My husband and I have these friends, they are more his friends than they are mine, but I am friends with the guy. I can't stand the girl. I do not think they should be getting married and if they are going to do it then I think they should stick to a budget they can actually handle. What they are doing right now is setting up an account for people to put money in to pay for the wedding for them because she wants to have a big wedding even though they are seriously broke and living well below the poverty line. The date they have set for the wedding is at a time when my husband will be away and he will not be able to attend. The girl has assumed I will be a bride's maid, she didn't ask me to be one, she just asked if I was ok with purple. I do not want to be in this wedding, I was contemplating finding an excuse to not even be in town at the time so that I wouldn't even have to go. If I just tell her that I don't want to be a bride's maid for her it is going to be a big dramatic scene and she will probably end up telling her fiance that he is not allowed to be friends with me. That will also mean I will no longer see their roommate since she would probably kick him out if he did, and he and I are also friends. I want to be able to be friends with the guys, I like them. Plus if they are not allowed around me that will basically mean that my husband can't hang out with them either because my hubby doesn't like to spend any more time away from me than he has to. He doesn't make friends easily and I want him to have his friends. What do I do?
Honestly, I'd decline being a bridesmaid very politely, tell her you're looking forward to attending if possible, and move on. If she can't accept a "No", that's sort of her issue. Something along the lines of "Unfortunately, I'm so busy that I'm afraid I couldn't give the time and attention you deserve as a bride...but hopefully I'll be able to attend to wish you both well!" - it acknowledges her specialness (something all bridezillas want) while firmly declining the offer.
Hopefully handling it that way, admittedly with kid gloves, will make it easier for her to accept with minimal drama.
Good grief, what a gem, huh? If there will be a scene, I'd go along with the "I'm not going to be in town then" and then if you are or folks see you, your plans changed. But remember guys see thru the drama and the bickering that some women love and they'll probably not take her dictates on who they can befriend. Good luck. And I'd not "donate" to a cause like that wedding fund - crazy.
Holy Moly! That is seriously weird. I like Mandalinn's suggestions on what to say (always so diplomatic!).
I feel bad for the fiance too. I'd be embarrassed by her asking for money as well as a controlling attitude of "I don't like so and so! Now you can't see anyone who associates with her!"
I wonder if anyone is actually going to give them money in their "special" account. I would be mortified to ask for money like that; it's so tacky! Heck, I even felt awkward having a baby shower. It felt like people were giving me gifts for having sex and getting impregnanted. :P
I agree with manda, tell her you just can't give the attention a proper bridesmaid should and say you would like to attend the wedding though. Or even say you'll be out of town.
Gifts like that IMO aren't good- I mean what happens if they don't get enough? No wedding and they keep the money?
There isn't much you can say without upsetting the friend so just say no as politely as possible (preferable with him around) and tell them you are looking forward to attending as a guest.
Seriously it doesn't even sound like you are close to her! That's like when my BIL's fiance apologized to me for not putting her in their wedding- I was like honey no problem! I'd rather be a guest anyways! That and I'll probably be bluthering during the darn thing lol.
This is why I love Winnipeg Socials . . . basically a party you buy a 'ticket' to, the bridal party help the couple plan it, run it, organize it, staff it. They get local business's etc to donate prizes for a silent auction, have a bar that you purchase tickets for.
A good amount of couples here do that to help raise money for the wedding, but it's earned and worked for, people that come are supporting the couple by going to a party in essence. Great fun!!
All aside, I agree with Manda and think her wording would be perfect.
Best of luck to you!
Well, I agree, it is tacky, and I don't like the idea of you being a bridesmaid for someone you don't like, but I would look as it as being a bridesmaid for the guy friend. I mean, yeah, you have to put up with her, but think of it as doing something for him, not her.
Of course, if you don't want to do that, then do as manda says, tell her nicely that you would rather be a guest. Besides, I hate purple. LOL
Thanks for all of the suggestions everyone. I'm still not sure what to do. I am hoping they come to their senses and go to the courthouse and I won't have to worry about it. No matter how polite I am if I tell her no without something like going out of town, I know that she will tell him he can't talk to me, it's happened before because she got annoyed with me because she thinks my husband and I shouldn't be adopting and I didn't let her opinion change my mind. He wasn't allowed to talk to us for about 6 months.
it's happened before because she got annoyed with me because she thinks my husband and I shouldn't be adopting and I didn't let her opinion change my mind. He wasn't allowed to talk to us for about 6 months.
Im sorry but that annoyed me, how exactly does she think she gets an opinion on what you and your husband decide with regards to adopting children? And not allowing her finace to talk to you because of that?? Seriously?? Makes it all the more clear why she wants other people to pay for a big wedding for her. Really, that just annoyed me . . . . kudos to you for being able to tolerate someone like that for the sake of another friend, you've got more ability to bite your tongue than I do thats for sure.
I think it's ridiculous to want other people to pay for your wedding so you can have a nice once because your *** is too broke to save up for a semi decent one. When is this wedding supposed to happen? I would politely decline her offer (or forced decision more like it) for you to be a bride’s maid. Tell her you will help out as much as you can when you have available time but you in your life right now do not have the time to give her the time she will need to help plan the wedding. So pretty much when you guys go over and visit her or vise versa have discussions about the wedding (since you don’t want conflict because you are good friends with her fiancé.) maybe even suggest to her to go to city hall and have a nice back yard bbq reception instead and just give our little things here and there to keep the peace.
I would also avoid the out of town excuse unless you actually plan to go out of town. it's very easy to get caught up in a lie, then it would be much worse.
'friends' wedding - advice needed
