Hi everyone!!! I'm so happy to have found this thread!

I've experienced so many of the same reactions that you've all talked about here & it's great to know that there are people out there who understand!

Recently I'm at 210 from 235+... most of my friends have been happy for me & supportive but the relationship I have with my sister has drastically changed! She's only 1 yr younger than me & all our lives we've been close to the same (overweight) size... actually she's been slightly smaller than myself.
In the last 3 - 4 years we've packed on the weight (together) & talked constantly about loosing the weight (together). Finally I decided to stop 'talking' & 'just do it'! (Unfortunately she's still just talking)

I've always had a very open relationship with my sister & we've talked about everything... including our weight issues. But now that my loss is steady & visible, conversations & visits have been awkward; she gives off weird vibes like she’s mad or irritated with me… sometimes she even seems to be giving me the silent treatment! I find myself holding back my excitement & happiness… and dressing in my shabby, baggy clothes when I know I’m going to see her! Her attitude is simply unbearable when I’m wearing my cute, old clothes from 2 years ago when I was thinner! Sometimes she makes me almost feel ashamed… because I feel like I have something to hide!

The worst is that she’s been trying to sabotage me! She’ll bring over loads of groceries and cook me huge dinners & desserts at my house then leave all the unhealthy leftovers! (she NEVER used to do that!) Also, now she’s always wanting to buy me ice cream cones, cheeseburgers & at the bare minimum Coca-Cola. (Pop is my major weakness & she knows it) She even shows up when she knows it’s my scheduled workout time & tries to distract me!

I love her dearly & I don’t really know what to do! I wish she could do this with me… but she’s clearly not ready to be disciplined enough! My bf tells me that I need to confront her, but I don’t think he understands what a touchy subject weight loss is. Plus I know that she doesn’t mean to hurt me… she’s just feeling left out & hurt herself.

So far, I’ve only discussed my weight loss with her when she brings it up & even then I’m very tactful. I’m hoping that she’ll come around eventually & life will be peaceful again! Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks for listening… I feel better being able to tell others my frustrations!
Talk to ya later, Kalypso.

235+/210/1st goal 195

As Debbie said, I''ve been fat and I've been thin. And I'll tell you, when I was thin, I was treated waaaaaaaaay differently. Now that I'm larger....I'm invisable or something. Perhaps I'm not noticed because I don't want to be at this point. When I was in one of my many stages of fat to thin journeys, I became very aware of the new attitudes towards me. Men did notice and flirt. (Gads I miss that) My husband (boyfriend at the time) used to take me out alot. Once I was whistled at as I got out of our car. My husband smiled and waved to this guy. He even said, "thank you!" LOL!! The one thing I didn't care for is when people would talk to me about my weight loss. A very close friend of mine was the worse. She of course has always been rail thin and beautifull but was thrilled at my weightloss. She would tell me, "God you look sooooooo much better sense you lost that fat" or she'd tell people. "look at her! Don't she look great? (that was nice) you should have seen her six months ago!!' (that I didn't like!!) It was like I was some horrible, deformed freak who got plasic surgery. Quasi moto to Jennifer Lopez or something. On one hand, she was complimenting me, on the other insulting me. I couldn't figure it out. Another long time friend would suddenly get upset if I called the house and talked to her husband for more than five seconds. Before she didnt care if we sat and watched a movie alone in the living room while she took a shower, then it was taboo to even say hi to him. I was the same person but she treated me as if I was a stranger after her man.
At first I was hurt and annoyed, then I would shrugg and shake it off. It was their problem. Not mine. I was the same person, just thinner. Eventually my thin friend stopped pointing out the freak show and the other must have realized I was still her bud, Audrey, not some homewreaker. On the other hand, when I gained the weight, I delt with other weirdnesses. I have a picture on my wall, taken back when my daugher had turned one. I'm holding her up and smiling at the camera. I was 60 pounds lighter than I am now. My brother in law was over and looked at the picture and exclaimed, "who is this babe???" I looked at him like he was nuts and informed him it was me. He responded, "Oh, you used to be hot" This from a 35 year old man! What a guy!!


Audrey

Kalypso - I can understand how hurt you must be that your sister is not supporting you in your weight loss journey. I think that the reactions you described are a form of jealousy - she knows that she should be there with you, but she is not mentally at the point where she can lose weight. I have experienced the same thing with the person that i started to lose weight with. However, the sabotage is the most difficult thing to handle.

I think the most important thing is that you have identified that your sister is sabotaging your weight loss. She may not even realize that she is doing this, just her reaction to you losing weight when she is not ready. Confronting her I think would be difficult and may also ruin the relationship that you have with her. Having said that, you sill need a plan to make sure that you continue to lose weight in spite of your sister's efforts to stop you. When she comes and cooks, have a plan about what you will eat and what size portions you will choose. When she leaves, throw the unhealthy leftovers away. I know this sounds wasteful, but it is better to be wasteful than to eat something that does not contribute to a healthier you. Also, make it clear to her that you have scheduled work-out times and that you will be going. It may mean running out the door to the gym with an apology when she comes to visit. This will only take once or twice. Invite her to come with you... Who knows, she just may take you up on it. Hope everything goes well and that you are able to accomplish your weight loss. Take care.

Audrey - I haven't had any trouble with friends or their perception that I will take their husbands. Probably toooooo old for that. LOL. I can see where those jealousies may exist, though. It sounds like you handled it very well and once your friends discovered you were the same old person underneath, they weren't as threatened by your weight loss. Sometimes it just needs a little time for other people to adjust to the weight loss, too. Keep it up.

Hello ladies!

I totally understand. I work in an office with mostly women and two of them are overweight. When I first lost 40 pounds on the Larry North diet, I use to get some snide comments from them. ("Are you still on THAT plan?" "You'll probably gain it back" etc.)

Unfortunatly, I've gained back about 20 pounds and their comments stopped. I just know that they are feeling kinda smug about it.

Tomorrow my husband and I are going back onto the program so hopefully, I can get those 20 pounds off again.

No matter how people act towards you, it is your family members that care and your REAL friends, who will love and support you no matter what size you are.

Wishing you all good luck and good health!

PatriciaF

You make me sick. I am a fat cow who would give anything to have men talk to me and to make women jealous. I won't even leave my house for fear someone will see me and you whine and complain that you are getting all of this attention, go back to being a fat cow if you don't want any attention good or bad. Am I missing something here?

Hey...there's no need for that...we're here to SUPPORT EACH OTHER! Each phase of this journey has something different in store for each of us. Let's rejoice in each other's victories, commiserate where we can and cheer each other up when we can. This is hard enough, without being put down by the very people we come to for support and encouragement.

"One man's meat is another man's poison."


Vive la difference!

Katrinabgood, I agree with you. I am usually very supportive of other people going through the weight issue. I apologize for any hurt feelings, etc. To let you know where I am coming from. I work with women who have lost weight and they complain of how they are treated differently and they are phony, phony

They love the attention, they lap it up and then they whine that "they are being treated differently". It is all an attention getter and I am not the only one who feels this way, several other women in the office feel the same. They do this to get attention, they want people to say. Oh well you do look nice, you have lost weight.

Please don't get me wrong. I have lost weight in the past, only to regain it and I remember how good the compliments felt, they are great. I just have a problem with phony people specifically trying to get praise.

If the person who started this thread was truly , upset people treating her differently then my heart goes out to her and I hope things will improve for her. This is a very superficial world that we live in, unfortunately you can be anything you want from a drug addict on down the line but you cannot be fat and be accepted by most in this transparent society.

Again my apologizes for any misunderstandings. Please forgive. I will keep my viewpoints to myself in the future and only show support.

I guess there are two kinds of attention that need to be divided. Now that I have lost most of my weight, I love the attention that being thin brings...salesmen falling all over me in stores (before, I could hardly get waited on), wolf whistles, people at work congratulating me on the weight loss and asking how to do it. Love all that.

What I don't like however, is the snide comments from co-workers, or acquaintances. Often these remarks come with attempts to sabotage my weight loss efforts...tempting me with candy, cakes, etc. when those were not issues before.

Hubby and I both work at the same place and one man who works here has told my husband on 3 separate occasions that I will now be having an affair. At first hubby was really upset about the comments, but he is adjusting now. Those kind of mean remarks are what I dislike about being treated differently. However, I guess in the long run, I can chalk them up to jealousy and try to accommodate them as best as I can.

That does not take away the disappointment that I feel in the very people that I considered to be friends.

Sweettooth don't worry about it. I was in the same situation where people were telling my husband I was having an affair because a male friend and I use to talk at work. What everyone did not know was this gentleman was also a friend of my husband and we would do activities all three of us together. Do not listen to those folks they obviously need to find something new to do with their lives

You are right. However, I don't spend much time with men at work. I occassionally coffee with them, but seldom the same man. Where the comment from this man comes from is beyond me. I don't know when I would ever get the time to have an affair. Hubby and I do absolutely everything together...including driving to and from work, eating lunch together, etc. When we are apart, we know exactly where the other is.

He doesn't talk to this man very often - mostly at company social events - but every time he talks to him, the same comment comes out. Still baffles me????

Finally!!! someone who understands my post. You know exactly what I mean. Rude comments are one thing but genuine compliments are another.

The man who makes comments to your husband could be 1 of 3 things that I can think of. 1. He is jealous of your husband because he has such a beautiful wife and he wishes he had a beautiful wife. 2. He has (from personal exerience) or seen it happen in a friends life, the woman loses a lot of weight and gets all this confidence and has an affair due to the new attention, I have seen this happen myself, in fact some of my friends are divorced because of this and when you ask the husband what happened he says, "she just wasn't the same after she lost weight". 3. He is simply an idiot (no insult intended), who needs to get a life.

By the way I don't know how your husband reacts to this but some men actually find this rather flattering that another man finds their wife to be so attractive.

I think my husband is feeling threatened by my losing weight. He knows that as long as I stay fat then I won't be a threat to him as a male, that is just his feelings of low self esteem or whatever. I love my husband and I would never do this, however in the past he has given me "plenty" of reasons to be jealous and it tickles the out of me that I might make him jealous one day. I would bask in the glory of it all. Today is actually my first day to my new life as a healthier person. I am currently over 100 lbs overweight and I started a walking program this morning and as I left the house I told my husband, well today I start my journey, he just sort of looked at me but did not say anything. Don't get me wrong he can be super supportive of me and in our 17 years of marriage he has never made me feel bad about my weight, its just that I think he might be a little threatened by it all. This time is different, I am hard core determined to get this weight off and live healthier. I am sick of waking up every day of my life and crying due to my appearance.

Hang in there sweetooth. You must look pretty incredible for this man -People- to be acting this way, bask in the glory of it all. As for the women at work, are they overweight? If so they are probably green with jealousy and envy, that's sad, if they could just get a grip ya'll could be diet partners together, maybe.
When another overweight person that I know or that I meet in a forum loses weight it makes me happy all over. I mean really happy for them and their success.

Well gotta go. Sorry if this was preachy and long. Thanks for responding to my reply.

Hope you have a successful/good week.

Teresa

Kyra,
I really understand the feelings you are experiencing right now. But look at the bright side you get to know who your realy friends are even though it might be tough finding out the truth. Those who know how hard it was for you to carry that weight around and are now happy to see how you look and feel . Friends that can enjoy with you your sucess, those are real friends. The rest don't matter. Continued sucsess to you.

It hard getting all this attention and once the weight comes back on you feel like a real failure. Thats what happened to me i lost alot of weight through weight watchers gained all the weight and an extra 50lbs. Given after gaining the weight back i feel into a depression which allowed me to gain the extra 50lbs. However i have taken it all off again. And feel much better but i realize these compliments people give me i cant take them to serious. What i do appreciate is the support from people, but people who tell me how pretty i am cause im thin i dont take it to serious. Cause if i should put the weight back on it doesnt make me a bad person, doesnt make me any less of a person then i am now.

Couldnt just lurk, so much of what was being said it home.

I haven't lost enough for people to say much but I'm new at my job so that's understandable. What I did pick up on was that so many of the ones bringing in homemade goodies and etc- Are not overweight- these people evidently can make cookies and have plenty to share --They don't seem to have any problem stopping at one or two- they have no concept what it's like NOT to be able to stop.
At first, I thought I was hurting their feelings when I said" Thanks, but no thanks" - I finally said something to one and she said" Oh, didnt really notice, I just figured you werent hungry"

What a concept- Refusing food isnt rude, it's understood as "Not being hungry". What a relief. As long as I can stay away from white flour and sugar processed foods the cravings are minimal and then quite bearable.

As for people looking for attention- as I said, I just changed jobs- and the the new place has the same characters, just different actors- Drama queen, the leader, the baby, the gossip, the rebel, etc,etc. Group dyanmics are interesting- often annoying- could be worse, I guess.
But the folks in constant need of attention, they'll need it if they keep losing weight or if they don't.

Thanks for listening. It was an interesting discussion.