is a whole different story!

Hey all! I'm getting married June 21, 2008 and have just started planning. We're planning to have the wedding in Clearwater, Florida on the beach at sunset so we'll have a beach theme. My colors are lilac and light blue and my main flowers will be hydrangeas. Anyway, just wanted to say hi to everyone!

Feisty- Sounds like a pretty color scheme! I'm getting married in Southeastern Wisconsin in March. My color scheme may have to include dyed-to-match thermal underwear! Welcome!

Welcome Feisty! A beach wedding sounds so lovely. I plan to use hydrangeas as well, green and purple. Look forward ot hearing more about your plans.

Announcement: My brother is now engaged!

So many weddings, so little time...