Hi everyone,
My name is Sara, I'm 23, and I've struggled with weight my entire life. Growing up, my mother also had weight problems, rarely ate healthily, and never exercised. She worked as a prison guard, so doing 12 hr shifts back to back - mostly over nights - and between that and taking care of me, she had little time to cook, let alone introduce wholesome meals to a notoriously picky eater (me!) I was raised almost exclusively on chicken nuggets, fries, and kraft dinner (mac & cheese for those not in the know).
I was ALWAYS hungry, too, so I ALWAYS ate. McDonalds 3-4 times a week, with many frozen meals in between. Fried foods were my everything. Suffice to say, by 16, I flirted with the 200lb mark frequently.
Then, at 19, I met a girl whom I became totally infatuated with. She was the tiniest, skinniest thing in the world. SHe was a vegetarian, and ate fairly healthily. I tried to eat like her, but I found it difficult. Where she ate pasta and olive oil and goats cheese, I'd add a meat, and my portions were much bigger than hers. Again, I was ALWAYS hungry. I'd eat something "healthy", and then have a snack right after. I never felt full. I dropped, barely, to 185.
After four years, however, it wasn't meant to be and we parted ways, and not in the most amicable fashion. Stress, constant fighting, fear, and a childish hope for revenge made e very emotionally sick and unstable. I became a vegan, but I didn't do it properly (regular chips and peanut-butter-banana sandwiches are vegan, right?) I started a binge-and-purge routine, and within a few short weeks I started losing considerable weight. I would never admit I had a problem, and the word "bulimic" always applied to someone else. Bulimics would throw up ALL their meals, and I always made sure to keep breakfast down. Bulimics were crazy, they didn't need to lose weight - I did. I was convinced it was for my health. I started getting attention, lots of it, so it couldn't possibly be a bad thing. Besides, I wasn't losing THAT much weight, and because of that, no one would ever expect a thing, and I didn't have to stop eating the foods I loved (Fries are vegan too!), and I didn't have to start working out! Within a year, st my lowest I had ever been, I was 145.
165(ish)
155
145
But then, all of a sudden, I stopped dropping weight. Throwing up didn't do anything anymore. Not only could I not drop lbs by purging, it became harder and harder to do. It was like I no longer even had a gag reflex! I would sit in the bathroom for half an hour, heaving, drinking cup after cup of water to try and force myself to expel every fatty food I just ate. Soon, one of the teeth in the back of my mouth broke and crumbled. I was still in denial. There was NO WAY this was bad for me. This had helped me so much.
It got worse. Even though I was still purging, I started regaining weight. the breakfast I pledged to keep down was putting pounds on me what felt like instantly. I'd check my weight every single day. 145 would turn into 148 over night, and then be 150 the next day, so I'd purge twice as much, and be just 148 again the next morning. My weight would yoyo ten pounds in a week. It got to the point where I became so exhausted from purging that my body just wouldn't do it anymore. I was right back to 155.
Within this time, I was planning a move from my small town to the big city of Toronto, alone, to go to school. I was so stressed and so tired between work, packing, finishing courses, planning my move, that all I did was eat and sleep. Of course, I gained more.
When I finally landed in toronto, I met the most amazing, beautiful man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was sweet, charismatic, funny, outgoing, handsome, a hard-worker, and not to mention Irish. We saw each other for a while, and he soon made me his girlfriend. I was happier than I had been in a long, and because I was happy, and we were going out on dates constantly - home cooked dinners full of comfort food, restaurant food, movie theatre popcorn and candy, junk food late at night - I started gaining what he calls "love lumps".
This depressed me, so my motivation to purge was renewed. I had to look good for my new man, right? while he swore he was attracted to me and adored me no matter my current weight - and he certainly showed it - I didn't feel worthy of his love. I lost some weight - back to 145 - but I wanted to be even tinier.
But that is, thankfully, when he caught me. We talked for a long time about it. He didn't judge, he didn't scold, he didn't even seem disappointed. He was genuinely concerned with my well-being and self image. He wanted to help, and to make me feel beautiful. I explained that my metabolism was shot, that if I didn't purge I would gain endless amounts of weight. While he solidly said that he didn't care either way, he doubted that would happen. I just needed to look after myself, properly. I don't eat meat, and now I try very hard to stay away from fried foods (though it's tempting!), I try to limit my wheat intake to minimal amounts (a couple beer a week), and most of my diet is now salads and tofu. Today, I am 150, but I have more that I want to lose - healthily. My goal isto get my metabolism burning properly, like it never has in my life. I've joined a gym, and I'm a bartender - so when I work I'm constantly moving, and on my feet. Its slow, and it has a lot of "off" days where I've gained it back, but now I'm not working for a quick goal, I'm working for the rest of my life.
I'm visiting his parents in Dublin for christmas, and I want to lose 20lbs for then. I want to look good in my new family photos, but I also want to give myself that gift - a brand new beginning, and a healthier life.
Starting again- The healthy way!
