DEAR Abby: Over the last two years I have lost 95 pounds. I did it by changing my lifestyle, exercising and making better food choices.
My husband, "Paul," insists that he shouldn't have to hide his cookies, potato chips and chocolate candy, and says I should have self-control. I do have self-control, Abby, but sometimes the temptation is just too great. I feel Paul is unconsciously trying to sabotage me. How can I make him understand that I don't want junk food in my line of vision, and that it isn't all about willpower? -- RESENTFUL IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR RESENTFUL: Your resentment is justified. His insistence on keeping junk food where you will find it is an attempt at control. Your husband isn't "unconsciously" trying to sabotage you; it is overt and deliberate. Your victory may be a threat to him. On some level it may have made him feel less in control of you, or he may be threatened that you are now more attractive to other men.
Because you can't control what your husband does, you must control the way you react to it. The next time you take a bite of his junk food, remember why he left it there. I'm sure it will leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
Obviously Abby has never had to struggle with temptations of food. If it were me and my hubby kept bringing the stuff in the house and refused to keep it out of sight, it would find its way into my garbage can each time it was left out. I firmly believe that the food out of sight is out of mind and you are less likely to start craving the foods. He should be more supportive of his wife. It sounds like the wife doesn't mind so much him bringing it into the house. I think he should find a cabinet or something and lock it up so only he has access. Just my 2 cents.
I'd throw out the junk food along with something that means a whole lot to him (something like...oh, I don't know...his John Elway autographed football? ) and then tell him "I'm showing as much value and consideration for what's important to you as you do for me!"
Then I'd suggest a trip to marriage guidance to get to the real reason behind why he's trying to thwart her weight-loss and maintenance. He might do well to visit a nutritionist, so it can be explained to him how he's not only damaging his marriage but also his health with the consumption of cookies, potato chips and chocolate candy!
I think she's shown willpower and self-control by not smothering him in his sleep.
Sometimes I think that my bf doesn't want me to lose weight with the stuff he brings into this house as well... but then I remember he really doesn't even care if I lose weight and doesn't see food as an issue.. plus, really, are men always thinking? Because I've gotten some weird-arsed presents over the past few years.
My question is "Where did Paul get the junk food?"
When I talk to women about their husbands that refuse to hide stuff, many times I find out that the women BOUGHT the food for them! That kills me. IMO, if you do the grocery shopping, you get to pick what comes into the house. I'm a real hardass on this rule.
The Cute Boyfriend knows that I won't buy real pop or chips (unless I fully intend to cheat) and if he wants that stuff, he has to buy it. He NEVER makes it to the grocery store (unless I'm with him), so I get my way all the time.
To dangle some raspberry Zingers in front of my face, and then tell me I should have self control, would only get the BF a nice Italian punch. He knows better than that.
This man is being childish. She needs to get to the real reason behind it. You don't dangle something in front of someone, which is essentially what he's doing, then tell them THEY'VE got issues. Hello, pot? Kettle here. Guess what? You're black!
And yes, I do all the shopping here. If you don't want to eat healthy, then we don't eat here.
Man, Aimee, you and Jill are seriously cracking me up!
Seriously, that man is an ***. I've got the same "I buy it, I pick it rule." You want it? You go get it, and eat it outta this house. I also do all the cooking, so if it ain't healthy, it's not going on the table. Want some junk? See above. (Just for the record, Lorraine's absolutely miserable. Brown rice? And she can't smoke??)
In some ways I disagree and in others I agree. He's got the right to stuff his face with whatever he wants and as it is his house too he's entitled to buy this stuff and keep it in the house. Is he shoving it in her face and making her eat it? Like is she going to get mad at McDonald's because one of their restaurants is on the way she drives to work?? On the other hand he should be respectful of her feelings and the accomplishment she has made in losing so much weight. No it isn't all about willpower but she can't freak out every time someone around her has got junk food. She's got to be able to cope with it somehow.
No, Jen, he isn't shoving it into her mouth, but in a loving, mutually respectful and supportive relationship, when one person says to the other person, "Hey, I have a real issue with self-control with this, and I am so proud of my progress in getting healthy. Could you please help me by not keeping that stuff in full view?" I think the loving, respectful, supportive response is, "Oh, OK. I am proud of you, and understand that having it in full view is hard for you at this point. Sure honey, I'll keep it in a cupboard."
I don't think that's too much to ask, and I don't think it's unreasonable. It's not about "it's his house too" -- it's about helping and working WITH someone you love -- not against them.
I'm speaking from my personal experience. I was have a talk with my husband about food and eating right ect... and we got on the subject of when I started how he's leave cookies from the bakery, M&M's and such next to my desk. He looked at me like it just dawned on him how hard it was for me not to eat any. He said he was sorry. He did say at times he felt insecure about my weight loss but didn't feel he left it there so I could be temped. But he's really not sure. I think sometimes (SOME) men can be pretty clueless. (I hope that doesn't offend Howie)
I remember that, Mez. I remember that you kept telling him how hard it was for you and it didn't help. I felt really badly for you. I'm SO glad it's better for you now.
Okay, yes leaving food right beside where you are sitting is an issue but if my husband decides that he is going to have a few cookies while we are sitting and watching tv that doesn't mean that I have to as well. This exact situation happened Tuesday night and I didn't have any cookies because I wasn't hungry and I know that eating stuff like that is not going to help me lose weight. In some ways it sounds to me that she is feeling deprived and is angry at her husband because he is having treats and she isn't.
Also respect is a 2 way street. Yes absolutely he needs to respect her weight loss and that she wishes he would keep his junk food out of the house but she also has to respect that he is a grown man and that these are his choices for what he wants to eat. Nagging at him or getting angry isn't going to get him to get rid of his junk food any faster.
I think Abby had the right advice to begin with, she can't change her husband, she has let him know how she feels, unless she wants to make it a full scale battle she has to learn how to cope with it.
I don't think she's wanting it out of the house, just not on the counters or whatnot. She referenced "line of sight" to me that means not in plain sight but hidden.
I think that couple definitely needs some type of counseling because it sounds to me like they aren't able to really communicate with each other anymore.
Dear Abby today
) and then tell him "I'm showing as much value and consideration for what's important to you as you do for me!" 
