I'm a chronic binger and though I've lost quite a bit of weight and have been able to stay on track for over a year, I've been struggling recently and I've been sliding towards my old binging ways again. I have been able to maintain, but in truth, I have a bad week...gain a couple and then I'm able to have a great week, lose it...only to start the cycle again. Last week was kind of nutty and I had to get extreme...
I have already cleared my house of obvious trigger foods - no more junk food, soda, etc. A few months went by and then I started feeling that "itch" again and I went to not-so-obvious trigger foods - peanut butter, brown sugar, powdered sugar (mixed w/ butter & milk to make frosting), etc. - so I threw it all away. Last week, I started getting really creative and I realized I could mix regular sugar, cinnamon, butter & flour and make a streusel topping. It was really depressing...basically eating 2 tablespoons of butter with sugar and flour. Not my best moment.
So, I came clean to my husband and I decided to treat myself like a drug addict. We put all the things I could get really "creative with," plus all the cereals (easy to binge on them, even though they aren't sugary or anything) in a cooler and we locked them up in our garden shed. Then my husband put the key on his keyring so it's gone all day (I work from home, making it extra difficult to resist). I also threw away all the butter. I have to admit, I felt really stupid having to resort to this, but I was really losing confidence in myself and with each passing day, I felt myself becoming more apathetic about it all.
So, I'm on day 3 of my self-imposed 'lock-down' and I'm doing much better. I told my husband that if I went so far as to leave the house to buy binge food, I wanted him to take my credit cards & cash, too. So far, I haven't done that (it's kind of tough to get away from work for that).
Anyone else ever had to do something like this?
I hate throwing away food, though I've done a lot of that over the last year. But man, if I can't even have sugar (I use it for coffee, oatmeal, etc.) or cereal (I eat it as a quick meal before going to the gym) - that's pretty awful. DH is being really great about it. The weekend was a little rough, but I worked hard to stay busy and got through it. Hoping this is only temporary and if not, then our household will have no flour, sugar, butter or cereal.
Anyay, just feeling insecure about myself and pretty vulnerable. I know I am only as sick as my secrets, so that's why I decided to take the plunge and reveal all to my DH. Just wondering if any of you have done anything similar?
Oh so familiar. I could have written your post. You are not alone!
I have my husband hide things sometimes, but usually I do just toss my triggers (even if it's butter, or flour). I know it is wasteful but I am worth the expense of re-buying when the time comes. Cereal is a good example. I have no control over it when I'm in a binge cycle, and I'd rather throw it out than even have the thought of it nearby (locked up or not) tempting me. Because if it's there and I can't have it, I will either find a way to have it (go buy), find a substitute (pantry creativity), or go all-out in a worse way because I rebel against "deprivation."
I'm sure you will regain control and these things can be added - slowly - back into your household. One day. It might take time but let your mind heal & get strong again before you try. Good luck!
Oh, honey, you are not alone. And your husband sounds like a sweetheart to help you so much (I think my husband would have me committed: he's never been overweight, so he cannot understand why it would be so difficult to just "not eat").
I haven't gone as far as you have, but I can see myself going in that direction. I could have written the first part of your post. I've been maintaining since November, and every day that goes by gets more difficult (oddly enough, I didn't feel this desparate for food when I was eating losing calories--1400 per day). About a week and a half ago, I made my monthly pilgrimmage to Whole Foods & Trader Joe's (I eat organic). Of course, I bought a lot of goodies that I normally do not have access to. I've overeaten for two weeks in a row, and honestly, today I polished off the last two of those WF treats, and it was a relief to do so. I will not be buying any treats in the near future. I went this route about a month ago, and honestly, it was so much less stressful just to not have those foods in my house.
Don't feel odd about doing what you need to do. I admire you for taking the steps you've taken.
Well, I think that is an excellent way to get a handle on things. Hopefully, you'll be able to bring that stuff back in the house as staples sometime in the future. I have no trigger foods in the house at this time and I too work at home. I haven't gotten "creative" yet, but I do go and stare at the pantry and fridge, wondering if some cookies or crackers will magically appear. Luckily they haven't. I have to buy single serving cereal and cookies when my daughter is in from college so she'll have something to eat and I won't eat it.
I had to do something similar. At the start of this whole thing i realized that I was hopeless addicted to sugar so in order to get past that I cut out absolutely ALL sugar. That meant nothing in my coffee (I've actually learned to like it with just milk or even black now), no cereal (major, MAJOR trigger food for me!), no artificial sweeteners and even no fruit for the first week or so.
After a week I started eating fruit (so like fruit cut up in plain yoghurt or just some way to tone down the sweetness). Then eventually (and I'm talking after some months) I started baking with natural sweeteners. Then I slowly started allowing Coke Zero.
After about 6 months of no sugar I started letting myself have SMALL amounts but even then I wasn't completely stable with it and could get a huge chocolate bar in one sitting.
I've learned that we just can't keep certain things in our house or they disappear! We now buy single serving sizes or I make my own desserts, which lasts longer. I also use whole wheat flour and fruit in them often instead of chocolate.
It's taken a lot of experimenting but we've hit a groove with it. However, there's just no way initially I could've been around sugar in the hosue. No way. I really needed to sort of cleanse myself of it, get used to enjoying foods without the addition of sugar before I could slowly incorporate small bits of it into my diet. I just had no ability to do moderation before.
I understand what you're going though, I try not to keep any "tempting" foods around the house, it makes it a lot easier. It hard to control myself when my freezer is packed with ice cream. If there's nothing around but healthy food, I know I'm too lazy to go to the grocery store and buy any junk food, even though I'm badly craving.
It's a good strategy and maybe soon you won't need to lock all the bad food away and you'll be able to resist binges through self control alone.
Thanks, everyone! I don't feel like as much of a freak now! It was kind of cute watching him trudge out to the garden shed yesterday to get some popcorn to pop (I LOVE popcorn!) and a fiber bar (for me, I eat them in the mornings with my vitamins) and a quarter cup of sugar for our coffee for a couple days.
I have resorted to leaving my money, debit & credit cards, & all of my change at home when I go to work or go to the gym to avoid buying cafeteria food, vending snacks, and eating out before or after the gym!!
My husband thinks I am CRAZY & says this is going to come back on me, but so far...it's working! I haven't eaten anything out of the cafeteria in 2 weeks, no vending snacks, and the only time I've eaten out was on our anniversary!
I feel the same way sometimes. I have a thought, though, that you may find helpful. By locking away the trigger foods that you are having trouble with you are giving them a lot of power. This may perpetuating your binge cycle. When some people deprive themselves of a certain food item or ingredient they get locked into obsessive thinking about it. Rather than telling yourself that you may never eat sugar or flour, perhaps you should try to have single serving of cake or a cookie with other people around (so you're not as tempted to binge). This may help with cravings as well as break the cycle. Just a thought, but do what works for you best.
After my completely awful Easter weekend I proved to myself I cannot have sugar without losing control. So last Monday I started a 7 day challenge. Day 1 is all veg. Day 2-4 you add 25g protein twice. Day 5-7 you add 25g protein 4 times. Today was my 1st day after the challenge. I added a little fruit. Some nuts. Some low fat string cheese for a snack. It was kind of a way to detox and start over. I just want to eat whole foods from now on, nothing processed, and NO sugar. I just can't handle it.
I used to think I was just an overeater, a person who couldn't stop when full. What I've found is that it's the sugar, the refined carbs, the CRAP, that I can't control myself with. So why torture myself by continuing to eat it!? All revelations I've come to! Now, I didn't throw anything away because they will probably be used at some point by DH or DD, and I just didn't want to waste it. But it actually makes me feel MORE in control to have stuff in the house that I just choose not to eat. That is just a personal thing, everyone is different.
Arctic Mama - "Food embargo list" ha ha ha ha!! that is awesome!
I have a food embargo list too - I had to throw out a lot of good food. felt bad for about 30 minutes until i realized that I like me better than my highly addictive snacks.
I had to go to that spray butter with 0 calories which i think tastes gross - I sure use it sparingly. before I had butter that had full calories & i would make toast just to glob on the butter. soooo yummy but too tempting. turns out my husband loves the spray butter. so yay for the swap!
I can't throw out everything I want to though - my husband is not on a diet... yet. so he has all his goodies just sitting there mocking me. I had to move all his junk food to another shelf & I won't let myself even look at it. all my stuff is at eye level & his is higher up so I don't automatically see it when i open the pantry. same goes with the fridge - he has his shelf that I have trained myself to ignore. It works pretty well for me. =D
When I read your post, I thought you were going to say something like, "....I binged and purged," or ".....I put duct tape over my mouth between meals." What you did seems perfectly logical to me and not extreme. In fact, it seems to me like those foods that you tossed aren't really benefitting anyone in this world. Way to go!
Tommorow is my last day of a 30 day clense of a LOT of things...including processed foods, glueten, soy ,sugar, and dairy. I will be switching over from this to a diet similar to the primal diet. I am very glad I did this because it helped to rid me of the addiction of sugar. I have not cheated once.
I am still thinking I cannot handle the sugar or glueten. I am planning to keep those things out at least another 30 days, but I am going to add some more stuff back in. By the way, I've dropped 13 lbs from this. And I feel very healthy!
I've had the same problem! My husband had to keep our agave nectar in his car because I was dipping into it a bit more often than just for my tea. :-P! We've had to get rid of all the things that we could turn into something yummy. No sugar, flour, bread or cereals of any kind... once in a while we get low carb tortillas, but not very often because we go overboard on those, as well. Ah, well. I suppose its all part of the learning process... what I can deal with, what I can't. :-D
Had to get extreme...anyone else have to do this?
