[df180]

Hello!

So my weight has been fluctuating the past month, the lowest being 162 and the highest being around 169...because I am going through a very difficult situation in my life. My strongest personal relationship feels like it is ending, and it's all I have. I feel betrayed because I give more than I get in my life. I would do anything for that person and they can't be bothered to even ask me how I am doing, or even start a conversation with me. Major events are going on in their life and I am left in the dark. There is hope we can work things out but right now I'm not sure if they will or not.

I do not know how to deal with this pain. I have starved myself and I have ate until I felt sick. I am embarrassed, ashamed, and tired. After everything I have been through I still use food as a crutch. It controls me. I'm desperately trying to learn to live without it...

Not sure what else to say. I hope someone can relate to this?

How is everyone doing? Please feel free to talk about your experiences with binge eating, or a difficult situation you're going through. I'm here to listen Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[Halloween_Hellion]

I really can relate to the pain that using food as a numbing agent can be, because after the inevitable binge I always hate myself and feel so disgusted. That pain begets the binge cycle again, leaving me stuck in a vicious circle.

About 5 years ago I was doing the opposite. Restricting food to the point where I found opening some of the heavier doors around the college campus difficult due to how weak I was. I was also in a relationship that I knew I wanted out of- but at the same time still had feelings for my partner and did not want to see him hurt. So I took it upon myself to suffer instead.

Now I couldn't even do that if I wanted to. And I take the same approach where I feel like I should suffer - and eat until I could puke (and yet I don't.).

*Huggs*

[julie1973]

Hi DF-

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am new to this site and reading your post has made me feel like I among people that understand the struggle. I have always had a weight problem, and I am glad to see that binge eating disorder is now being recognized by the medical profession. It seems like every addiction under the sun can get support, but for those of us that binge eat- others viewed the issue as a personal choice. I can understand the feeling of being controlled by food, logically I know binging will only make things worse, but I feel compelled to overeat when I am happy/sad/anxious/scared/excited.....and for any other emotional fluctuation I come across. My doc just prescribed wellbutrin for me and I am hoping that it will work. I have recently found out that my grandmother had this same problem, although, binge eating disorder was not identified during her lifetime. When my doc prescribed the med for me he asked me if I ever had a problem binging and purging, I had to let him know that once I eat something- I don't give it back (lol).

With regard to your relationship- be proud of yourself that have you have given so much to others, but know that you can't do that unless you are healthy yourself. When I discovered that my husband was engaged to another woman and she and I were pregnant at the same time, my BFF gave me some words of very true wisdom- it is never good to do the right things for the wrong people....

Good luck in your struggle...

[misspriss78]

Hello,

I can definitely relate to binge eating. The only way I can describe the feeling is "an overwhelming feeling to eat a lot, right now."

I noticed on your signature that you have lost 138 lbs, BRAVO to YOU! That is awesome and that shows that you have the strength to fight binge eating too.

My story in similar to yours in ways. Back in 2005 I made a decision that changed my life, I decided that I wanted to lose weight and get fit. Well about 2 years later I was 112 lbs lighter and could do things I never thought I could do, like guy push-ups and run a 5k...well, you get the picture.

Binge eating didn't really start until I was under pressure at work around 2011, I remember planning my binges and making sure nobody saw me do it. And of course I would feel terrible afterwards.

I managed to keep my weight loss off for over 6 years then some personal things happened in my life and I had to go on medication for depression and anxiety. ( I was still under a lot of pressure at work too) so with all of that combined I slowly went back to my old ways of eating and being a couch potato. I've gained 95 lbs back I'm ashamed to admit it but at the same time I know what to do, it's doing it that has me stalled at the moment.

Anyways, sorry to ramble on. I just wanted to let you know that your not alone I wish you the best of luck.

[Emmy1991]

Hey df180

I can totally relate to the feeling of giving more and getting less. That's exactly how I feel/felt. I gave a lot of energy and time to friends projects only to find that no one believed in mine and they would only help if it had minimal interference with their life. I also feel like this a lot in my work, when I graduated I was getting the best marks in my cohort and working on a bunch of exciting things but I still don't have a job in my industry where someone who just coasted through university does. FOR ME I found that I often compare myself to others, with EVERYTHING. It's emotionally draining. My therapist also told me that sometimes I might feel entitled to a job over a peer because I deem myself smarter, so being intelligent can sometimes breed entitlement (not that it's applicable to you necessarily, just discussing).

As for the binge eating, I completely get it. It feels like you can't control yourself and it will never end. It's a cycle and it's difficult to deal with. I still binge eat but am trying to quit. What's helped me is speaking about it to a therapist in a judgement free zone. I binge at all different hours and for different reasons. If i'm binging because I'm hungry its best that I eat a proper meal and usually that deals with the desire and I feel more in control. Sometimes at night I binge because of boredom/emotional issues, I've been instructed that the best way to deal with this (for me) is to keep my hands and mind busy - do something I love, like painting or drawing, or decoupage, SOMETHING to keep my mind of food. For me, this also works because I become engrossed in something quickly and it helps to stabilise my mood.

I'm sorry you're going through this it's difficult to deal with binge eating and with relationship issues on top of this. It looks like you've come a long way on your journey so congratulations! Feel free to reach out if you ever need to talk xx