Having a hard time with life
Hi! this is my first time posting in the depression thread. I have been reading a lot of posts and I can see that a lot of people can relate to what I am going through right now. I have struggled with my weight for years, have repeatedly lost 50 lbs or more just to gain it back and then some. So, when I found myself (once again!) looking at the highest weight ever on the scale, I got back into weight loss mode. I started off well and lost almost 15 lbs but now I am foundering. My anxiety started going into overdrive after several months of fairly low anxiety. My weight loss has stalled. My anxiety has been more and more severe and I now find myself growing more and more despondent and unmotivated. I am certainly not severely depressed but this is starting to feel more like depression than just my normal anxiety.
With anxiety, I feel horrible, racing thoughts and constant irritability but I can function through it. I have learned how to deal with it over the years, even without meds/therapy. This feels different, like I have no motivation AT ALL. I really just want to run home and crawl into bed and sleep forever. With general anxiety, I always feel like I only have to wait for the episode to pass. Now I feel like I will never feel better, no matter how irrational that may be. I have dealt with anxiety for 20 yrs now, but it has been a long while since I dealt with depression.
It has nothing to do with my weight per se. My weight is merely a result of years of using food to fill in that empty hole inside of me. I eat because I feel bad and I feel bad because I eat. I'm sure most people on this site can relate to the vicious cycle. I am trying to keep eating healthy and moving around because it is good for my mind and my body. However, I am finally beginning to realize that losing weight is really beside the point. I realize any weight I have lost in the past was a result of my being in a good place mentally, not so much that losing the weight made me happier. My weight is just a symptom of the larger problem, being the depression/anxiety, low self-worth, and just feeling my life is pointless. Unless I address this, I will ALWAYS put the weight back on.
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