Being treated differently.... why?
 

Success is great, but sometimes it is weird.... ? I have finally dropped about 50 pounds and feel wonderful physically. So many things I can do now without feeling tired, and clothes I can wear again without feeling like a stuffed sausage. I can actually get dressed in less than 20 minutes now, without trying on everything in the closet to see what would fit me that day and look halfway decent. What I find sad now is that people (both men and women) are treating me differently.

Let's take the men first.... I used to go to the gym when I was a lot heavier, and it seemed like I was invisible to guys. Once the weight started coming off, suddenly I was being smiled at and said hello to. I had dropped bout 30 pounds and all of a sudden I started getting stopped and talked to in the hallway or on the machines, even asked out. The really hot guy at the front desk whom I had been salivating over silently for months finally even got friendly, too. Men acted like they saw me for the first time! Not just at the gym either. Men at work also started suddenly noticing me too, and flirting up a storm. My own brothers are even introducing me their friends now and stuff. My dad offered to buy me a new wardrobe, and noticed that I actually have a waist now. You would think that with all this male attention, it would make me happy, but it doesn't.... it makes me sad sometimes and angry sometimes. I am the same girl I was 50 pounds ago, or at least I am to me.

The women are the worst though. My so called friends are treating me differently, keeping an eye on their husbands and boyfriends when I am around now... for what? So, I guess since I am not the "nonthreatening fat friend" anymore, they don't want me around? It is summertime and I can finally wear shorts and tank tops and sundresses without feeling overly self conscious about it, and actually now can be comfortable in hot weather... so what am I supposed to wear... a potato sack? At a pool party at my boss's house this past weekend, I wore a very nice and modest one-piece swimsuit, and there were actually women (wives, girlfriends, and other female coworkers) there who were talking about me. I mean, everybody had on swimsuits! It's not like I was wearing a lime green thong bikini! Good grief. These same women are starting to get on my nerves by thinking that I think I am all that now that I have lost some weight. I have never dressed provocatively and am not about to start now. I just want to be able to wear what I have always wanted to wear, be comfortable and feel pretty for a change. Is that wrong?

Does anyone else have this problem? Or am I just being overly sensitive?

Also, when people compliment me on my weight loss, I never know what to say. I try a thank you, but it doesn't sound quite right. What they actually say is something like "have you lost weight? You look really good" but what I hear is, "it's about time you got off your lazy butt and lost some weight, you fat cow".... how can I get over this????

Should be happy, but not quite there yet.....

highest 210/steady 180 for three years/now 130

Kyra, I have been fat and I have been thin, so I have experienced the reactions you have described. As far as the men go, it is just a fact of life that men (and women) are going to notice an attractive person over an unattractive one. I am not saying this is right, but I don't think it is something that is going to change anytime soon. When I lost weight the first time (am in the process of losing it again) the attention from men caused mixed emotions in me. I was flattered and thrilled to be noticed, but also sad that I knew I was the same person as I was before.

As far as how the women in your life are reacting, chalk it up to the green-eyed monster. They may be feeling jealous that you have accomplished something they have been unable to do. Or if your friends were thin, they are probably feeling threatened that you are receiving some of the attention that they used to get all to themselves. What you have done by losing weight is shifted the balance of power, so to speak. I know it's frustrating, but give your friends time to adjust to the new (physical) you. When they see you are still the same old you on the inside things will turn around. And if there are some people for whom your weight loss stays a problem, then they probably aren't people you need around you anyway. Surround yourself with people who are confident enough in themselves to be happy that you've made this accomplishment!

Congratulations on your weight loss!

Debbie
254/211/160

Don't let anyone take away your joy. You have made a great accomplishment, savore every second of it. Be true to yourself, and just BE yourself. About the differences in treatment after weight changes, well, that is here to stay. But, it is not your problem. You don't feel that way, and you don't make those kinds of supperficial judgments, so let it be THEIR problem. The women who are now paraniod over their husbands... well that is their problem too. It is not your fault that they don't trust their husbands. It is not your fault that men are superficial. You stay true to yourself, and enjoy your new healthy, fit body. Don't let anyone take away your joy. And you said it right when you called the women your "so-called friends". They are. But, maybe you are just being a bit paraniod yourself. YOU DESERVE TO BE FIT AND TRIM!!! YOU DO!!! And if you percieve a problem with these "friends", then talk about it with them. Tell them how you feel, and that you still have the same soul and personality, just in a new and improved body.
And by the way... you can wear a bikini if you want to. You worked hard for your body... it is okay to be proud of it. As long as you are true to yourself.
Christy

Thanks... feeling better now!
 

Thank you, ladies.... Your comments were great! Maybe I just needed to vent because I was so frustrated at this whole thing. I am feeling better about things now and will continue to keep healthy. Bless you. Kyra

Kyra

Honey I have one for you! This is the ultimate! I am like 16/18 ? pounds from goal weight.. I too, started around 180 and am in down below 150 and I am 5'8... I am a "Happily" married woman with two kids, and I am losing the weight for myself and for my husband mutually. I was at my husband's place of employment the other day and one of his co-workers commented to my DH that you better watch her... she is looking good.. she is going to finish losing that weight and she is going to leave you for some younger guy. :( This was another guy not a girl but good grief- what is his malfunction?

Men are shallow just over look them- they ones worth having would take you overweight or thin... sometimes they just don't know it.

Women are insecure! (all women is one sense or another) and when a attractive woman suddenly pop's up - especially one who has been around and no one actually noticed until they come out of their cocoon... they start to worry. When ever they realize that you didn't lose the weight to go after their "man" then they will get over the contempt. If they don't then they weren't worth dealing with to begin with!


Congrats on the loss!

Good luck!
Amy
176/48/130

Happiness shows!
 

I bet you feel a million times more confident in yourself after losing weight and people react to that, too! When men and women see you walking tall and proud and smiling because you know you look good, they are more likely to talk to you! I have a friend who is probably 220 or so and she gets noticed all the time because she's so confident in herself.

And people really do mean well noticing your weightloss. When I was just starting I would actually help myself along noticing people who were heavier and thinner than me. When people notice, doesn't that mean they actually looked at you before? They want to compliment you on your weight loss, MOST people do know how hard it is and want to lose some weight. They are probably using you as inspiration, too! I did that with a friend who lost about 80 pounds, I think of her success while I'm working out, and now another friend is using my success as inspiration! Say thank you, they admire you!

Lori

It's human nature
 

I am male but have had different but similar responses to my weight loss. First, the part about being the same person. You seemed to focus on this. I think in the most important ways this is 100 percent true. I think I was able to lose weight because of my ability to accomplish something I feel is important which has been part of me since I was a very young child. But someone who doesn't know you well will find it hard to believe that you or anyone has much determination as a personal quality if they get very overweight, since few people would choose to be overweight. And the ability to reach a goal is an important part of a person and a quality people look for in a person...So are people wrong to perhaps infere something about a person if they are very overweight? To some extent, no.

However, overweight discrimination is a huge wrong in our society. It is, probably, the most prevlant and accepted form of discrimination, even though it is wrong. And as far as being attractive and the whole flirting and jealousy thing. For me I was totally honest with myself. I wanted to lose weight for health and lifestyle reasons but also to be more attractive. It is impossible for me to say it was 70 percent one and 30 percent the other, they were both important. Are you sure being more attractive wasn't one of your goals when you started to lose weight?

And, comeon, we all are attracted to people based on physical appearence. It is very important for first impressions, less so later on. My friends use to ask me would I ask someone out who was female and as overweight as I was. The hard answer was probably not. Am I proud of that? No. Do I acknowledge that about myself? Yes. Did it motivate me to lose weight? Yes

So in general day to day life I was prepared to be treated differently. And certainly differently at the office and among casual acquintences. Now friends it should be different. People who knew me for years, liked me and to be around me no matter my weight.

I guess I would leave you with this, do you think you are still the same person after the weight loss and its just everyone else around you who has changed? I know I feel better about myself, I am more confident, I am proud I have accomplished something I set out to do. I have more energy, can do more, I am healthier. Doesn't your state of health impact on who you are? Doesn't it help determine the lifestyle you can lead? What I am getting out is the essential you is probably the same but losing weight does change who you are. Probably it changes how people view you more, but it also changes how you view yourself and how you are living your life. At least it has for me.

diamondgeog, you sound like one perceptive and self-aware guy! :)

Hey there Kyra. I love what everyone has said - it's such wonderful stuff.

And what I get from it is "Remember you are worth it". The naysayers around you haven't quite gotten that yet about themselves. And Diamondgeog was right that most guys (and probably most gals) are initially more attracted to the surface attributes... just the way this society it. So when your's started to really show, people reacted pretty typically. Your true friends, as Kirie said, will come around if they haven't already.

When I was 35 pounds overweight (for a 5'5" narrow frame that's a lot), there was a certain safety in having that as a shield, a barrier if you will, from really being out there. In a way I used it as an excuse - men weren't attracted to me because... But once the weight was off, and my body was toned I began to get a good amount of attention. And yes, some female envy to boot. I was unerved by both and it took a while to get used to the new me and the new "attitude". It wasn't always pleasant. Jealousy never it. However after almost four years at goal, I'm pretty comfortable with myself, my life, my new husband... get the picture?

I have to give myself new goals, and new rewards since shopping never was my "thing". I also find it's important to keep a really strong support group around and have done so, both with local friends and new online ones. I also go to WW meetings weekly - yes even after four years - to keep me focused, motivated and in touch.

Remember Kyra - you are an inspiration not only to yourself, but to many others as well and they need to see it can be done. You go girl! Congrats on the new you.

I've been at my goal weight since June of this year. My official "highest weight" was 226 (at my annual physical). I suspect I'd been even heavier but I never, ever weighed myself at home. I currently weigh in at 114, and I feel great. This weight loss has taken approximately two years to complete.. time well spent. Regarding being treated differently; yes, I notice it often. I think the reason, in part, is because I feel so great. I make eye contact now. I smile. I have to rein myself in, to be honest, lest I strut! People notice my eyes and compliment me! I think this is because they look bigger in contrast to my smaller facial mass. Also, it's the eye-contact thing. Men notice me. Hold open the door, wink, let me through in congested traffic, etc. And I find I get better, more attentive service when shopping or dining out. Finally (this is the most peculiar thing), my good, dear, quite attractive friend had been very supportive for these past two years. But now that I weigh less than she, I'm getting strange vibes. She's even mentioned that I'm too thin, that I look sickly. Which is untrue. I've been under a doctor's direct supervision for two years, and I've never been healthier according to my blood work and cardiac monitoring. Even my skin looks better. So that's my story. It's ironic that the more of me there was, the less visible I'd become. Now, when I look in the mirror, I think --- hmmm, who are you? The last time I was this size, I was in my early 20s. Now here I am again at this size, in my 40th year, not fat, not 20-year-old drop-dead beautiful ... but still, nothing to sneeze at!

Marge,

Just had to say "You go girl!"

Kyra, the reactions you mention are common. You just have to move on and not let them bother you, although they are bothersome, just get into your own life and how much better it is and will be --- there's always going to be jeaous women (unfortunately) and getting the attention of men isn't a bad thing --- it can be reinforcing --- it just lets you know it looks good. And like others have said, people just like thin better and you have a glow when you feel good about yourself. Don't put too much emphasis or thought into the negative reactions of others.

It's bizarre how this can happen from any physical change. Try not to take it personally. I'm just starting my weightloss journey, I hope I can be as sucessfull as you. However, I used to have very short hair. A few years ago I decided to grow it long, just for a change. Well....I now have doors opened for me, men are just plain nicer etc. I don't know why it's such a big deal, but I enjoy it.

Appearance is so important in our society.. to all animals for that matter.. it is sad but the kindest person with an unattractive appearance is still just ugly to most people. It is hard to beat society's programing, even when you really. In addition, It is in our nature to judge.. it is a mechanism to protect us from those that are different.. different can be dangerous.. at least in the the wild.. though perhaps this is still true and sadly to judge is still a necessary mechanism of self defense.. but it also impinges our views of those that might be truly wonderful inside.

And don't forget to mention how you're treated differently at work after a 50 pound loss - I've been promoted! People in supervisory positions pay much more attention and respect to me now (I'm a curriculum writer/web designer).

The last obese person who worked in my office was fired because she kept falling asleep, snoring at her computer. I suspect she had weight-related sleep apnea. The new person they hired is even more obese - about 320 pounds (at least my office doesn't discriminate!!). She had to miss a month of work for the removal of fibroid tumors. These, according to Prevention Magazine, are also obesity-related.

I really think our success at weightloss can make a BIG difference at work. Less sick days, more energy, confidence, etc. 'm 41 and a 20-something guy flirted with me the other day. And I don't care if those other women are jealous! I spent enough of my childhood with skinny girls and guys treating me like poor Blubber in the Judy Blume book.

It's payback time!!! (I know that's an unhealthy attitude - I'm just too happy and excited)

5'11"
220/171/165

This is so great! I have been loosing for about two years and am down 55 pounds. I have had my setbacks and I've just hit my stride and lost a lot of weight in a coupple of weeks but still have a long way to go. Last night I finnaly found out that a guy I really liked was not interested. I'm sure it is mostly due to my weight but I can understand that. He does not know the real me so he does not know what he's missing. And when I reach goal and am not interested in him I guess he'll possibly regret it.
Diamond dog I 100% agree. This society is based on looks and we just have to deal with that, be honest with ourselves and move on. Even with my being heavy I get plenty of atention because I have confidence in myself. Before people can comment on my loss I tell them about it. "hey guess what I lost another five pounds! I am so happy I am finally doing this!" believe me all I get is positive feed back. Sometimes people are just not sure what to say or how to bring it up. When I lost my first 20 a co-worker said" have you lost weight? I can really tell, you used to be huge!" She meant no offense and I took none in fact I agreed with her. I was huge! Now I'm down 55 pounds and still going. It's largely dur to knowing that people notice that I keep going even when I've had a setback. Well If I keep going I'd write a book but I just wanted to share my own experiences. Keep going and don't let anything stop you!:cool:

I was happy to find THIS thread! I have recently lost about 20 lbs and put on my smaller slacks that I haven't worn in two years. I still have some weight to lose (I am 5'2" tall so would like to lose about 20 more lbs) Anyway.. my friend whose idea it was to diet together gave up after a week (we started on 1 jan) Now I get these vibes that she's mad at me. Another woman asked me how much I wanted to lose and I said about 40 lbs ( I started at 153) I'm short, this is alot LOL. My friend acted disgusted with me. So sometimes I find myself being defensive!
I am doing the slimfast diet, so I hear this alot "Is that ALL you're having for lunch?" and then people feel the need to defend what they are having, like I'm the diet police. "I'd rather be fat than drink that stuff" and "I have to have food, I can't just drink the shake" I feel like saying "Grab a clue... who is the only person who has lost weight?"

Sorry to go on, I am ticked about this, and was happy to find people who understand.

Lauri

What a great thread! It's great to read everyone's insight about the changes, both good and bad, that one experiences in this journey. We are all so different, and yet so very much the same!

Lauri - I have to agree with you. I started on the WW diet last July with a co-worker. She mentioned one day that she had gained a lot of weight, I told her that I had the WW diet at home and would bring the next day (which was a Friday).

We planned that day and decided to start on Monday. We ate veggies during the day, drank all our water, counted points and made plans to lose weight. By the end of the first month, I was hooked (or maybe closer to obsessed) with losing weight.

She went on vacation in August and while she was gone, I made sure that I stayed with the program. I went on vacation in September (to the Middle East) and nearly starved the 2 weeks we were there because there was nothing for me to eat. Fortunately, I had packed some meal on the go bars with me.

She also took some more vacation time in October.

By that time, I had lost about 25 pounds, not quite half way. It was still noticeable, though. People stopped ME in the hall and commented on how great I looked but never said anything to her. She got the same way. Almost like she was mad at me for losing weight. I felt so bad for her because she was playing the losing game right to the hilt ----- at work. I finally quit mentioning how the weight loss was going, but just continued following the losing program.

Before Christmas she finally made a snide remark that went something like, of course YOU can lose weight. I have a thyroid problem and I don't follow the diet on weekends, vacations, holidays or special events, and also when my husband cooks dinner (every day). I can't be expected to lose weight at the same rate as you do.

Well, you know something. She's absolutely right except for one fact. I do have a thyroid problem. However, I have diligently followed the weight loss plan faithfully - no excuses, and very few slips. I have even been faithful through vacation times and holidays. It's just something that I really want right now. She is really ticked at me now because I look great. She has only lost about 10 pounds so far, but has only followed the weight loss program during the day on work days. She is cutting back and will eventually lose, but, in the meantime she is barely speaking to me.

Frankly, it was worth the 8 months that it took me to lose and I wouldn't trade that hard work for anything else right now.

Don't feel disheartened. I have had several people ask me about the diet and have been able to support them in weight loss efforts. Many of my friends at church and acquaintances at work are using me as the model because they know it can be done. It is actually very rewarding to have so many people start on a weight loss program and stay encouraged because they have seen that I was able to accomplish it.

I take the positives and ignore the negative one. However, if you want to know the truth, the initial competition that she provided (when I though she was seriously wanting to lose weight), was my motivator for losing. If it weren't for wanting to succeed while she was watching, I don't think I would have carried it off. I am still very grateful to her for kick starting the motivation that I needed. I just feel badly because she didn't want it the same amount and that she is now so jealous.

Your co-worker must be feeling prety bad about herself and is just trying to justify her slowere weight loss to make herself feel better. I know you might fell upset with her but try to see her side. You started out togather and she got left behinde. Try complimenting her on the success she has had and encourage her. Tell her what you do but not in a way to put her down for giving in to those holidays and husbands meals. I hope you don't think I'm preaching at you but sometimes we have to walk a mile in someone elses shoes to understand why they act the way they do. Perhaps she thinks you won't want to be her friend now that you get so much attention from the "thin" crowd. Try to be more sensative to those around you who just have not reached the point of determination to succeed that we have. I took us all some time to arrive there and we should try to encourage those still struggling with their mental roadblocks.:^:
Adn the meek ones shall inherit the earth and indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace.
Psalm 37:11

Actually, it is the best to leave it alone. If I say anything about weight loss at all to her, then she thinks that I am flaunting my success and I don't want to add insult to injury. When she brings up the subject, I do talk to her about it, but I don't offer suggestions for the holidays, etc.

She has made the conscious decision to not let a weight loss program interfere with her eating habits, and that is OK - it is her choice and I can't expect her to do what I do. She needs to make the decision to follow a weight loss program herself. All I can do is support the decision when she is finally able to make it. Until then, saying anything to her would not benefit anything.

My boss started a weight loss program last September, while I started in July. I was on vacation when he started, and my weight loss was not that evident before I left. He mentioned the weight loss when I returned to work and told me that he had started a program while I was away. We have been feeding off each other very well since then, and both of us have lost a lot of weight. He still has a long way to go.

Anyway, he mentioned to me last week that his so thought I was losing too much weight, which brought on another discussion about weight loss. He asked me what I would have said if he had mentioned a year ago that he thought I should lose weight. My immediate reply was "You'd be dead!" I guess I can relate that to the relationship between the other lady at work and myself. If I say anything, especially since I have already lost my weight, I think I'd be dead. LOL. It's best, at this point, to leave it alone until she makes the decision for herself, then offer the support that she needs.

sweettooth, I don't say anything either. It really hurts my feelings, though. I can tell by the way she is treating me at work that she is angry. oh, well... I have actually had people comment that I am "obsessed" with my diet and exercise. Gosh. Let's see, I do 40 min a day of tae bo or aerobics depending on the day. I have slim fast for breakfast and lunch, and politely decline any dairy queen or other fast food runs. I mean I say, no thanks, and drop it. It's not like I lecture others on how much fat is in this and you could have 5000 lbs of celery for the same amount of points in this Big Mac and Fries. Anyway... I have taken to having my shake at my desk instead of in the kitchen, so nobody has to watch me LOL!!
Everyone have a great day!!
Lauri

You, too? I actually have categorized myself as obsessed. I think that happened after the first month was finished. I just can't help myself but sit and plan for my meals, write down everything that I eat and decline the things that I have not planned for. If other people think that is obsessed, then so be it.

I don't think it is any different than a skinny person saying that they don't want a second helping, or a vegetarian declining meat or even a non-smoker making a fuss over smokers. I don't lecture others, either, just inform them if they ask me about my diet.

I have lost 59 pounds, and it is very noticeable - especially now that even my skinnier clothes are starting to fall off me. When people mention my weight loss, I say thank you (with a great big grin on my face), and I even offer to tell them how much I have lost and how much more I need to lose. It has been a great conversation starter and often ends up with - will you write down what you are doing and help me, too. That's the reward for me, because people are able to see that it is possible and taking the steps themselves to do what they thought they could not.

One lady came running down the hall after me yesterday and said that she had been meaning to tell me for a long time that I looked great. She is overweight herself and told me that her husband has just been diagnosed with diabetes resulting from being overweight. They have both started on the diabetic diet and are planning to lose before it becomes a serious problem. I told her that if I could be any help, to give me a call. She also added that she had been thinking to tell me, but thought it was important to actually do the telling. That was a boost for me, but also a reward to know that she is starting herself and knows that it can be done.

One of the things that I tell people when they ask about the weight loss is that they really need to be in the right mental state before they start. That is where I was not successful before. I wanted to lose weight, but was not prepared for the discipline that it involves - could the discipline have another name (obsession)? One day when I was playing at the diet, something just went click that said this is the right time to be doing this. As the weight started to fall off, the more I wanted it, the more motivated I became to lose. Following a program comes after the mental decision has been made. And I mean the honest to goodness, I'm prepared to do this, decision.

It is nice to know that others are experiencing the same things. I do think, though, that you receive the snide comments from people who are jealous, not the ones that are truly happy for you to be losing weight.

By the way, why not put you shake into a travel mug, so people think you are drinking coffee, instead of what they classify as diet food?

I guess I'm just fortunate. All of my friends and co-workers are very suportive. I'v always been prety up front about things though. I do tell people who smoke about my grandmothers slow death from lung cancer. I tell them I do care if they smoke because I don't want them to go through that. If someone wants to talk about my "obsession" I just tell them I'm doing what I have to do in order to be as healthy as I am able. I don't want to have a heart atack at 63 like my father. I once had someone stert to lecture me because I lost about ten pounds in a week but I told her it was because I ate healthy not because I starved myself. But I also do ocasionally enjoy something not on the plan. I guess I'm not that obsessed.:smug:

320\267\140

win some lose some
 

There is a dozen reasons why to be treated differently. I've been getting the cold shoulders from my married friends lately they won't hardly speak to me. It went on for a long time. I found out in the long run that their Ol' man is giving them the hissy fit about losing weight and I have been used as an example :( So I guess since I have been used as an example my friends dropped me off their friendship list. I guess, the less they see of me (remove the cancer the problems might be gone attitude) the better. I can only imagine. Since I lost 30 something pounds, little by little I am getting more looks from guys. Something is different. Probably not only the 30lb lost so far, probably from the exercise (sculpting out the body), and each time I lose more weight, the better my confidence get. It is sad one way, and in another way it really not. I'm waiting for "its getting down right agervating" to kick in.

Sweet Tooth is right
 

Sweet Tooth, you summed it all up: some will be jealous and snide, others truly happy for you. After losing 101 pounds, I've seen both. My closest friends tell me how great I look, and that seeing me reach goal helped others in our small town. But some co-workers (esp. those who started WW at Work at the same time, and dropped it) have been rather aloof, even though I never bring up any WW-related topics unless asked.

And you're so right, the subtle approach works well, like putting the SlimFast in a mug.

janetmae: WOW!! 101lbs!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!
I do not bring up WW stuff either. I just mind my business, follow my diet, and watch my butt shrink.

Feisty filly: LOL! This is the men's fault for being so dumb! Can you imagine *their* reaction to this "geez, honey I wish you could be more like Jennifer Aniston's husband..." LOL!!!
It's funny how one minute you are this virtuous nice fat woman who would never steal your friends husbands... and then drop a few pounds and you're a hussy!!! LOL!!!
Anywho you all have a good day!
Lauri

Lauri, thanks, and congrats on your loss too! And I love the way you phrased that, just "mind my own business and watch my butt shrink." Hehe... As you mentioned, it does hurt when someone resents your progress instead of being happy for you. But it sounds like you are handling it so well!

Filly, what an awful thing for those guys to do! But surely your friends will come around, and realize their husbands' boorishness is not your fault. I think it actually takes *other* people more time to adjust to *our* weight loss than we realize! The people that you'd want to keep for friends will not drop the "new you" from their list, I feel sure.

Cowgirl, kudos on your 55 pounds lost! You really have your head on straight; confidence, and a cheerful attitude, work wonders. And good for you, spreading the word re: smoking. (I won't even get started on that ... it makes me too angry and sad.)

Have a great week, and don't let anyone take away from the wonder and delight of this amazing journey! You worked for it, and you deserve it!
Regards,
Jan

Jan and Lauri:

I agree with you both. I have another philosophy on this whole thing that came up a few years ago with a friend of mine.

This friend wanted to finish her master's degree and was having a great deal of difficulty in accomplishing the feat. Perhaps it was not enought willpower at that time within herself, or other factors around her, I don't honestly know, but this is her story.

She set a goal to do her master's degree, and like the psychologists suggest doing, she announced this goal to everyone around her to help her be accountable. She soon discovered that one of her closest friends started to come over for coffee or telephone when she was studying and working on papers. She soon realized that this friend was sabotaging her goal, rather than keeping her accountable for it. She soon quit working on her degree.

A few years later, I was having lunch with this lady and she was telling me that she was going to pursue her master's degree once again but that she was limiting her announcement to people that she knew would truly support her in this endeavour. she achieved her degree and is now working on her doctorate.

I guess I can apply this to my weight loss journey. I have only shared my goal with a few people - those who can support me in the endeavour. Most of these people are the ladies on 3FC who I have never met. The mistake I made was with a co-worker that wanted to achieve the same goal, but was not willing to discipline herself to accomplish the goal. The snide comments were her only way of sabotaging my goal. Unfortunately, they only hurt our friendship, not the accomplishment of the goal.

What I can learn from this is to be the best support that I can be to any of the people that have approached me about weight loss and to any of the people that are struggling with weight loss on this list. This is what many of you have done for me. Thank you so very much.

Luv,

I agree totally. Some of those who sabotage us don't even mean to, they just don't understand. Like my naturally slender mother-in-law who used to tell me that if I only exercised I could eat anything. (This while I was doing aerobics 5 times a week!!)

Of course there ARE those who just can't stand anyone to succeed at something that they are having problems with.

This time around I am telling VERY few people.:lol:

dentrassi,

Way to go. You can do it this time, for sure. I berlieve that you are right in telling very few people...just make sure that they are the people who will support you to the end.

I am so glad that I found this list. The people here are sooooo supportive. When I am down, I can always come here, bare my soul, and know that there is not much risk in doing so. There is always someone here who knows how I am feeling and give me tips on how to get through it.

Hi everyone!!! :smug: I'm so happy to have found this thread!

I've experienced so many of the same reactions that you've all talked about here & it's great to know that there are people out there who understand!

Recently I'm at 210 from 235+... most of my friends have been happy for me & supportive but the relationship I have with my sister has drastically changed! She's only 1 yr younger than me & all our lives we've been close to the same (overweight) size... actually she's been slightly smaller than myself.
In the last 3 - 4 years we've packed on the weight (together) & talked constantly about loosing the weight (together). Finally I decided to stop 'talking' & 'just do it'! (Unfortunately she's still just talking)

I've always had a very open relationship with my sister & we've talked about everything... including our weight issues. But now that my loss is steady & visible, conversations & visits have been awkward; she gives off weird vibes like she’s mad or irritated with me… sometimes she even seems to be giving me the silent treatment! I find myself holding back my excitement & happiness… and dressing in my shabby, baggy clothes when I know I’m going to see her! Her attitude is simply unbearable when I’m wearing my cute, old clothes from 2 years ago when I was thinner! Sometimes she makes me almost feel ashamed… because I feel like I have something to hide!

The worst is that she’s been trying to sabotage me! She’ll bring over loads of groceries and cook me huge dinners & desserts at my house then leave all the unhealthy leftovers! (she NEVER used to do that!) Also, now she’s always wanting to buy me ice cream cones, cheeseburgers & at the bare minimum Coca-Cola. (Pop is my major weakness & she knows it) She even shows up when she knows it’s my scheduled workout time & tries to distract me!

I love her dearly & I don’t really know what to do! I wish she could do this with me… but she’s clearly not ready to be disciplined enough! My bf tells me that I need to confront her, but I don’t think he understands what a touchy subject weight loss is. Plus I know that she doesn’t mean to hurt me… she’s just feeling left out & hurt herself.

So far, I’ve only discussed my weight loss with her when she brings it up & even then I’m very tactful. I’m hoping that she’ll come around eventually & life will be peaceful again! Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks for listening… I feel better being able to tell others my frustrations!
Talk to ya later, Kalypso.

235+/210/1st goal 195

Oh yeah...
 

As Debbie said, I''ve been fat and I've been thin. And I'll tell you, when I was thin, I was treated waaaaaaaaay differently. Now that I'm larger....I'm invisable or something. Perhaps I'm not noticed because I don't want to be at this point. When I was in one of my many stages of fat to thin journeys, I became very aware of the new attitudes towards me. Men did notice and flirt. (Gads I miss that) My husband (boyfriend at the time) used to take me out alot. Once I was whistled at as I got out of our car. My husband smiled and waved to this guy. He even said, "thank you!" LOL!! The one thing I didn't care for is when people would talk to me about my weight loss. A very close friend of mine was the worse. She of course has always been rail thin and beautifull but was thrilled at my weightloss. She would tell me, "God you look sooooooo much better sense you lost that fat" or she'd tell people. "look at her! Don't she look great? (that was nice) you should have seen her six months ago!!' (that I didn't like!!) It was like I was some horrible, deformed freak who got plasic surgery. Quasi moto to Jennifer Lopez or something. On one hand, she was complimenting me, on the other insulting me. I couldn't figure it out. Another long time friend would suddenly get upset if I called the house and talked to her husband for more than five seconds. Before she didnt care if we sat and watched a movie alone in the living room while she took a shower, then it was taboo to even say hi to him. I was the same person but she treated me as if I was a stranger after her man.
At first I was hurt and annoyed, then I would shrugg and shake it off. It was their problem. Not mine. I was the same person, just thinner. Eventually my thin friend stopped pointing out the freak show and the other must have realized I was still her bud, Audrey, not some homewreaker. On the other hand, when I gained the weight, I delt with other weirdnesses. I have a picture on my wall, taken back when my daugher had turned one. I'm holding her up and smiling at the camera. I was 60 pounds lighter than I am now. My brother in law was over and looked at the picture and exclaimed, "who is this babe???" I looked at him like he was nuts and informed him it was me. He responded, "Oh, you used to be hot" This from a 35 year old man! What a guy!!


Audrey

Kalypso - I can understand how hurt you must be that your sister is not supporting you in your weight loss journey. I think that the reactions you described are a form of jealousy - she knows that she should be there with you, but she is not mentally at the point where she can lose weight. I have experienced the same thing with the person that i started to lose weight with. However, the sabotage is the most difficult thing to handle.

I think the most important thing is that you have identified that your sister is sabotaging your weight loss. She may not even realize that she is doing this, just her reaction to you losing weight when she is not ready. Confronting her I think would be difficult and may also ruin the relationship that you have with her. Having said that, you sill need a plan to make sure that you continue to lose weight in spite of your sister's efforts to stop you. When she comes and cooks, have a plan about what you will eat and what size portions you will choose. When she leaves, throw the unhealthy leftovers away. I know this sounds wasteful, but it is better to be wasteful than to eat something that does not contribute to a healthier you. Also, make it clear to her that you have scheduled work-out times and that you will be going. It may mean running out the door to the gym with an apology when she comes to visit. This will only take once or twice. Invite her to come with you... Who knows, she just may take you up on it. Hope everything goes well and that you are able to accomplish your weight loss. Take care.

Audrey - I haven't had any trouble with friends or their perception that I will take their husbands. Probably toooooo old for that. LOL. I can see where those jealousies may exist, though. It sounds like you handled it very well and once your friends discovered you were the same old person underneath, they weren't as threatened by your weight loss. Sometimes it just needs a little time for other people to adjust to the weight loss, too. Keep it up.

Hello ladies!

I totally understand. I work in an office with mostly women and two of them are overweight. When I first lost 40 pounds on the Larry North diet, I use to get some snide comments from them. ("Are you still on THAT plan?" "You'll probably gain it back" etc.)

Unfortunatly, I've gained back about 20 pounds and their comments stopped. I just know that they are feeling kinda smug about it.

Tomorrow my husband and I are going back onto the program so hopefully, I can get those 20 pounds off again.

No matter how people act towards you, it is your family members that care and your REAL friends, who will love and support you no matter what size you are.

Wishing you all good luck and good health!

PatriciaF

The lady who was suddenly getting attention from men/women
 

You make me sick. I am a fat cow who would give anything to have men talk to me and to make women jealous. I won't even leave my house for fear someone will see me and you whine and complain that you are getting all of this attention, go back to being a fat cow if you don't want any attention good or bad. Am I missing something here?

Hey...there's no need for that...we're here to SUPPORT EACH OTHER! Each phase of this journey has something different in store for each of us. Let's rejoice in each other's victories, commiserate where we can and cheer each other up when we can. This is hard enough, without being put down by the very people we come to for support and encouragement.

"One man's meat is another man's poison."


Vive la difference!

Reply to Katrinabgood/difference
 

Katrinabgood, I agree with you. I am usually very supportive of other people going through the weight issue. I apologize for any hurt feelings, etc. To let you know where I am coming from. I work with women who have lost weight and they complain of how they are treated differently and they are phony, phony:mad:

They love the attention, they lap it up and then they whine that "they are being treated differently". It is all an attention getter and I am not the only one who feels this way, several other women in the office feel the same. They do this to get attention, they want people to say. Oh well you do look nice, you have lost weight.

Please don't get me wrong. I have lost weight in the past, only to regain it and I remember how good the compliments felt, they are great. I just have a problem with phony people specifically trying to get praise.

If the person who started this thread was truly :o , upset people treating her differently then my heart goes out to her and I hope things will improve for her. This is a very superficial world that we live in, unfortunately you can be anything you want from a drug addict on down the line but you cannot be fat and be accepted by most in this transparent society.

Again my apologizes for any misunderstandings. Please forgive. I will keep my viewpoints to myself in the future and only show support.

I guess there are two kinds of attention that need to be divided. Now that I have lost most of my weight, I love the attention that being thin brings...salesmen falling all over me in stores (before, I could hardly get waited on), wolf whistles, people at work congratulating me on the weight loss and asking how to do it. Love all that.

What I don't like however, is the snide comments from co-workers, or acquaintances. Often these remarks come with attempts to sabotage my weight loss efforts...tempting me with candy, cakes, etc. when those were not issues before.

Hubby and I both work at the same place and one man who works here has told my husband on 3 separate occasions that I will now be having an affair. At first hubby was really upset about the comments, but he is adjusting now. Those kind of mean remarks are what I dislike about being treated differently. However, I guess in the long run, I can chalk them up to jealousy and try to accommodate them as best as I can.

That does not take away the disappointment that I feel in the very people that I considered to be friends.

Sweettooth don't worry about it. I was in the same situation where people were telling my husband I was having an affair because a male friend and I use to talk at work. What everyone did not know was this gentleman was also a friend of my husband and we would do activities all three of us together. Do not listen to those folks they obviously need to find something new to do with their lives

You are right. However, I don't spend much time with men at work. I occassionally coffee with them, but seldom the same man. Where the comment from this man comes from is beyond me. I don't know when I would ever get the time to have an affair. Hubby and I do absolutely everything together...including driving to and from work, eating lunch together, etc. When we are apart, we know exactly where the other is.

He doesn't talk to this man very often - mostly at company social events - but every time he talks to him, the same comment comes out. Still baffles me????