Thought I'd start a new thread. The "Left my husband" chapter of the story is kind of over.
I've been kind of flying under the radar for the last couple days because I knew you all would kick my butt for going back. And rightfully so, haha.
I was absolutely planning on NOT going back. Not three days ago, all desire to go back had been squashed, done deal, I was over it. Bring on the divorce party. I went and dropped my resume off at various places and got an interview for a vet assistant position at the equine hospital. So I was feelin' pretty good, already on my way to getting stable again. Then, dumbface called.
He still hasn't apologized and said how much he misses me and would do anything to get me back. Sean goes from low gear jerk to high gear jerk...there isn't much in between. But we did have a rational talk for once. I called him on all his stupid manipulative crud for once. He started with the "I should have just died in Iraq so you'd have a happy memory of me" and I told him to quit, it was a childish (and lame) guilt trip, and not a normal or healthy thing for a husband to say to a wife. It shut him up, and I literally had to ask if he was still on the line. I called him out a couple more times. Before, my strategy was to explain and justify my thoughts/actions when he started blaming me for things. But I've realized that I'm still leaving the option open to blame me for things when I do that. New strategy is to very bluntly call him out on manipulative BS. For example...he keeps blaming me for our current clusterfunk because I left. As if I just left for kicks and giggles. I had been trying to explain to him that I left for several reasons and tried to explain those to him, but he'd just dodge it all and put it right back onto me. Last night, he said it was my fault, and I said "Sean, that's manipulative crap, and I won't listen to it," haha. It took a few times of me calling him out for him to realize that the game had changed. Again, still no apology/lovey dovey grovelling stuff, but once he realized I wasn't playing by his rules anymore, he started talking much more rationally and respectfully.
But anyways, we pretty much came to the conclusion that we both went into the marriage with the intention of it lasting forever and we at least owe it to each other to give it one more shot. I'm satisfied with this, really. If anything, I need closure. I am pretty much 99.9% sure that it's not going to work out, but I'll at least know I held up my end of the promise. I'll know for sure that it wasn't meant to be rather than always wondering if I should have gone back. I don't do well with what-ifs. I'm going to keep being the new no-nonsense Megan, and I have a feeling Sean isn't going to like it. And so be it. He misunderstood my kindness and willingness to appease as weakness, and therein he erred, and greatly erred. So I imagine Sean isn't going to like having a real woman for a wife instead of a puppet and it'll all go to heck again. At the first sign of that happening, I'll call my dad who has told me he'll drop whatever he's doing to come help me get my stuff. I just think of me going back as the recon party on Mission: Get Megan's Stuff. Leaving the first time was incredibly hard for me because I didn't know what everyone's reaction would be, what I'd do, if my world would end or what. Now that I know that everyone supports me (now I'm more embarrassed to say I'm going back than I ever was to say that I was leaving, lol), and that I'll have a future post-Sean, and it'll all work out...leaving isn't scary or hard at all. Before I was stuck to him like superglue, now I'm kind of attached to him like a post-it note. At the first sign of trouble, I'm gone.
Anyways, felt I owed you all an explanation. Your support, advice, stories, and everything else has been simply amazing. I realize going back is dumb, lol. I told my dad I needed to make one more mistake before I knew for sure. But like I've said, I don't have any fantasies about how Sean will magically change and we'll live forever after. I just need closure, I may walk in and see his dumbness in all his stupid glory and immediately remember why I left. If anything, it'll feel good to walk out on him again, lol. I'll probably enjoy it more this time.
So far the trip is going well. I'm a little over half way back. Cats are still absolute travel champions. About an hour after I left home, I squashed a bug in my car. And it was a stink bug. And now my car stinks. It's pretty obnoxious, but I find it hilarious anyways.
please please please be careful if you must do this. Beware of his temper as it may turn on you in a more physical manner as he gets increasingly frustrated.
keep us updated as i'm sure we will ALL be worried for your safety until we hear you are home in WY again.
Best wishes, strong, sweet girl. We all have to travel our own path and you seem to have a good view of the big picture. Take care of yourself the way you would take care of a best friend or daughter. You deserve no less.
Thanks for thinking to update everyone. That's thoughtful of you. I know you got more advice than you ever expected, and I'm sure we're all glad to hear an update.
Last edited by Gogirl008; 04-02-2011 at 11:09 PM.
Reason: thanks
Please be careful. Be warned that manipulators manipulate; it's what they do, and you might not even know what's happening until you're stuck like glue again. Just please be careful. Best of luck!
I completely understand not wanting to give up on your marriage and the person you love. My husband and I went through a rough patch and it took me leaving him for him to open his eyes and see what he was about to lose. He changed and he knows it, and he has actually thanked me several times over the last few years for making him grow up.
I do worry because it doesn't seem like Sean has learned anything from this. I really hope you can get him to go to counceling. Stay safe Megan..
I love my husband of 25 years...but he is much like yours....he's NOT going to change so choose what you can live with and dont be afraid to use your voice. You already know that you can go home to your Dad and your husband now knows that too.
I hope it goes well for you. Keep your finances free, invest in a prepaid cell phone and keep it hidden.
I agree with the poster above that he's going to basically be the same person (hopefully without emotional abuse) so he will likely never be the overly affectionate, "lovey" type. You'll have to decide if that's something you need from a relationship.
Well...I'm on my way back.
