I'm just wondering if anyone here has fallen into the trap of not treating themselves as well as they should because of their weight? I'm really terrible for this and I'm not sure how to fix it....
I don't buy new clothes or do nice things for myself like get a haircut or buy perfume or lotion or whatever. I really feel guilty when I spend money on myself. Even when someone like my Mom offers to buy me clothes I'll turn them down...either because I think I will lose weight and it would be a waste or because nothing fits or looks good anyway.
Just wondering if anyone else is going through this and how you are trying to get past it. Right now my strategy is just start treating myself better and I think the guilt will go away as I realize that nothing bad comes from looking after myself. I also try to look at it as not being just for me...I'm sure my husband and son's have no desire to be seen with me when I look like a bag lady! So something good may actually come from looking after me...
I fell into this trap and am just now starting to climb out of it. Part of it was my self martyrdom. You know.. a woman's sacrifices and all of that. But a know that a bigger part was just that it was no fun to treat myself. Buy something to wear.. I look the same anyway... or worse it wouldn't fit.
Buy fun stuff for the bath. um.. excuse me .. you've got to be kidding. I didn't realize it but I was so disgusted with my appearance I just wanted to get in and out of the shower.
The more and more I've turned this mind set around, the more and more I'm enjoying myself.. and as a bonus.. the easier it has been to get into shape.
Take the bath for instance, not too long ago I couldn't wash properly.. or was it just that it was too much effort. Now, I am so much more flexible.. toes come up to meet my hand.. or I can bend down to get them.. I can actually wash most every part of my back now without assistance from a long luffa.. imagine that.
Buying clothes is a lot more fun too. Even if they are "big" clothes.. I found that I enjoy me more when I feel great.
But then.. I'm 41.. I'm supposed to be rediscovering myself, aren't I? It would have been better if I had found myself years ago.
Yes. Thats exactly it. I don't know if I realized til I was reading your post that I was/am disgusted with myself. If someone had said it to me a few years ago...or maybe even a few days ago...I would have claimed "oh no, I love me". If they had pointed out that the way I'm treating myself says something different I definitely would have played the sacrifice card.
The clothes is exactly the same too...I *know* I feel better when I look better but still I dress like a bag lady a lot of the time. I'm working my way out of it but somehow its slow going. Although I did come to the realization that even when I weighed 120 most clothes didn't fit. I've always had to do a lot of trying on since my backside is larger than average even when the rest of me isn't! Just somehow when you have that underlying dislike of what you have become its harder to take. In fact I used to say that jeans companies must be run by a bunch of idiots but somewhere along the way it became my fault that clothes didn't fit.
Washing in the shower...thinking of bending over to wash reminded me of being pregnant...our shower stall is very narrow and at one point I was trying to wash my feet and I though..."if I fall over they are going to have to cut me out of here. I think dirty feet would be better." Back on topic though...what I am bad for is not putting lotion on afterward. No WAY do I want to stand in front of the mirror naked. Now its just a must like brushing my teeth and I'm actually learning to enjoy taking care of myself again.
You wouldn't think it would be so hard to just give yourself the treatment you'd give others! I'm really glad you posted Jayde...realizing that it was disgust with myself that took me to the point of not taking care of myself is a big thing. Facing it head on like that makes it a lot easier to deal with. And actually makes it easier to see the silliness of it. Really...self disgust? So jr. high! I'm 31 so its nice to hear from someone who has "been there" that the whole martyrdome thing isn't all its cracked up to be.
I'm just reading Get With The Program by Bob Greene right now and he emphasizes right from the ourset that losing weight is a mental thing and I just don't think its possible to state that in a way the *really* gets it across...at least not until you already get it and then its a bit of a DUH moment. If that makes sense.
Just somehow when you have that underlying dislike of what you have become its harder to take. In fact I used to say that jeans companies must be run by a bunch of idiots but somewhere along the way it became my fault that clothes didn't fit.
oh, yaa. I quite blamed clothing manufacturers also. Kind of silly when you see it from the outside. But the denial from the inside is so blind.
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Originally Posted by MamaHippo
"if I fall over they are going to have to cut me out of here. I think dirty feet would be better."
I have to admit.. I couldn't help but laugh when I read this... because it hit home.. I've been there.
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Originally Posted by MamaHippo
I'm just reading Get With The Program by Bob Greene right now and he emphasizes right from the ourset that losing weight is a mental thing and I just don't think its possible to state that in a way the *really* gets it across...at least not until you already get it and then its a bit of a DUH moment. If that makes sense.
I read this book quite a long time ago. I don't have a copy of it though. I agree that losing and maintaining weight... aka weight control is mental before it becomes physical. Until you really get it and it becomes a "duh" moment and then are able to act on this realization you live in denial or self disgust. The realization and acting upon it is what a lot of 3fc gals call the "click".. the moment in time that defines when the abyss of living in denial or disgust suddenly disolves and is replaced by action and hope.
I think sometimes that a miracle weight loss cure is not what we need.. but an instant product that will allow each overweight person to experience a "click" moment on demand. Now that would be something!
My favorite treat is to take half a vacation day from work, sit at home alone, and either read in the sun while drinking coffee, or watch a movie. Sometimes I do something healthy like go for a walk, but not usually. LOL.
I try to find non-purchasing ways to treat myself, because I don't always have a lot of money. My best recent treat was that I obtained a pile of clothing from a friend who had lost weight! I loved new-to-me clothes, as I can't justify purchasing things when I'm going to soon be too small for them, too. The biggest treat for me was, after I'd lost almost 50 pounds, I went through my closet and tried everything on (from size 24 to 16, whatever fit) and got rid of all the big stuff. I was surprised to find that things I thought would "never fit" were actually roomy!
Whenever I get a compliment, I write it down. I then transfer it to a small piece of colored paper, fold it, and stick it in a fishbowl. Whenever I feel down or like I want to binge, I pull one of the papers out and read it.
One of my (single) friends said she is going to take on a lover as a treat when she loses 20 pounds! Well, it's free!
I've been a bit of a martyr in the past, and still am in some ways, but somewhere along the line I was bit by the "hey, I'm worth it!" bug and I am glad. I still have trouble purchasing large-ticket items for myself, but I realize that sometimes I need a new purse. Or a few new (or used) shirts. I'm a single mom, and if I don't get replenished and treated once in a while, I'm not going to have the emotional resources to be a good mother.
I don't know how to define what it means to have a "good body image", but sometimes I think I get it. I sometimes enjoy showing my naked body to certain people, because they need to see what we ALL look like. Nipples don't always point forward, stretch marks pucker when you lose weight, and I have a body that functions and that in itself is beautiful.
I suppose it helps that my mom is a massage therapist, and I've gotten naked in front of her on a regular basis for 20 years (for a massage). It also helps that I've taken many figure-drawing classes, and I've drawn all sorts of body types through that experience: male, female, fat, thin, pregnant. I have, on a few occasions, sat naked in front of a mirror and drawn my own body, with all its rolls, sags, dents, hairs, and scars.
On the other hand, sometimes I don't get the healthy body image thing. I don't wear sleeveless dresses because I hate my upper arms. I had a dream recently that I lost all kinds of weight, but my upper arms kept getting fatter (comical, but telling). If I wear a bathing suit, I still self-consciously cover myself with a towel.
Another one of my treats is to purchase the easel-style full-length mirror. I think it's important to look at our bodies without insulting ourselves, objectively, and watch change happen as we lose weight.
I think sometimes that a miracle weight loss cure is not what we need.. but an instant product that will allow each overweight person to experience a "click" moment on demand. Now that would be something!
That would be something! I'd buy it...but I don't know if it would be a big seller...I think a lot of people don't really think its important. As little as six months ago I may not have seen the value of something like that.
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Whenever I get a compliment, I write it down. I then transfer it to a small piece of colored paper, fold it, and stick it in a fishbowl. Whenever I feel down or like I want to binge, I pull one of the papers out and read it.
I LOVE this idea! I try to do the same thing mentally but its much better to have it down on paper.
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One of my (single) friends said she is going to take on a lover as a treat when she loses 20 pounds! Well, it's free!
Too funny! Somehow though I think my husband would prefer I spend the money on clothes! LOL
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On the other hand, sometimes I don't get the healthy body image thing. I don't wear sleeveless dresses because I hate my upper arms. I had a dream recently that I lost all kinds of weight, but my upper arms kept getting fatter (comical, but telling). If I wear a bathing suit, I still self-consciously cover myself with a towel.
Another one of my treats is to purchase the easel-style full-length mirror. I think it's important to look at our bodies without insulting ourselves, objectively, and watch change happen as we lose weight.
I'm right there with you on the upper arm thing! I always have a terrible farmers tan since I wear sleeves all summer. This summer at least in my yard I have been going sleeveless...even wearing my swimsuit and shorts. But not so much in public. On the one hand I think "you don't like the way I look, don't look" but in reality the feeling that people might be looking or judging makes me wear sleeves when I leave home.
I definitely need to buy a full length mirror. I think not having one for the past 10 years or so allowed me to just ignore what was happening to my body. I think you are so right...its very important to pay attentiong to what is going on with our bodies. And preferably to enjoy it!
Treating yourself
Treats
Oh, and body image ...
