[Alwaysbeenbig]

So, I have been big my entire life and with that, as many would know comes the rude remarks, bullies etc. Now the vast majority of things that are said I have dealt with and just accepted, cause really what is the point in getting upset with someone when it gives them some satisfaction knowing they have hit a nerve. The worst insult (I suppose you could call it that) is that I have pretty much been told since the time I was a child (I'm talking 6yo) that I would never have anybody love me because I was fat and that being fat makes me ugly. This wasn't something that I ever really questioned and through school and high school I just sort of accepted that I wasn't the sort of person that was allowed to have normal relationships.
The problem is that I don't want to spend the rest of my life completely alone, and it scares the **** out of me.

I'm kinda at the point where my self worth and self confidence are shot to **** and I have no idea what to do.

[Angie]

There are plenty of examples here of fat people in great relationships - that message you've been saddled with is just not true. Fat or thin you deserve love and respect and can have it...you do not have to accept other peoples limits.

Look at you now you are a lovely expressive woman and you are taking control of your health. What's not to love? You are unique and wonderful and have a lot to give another person, at any size.

[sontaikle]

Like you, I've been big my entire life and told the same things, and it's really hard to push that out of your mind. However, there's no way I could have achieved the things I did unless I learned to love and accept myself—I'm talking about before my weight loss.

When I started my undergrad I came to terms with my size and I really decided to just live for me. I changed from a shy girl who tried to hide into a confident young woman who wanted it all. I saw so many confident women who were much larger than me and I decided that if everyone could accept their awesome personalities over their size, that MY personality would be the determining factor in how people thought of me too.

Because I loved myself, everything fell into place. I met the man I will wind up marrying and he has loved me at my highest weight and now as I'm losing weight.

I've had numerous academic achievements and job-related achievements, I have a great group of friends who have been with me through thick and thin.

And honestly, it was only because I loved myself that I really began my weight loss journey. When I hated myself and what I looked like, I only gained weight because I couldn't muster the motivation to do anything about it.

My advice? It may seem counterproductive, but look at size acceptance blogs and sites. You will see confident large women surrounded by people who love and care for them. Their amazing personalities shine through and I swear you can just see it on the smiles in their pictures. Hopefully they will inspire you to love YOU just the way you are.

It really looks like you have two journeys to complete; one of weight loss and another of self love. I wish you all the best luck and that you will emerge as a confident person who can tackle anything

[ShanIAm]

This post absolutely broke my heart. I am sick over the fact you received that message at such a formable age. I hear such sadness in your words. But turn that emotion around and continue on the path of getting healthy, feeling good about yourself and loving YOU! Do not let one more day pass thinking that you are not worthy of love and acceptance because that is simply NOT true!!

And I believe you DO know what to do and the moment you implement those things into your life you will immediately start feeling better about who you are and what you are doing. I was in a miserable mindset in January when I started my journey. I had hit bottom as most of here have at one point or another. Within 2 weeks of eating healthy I was feeling WONDERFUL about myself because I was doing something, finally, for me. And although I didn't look differently, I felt differently.

OK, so, you have been overweight your entire life so far, right? But your life is not over honey. You have so much left to live! Make these coming years the best they have ever been!!

You can do this and we are here to support you!

[PreciousMissy]

Oh Alwaysbeenbig

I was overweight as a kid, too. My dad use to call me thunder-thighs and would comment on my weight.

When I was skinny in my early 20's I got married. As I gained weight my (now ex) husband was very unsupportive, repeating the same verbally/emotionally abusive pattern I grew up with. When I got to my high weight of 260lbs a few years ago I decided to start loosing weight. He told me that I would fail at weight loss and no one would ever love me like he did because I was fat (he was a horrible horrible man). Well I lost the weight and divorced the jerk !

Within the last year and a half I met another man and went waaaay off plan and went back up to 232. Everyday he tells me I'm beautiful and my weight isn't what he loves about me (found a true keeper this time!).

When I lost the weight the first time I did it for ME. Not because anyone told me to, nor was I doing it so people would like me better. As I started to lose the weight I also started to gain self respect for myself. I was achieving something I never thought I could and knew I was worth it.

If you must, distance yourself from the people who are telling you terrible lies about yourself. I also suggest seeking counseling. If not to just understand yourself, but understand what's wrong with the people treating you terribly.

Good luck on your journey and don't do this for anyone but YOU!

[xxkaleidoscopic]

This just made me so sad. People can be so cruel sometimes. But that is absolutely not true! What Angie said is right - lots of bigger people are in wonderful relationships, because although some people can be very cruel, there are just as many who will love you for exactly who you are!

Sontaikle is right, too. You do have to learn to love yourself. When you're confident, everyone will gravitate towards you! I've seen loads of big girls who were very popular, even in high school, which we all know is a **** hole for bigger girls. It was because they were confident!

Is there any way you might be able to see a therapist? I don't know what your finances are like, but it would be good for you to talk out these deep-seeded issues with someone who can help you find yourself again.

Remember - you are a worthwhile person, whatever you weigh!

[Alwaysbeenbig]

Thank you all for responding. You are all wonderful

I had a horrible day and just had a terrible reaction to a bad situation. Thank you for letting me vent and yeah...

Thank you

[runningfromfat]

It makes me so sad to hear that you were told that at such a young age. Like others said please distance yourself from anybody who said/is saying those things to you.

FWIW, I met my DH at my heaviest prepregnancy weight. We're both heavier now (although trying to get back down to healthier weights!) but we both love each other the same. I definitely know of bigger men and women who have found love at their higher weights.

[Latchkey Princess]

I'm sorry you were told that, it makes me cringe to think of someone saying that to anyone, especially a young child. If anyone said that to one of my kids I'd give them a beat down.

And it's just not true. I've been overweight most of my life and had plenty of boyfriends and now have the most wonderful husband ever. I think it has more to do with confidence than anything. So hold you head up high and KNOW that you are gorgeous and you, skinny or fat or anywhere in between, DESERVE love just as much as the next person and it's out there for you. Once you truly know that about yourself it will radiate from you and make you even more beautiful than you already are.