This probably won't endear me to anyone, but I have done a lot of thinking lately about binge eating, and other addictions, and well I tend to be full of tough love for myself.
It's really very selfish. When I think back to this past summer when I was bingeing 2-4 times per week, isolating myself from everyone I loved, canceling activities, and throwing away some of the best days of the summer because I thought I was too "fat" and bloated to participate and that anyone would even care about how I looked in the first place as if I was the center of their universe(!); how I knew the night before while CHOOSING to binge that I had something planned for the next day and how I could have said no. No one but me made me open the refrigerator or drive to McDonalds after all. That was all me; always me.
I just...I'm disgusted with that self. That part of me that allowed myself to be that way, to make excuses for myself and for my behavior. At that point, my bingeng was purely habitual because I had already given up dieting and trying to lose weight and was eating normal portions, but the urges still persisted because I let them. I let them because I always gave in and appeased them. I blamed everyone and everything other than myself. I blamed sugar, I blamed ice cream, I blamed TV commercials, I blamed my family, I blamed society. I had every excuse in the book instead of taking responsibility for myself and for my actions.
Bingeing caused me to hurt people I care about. By bingeing I was sending a message that I cared more about chocolate cake than them. Disgusting and selfish to be so wrapped up in your own head; to be so obsessed with food and weight at the cost of all others and life itself. It's a very selfish thing, and there's no excuse for it. I am not a victim.
Last edited by bingefree2013; 03-01-2013 at 11:57 AM.
I disagree. When i skip social activities because i've binged, i'm the one who's missing out. I actually think binging is the least harmful (to others) self-destructive activity there is. I think that's why i do it. I have always been a rule follower. Binging became my way of lashing out because it's so benign--i'm not hurting anyone else. I get angry, i binge. Instead of yelling at someone, i binge.
I hear what you're saying and it makes sense. I just have a different take on it.
selfˇish /ˈselfiSH/
Adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) Lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
Bingeing as "selfish" can probably apply to SOME but certainly not ALL binge eaters.
If a person skips an important event due to bingeing and someone is very hurt by the person's absense, I can see that being a very selfish thing. But it totally depends on the situation.
I think it probably falls into that area where if a person has fairly severe binge eating disorder, just like ANY eating disorder, it can overcome their life therefore hurting those around them. Different degrees of bingeing definitely exist!
I'd also say it gets to a point where it is a mental illness just like anorexia or bulimia...in those situations, turning a critical eye inward to the self can be even more harmful.
I can't say I choose when I binge to be able to deem it as selfish. It is too uncontrollable when something just triggers me.
I definetly still do binge and am trying to get it under control, but I can certainly remember my last year of university and what I recall as "the worst day". I'd broken up with a boyfriend and he came back to my apartment and assaulted me. Afterwards I remember eating an *entire case* of frozen hamburger patties along with a loaf of bread. (cheese slices, mayo & ketchup too)
That wasn't selfishness...it was a symptom of a severe issue that I've never seeked help for. This is also the first time I've ever admitted to doing that.
I'd also say it gets to a point where it is a mental illness just like anorexia or bulimia...in those situations, turning a critical eye inward to the self can be even more harmful.
Very true! I have a very difficult time being objective, though, because I struggle with an eating disorder. If I'm looking at another person who is struggling I can say "you need help, this is a problem you can't control by yourself" but when I look at myself I think "why can't you get it together, you're being ridiculous, just stop". Perhaps the selfish aspect would come in when a person has admitted the problem, yet refuses to seek/accept help. Yet of course labeling a person selfish certainly doesn't do any good in helping that person, that's for sure.
I've found, for myself, the disgust, and sometimes hatred, does nothing but continue the cycle. Perhaps it is counterproductive to call oneself 'selfish', but rather a better idea to begin to look for tools in aiding recovery from the issue at hand.
I'm more with surfergirl2. Now my bingeing was more like chronic and constant overeating, so I didn't skip an activity to binge. But I definitely eat from emotional pain. I know my MIL criticises me for overeating and for being fat, but she is one of the most verbally abusive people I've ever met - and I would always think "At least I'm only hurting myself.... I don't deal with MY inadequacies by trying to make other people feel horrible."
Of course, I said nothing and stuffed my mouth....
Hmmmm . . . It is kind of a paradox, I suppose. There are definitely situations where bingeing could be selfish (e.g., missing important events, withdrawing from family/friends, etc.). There is certainly validity to that. That said, (as someone else mentioned) often those who struggle with this are utterly *selfless* in other aspects. Not always, but often, this is a behavior of people who turn inward and "stuff" vs. unloading / expressing towards others (often in an attempt to spare somebody else's feelings). Maybe the behavior and it's results are selfish, but not the person . . . I don't know -- never really thought of it that way.
If it helps you to think that way then go for it.... personally I don't see how that line of thinking can help you. Binge-eating is a disorder, it's a behavioral disorder but it is an illness after all. You may have chosen the behavior but the disorder has taken hold of you and you wouldn't call a cancer-patient selfish because they spend all their time going to doctors and getting treatment or being sick would you? I know I know, what's the point of comparing cancer to an eating disorder - well I may not be suffering in the same way, but my disorder can lead to life-threatening conditions, it is something I live and fight every day, it is something that I feel I have little control over. I'm sure to anyone looking at me from the outside would just call me lazy or a binge-eater or that I don't care about myself, that I'm fat because I choose to be fat. All the blame is on me.
I was in therapy for a while trying to address my issue. At the time I had the perspective that I needed to get my eating under control, that I was a weak-willed worthless person who could hardly control what I ate much less control my life. But while trying to get to the root of my disorder I found out something very interesting. See I started binging when I was a teenager... right around the time that a member of my immediate family became terminally ill. Everyone's attention turned to helping him recover and get better, including my own. The stress and grief of it kept me bingeing long after his death and my therapist said something profound - she said that I was young, vulnerable and grief-stricken and that I had developed this coping mechanism of binging... not because I was a terrible person, not because I was lazy, not because I was worthless, but because it was the only way I knew how to take care of myself without burdening my grieving loved ones. My binging came from a place of love and immaturity, not a place of self-destruction.
So knowing that makes me relieved that I have the capacity for self-love. Now that I am older and wiser I no longer need this coping mechanism but unfortunately habits are hard to break and this is the only way I know how to live. I change little by little everyday but it's a tall mountain to climb. I cannot waste a single moment thinking about selfishness. Besides, aren't people who spend money going to gyms, spending their time exercising or being part of sports teams also being selfish? What makes you think that your binging is any more selfish towards others than anyone else? Maybe we have to be a little selfish in order to get ourselves well. I know that my son needs a healthy happy mommy who takes the time to take care of herself more than he needs a moping self-hating mommy.
Last edited by Palestrina; 03-02-2013 at 06:51 AM.
I think that you are hurting yourself more than anyone around you, even though I get where your coming from about them maybe missing you at certain events. Maybe you should stop thinking about others and just worry about yourself and how much its affecting you and your body.
I have been doing lots of thinking about binge eating lately myself. Mine has not gotten out of control per say, but it has only started in the past couple years and only AFTER starting Medifast. I can see how others would isolate themselves and turn to binging as a comfort, but I just have no control. Last month I bought Double Stuff Oreos because they were on sale and I felt I somewhat "deserved" a treat since I had been going to the gym and doing well. Somehow I ended up eating the entire bag in two days.
I felt that there was no way I could stop eating them. They tasted so good and made me so happy. But I sit here and think WHY did I feel the need to keep going and going? I still don't know. Obviously the best idea is to not buy them and keep them and other chocolate out of the house, but once in a while I want to be able to enjoy the little things. (just have control)
Until I can figure this out, I'm back on Medifast and going strong on day 3. The weekend isn't here yet so that will be another challenge I'm ready for. I have a good goal to be straight MF til April when I go to Vegas with 18 of my old friends. And I'm hoping that I will have had great progress....enough progress that I will enjoy myself in moderation and not want to destroy all of my hard work up to that point.
I think of it is of self soothing,like sucking a pacifier ,sucking your thumb,smoking,or rocking in a chair,hair twirling,etc.
But if you think about it as straining family resourses,,, then maybe.
If I spending large amounts of money on fast food /junk food and if it impacts the family food bill ,and there is not enough to meet the family needs ...then yes.
Just like anything else that diverts resources away from the family in an unfair way.. if I was shopping and spending money compulsively and put the families finances at risk.. Gambling too excess.
Whenever you are tethered to another and your actions impact others ...and you choose to not to acknowledge and and change the behavior ...what do you call it if it has a detrimental effect?
My allowing myself to get Fat was Selfish !! It placed my family at risk ! I acknowledged it and put a plan and place and changed it! By taking care of my health it is a way of honoring and protecting my family emotionally ,spiritually and financially!
Our actions impact others, we need to do more than to pay lip service to this fact.
We have to own our behaviors and choices ..and if something we can not handle on our own then it is imperative that we seek out resources to address it and solve it.
When we fail to handle it ...then that is when it becomes selfish.. IMO
Roo, While I agree that we have to "own our choices" it's a lot more complex than that, i.m.o. There is a lot of evidence that suggests people with ED's also deal with a host of other mental health issues (depression, anxiety, etc.) as do a lot of people who have other addiction issues and unfortunately, there's still a huge stigma surrounding mental health. It's a LOT harder to seek treatment for a mental disease than it is for a physical one -- not just because of the stigma surrounding it, but at least in the U.S., our health care system just isn't there yet. When I sought counseling for BED, my co-pay for those sessions were not cheap, and I *have* decent insurance and insurance that *does* cover mental health expenses. A lot of people don't. At $150 a session, once a week, I simply couldn't have afforded that if my insurance didn't cover some of it. Would that have given me a pass to just "give up trying"? No, I don't believe that either, but you're climbing a lot steeper hill when you're dealing with this on your own. Again, I'm not saying this gives people free reign to just stay on a self-destructive path, but it's not as simple as just saying they're being selfish if they're "failing to handle it". BTW, I'm specifically talking about BED which is what the OP was referencing (I think anyways), not just general over-eating.
A very selfish disorder
