Well, today was pretty hideous. Probably the worst day I've had in at least a year. I won't get into the details, but basically I got all riled up, angry, stressed, and started feeling like things are very unfair regarding a situation at school. Plus I have PMS, which didn't help me stay particularly objective or emotionally mature .
So after re-hashing the entire scenario (for FAR too long) with a friend who's just as angry, I got in my car to go home. I shoved the key in the ignition and a very familiar sensation swept over me. I wanted to eat. A LOT. I wanted to pull into the 7-11, buy a huge bag of Doritos and eat the whole darn thing. I haven't felt that way in a long time (YEARS), and part of my brain said, "Go for it, Kate. You'll feel better. You've been sooooo good for so long -- you deserve it!"
And I spent my entire (45 minute) drive home thinking about Doritos; thinking about that fantastic feeling of having my mouth stuffed full and how I could do it without even thinking about it -- and without thinking about ANYTHING ELSE, either.
But I didn't do it. Four years ago, I would have. And I probably would have bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's, too. But this time, I talked myself through it and made it home *safely* without stopping at 7-11 (or anywhere else). I made myself a huge mug of tea (with Splenda) and have been trying to calm down completely ever since. I think I'll be okay .
Of course, then one of the dogs stood on my glasses and broke them, and I'm now wearing my very last pair of contacts (and I'll be out a chunk of money when I go get my glasses fixed later). Why when you're having a bad day does something ELSE happen just as you're trying to recover?
Oh yeah, you're definitely 'going to be OK' ... see, now you can be certain that you'll get to your goal (in time) and stay there. Because this is your LIFE now and there's no going back to the bad old days. That voice telling you to eat Doritos was a test -- and you passed with flying colors!
Doritos may have made you feel 'good' for a moment but this is a triumph that you can savor forever. We're proud of you, chickie!
Congratulations on your control! (Always remember that eating Doritos make your fingers very messy).
I once had terrible moment in a store when I discovered I left my wallet/cash/credit cards at home.....in driving back to get them I had a car accident. (with no wallet and drivers license)....the damage was over $2500. When it rains, it pours....sorry about your glasses. My dog likes to position himself everywhere I need to walk (he's very large)....I make him moving saying "NO, not a good dog spot!" way too often.
Thanks for the posts! Believe it or not, I kinda got a tear in my eye when I read them. NO ONE else on EARTH would understand what a big thing this was -- no one but you chickies, anyway so thank you for that! (Can you imagine me calling a friend today and having them say "How was your day?" and me answering "Awful. But the good news is that I didn't eat any Doritos"). Not many people would "get that."
I really like the way you called it an "achievement," Meg. I guess it really was, huh? And you're right, I think I've passed a really important test of my new lifestyle -- I didn't think of it that way until I read your post. The urge came totally out of the blue -- I mean, I guess I thought I'd gotten that particular monkey off my back a long time ago. And it was interesting because it was a familiar feeling, but also a foreign feeling in a way (if that makes sense). I think that because it had been such a long time since I felt the "need" to binge, I was able to look at it sort of objectively -- and observe myself. When I started "talking" to myself about it, my first thought was: "But I'm not hungry." Which is key, because it shows me that I can get past my emotional connection with food and go straight to the physical connection -- which (as we all know) should be the only connection!
I remember reading once that Winston Churchill called his depression "The Black Dog" because it would sneak up on him so suddenly and become this dark, almost palpable thing sitting beside him. I've always related to that, because (in the past, at least) my depression would sneak up on me like that, too. And I think it's a perfect analogy for what happened to me today -- I thought this particular (binge) Black Dog was gone for good, but then suddenly after years without him, there was my Black Dog sitting right beside me again.
And you're 100% right Marbleflys ...it can take days to get those incriminating orange crumbs out from under your fingernails .
Oh, and interestingly on the day that I passed this major test, I weighed in with a 2 lb loss in just two weeks. That's a HUGE loss for me because I'm of the "lose it slow and steady" school of thought. It usually takes me a month to lose 2 lbs.
Thanks again, ladies. You're all terrific!
Last edited by LovesBassets; 09-27-2005 at 06:06 PM.
Reason: I CALLED MEG "MEL"-- WHOOPSIE!!! :-(
LovesBassets; That's awesome, I'm so proud and happy for you. What helped you get to the point where you could do that? I'm not there yet and would love so much any advice. Good job girl!!
I've been thinking about that a lot tonight -- how did I get to the point where I could actually not binge despite the urge? And I think it's a combination of things. First, the more I lose, the more aware I am of the work it takes to lose....and therefore, the more I say to myself "never again will I go through this." I will work to MAINTAIN, but I will never go through the LOSING process again. And a family-size bag of Doritos would have been one huge step in the wrong direction, which would have meant extra work. Specifically, extra CARDIO work...which I despise ANYWAY. Second, now that my eating has been under my own control for a long time -- as opposed to under the control of my emotions -- I am much more aware of the difference between real physical hunger and "fake hunger" caused by stress or boredom or whatever. That was key today -- because I almost immediately "checked in" with my stomach and realized it wasn't actually HUNGER that was making me want to eat. Third, one of the biggest things I've learned during this whole lifestyle change is how important self-talk is. I've never been very good at POSITIVE self-talk. NEGATIVE, yeah, no problem there , but talking to myself in a supportive and positive way is something relatively new to me. For me, losing weight is 90% mental. It's about quizzing yourself to see if you're really hungry when you open the fridge; or talking yourself into doing just 10 more minutes of cardio when it's the last thing you want to do. And today, I said to myself "Everyone has a bad day every now and then -- and they don't all eat their way out of it. There's got to be a better way." I have NO IDEA where that thought came from, but it sure helped a lot!!
Last edited by LovesBassets; 09-27-2005 at 08:49 PM.
Reason: forgot a smiley
What you said really resonated with me. Especially the communication thing, about being connected with your feelings of hunger versus other feelings. Thanks for taking the time to write that!
You rock!! That's so cool. I'm so sorry you had a lousy day, but you deserve huge congratulations for treating yourself well regardless of your mood.
I've been thinking a lot about this sort of thing this week. I had a long run on Saturday (6.2 miles) that was way, way harder than usual. And this little voice in my head said "it's okay. you can walk. you're still doing the distance, and you've been exercising so hard lately. take a break." And, because I am a total dork , I actually said out loud "No. I'm gonna finish this run." And I did.
And here's what I decided: This means we've already won the war. There may still be a few battles here and there...little hot spots that we have to fight through, but there's no way we can lose now. It's a nice, corner-turning kind of feeling.
So, run with it. Celebrate it!!
And, because you totally deserve them, here are 2 dancing bananas and a guy with a noisemaker
LovesBassets said: "For me, losing weight is 90% mental."
I find this to be so true for me. I think one of the biggest reasons I am having success this time around losing weight is because I have a different mental attitude. In the past I viewed not eating a particular food at a particular time as a kind of deprivation. And sure, there were times I didn't eat it and felt proud, but I also felt I was "missing out" on something.
Now I have more the attitude that has been expressed in this thread. Sure, I could eat that food, and I might even enjoy it (though not always!), but at what cost? Most times I find the cost too high.
My recent success come last week. A colleague brought homemade brownies with caramel sauce -- in part to thank me for helping her out with something. Homemade, delicious, and for me! Why not have one? Because I knew I was going out to eat that night, AND I really didn't want one. The most amazing thing was, I didn't care that I didn't eat one. I didn't feel deprived!! A nice success for me!
In this case I didn't want the brownie and that made it easier. Now, the binge-urge story is another matter, and I can only hope I'm as successful as you were when I next encounter one -- congrats on that success!!.
Congratulations, Kate! Your positive attitude has been such an inspiration to me.
I can really relate to your post on two levels: I had lunch with a co-worker yesterday. ( A big deal since I work out of my house and tend to either have lunch with my keybords or my walking shoes) We went out for Mexican and I stared at the big, yummy bowl of fresh tortilla chips and didn't even touch. Much like your description of the Doritos (my fave snack!) I don't know when to say when. I love the salsa at this place so I used it for salad dressing and I didn't feel cheated at all. That's a far cry from how I would have reacted in a past life.
And on the glasses: A couple of months ago I set aside a whole day to clean house. I was almost done- just washing the kitchen floor- and I leaned forward to wring out the mop and my glasses came flying off my face and shattered on the tile floor! Grabbed the last pair of contacts, managed to put my fingernail through one trying to get it out of the bottle... YIKES! Fortunately there's a great opticial shop nearby that found the whole thing funny and had my new glasses ready almost as soon as I called!
Congrats on your many successes, not the least of which is your always positive attitude. I wanna be like you when I grow up! (Ok, I'm a lot older than you, but you know what I mean!)
You ladies are awesome! I KNEW everyone here would "get it!"
happydaisy - I love to write, so no problem there . In fact, I tend to write TOO much and my posts end up being more like novels usually . Plus, it helped to put it all down in words, so thanks for asking the question.
Paula - Thanks for the TWO dancing bananas and the little dude with the noisemaker !! Very cool!
Wyllen - I know what you mean about how great it feels to get past the "deprivation" thing. I found that when I started focusing on protein intake that I learned to see food as fuel. And the challenge became not "What CAN'T I eat?" but rather "What do I NEED to eat?" It's a totally different mindset (and it takes awhile to get there) but once you do, it's another huge step in developing a healthy relationship with food.
Sue - Congrats on overcoming the tortilla chips temptation! I LOVE tortilla chips and salsa...LOL mostly because it's a good excuse to eat lots of sour cream! And LOL, was it Precision Vision on 2A that fixed your glasses? They were quite amused that I "let" a dog trample all over my glasses .
Thanks again, ladies! You guys are my inspiration every single day! When I joined 3FC, I was at 152 lbs, and I think I might have stayed there if I hadn't found this website. So, keep on truckin' everyone! You/I/we can do it!
Woo Hoo!! That is HUGE!! The emotional part of why we overeat is such a tricky, sneaky thing. But the fact that you were able to recognize it for what it was, a response to stress, it shows that you truly have turned a corner. Just keep it up hun, you're doing awesome!!
That's the place, LoveBassetts! I guess they've seen it all. I loved the glasses I had but the frame had been discontinued. They called their other store and found the frames, had the optician drive them over, and had new glasses made for me in about 2 hours total! Gotta love small town service!
I talked myself out of a *possible* binge
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voice telling you to eat Doritos was a test -- and you passed with flying colors! 
so thank you for that! (Can you imagine me calling a friend today and having them say "How was your day?" and me answering "Awful. But the good news is that I didn't eat any Doritos"). Not many people would "get that." 
That's so cool. I'm so sorry you had a lousy day, but you deserve huge congratulations for treating yourself well regardless of your mood.
, I actually said out loud "No. I'm gonna finish this run." And I did.
That's a far cry from how I would have reacted in a past life.
Fortunately there's a great opticial shop nearby that found the whole thing funny and had my new glasses ready almost as soon as I called!
