[amyn]

I have not posted anything in a very long time, though I continue to visit for support and guidance. I have been really thinking a lot lately about the long life of compulsive overeating, and getting sad/mad at the concept that I will never look at food " normally". Is is possible to walk away, to heal, to take the power away from food? Or is this my life, having this little voice that is always plotting, thinking, counting, waiting.
Externally I appear to have reached health, I used to gain and lose the same 20 pounds every year, but 3 years ago I went from 168 down to 130, and I now stay between 135-138. I trail run like a crazy woman, I lift, I play with my kid, and it has seemed to work, but that overeater, that binger, that voice haunts me. I watch what others eat, who seem to just enjoy food for what it is and I am so curious and jealous. Where do we go from here? Is it about accepting yourself faults and all? living in the moment? I always think I am one too many cookies away from falling of the cliff. Wisdom and insight greatly appreciated.

Though I did have my greatest compliment ever today, my 8 year old son was playing a game with his friends, and one kid did not want want to be the girl in the game b/c girls are "wimps". My son quickly said " not all girls are wimps, have you seen my mom!" I was in the other room, so it was all him! Success in parenting!

[hatgirlie]

Great post! I can totally relate, and it does make me kind of sad/mad/frustrated. I'm doing pretty good with losing this time around...things seem to have clicked, but sadly, and embarrassed to say, I still long for mac & cheese, pizza, nachos, etc. If I eat those things I know I will gain, quickly, yet I see other people eating those same things and they are slim and don't appear to be worrying about what they are putting in their mouth. *sigh* Good luck to all of us.

[racrane]

I worry about the same thing. In fact, I'm frustrated that I just binged and yet again, can't seem to get a hold on it. I wish I was like other people that ate until they were full.

[Timlin]

I join the line up. I walk 2 hours every morning and all the way I'm fighting with my impulse to stop for an ice cream or a chocolate bar......sugar is my demon! I
have lost almost 50 lbs in the last 2 or 3 years and yet always there is that battle to stop me from buying something sweet and pigging out.

I also wish it would stop and I'd think about something else besides food. It seems this is my destiny. My Mother suffered the same issues.......gah!

[parafilm]

Same boat. My roommates can keep ice cream, chips, candy etc around the house for weeks and I just can't do it. If I don't eat that pint of ice cream the night I buy it, then I'll eat it for breakfast. I just don't have that "stop" button in my brain. I do get jealous of my friends who can eat junk food now and then, stop when they're full, and not eat junk food until the next time they really feel like a "treat".

I don't know if I'll ever have a "normal" relationship with food. I hope so, but definitely a long way to go.