so...hi all!
here's my current dilemma, which I would love to hear any feedback on. I am moving in with my 6'4" 200 lb boyfriend in a few weeks, and it is my first time EVER living with a significant other. So, I'm pretty accustomed to my independence. My big concern, and I say this with COMPLETE understanding that I am a control FREAK, is splitting groceries/meals. I have found SBD fairly taxing on the ol' wallet, but worth it. However, I've carefully portioned myself to make sure there are leftovers for lunch the next day, etc. What do I do when I'm cooking for two?? Obviously this is a question that reaches outside the SBD world, but I'd love to hear feedback if y'all are interested in sharing. How do mealtimes work out with those of you that share (gasp!)???? I just read a post of someone who cooks double recipes, which is a great idea...I'm just so nervous he'll eat anything and everything that's in front of him!!
--Sonja
So control what you put in front of him! I cook for myself and DH and we sit down and have dinner together most nights (unless he's working late.) And when he does work late, he comes home and I put food in front of him so he can't go wild.
I understand your problem! My dad eats EVERYTHING in sight. As a kid, I had to wolf down pizza because there wouldn't be any left in 10 minutes, forget about the next morning.
Now that I live with my boyfriend, we usually cook extra. Tonight we cooked four huge chicken breasts (One will feed us both). I almost always get the left over veggies, just because he doesn't like them that much. I'll take those with me to lunch the next day. For stuff like spaghetti, if there is enough left over, I portion it out in to two separate containers. One's mine, one is his that way we know when we're encroaching on the other's territory. If there is just enough for one, I usually ask him if he wants it for lunch the next day (since I get the veggies, I figure it's only fair his get first dibs on the spaghetti)
It basically boils down to what works for the two of you. I personally find if I pack up leftovers right after dinner and say "Cool, I have lunch for tomorrow" as I put it in the fridge, he gets the hint.
Sit down and talk to him about it! If there's something that would completely bother you, like him "stealing" your lunch for the next day (that's what I call it when Tom eats something that I had planned on consuming myself!) then let him know you have a plan for that meal. Maybe keep a few containers that have "Sonja's lunch" in big, Sharpie letters on the top?
I cook for myself, my husband, and my three kids. I basically have to make all serving sizes four or four and a little bit left over if we're going to eat it all in one sitting. Tom eats one serving, I eat another, we split one between the two older kids (5 and 2), and one serving gets saved for Tom's lunch the next day. I feed the baby off my plate (she's my own personal calorie reducer!).
Is he *expecting* you to prepare meals for him? Is he thinking he's going to cook for you? Is he maybe just wondering if each of you will be making your own food? I'd be willing to bet he hasn't thought about it at all!
I have no advice on the monetary aspect. Tom and I didn't live together until we were married, and all of our money is combined.
Yeeeeeeeeeears ago, before we had a joint checking account, I made a deal with my boyfriend. He hated to go grocery shopping and mostly ate out. Our deal was that I would do all the grocery shopping as long as he paid for them.
If you need to store food in the fridge JUST for you, buy a set of matching storage containers and tell him that that is YOUR food that you put together for lunches for the week.
You know how much it costs for you a week -- so the two of you make up a list and the first trip to the grocery store -- what ever is over that -- he pays!! Also, make your dinner but box up what you need for the next day BEFORE you set anything on the table. Have your own designated containers that he knows are for you in the fridge -- saves any hassles. And, congratulations -- it will be an eye-opening experience to live together!! I think you will like the company!!
To the OP, I would just explain to him that you need to have food left over for your lunch the next day, and that eating this way is the best way for you to achieve that.
Congratulations on making the decision to move in!
Question to Mods: Why were my comments to ShyMoment inappropriate, when she was making intolerant statements about another's choices of living? It seems like a double standard to allow such rudeness, and for people to allow it to go unnoticed.
Last edited by PBL; 08-08-2007 at 06:58 PM.
Reason: Inappropiate comments
I'd just ask--why are you doing the cooking for both of you? I know that's the stereotype, but presumably he knows how to get his own food, yes? So perhaps you can keep meals the way you're both doing them now, living apart--you get your food and he gets his. When you've lost your weight, the two of you can work out the meals together.
My DH and I lived together before we were married, it was fine, and we have been together for 21 years the end of sept. I agree with Kara, buy yourself some pink food containers and tell him that they are your work lunch for the next day. Then when you are serving supper just put your away then. I am sure everything will work out just fine as long as you keep talking. Good luck honey.
Location: Marion, NY - about 30 miles East of Rochester.
Posts: 199
S/C/G: 267.2/ticker/140
Height: 5'5"
What I do is portion everything out. I put it on the plate for him - usually more than I know he can eat for dinner (So when he get's the 9 or 10 PM munchies, he just has to pop the rest of his dinner in the microwave, and he's good to go), then I make lunches and put that right away.
The only time I really run into problems is when I roast meats - I did a turkey breast in the crock pot this weekend, and I was hoping to have enough for a few dinners, lunches, and some topping on salads. Well, it didn't work like that. DH (we aren't married yet, but we've been together for close to 9 years, been engaged for 4, own a house together, and are getting married in Vegas in April! - so for all intents and purposes, we are a married couple! LOL) decided to go on a turkey kick, and ate nothing else for 2 days. I knew I should have stuck it in the freezer, but I didn't - so it's my fault!
For me, stocking up on veggies doesn't work either - He's a veggie/dip freak! So, I usually have to buy them 2 or 3 times a week. But when I do that, I don't have to buy as many chips/snackie things for him - so I'm not tempted.
Good luck. I know it was a real shock when we moved in together 2 years ago when we bought the house. The budget for the grocery bill almost tripled!
Great great ideas, all. Thank you for the support. I like the idea of just marking out my territory...I know he'll respect that.
Kara/Jay -- no, he's not expecting I'll cook for him; in fact, he went to culinary school for a bit and really likes to experiment with food. Unfortunately, as I said, I am a control freak, and when he cooks for me since I've been on this diet, I show him the recipes and say, "follow every measurement!!" Not exactly fun!
Anyway, appreciate the "permission" to mark off food as Sonja's and that will probably be really helpful.
Thanks all!!
Since he went to culinary school...give him a list of stuff you can and can't have, then let him experiment and have fun eating it! That's what I LOVE about SB..I can come up with all kinds of new stuff. Just tell him "Make sure you cook enough so I can save some for lunch tomorrow"
Wow, lively discussion! For the record, DH and I lived together for 8 years before we got married. And we've been together for 22 years. So, it can work. Of course, if it's a religious conviction, then that's different, but that wasn't a factor for us. But I've seen the statistics about couples that live together first usually not staying together in the long run, and I don't think that's true. If you're a good match it will work. If you're not, you would have divorced anyway. There's my 2 cents.
And for the food, my DH gets major munchies late at night, so I always cook extra, and sometimes he eats stuff I wanted for the next day, so if I want to use things for another meal, I'll freeze them right away, or if I'm packing it for lunch, I'll just show him and say here's yours, and here's mine, mitts off!
Best of luck! It will all work out, but a work of advice, is if you are a control freak (and I know all about that myself), learn to let it go!
I love all this advice -- it is really helpful. I think he might have some fun cooking/shopping for the SBD...now I'm having romantic visions of us giggling in the kitchen while we experiment together with new food ideas!
I'll let you know if we come up with anything good...
I had a similar issue with my then boyfriend last year...which was the first time that i lived with any other of my significant others. i am very independent and what not, and we have always split things 60/40 (its the ratio of our salaries ).
But for meals, we split the grocery bill between us, and he eats what I cook, and he gets his portion...and most things I make...serves at least 4 so if he still hungry, he ends up eating his lunch the next day, and then he has to go buy that. for going out to eat and stuff, we alternate paying for the meals.
we are married now and we still do it this way, and it works for us...
26 YO and moving in w. DB
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