My husband is the primary grocery shopper in our house because he cooks more than I do. Normally I have no complaint there. Today I do!!! I gave him my lengthy list of healthy items I need for meals for work, ( I work 12 hour shifts so I eat 3 meals there.) He was good and bought what I wanted. But he also bought 2 gallons of ice cream, peanut butter cup and drumstick flavors. As well as these brownie bite things that are amazing. Then he has the gall to say "Oh I think I am going to have a bowl of ice cream for lunch" with this smile on his face. I wanted to smack him. I have been doing so well but this is trying everything I have in me. I know I could just have a little bit but I don't know if I could stop at a little bit. Major will power issues.
I can't have that stuff in the house. If my husband wanted it, I'd get him his own mini-fridge with a lock and make him keep it in his home office or the garage or something. He could have all the snacks he could eat in his car. Good luck.
Have you guys talked about not bringing "no" items into the house? My impression is that he probably thinks he obliged you and then went about his business. This was a BIG problem for me when I started living with my BF (now DH), which also happened to be when I entered maintenance. I would have all of MY healthy items in the fridge/pantry, but then there was this whole other animal called, "I'm getting pizza for dinner" and "I'm going to get doughnuts for breakfast". I mean, didn't he know that I was on a mission here?
What I realized is that DH is overall very, very supportive of my efforts to have a healthier household. But I also had to give a little in that his habits aren't going to mirror mine every single day. For me, having unhealthy items in the house was something I had to learn to deal with. I would say this is a good exercise for you to learn how to manage temptations. It may not be easy, but will help you in the long run.
But if it would help you stay on plan and really does bother you, I would definitely talk to him. Sometimes, I really just don't want to be around it and I have to lay it out for DH and he's pretty understanding. He will switch into "single serving" mode and only have a personal pizza or get one candy bar, etc... I think communication is important here and may have been overlooked. He thought, "buy DW's stuff so she can be on plan", while you were thinking more along the lines of banishing such items all together for the time being. It sounds like he might be receptive to it!
You can't police the food other people eat. Assign him a spot in the freezer and a cupboard for his things. We are faced with food temptations every day of our lives and we need to learn to deal with them.
my old BBFs husband was like that sort of. He was a trucker and would come home on the weekend, find out she had lost 5 lbs and start whining about going to RedRobin or Denny's. Once she finally caved in and would try to order something healthy he'll start throwing a fit (he has no concept of how to behave in public) about how if SHE is going to eat food like that then they might as well not have come and ya ya ya so she would eat horrible things just to make him happy. He does it at home too with stuff like Chilli, Buffalo chicken pizza, sweets, soda and Chinese take out. Last time I talked to her she was going to try dieting in secret after the holidays. But he always finds out from the kids anyway so ... I agree with you that it is a jerky thing to do to bring that sort of thing around and then be sort of smug about eating it in front of you.
Like the other poster said, tell him it bothers you, maybe he (somehow on earth) doesn't know.
You can't police the food other people eat. Assign him a spot in the freezer and a cupboard for his things. We are faced with food temptations every day of our lives and we need to learn to deal with them.
I have to agree with this. I know you'd love for him to eat better, but you just can't force him to. My bf always has ice cream, chips, chocolate, and a million other delicious things in our house, and I just have to know not to eat it. It makes it easier when I go out to eat and see awesome things on the menu - I have practice making healthy choices.
I'm sure he's not trying to be a jerk; he probably thought he was doing what he was suppossed to - buying you what you asked for and then buying himself what he wanted.
You can't expect your husband to change his eating patterns just because you are. It would be nice if he would help you out with your temptations but he's not a jerk for buying what he wants. You shouldn't lash out at and blame him because you have willpower issues. Please don't think of him as a jerk.
I used to have problems resisting junk food when I was over at my boyfriend's apartment (now husband) but over time I internalized the idea that the food will still be there or at least available tomorrow or next week if I decide I really want it so it's not necessary to eat all that I can get right now. I do allow myself a treat every now and then if it's on plan (I have a pretty flexible plan). I don't find it difficult any longer to resist the junk food I used to gobble down.
i must also agree with Quilter, he bought you what you wanted so why shouldnt he get what he wants also. your lack of will power is not his problem. he shouldnt be deprived because you are dieting
i agree that you cant make him give up certain foods just because you are not having them, you have to learn to resist them. but if he is rubbing it in your face thats a different matter, like if hes just buying them because he wants to eat them thats fine, but if hes making comments in a mean way thats not good. when he says hes having ice cream for lunch does he just state it matter of factly or is he saying it like 'im having ice cream, enjoy your salad hahaha'.
You can't police the food other people eat. Assign him a spot in the freezer and a cupboard for his things. We are faced with food temptations every day of our lives and we need to learn to deal with them.
I agree. Somethings I just can't eat a little of but my family really enjoys it responsibly so it's my burden to handle the pressure and cravings, not theirs. Practice, controlling cravings takes practice. Needless to say, he doesn't have to be a stinker about it though...
The only part of his actions that makes him a jerk to me is the part about ice cream for lunch and the smile on his face, and that's only if he said it in the way I'm imagining. As if he was rubbing it in or something because he knows your trying to eat right.
I get not being able to police his food choices, but I also know how hard it is to watch someone eat all the stuff you love and feel like your suffering. My husband generally eats healthy, but sometimes he does want something that isn't good for him. He is very good about getting things he likes that he knows I don't care for all that much, and he's also good about keeping things that will tempt me out of the house. That's showing me that he cares and wants to help me in any way he can you know? You do have to learn to control yourself in any situation when it comes to food, especially in your own home, but I don't think there is anything wrong with expecting a little support with things that actually aren't going to hurt him at all. I would talk to him about not bringing so much junk home. And if he was kind of rubbing in the ice cream thing, I would definitely tell him how that is really uncool.
I was more mad at what he said than him buying the items. And he did go ahead and made a bowl and ate it for lunch sitting 2 feet from me on the couch. He never sits on the couch to eat, especially since I was watching a TV show he can't stand. All the while smiling ear to ear as he is trying to "hide" it from me by turning away. I know I can't police what he eats and I do have to get better about that but him throwing it in my face doesn't help me.
[quote] Assign him a spot in the freezer and a cupboard for his things.[/quoet]
Or, assign yourself spots-- or both.
I'm a bit uncomfortable with heading down the My Diet Means The House Works My Way Now path. If it's just the two of you, neither food pattern needs to be the default, you know?
You can't police the food other people eat. Assign him a spot in the freezer and a cupboard for his things. We are faced with food temptations every day of our lives and we need to learn to deal with them.
I agree.
With chocolate I have a bit of a thing, if there is NO chocolate in the house I panic. I can't think of anything but chocolate then. We always have chocolate in the house and I hardly eat any. Only 1 or 2 pieces every few weeks.
Even though my husband and I are both working at weight loss, we still have this issue. Our food plans and our food issues are very different. Some of my sanity saving treats are my husband's trigger foods, and vice versa.
We've tried banning all potential trigger foods, and it makes us both crabby. We both end up saying (or thinking which is sometimes worse) "I don't see why I can't have x, just because you can't control yourself with it..."
We were used to thinking of groceries as "our food," and now we have to look at it in terms of "His Food, Her food, and Our Food."
We actually have space set aside in the pantry for hubby's treats and for mine. I tend to have the bigger issue with uncontrolled eating, so my treats are within hubby's sight and reach. Some of hubby's treats we keep out of my sight and reach. If I would want them, I either have to ask for his assistance or I have to get out the step stool to reach them. It makes the decision to eat off plan a conscious one, and I'm more likely to resist.
It's easy to blame people for "sabotage" when they're actually just going about their own lives. I can't make my husband eat my way and he can't make me eat his way.
I agree with doing what you have to do, and if that means buying a small freezer with a padlock for his treats, so be it.
To some degree hubby and I do that. Though without the padlocks. My frozen foods are in the refrigerator's freezer, and his frozen foods are in the top basket of the chest freezer. The only time I have to venture into "his" freezer is to get out meat to prepare dinner (and I usually ask him to do it). And the only time he has to venture into "my" freezer is to get ice cubes (which he rarely uses).
My hubby is a jerk!!!
Good luck.
