[DiamondDeb]

Guilt.

I've been thinking about this a bit lately. The very strict nutrition of Cycle 3 is over and I'm allowed to have a free day. I really don't want or need a free day or the guilt that tends to go with it. It will be nice, though, to be able to indulge in a treat once in a while or even have a free meal if I want.

How you deal with the emotions that go along with a free food, free meal or free day? As the words suggest, these are supposed to be enjoyed completely free of guilt. Is that what you do, or do you stress over every bite, telling yourself that you should be eating clean? Do you beat yourself up afterwards? I think it's kind of hard to be totally relaxed about it when we spent so much time reminding ourselves that we should not be eating the very things that we're supposed to enjoy guilt-free every once a while. BRx is much more generous with its nutrition than most programs are, but I still have to fight the guilt sometimes if I want a little extra over and above my requirements, despite the fact that it's allowed. And that's clean food! I think we get in the mindset that tells us we can't have extra even if were hungry and we can't ever indulge in treats and enjoy them. Maybe that mindset helped me for a while when I was just starting to change my bad habits. Maybe I figured I'd rather eat clean than have to deal with all the guilt and self-hate that would be involved if I "cheated."

That kind of thinking might be good short-term but most of us have made this our lifestyle. There's no room in a long-term lifestyle for guilt every time you're going to indulge in a treat. At least that's how I am trying to look at it. Feeling guilty every time I indulge in a favorite food takes all the fun out of it. If I can relax and enjoy my treats for what they are that makes them worth it.

I hadn't planned on going out to eat after the March of Dimes spin on Friday, and my first thought was, "Can I eat clean?" Then I reminded myself that I'm really allowed a free day if I want it, so why not enjoy a free meal? And that's just what I did! I relaxed and had a drink and some appetizers. I enjoyed myself and I didn't feel guilty about it then or later. What a sense of freedom! That's the way it should feel every single time we give ourselves a little treat. Good. It just occurred to me that this is exactly how Scott wants us to enjoy our Red foods on BRx. It wasn't planned but it was there to be enjoyed. No need to deprive myself or feel guilty.

It would be great never to feel guilty about what I'm eating, clean or otherwise, but I know I will experience those unpleasant feelings again. It's definitely something I'm working on, though, and it's nice not to feel guilty every time I treat myself. Hopefully, more and more of my future indulgences will be guilt-free, too. That's how it should be.

Deb

[tikanique]

I try to not let my emotions get involved with my eating. after all, that is why i ended up so overweight in the first place. when i start feeling guilty over things i have eaten, i try to put it in perspective. for instance, i had chocolate chip cookies on saturday and ate some of my daughters fries on sunday. i started to feel all bad, but then i thought hey, the old tika would have eaten more than 5 cookies, would have had whole milk with them, a corn dog, a funnel cake and a Wendy's classic combo on saturday and on sunday i would have had bacon, biscuits, more wendy's, taco bell and all kinds of sodas. so even when i am "bad" i am still being VERY good compared to what i used to be like. that type of thinking usually helps me stop the guilt trip.

[Meg]

Hmm … interesting and thought-provoking questions, Deb, and ones that I was dealing with just this weekend. I was away visiting my sister in Chicago and considered eating things I ordinarily wouldn’t but ultimately decided not to because I didn't want to deal with the after-effects, both at the scale and in my mind. So I was thinking about this issue.

The year that I was losing weight, I probably only cheated two or three times, and only to the extent of a cookie or something small. My plan did not include free days or meals or foods, so I didn’t have any built in “cheats”. I think that worked best for me because it completely got me away from sugary, high-fat junk foods. And I lost fast, which was also good for my motivation. When I reached my “goal weight”, I struggled a bit with some of the foods that I had been avoiding, but quickly learned that I couldn’t eat them without paying a price, both physically (weight would shoot up) and mentally. (And that is one of the reasons that I weigh myself daily — to remind myself that there are consequences to what I put in my mouth. I never can fool the scale!) And I’ve pretty much gotten to the point where I tell myself *whatever* is not worth that price. And, yes, I even feel that way if I eat more than I should of “clean” foods.

Of course, we all know the dismal statistics about maintaining a weight loss (95% regain the lost weight) so I have been thinking a lot about how I want to be in the 5% who maintain. I think that, for me, that “guilt” feeling about cheating is going to be part of what keeps me from regaining the weight and is consequently a good thing. I’m looking on the bad feelings that I get when I stray from my eating plan as positive things that will keep me on track. I will keep telling myself that it is just not worth the guilt and misery that I feel when I cheat. I try to think of food as fuel and so really am trying to think of ways to treat myself and be kind to myself that are not food-related.

As always, these are things that I’ve puzzled out in my mind that work for me. Each of us is on her own journey and is going to find different paths to travel.

Meg

[BethO]

Interesting thread, Deb - I read it yesterday and was thinking about it since.

That's been one of the best things about the BFL program for me -the guilt free indulgence on Free Day. I don't feel like I'm undoing what I'm working towards, I more feel like I've EARNED it and an going to enjoy it. There seems to be a really fine line between 'okay, I'm going to enjoy this' and 'I'm out of control here' though. I'm still working to try to recognize where that point is and stop just short of the out of control line.

I don't feel any guilt indulging in luxury eating that I've earned and enjoy.

I find there are a lot of parallels between spending money and eating. If I save up money to buy something, I enjoy both the 'thing' and the fact that I have no negative emotions attached to its purchase. If I make an impulse buy, and put it on VISA, I enjoy the 'thing' but that enjoyment is tempered by feeling guilty about putting off paying for it.

But I'm finding that building up muscle on my body is like running a credit on my VISA card - it is very forgiving with indulgences, planned or unplanned. That's where I'm aiming to get to with this program.

BethO

[BFL Chick]

Hey Deb!
I feel guilty all the way! From the moment I start until I am done eating the "free meal" until the day after!