[buckettgirl]

I am not sure where to start... I don't know if I need a buddy or not, but I'm sure I need something.
I am 24 years old, married, and a full time college student (nursing). I am 6ft tall and I weigh 350lbs. I have been fat my whole life and I don't remember not ever having stretch marks.
I exercise often - I finally figured out a way to fit it in without interfering with my studies.
I have been a member at our local health improvement center for a year now and I went through their "lifestyle change program" - which I had lost 20lbs, gained lots of muscle, and didn't learn anything I didn't already know. I feel like it was a waste of money because I did not get the support I needed for behavior modification and dealing with emotional eating. I gained the weight back - however I have maintained my endurance for cardio workouts (I can walk 1 mile/hr faster now than a year ago), I love lifting weights and have maintained my muscle mass, I have lowered my blood pressure and resting heart rate (neither was high to begin with), and generally just feel better - all at the same weight I started at.
I found this website while searching around for answers ( I don't know what kind of answer I want, but I haven't found it yet).
In January, I set a 6month weight loss goal and set up a plan for working out and eating better. I exercised more last month than I did for the last half of 2005, my eating habits improved but are still not desirable and I gained 5lbs. I don't know what to think. When you look at the simple equation of calories in vs. calories out, I should not have gained anything. I am beyond frustration and something drastic has to change; why should I try if my weight won't budge a pound?????
I cannot go through life at 350lbs or more - and at the rate I'm going its gonna be close to 400 by the end of the year. I cannot go through life being an emotional eater and I cannot afford to pay for the counseling to change that behavior. I know that if this pattern continues my weight will kill me.
I at the point of considering drastic measures such as Optifast or even gastric bypass.
I have the exercise part down (I love exercise, I am not myself if I miss a day); but I can't seem to get a handle on the eating part. I don't drink regular pop, I don't buy much junk food, and I try to cook healthy for my husband and I. The problem is that when I get stressed out or upset, I binge - on anything that strikes me as good at that moment. And it is not a matter of simply not keeping it in the house because I will go buy whatever it is. It is an addiction, I get a high from it. And I hate myself afterwards. If something doesn't change I am going to eat us out of house and home.
I wish there were a way to quit food - even the Optifast program costs to much and I have to drive 3 hours to get to a doctor who provides it.
My husband is tired of investing in weight loss anything because it doesn't work. (He is not overweight at all, never has been, so he does not fully understand my problem).
Anyway, like I said at the beginning, I don't know what I need, but I know I need something.
If anyone wants to be my buddy, just comment on my situation, or whatever, I'll listen. At this point, I have nothing left to lose.

[mommieof2]

I don't know what to say, but I do want you to know that we're all here for you whenever you need some encouragement. I have been exercising for the last month and eating healthy most of the time and haven't seen my weight budge much either. I hope you find what you are looking for and if ever you feel you want to pm me....feel free!!

I am also 24 and I am married. I have 2 beautiful boys, and am a full-time student. I am quite busy, but have been making time for myself and the people that are helping me through this....we could help eachother.

Misty

[srmb60]

Check out the exercise threads and the nutrition sections here at 3fc. And ask lots of questions. The folks here are awesome to help!

[LadyLai]

Hey there! You seem awfully hard on yourself. I know exactly how you feel, when you're staring at this enormous task of losing weight. It seems too overwhelming to even give it a go sometimes.

I'll be 28 on wednesday, exactly 10 years ago I started a weight loss journey. I was 17 and 220lbs. I lost 60lbs, fitted into a size 13/14 comfortably. I promised myself I would never allow myself to ever get that big again. I remember looking at my school pics and saying I was huge!! I used to say I looked like someone in a fat suit. Well, it's ten years later and I let myself balloon up to 269lbs. Every year since then I'd always make some half-assed attempt at losing weight, losing between 10-20lbs. I always said how the heck did I manage to stick with it. In between those ten years, I got married and had a child, and might I say a little comfortable in this label of a fat wife and mother.

Coming into the fall of 2005, I really started getting fet up with the way I was. My daughter just turned 4 and she began saying really honest things! Like mommy, can you fit into the tub? or Mommy, you have big legs. It cuts like a knife! Everyone else in my life was being sensitve to my feelings, but it took a little honesty from my four year old to kick me into gear. I really wanted to start getting healthy for not only me but for my husband and daughter. The point I'm getting at, is it took the time from the fall to the new year to build me up mentally that I was going to really stick to my guns. I gave myself this time to enjoy what I wanted to and to say so long. Looking back, nothing really tasted as good as seeing a lost today.

My life may not be as stressful as yours is right now, but I can truly understand emotional eating. I had to overcome it, which was a lot of the time boredom. (my hubby works a lot) So I began knitting! hahaha I'm guess what I am getting at, is this is not an overnight fix. It takes days and lots of patience. Sometimes it needs to be taken minute by minute. Every minute you stay on project is a little victory. In the beginning that is how I had to deal with it. It was real tough on me not to snack, I was definitely going through withdrawl!

I found this site Dec. 30th, and it really went hand in hand with my plan for 2006. I joined the thread 1 year / 100lb. buddy (on pg. 21 as of today) I found a lot of great support from women in the same situation. There have been days when you need to vent and days you shout your victories, big or small. Each one of us are taking it one day at a time. Realizing how frustrating it is, we slip somedays but always get back on board. We're not superwomen but we're giving it every effort a superwomen would.

You already have a victory getting your excercising challenge dealt with. I can speak for myself, that getting exercise in everyday takes a lot of umph from me. I walk on the treadmill twice a day for 30mins doing 1 1/2 miles at a time. I count calories and fat grams and hope for the best. As hard as this is to go through, I am happy with the effort I'm making. I have lost 19 1/2lbs. since January 2nd.

I would like to welcome you to 3FC and to encourage you not to be so hard on yourself. If you like to take a peek at our thread or come on over, you're welcome to. Or if you would like to PM me it's fine too. Hang on girl, this is totally doable.

[NotTheCheat]

Buckettgirl – I can SO relate to your post. I started at slightly over 350 and I am 5’3” and I have also been fat my whole life. I think the scariest thing is that feeling of being so out of control. I could sit down and think about how I wanted to eat this or that or how I wanted to react to a certain stressful situation, but the minute I let my emotions take over or I was around a trigger food all of the logic would fly out the window. I would eat – almost in a trance like state until it was done (often barely tasting what I was eating) and then I would hate myself for being so weak and letting myself do the very thing I said I wouldn’t. It is a horrible cycle that is self-perpetuating unless you find a way to break it.

For me, the break in the cycle came from reading several books about intuitive eating - mainly When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies and When Food is Love (and others by Geneen Roth). It wasn’t easy, but I was able to get through to the reasons I was eating emotionally and find other ways to deal with those things. It stopped me from being afraid of food and feeling so out of control. While I am not just eating intuitively now (I am calorie counting) I no longer binge like I used to. It’s not that I never do, but I am also much more able to forgive myself and move on. Negativity is not something that motivates me at all – it made no sense for me to continually berate myself.

This is what worked for me to break the cycle – it may not be for you. We are all different and our weight stems out of different problems. For some people it is boredom, others it is hunger for other things such as love and acceptance – everyone is different.

One thing you can do is get really honest with yourself about what you are eating by keeping a food diary using something like fitday.com. If you aren’t tracking what you are eating then you may be eating more than you think, which is why you aren’t seeing the results you want. That is fantastic you are doing so well with the exercise part. You can definitely do this.

[buckettgirl]

thanks for your support. I think that the best thing I have done is find this website. Because my husband does not have weight issues in any form(he doesn't even have a problem with my weight), it is difficult to find support and encouragement from him - he wants me to be happy but truly does not care what my size is - and he doesn't know how to support me in this endeavor. Although I *know* that many people struggle with this everday, it is still a relief to hear that I am not the only one and that others understand. I know I seem hard on myself, but that is the level of frustration I'm at... and I do understand the reality of the situation: something has to change; my eating habits must change.
Reading these posts have just made my day that much easier to get through... My goal today was exercise and do not eat any junk food! I walked for an hour this morning , I have not had any junk food yet (its 5:20pm) but I am still fighting the urge to binge (it is usually greatest after class or after clinicals). I do feel like being here in this forum is helping to keep me from slipping.
Thank you!