Hi guys, sorry to leave you hanging! Two weeks ago, I got the results of my colposcopy back, and in general had a very bad week -- I took a week off from
everything. I had cryosurgery last Monday, and have been recovering from that and getting over my general malaise -- though I did go to the gym 3 times last week. This week I haven't gone at all yet, and I don't know if I'm going to or not. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately and it's affecting my ability to get up in the morning for workouts. It's been a rough few weeks, and I just haven't felt like posting -- I hope I didn't worry anyone!
At any rate, my weight is stable, and though I've been a little haphazard about my workouts in the last 2 weeks, I've still upped my weights for some exercises and increased the length + intensity of my cardio workouts. I'm just focusing on exercising these days, as the food journal (as I predicted) started really annoying me. I hate obsessing over every calorie -- it really stresses me out and makes me far more consumed with this than I want to be. So I have a general idea of what I'm taking in, and basically eating as healthily as I can -- getting enough fiber, fruits + veggies, and water, and not eating "empty calorie" foods or high fat treats. I like it much better this way.
I'm definitely still unsatisfied with my appearance, but I've accepted that it's going to take a very very long time to see the results I ultimately want, and that's okay. I'm just going to keep working out, because it makes me feel healthy and strong, and results will come when they come. I can't make this a quest to drop the weight, or I'm doomed to obsess and fret about every little thing and feel like a failure when I don't. Which is ridiculous, because a few pounds does not a failure make, and I don't want to be tying my self-worth into how much I weigh. I like the fact that I'm working out regularly now (with the exception of these last 2 weeks), and that I think of it as part of my lifestyle. I know that I'm only going to keep pushing myself farther and harder, and that's good. I'm even thinking about taking up running. Me! I don't want to make that tremendous lifestyle change into a failure simply because the scale didn't go down this week, and I'm not willing to obsess over what I'm eating to the degree that I don't enjoy it anymore because I'm too busy thinking about calories -- because that's just unhealthy.
Anyway, that's where I am right now. I'm tired, but basically pretty good, and I feel like I'm in a good spot right now physically. I'm excited to see what I'm going to do next. However, I've been feeling very drawn into myself lately, very tucked up. I mostly just want to be by myself a lot, and am not feeling very chatty. I appreciate all the support that you guys have given me, and it's been a tremendous help -- but I don't think I'm going to be posting on the boards for a while. I've got to go off and do my own thing and deal with this phase of my life right now. Thanks guys, for all the help + support -- I wish you the best of luck.
