This is something my 20-year old brother said to me at the dinner table last night. We had all been just talking about random things, conversing nicely (we have a friend visiting for a couple weeks so he was there too) when all of a sudden my brother looks at me and says, "You look like a man." The entire table went silent. My face went completely red and I thought I was going to cry. Nobody said anything to him, but resumed conversation as normal within a minute. I didn't say anything to him until I left the table, though he did hope I would spew an insult at him so he could laugh at me.
I went to my room and I cried.
I've had major problems with my self-esteem in the past and I was really starting to get over them. A little love and understanding from my wonderful boyfriend has helped me get leaps and bounds beyond where I was. What my brother said wouldn't have been so bad except... except that I've been told that before. More than once. But to have my own brother say something like that just hurts so bad. Even though he and I have had a rocky relationship for about 4 or 5 years now, I never was so hurt by him as I was last night. Just thinking about it now makes me tear up.
Lydia, I am so sorry he hurt you like that. I am glad you didn't spew anything back at him. That took a lot of self control but shows how much class you have.
You mentioned a few days ago that you will be having a family guest in your house. Did your brother say this in front of the guest, maybe for attention or something?
You mentioned a few days ago that you will be having a family guest in your house. Did your brother say this in front of the guest, maybe for attention or something?
My brother doesn't need attention as an excuse to say mean things to me. He generally just doesn't care how I feel, so he says what he will. It did make me more embarrassed to have it said in front of the guest, though. And the fact that nobody else said anything to my brother hurt almost as much as the words themselves.
Lydia, Lydia, Lydia. I looked at your pics on myspace and you do not look like a man to me. You look like a very nice young lady. Maybe your brother wants to be a woman and he wishes he looked like you!! ( I am just kidding--trying to lighten your mood). I just think he was way off base. Sometimes with comments, you have to consider the source, and it sounds to me like he's not a very good source (if you know what I mean). (((HUGS))) Lydia, you are just fine! Shake it off.
Lydia, I just went and looked at your pictures too... believe me you do NOT look like a man... you look like the lovely young lady you are! Don't ever believe things your brother says if he is the type to just say stuff like that to get to you. And the others at the table were probably just embarrassed for his crudeness and didn't know what to say so let it pass.
HONEY YOU DEFINATELY DO NOT LOOK LIKE A MAN! Next time your brother tells you that simply put a big ol' smile on your face and say at least one of us does. Then get up and walk away. He sounds like he could be lashing out at you because he has insecurites about his own self and sees you as an easy target to try and make himself feel better. You are a beautiful girl and don't let his mean, immature, rude comments get to you. You said you have a wonderful supportive BF. Take heart in that and bask in the love and support that he gives you. And your brother can well...I won't be that crude. He can go fly a kite.
HONEY YOU DEFINATELY DO NOT LOOK LIKE A MAN! Next time your brother tells you that simply put a big ol' smile on your face and say at least one of us does.
I would do that, Heather, except I'm... well, I'm too nice. My brother has told me I'm stupid, an idiot, ******ed, etc. and yet I still do things for him like cook him dinner. I don't know, I just don't really have it in me to insult him to his face. It's something I'd do if I were really angry, but I feel bad about doing it if I'm not. I did tell him, though, "Better to be a woman who looks like a man than a man who looks like a woman. You know... manboobs." That was my parting comment from the dinner table last night.
Thank you all for your kind words. I try not letting what my brother says get to me, but that really just struck a cord with me.
Sorry to hear that your brother is such an a$$hole! I would be just as upset as you. I guess my advice to you is to stop doing things for him. If he wants to be mean, he can cook his own dinner and maybe he'll learn. I know, easier said than done! Stay strong!
Lydia, I don't think it is being "mean" to pop back at him as long as you do it with a big smile on your face and don't let him know you are hurt or angry! Unfortunately sometimes brothers don't grow up... and it is "typical" when they are younger to tease their sisters. Fortunately my brothers grew out of it; perhaps yours has some growing up to do still! BUT letting him know he is bugging you is a BIG mistake IMO... voice of experience having grown up with THREE of them LOL
You don't have to be mean... but not necessarily be his doormat either. There is an in-between. He does sound a bit spoiled. Just my opinion.
Wow. What an @$$hole. I'm sorry you have to put up with that. And I can't believe no one else at the table said anything. I am so pissed on your behalf. What a jerk!!!!!
I couldn't find your pics, but really they are IRRELEVANT, because even though I'm sure you don't look like a man, he shouldn't be saying something like that regardless! I don't care if he's "lashing out" because he is insecure or whatever, there is no excuse for that.
Who says that?? What kind of a person is he? Wow. I really have nothing to say to that kind of thing. Your brother sounds abusive. Sorry it happened to you.
Man that was soo rude of him...next time he saya anything like that to you again just say somthing smart back to him, and turn a walk away. Just take what he says to you as a sign of his stupidity and imaturaty!
Actually, it might be better if you do let him know you're hurt and angry. It might be good for him to see that his words do have consequences. Right now he can say whatever he wants without having to face any consequences.
I don't think you'd be out of line to stop being so "nice" to him, either. If you care about him, you want him to be a better person, right? So it isn't good to reward him when he does hurtful, destructive things. I'm not talking about lashing out at him or being petty. I'm talking about having the strength and love to take a stand when he treats you (or anyone else) unkindly. Being "nice" isn't the same thing as being good or kind; one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is that real love, real kindness, holds people accountable when they hurt others, instead of pretending like everything's okay.
"You look like a man"
Lydia, I am so sorry he hurt you like that. I am glad you didn't spew anything back at him. That took a lot of self control but shows how much class you have. 
There is an in-between. 
What a jerk!!!!!
