Worried that I'll never be able to do it - need some good advice.
Hi everyone!
This is my first post here, hopefully the first of many. I hope I can get some encouragement from other people trying to lose weight, as I don't have any people close to me who are going through this sort of thing. I've been chubby since I was 13, but really started putting on weight from age 16. Since then, I've weighed anything between 160-195lbs, and don't remember having a healthy BMI ever. I'm now 27. I've been trying to lose weight (my goal weight is 145lbs) for the past eight years, and it's really depressing that I'm pretty much back at square one.
I think about my weight all the time, and I'm constantly worrying about how I look and whether my tummy is sticking out. I very rarely feel comfortable in clothes, and really wish I could feel pretty in clothing that wasn't sack-shaped or elasticated. I've tried to tell myself that there are more important things in life than being thin, but it is about being healthy too. Type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure runs in my family and I'm terrified that I'm going to eat/laze my way into an early grave. My mum, who was healthier and exercised more than I do, died suddenly from a stroke 18 months ago. I told myself that that was the last straw, and that if nothing motivated me to live better, then nothing would. 18 months later, I've gone from 170lbs to 195lbs.
As much I love my mum and miss her, she was definitely a source of stress when it came to my weight, constantly telling me I looked fat, then feeding me deep-fried food. I didn't grow up eating super healthily so I feel like I'm battling against a lifetime of bad habits. Because of my mum's emphasis on my weight, I feel like, no matter how well I do in other aspects of my life, I'm a bit of a failure because I'm fat. I'm doing a PhD at a top uni, and have just got engaged, so in some respects, I am absolutely living my dream life. But like I said, my weight totally dominates my thoughts, and I hate it because it makes me feel really superficial but also like a loser. Sorry if that sounds confusing or whiney...
I guess I feel like I'm reaching the end of my tether. When I've lost weight before, I've been able to stick to a diet (either South Beach or calorie counting) for a few months, along with exercise, before I fall off the wagon and pile the pounds back on. Now, I can barely motivate myself to even stick to anything for more than a couple of weeks. 'Exercise' seems like something other people do, and something I'll never actually be able to integrate into my life. Putting aside the fact that this year has been terrible for my weight (what with work, and that I had surgery 5 months ago so was quite immobile), I'm really scared I'll never be able to lose it. The thought of trying to lose weight used to be kind of exciting, but now it just depresses and overwhelms me.
I've talked to my fiancé loads about my weight issues but I think it's difficult for him to accept how fundamentally unhappy I am about it. It doesn't help that I start blubbing incoherently every time I try to talk about it. I know that, at the end of the day, I have to take 100% responsibility for myself but we get into bad habits when we're together, eating and lazing about on the couch. I joke that he's an 'enabler', suggesting we get take-out or buying supermarket ready meals, but in all seriousness, all of my willpower goes out of the window when I'm with him. I'm not sure what else to say to him to make him understand how much being overweight affects me.
We're planning to get married in August/September 2014 and I cannot stand the thought of being fat on my wedding day. I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I know that every time I look at the wedding photos, all I will see is how podgy I look, and how I wished I looked different. All of this, and I still can't motivate myself to eat better or exercise!
If anyone else has gone through these conflicted feelings, I'd really appreciate any thoughts. Thanks a lot. Sorry for the long post!
I went to a therapist last year at the start of my weight loss journey and she told me that the best news was that I was completely in control of the changes that needed to be made in my life. I didn't need anything from anyone else in order to get healthy. I didn't need to wait for another person to do something in order for me to start my healthy lifestyle. That was one of the most powerful things I had ever heard. Seems simple but it was a load off of my mind. If I wanted to lose weight, I had to be the person to take charge and make it happen.
I know all about the negative self talk and fear of failure. Bottom line...it's not helpful...it's harmful. You WILL succeed with your diet if you stick to it. You WILL succeed with your diet if you have a bad day and get back to it right away. You WILL succeed with your diet if you exercise and eat healthy. It's that simple. The only way you fail is if you quit. So if you're scared of failing...DON'T QUIT!
Try to stop talking so negatively to yourself because it does impact your actions. Stop saying that you're scared you'll fail and start saying that you're determined to try and give it your best. Both might be true but one is unhelpful and doesn't need to be verbalized. You have to brainwash yourself with positivity.
The beginning seems hard and it is but it's not impossible. This site is full of people who have lost weight and are maintaining that loss. It's possible. I don't know what plan you're going to follow but you have to find something that works for you and stick to it. You said that you're working on your PhD. Do you ever write a paper or do an assignment that you really don't feel like doing? Why do you do it? Where does your motivation come from? The same way we do things every day that we don't necessarily feel like doing is how you should approach your diet. Some days you'll be fired up and other days you won't. Either way you've made a committment to make a healthy change.
Don't be afraid...there's too much good stuff waiting for you on the other side. If you're unhappy about your weight...change it!
Thanks for your kind and thoughtful reply. It gave me a lot to think about. It's really inspiring to see people who are reaching their goals and not letting anything stop them! Even though I'm in the middle of a period of really intense work, I've decided that it's time to let go of excuses and just start eating better and exercising. Judging from your photo, you're doing amazingly well, so good luck with the rest of it, and thanks again for taking the time to reply to my post.
Hi fatbunneh. I was born in Watford and did my PhD in Nottingham. I live in the US now.
I never thought I could lose weight but it has been easier than I thought. This place is a great venue to get support and talk about all the stuff your partner would soon get bored of!
My main advice is to start small and then build on the positives from that to do more.
At 20 stone, I decided one day that I did not really need to eat dinner. I used to eat really late at night and was rarely hungry at that time so I just cut it. After a couple of days/weeks, I started to drop a few pounds. That motivated me to start making my other meals more healthly. So I dropped the sugar in my coffee. I stopped eating crisps. I cut out junk food and started eating salads.
Then my weight really started to drop.
Motivated by that, I started watching my portion sizes and the weight loss got even more dramatic.
After losing about 3-1/2 stone, I joined a gym. A friend invited me and I agreed!
5 stone down I started running, something I thought I would never do.
And all along I still drink beer!
So the bottom line is don't think you have to do everything at once. That might be overwhelming. Make small but meaningful changes and use the motivation that gives you to move on to bigger things.
This is what i have learned to love and accept.....We make mistakes, we fall off wagons, sometimes we dive right into a heaping pile of mashed potatoes and gravy topped off with an ice cream sundae. Sometimes that little trip lasts a day, and sometimes it lasts longer.
IT IS OK. One "slip" does not equal giving up and it is all over. Take things a day, a minute at a time, and stop thinking of weight loss as a "diet" seriously, that always made me miserable, because I was always waiting until I could have this or that again. I had to change my ENTIRE lifestyle and way of thinking about food. In some ways, I am more obsessed now than before, now it is just in a good way. .
For me, personally, it is about choices. Every day is a choice. I choose to get up and go for a walk, or I do not. I choose to eat a piece of cake at the office pot luck or not. I choose, my choice, my life. Not my mothers, not my ex-husband, mine. I know what I want, and I know my goals and most importantly I know myself. Sometimes, I have a glass of wine (or four) and sometimes I have some ice cream, I know what it will "cost" and I keep it in my "food budget", and admitedly, sometimes just like with my real cash budget, I am overdrawn. But then I just buckle down, and get back on budget and move forward.
Stop worrying or thinking about what other people may or may not think of you. I know easier said than done. But really. Do what you want to do, and how you want to do it for YOU. That is my advice.
Last edited by lazylioness; 05-29-2013 at 01:34 PM.
Reason: spelling error
Worried that I'll never be able to do it - need some good advice.
