I was happy to find THIS thread! I have recently lost about 20 lbs and put on my smaller slacks that I haven't worn in two years. I still have some weight to lose (I am 5'2" tall so would like to lose about 20 more lbs) Anyway.. my friend whose idea it was to diet together gave up after a week (we started on 1 jan) Now I get these vibes that she's mad at me. Another woman asked me how much I wanted to lose and I said about 40 lbs ( I started at 153) I'm short, this is alot LOL. My friend acted disgusted with me. So sometimes I find myself being defensive!
I am doing the slimfast diet, so I hear this alot "Is that ALL you're having for lunch?" and then people feel the need to defend what they are having, like I'm the diet police. "I'd rather be fat than drink that stuff" and "I have to have food, I can't just drink the shake" I feel like saying "Grab a clue... who is the only person who has lost weight?"

Sorry to go on, I am ticked about this, and was happy to find people who understand.

Lauri

What a great thread! It's great to read everyone's insight about the changes, both good and bad, that one experiences in this journey. We are all so different, and yet so very much the same!

Lauri - I have to agree with you. I started on the WW diet last July with a co-worker. She mentioned one day that she had gained a lot of weight, I told her that I had the WW diet at home and would bring the next day (which was a Friday).

We planned that day and decided to start on Monday. We ate veggies during the day, drank all our water, counted points and made plans to lose weight. By the end of the first month, I was hooked (or maybe closer to obsessed) with losing weight.

She went on vacation in August and while she was gone, I made sure that I stayed with the program. I went on vacation in September (to the Middle East) and nearly starved the 2 weeks we were there because there was nothing for me to eat. Fortunately, I had packed some meal on the go bars with me.

She also took some more vacation time in October.

By that time, I had lost about 25 pounds, not quite half way. It was still noticeable, though. People stopped ME in the hall and commented on how great I looked but never said anything to her. She got the same way. Almost like she was mad at me for losing weight. I felt so bad for her because she was playing the losing game right to the hilt ----- at work. I finally quit mentioning how the weight loss was going, but just continued following the losing program.

Before Christmas she finally made a snide remark that went something like, of course YOU can lose weight. I have a thyroid problem and I don't follow the diet on weekends, vacations, holidays or special events, and also when my husband cooks dinner (every day). I can't be expected to lose weight at the same rate as you do.

Well, you know something. She's absolutely right except for one fact. I do have a thyroid problem. However, I have diligently followed the weight loss plan faithfully - no excuses, and very few slips. I have even been faithful through vacation times and holidays. It's just something that I really want right now. She is really ticked at me now because I look great. She has only lost about 10 pounds so far, but has only followed the weight loss program during the day on work days. She is cutting back and will eventually lose, but, in the meantime she is barely speaking to me.

Frankly, it was worth the 8 months that it took me to lose and I wouldn't trade that hard work for anything else right now.

Don't feel disheartened. I have had several people ask me about the diet and have been able to support them in weight loss efforts. Many of my friends at church and acquaintances at work are using me as the model because they know it can be done. It is actually very rewarding to have so many people start on a weight loss program and stay encouraged because they have seen that I was able to accomplish it.

I take the positives and ignore the negative one. However, if you want to know the truth, the initial competition that she provided (when I though she was seriously wanting to lose weight), was my motivator for losing. If it weren't for wanting to succeed while she was watching, I don't think I would have carried it off. I am still very grateful to her for kick starting the motivation that I needed. I just feel badly because she didn't want it the same amount and that she is now so jealous.

Your co-worker must be feeling prety bad about herself and is just trying to justify her slowere weight loss to make herself feel better. I know you might fell upset with her but try to see her side. You started out togather and she got left behinde. Try complimenting her on the success she has had and encourage her. Tell her what you do but not in a way to put her down for giving in to those holidays and husbands meals. I hope you don't think I'm preaching at you but sometimes we have to walk a mile in someone elses shoes to understand why they act the way they do. Perhaps she thinks you won't want to be her friend now that you get so much attention from the "thin" crowd. Try to be more sensative to those around you who just have not reached the point of determination to succeed that we have. I took us all some time to arrive there and we should try to encourage those still struggling with their mental roadblocks.
Adn the meek ones shall inherit the earth and indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace.
Psalm 37:11

Actually, it is the best to leave it alone. If I say anything about weight loss at all to her, then she thinks that I am flaunting my success and I don't want to add insult to injury. When she brings up the subject, I do talk to her about it, but I don't offer suggestions for the holidays, etc.

She has made the conscious decision to not let a weight loss program interfere with her eating habits, and that is OK - it is her choice and I can't expect her to do what I do. She needs to make the decision to follow a weight loss program herself. All I can do is support the decision when she is finally able to make it. Until then, saying anything to her would not benefit anything.

My boss started a weight loss program last September, while I started in July. I was on vacation when he started, and my weight loss was not that evident before I left. He mentioned the weight loss when I returned to work and told me that he had started a program while I was away. We have been feeding off each other very well since then, and both of us have lost a lot of weight. He still has a long way to go.

Anyway, he mentioned to me last week that his so thought I was losing too much weight, which brought on another discussion about weight loss. He asked me what I would have said if he had mentioned a year ago that he thought I should lose weight. My immediate reply was "You'd be dead!" I guess I can relate that to the relationship between the other lady at work and myself. If I say anything, especially since I have already lost my weight, I think I'd be dead. LOL. It's best, at this point, to leave it alone until she makes the decision for herself, then offer the support that she needs.

sweettooth, I don't say anything either. It really hurts my feelings, though. I can tell by the way she is treating me at work that she is angry. oh, well... I have actually had people comment that I am "obsessed" with my diet and exercise. Gosh. Let's see, I do 40 min a day of tae bo or aerobics depending on the day. I have slim fast for breakfast and lunch, and politely decline any dairy queen or other fast food runs. I mean I say, no thanks, and drop it. It's not like I lecture others on how much fat is in this and you could have 5000 lbs of celery for the same amount of points in this Big Mac and Fries. Anyway... I have taken to having my shake at my desk instead of in the kitchen, so nobody has to watch me LOL!!
Everyone have a great day!!
Lauri

You, too? I actually have categorized myself as obsessed. I think that happened after the first month was finished. I just can't help myself but sit and plan for my meals, write down everything that I eat and decline the things that I have not planned for. If other people think that is obsessed, then so be it.

I don't think it is any different than a skinny person saying that they don't want a second helping, or a vegetarian declining meat or even a non-smoker making a fuss over smokers. I don't lecture others, either, just inform them if they ask me about my diet.

I have lost 59 pounds, and it is very noticeable - especially now that even my skinnier clothes are starting to fall off me. When people mention my weight loss, I say thank you (with a great big grin on my face), and I even offer to tell them how much I have lost and how much more I need to lose. It has been a great conversation starter and often ends up with - will you write down what you are doing and help me, too. That's the reward for me, because people are able to see that it is possible and taking the steps themselves to do what they thought they could not.

One lady came running down the hall after me yesterday and said that she had been meaning to tell me for a long time that I looked great. She is overweight herself and told me that her husband has just been diagnosed with diabetes resulting from being overweight. They have both started on the diabetic diet and are planning to lose before it becomes a serious problem. I told her that if I could be any help, to give me a call. She also added that she had been thinking to tell me, but thought it was important to actually do the telling. That was a boost for me, but also a reward to know that she is starting herself and knows that it can be done.

One of the things that I tell people when they ask about the weight loss is that they really need to be in the right mental state before they start. That is where I was not successful before. I wanted to lose weight, but was not prepared for the discipline that it involves - could the discipline have another name (obsession)? One day when I was playing at the diet, something just went click that said this is the right time to be doing this. As the weight started to fall off, the more I wanted it, the more motivated I became to lose. Following a program comes after the mental decision has been made. And I mean the honest to goodness, I'm prepared to do this, decision.

It is nice to know that others are experiencing the same things. I do think, though, that you receive the snide comments from people who are jealous, not the ones that are truly happy for you to be losing weight.

By the way, why not put you shake into a travel mug, so people think you are drinking coffee, instead of what they classify as diet food?

I guess I'm just fortunate. All of my friends and co-workers are very suportive. I'v always been prety up front about things though. I do tell people who smoke about my grandmothers slow death from lung cancer. I tell them I do care if they smoke because I don't want them to go through that. If someone wants to talk about my "obsession" I just tell them I'm doing what I have to do in order to be as healthy as I am able. I don't want to have a heart atack at 63 like my father. I once had someone stert to lecture me because I lost about ten pounds in a week but I told her it was because I ate healthy not because I starved myself. But I also do ocasionally enjoy something not on the plan. I guess I'm not that obsessed.

320\267\140

There is a dozen reasons why to be treated differently. I've been getting the cold shoulders from my married friends lately they won't hardly speak to me. It went on for a long time. I found out in the long run that their Ol' man is giving them the hissy fit about losing weight and I have been used as an example So I guess since I have been used as an example my friends dropped me off their friendship list. I guess, the less they see of me (remove the cancer the problems might be gone attitude) the better. I can only imagine. Since I lost 30 something pounds, little by little I am getting more looks from guys. Something is different. Probably not only the 30lb lost so far, probably from the exercise (sculpting out the body), and each time I lose more weight, the better my confidence get. It is sad one way, and in another way it really not. I'm waiting for "its getting down right agervating" to kick in.

Sweet Tooth, you summed it all up: some will be jealous and snide, others truly happy for you. After losing 101 pounds, I've seen both. My closest friends tell me how great I look, and that seeing me reach goal helped others in our small town. But some co-workers (esp. those who started WW at Work at the same time, and dropped it) have been rather aloof, even though I never bring up any WW-related topics unless asked.

And you're so right, the subtle approach works well, like putting the SlimFast in a mug.

janetmae: WOW!! 101lbs!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!
I do not bring up WW stuff either. I just mind my business, follow my diet, and watch my butt shrink.

Feisty filly: LOL! This is the men's fault for being so dumb! Can you imagine *their* reaction to this "geez, honey I wish you could be more like Jennifer Aniston's husband..." LOL!!!
It's funny how one minute you are this virtuous nice fat woman who would never steal your friends husbands... and then drop a few pounds and you're a hussy!!! LOL!!!
Anywho you all have a good day!
Lauri

Lauri, thanks, and congrats on your loss too! And I love the way you phrased that, just "mind my own business and watch my butt shrink." Hehe... As you mentioned, it does hurt when someone resents your progress instead of being happy for you. But it sounds like you are handling it so well!

Filly, what an awful thing for those guys to do! But surely your friends will come around, and realize their husbands' boorishness is not your fault. I think it actually takes *other* people more time to adjust to *our* weight loss than we realize! The people that you'd want to keep for friends will not drop the "new you" from their list, I feel sure.

Cowgirl, kudos on your 55 pounds lost! You really have your head on straight; confidence, and a cheerful attitude, work wonders. And good for you, spreading the word re: smoking. (I won't even get started on that ... it makes me too angry and sad.)

Have a great week, and don't let anyone take away from the wonder and delight of this amazing journey! You worked for it, and you deserve it!
Regards,
Jan

Jan and Lauri:

I agree with you both. I have another philosophy on this whole thing that came up a few years ago with a friend of mine.

This friend wanted to finish her master's degree and was having a great deal of difficulty in accomplishing the feat. Perhaps it was not enought willpower at that time within herself, or other factors around her, I don't honestly know, but this is her story.

She set a goal to do her master's degree, and like the psychologists suggest doing, she announced this goal to everyone around her to help her be accountable. She soon discovered that one of her closest friends started to come over for coffee or telephone when she was studying and working on papers. She soon realized that this friend was sabotaging her goal, rather than keeping her accountable for it. She soon quit working on her degree.

A few years later, I was having lunch with this lady and she was telling me that she was going to pursue her master's degree once again but that she was limiting her announcement to people that she knew would truly support her in this endeavour. she achieved her degree and is now working on her doctorate.

I guess I can apply this to my weight loss journey. I have only shared my goal with a few people - those who can support me in the endeavour. Most of these people are the ladies on 3FC who I have never met. The mistake I made was with a co-worker that wanted to achieve the same goal, but was not willing to discipline herself to accomplish the goal. The snide comments were her only way of sabotaging my goal. Unfortunately, they only hurt our friendship, not the accomplishment of the goal.

What I can learn from this is to be the best support that I can be to any of the people that have approached me about weight loss and to any of the people that are struggling with weight loss on this list. This is what many of you have done for me. Thank you so very much.

Luv,

I agree totally. Some of those who sabotage us don't even mean to, they just don't understand. Like my naturally slender mother-in-law who used to tell me that if I only exercised I could eat anything. (This while I was doing aerobics 5 times a week!!)

Of course there ARE those who just can't stand anyone to succeed at something that they are having problems with.

This time around I am telling VERY few people.

dentrassi,

Way to go. You can do it this time, for sure. I berlieve that you are right in telling very few people...just make sure that they are the people who will support you to the end.

I am so glad that I found this list. The people here are sooooo supportive. When I am down, I can always come here, bare my soul, and know that there is not much risk in doing so. There is always someone here who knows how I am feeling and give me tips on how to get through it.