[RandomPaige]

I have a problem I have known a very good friend of mine for some time now. A few years ago I had a very bad crush on him. Against my better judgement, I ultimately broke down and told him how I felt. He explained he didn't see me the same way.

4 years later, I consider him my "other brother", our relationship has turned into this completely sibling-like friendship (he gets along disturbingly well with my real brother). We razz each other, we support each other, we even grocery shop together. We dieted together when he started his P90X kick.

In the past 2 months, we've spent more time with one another for some reason. 6 people at work and at our regular haunts have asked me or assumed we were dating. Several didn't believe me and thought I was covering something up.

It's difficult for me, as although I know he only wants my friendship, I am still attracted to him. He has a bit of the Peter Griffin disease. He's a bigger guy who sets his goal for much smaller girls that are generally not interested in dating him.

I wish no one would've asked/approached me about our relationship, as now its making things more difficult to tamp down my attraction to him, seeing as how other people are noticing our relationship chemistry. If I start to think about it, I find it too easy to tell myself that he's been more attentive lately, that we have longer conversations about everything and nothing. We act like an old married couple.

He's told me lately about another girl he's been trying to express interest in, so I don't really get the inclination that he's interested in me. Its taken us a long time to get this far with our friendship, and I do not want to do/say anything to jeopardize it in the slightest. I still catch myself doing stupid stuff like exercises to develop Venus dimples (back dimples) because he told me once he was attracted by them.

I am open to any and all advice please. I am trying very much to concentrate on my goals, to stay focused, but I fear I'm developing another crush on him. I can't tell how much of my attraction is because we're so comfortable with each other

[JoseLo]

This is a very very painful situation and one I am sure most of us know- unrequited love. Of course is no easy answer, but I think there are things you can do to help. When I found myself in this situation I tried to do things to lessen my fixation. At times I was thinking of the person so much I had to distract myself to think of other things. I know you have a good friendship but maybe for the time being you need to see a little less of each other, just to try and get over this a little. Find value in other good friendships and activities, so you aren't too emotionally reliant on him. I totally know that thing of doing something, like you say with the venus dimples, of trying to be what he likes- purposely choosing thins, for appearance and generally, that I know he likes, so he'll like me and also because it made me eel close to him. But maybe also enjoy doing things just because YOU want. Enjoy the freedom in that. Crushes can be fun but they become painful when they stop you enjoying properly other things, and prevent you having chance of finding love with someone who does love you.
I think a little distance, physically and emotionally might be useful right now. Massive hugs to you, I know how much this hurts. xxxxx

[startswimming]

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to send well wishes. I am in a similar situation and my heart is completely shattered right now! I have no wisdom for you, but understanding. As for me I have been at a plateau for a couple of months.....this week's events have gotten me back to the gym every day this week. It's more productive to be working at getting to goal than to sit home and cry as I had been doing! Ugh!!! I feel ya!!

-L

[RandomPaige]

Thank you both tremendously I should never have let someone's inquiries change my line of thought.

For awhile, I've stayed on the "focus on my goal" mantra, and I now I've let myself get distracted. I'm trying to push him back into the "brother" filing drawer of my head. I've even resorted to listing his flaws in my mind to prevent putting him on a pedestal in my head.

If wishing, longing and pining for something made it so, I'dve been a size 8 10 years ago.

I bought a skirt for the first time in 10 years. *fingers crossed* I think it looks nice on me. I think I'm going to go out tonight and try to push the whole matter out of my head.

At the end of June, I'm going on vacation for 2 weeks, it will be a great break from the whole mess.

[RandomPaige]

Its been a rough week. My friend has accepted another position with our company on a conflicting shift schedule. It's been a bit tough as for the past 6 years we've worked the same shift (plus/minus 30 minutes). I'm having a difficult time dealing with it.

Tonight I was telling him how upset I was that I'd ordered something online and found out that they cancelled the order because they ran out of stock. I told him it was a top, just to avoid confusion. (it was a white shrug from LaneBryant.com, which I have one in black and its soooo complimentary to my figure, but knowing he's a typical guy, he probably wouldn't know what a shrug is)

He went glassy-eyed and quiet, when I asked him, he said "you've turned into a girl".

I was taken aback at once. First and foremost, I've always been a girl I was trying not to take offense, but I was caught off guard.

It took awhile for me to realize what he meant. I've never been a true girlie-girl. I didn't wear makeup, or wear figure-flattering clothes. It's amazing what losing a little weight will do to your self-esteem! I got really excited about wearing my new wedge sandals the other day. I take pride in my appearance now, and it makes me feel good about myself. I never would've called attention to myself by wearing jewelry or anything like that. I was a bit of a tomboy.

It got me thinking that perhaps this is a good thing for me. (him changing shifts) because maybe I can catch someone else's eye once they see my "other half" is no longer constantly at my side. I used to laugh when they called him my work husband. But perhaps having him always there also intimidated other guys because of how close we are. We shall see.

[krampus]

RandomPaige, congrats on the newfound confidence.

I second JoseLo's recommendation of distancing yourself from said dude. While there is nothing wrong with his behavior based on what you've written, it clearly pains you to be around him so regularly without him reciprocating your attraction. I hope you'll have a great time on vacation and be able to focus more on YOU with the changes in work shifts!

[iyah0125]

It is really difficult to have one-sided love especially for your friend. So it is better to keep your distance from him.

[RandomPaige]

Thanks everyone Last night at work was difficult as I saw him packing up his desk. There was a last hurrah get-together at our regular bar.

I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile, and got to talking to her, I ended up leaving to go to her house with some friends and we played games and cards for the rest of the night. It was good I think it was an opportunity I would've turned down in the past. And I actually met new people. Bonus!

I'm trying to see this as an opportunity to focus my attention on my goals, as I will have more time on my hands, and won't feel guilty about going to the gym when he and I used to hang out. I will still see him on the weekends, and I think I can handle that.

Thank you all for the support