[FreeBird3]

I was in a circle of 6 friends in college. Today I found out that another friend became engaged. What does this mean? That at the age of 32 (almost 33 in a couple of months) I am THAT last single person amongst the group of friends.

I've been thinking about my life from age 18 until 32 to determine why I have ended up becoming THAT last single person in group. I was never one to date causually in my college years as well as in my 20s. I've been in 1 serious relationship, which was in my early 20s (age 20 to 24). I didn't pack on the pounds until 2 years ago, so I was actually physically attractive in my 20s. A couple of bad things happened to me in my 20s that made me completely shut out dating and being in relationships.

I'm getting older and God knows the fat on my body no longer just comes off with eating "right" and going to the gym a few times a week. I've asked a coulpe of trusted people why they think I'm still single. One said it's because I don't give off the "I am fun" vibes because I tend to be shy in social events. I've always been an introvert and it takes some time for me to really open up....plus, I have a little bit of social anxiety and I don't like attending social events alone because I am not good at making small talk. The other friend told me that I don't look vunerable...that I don't give off any signals to men that tell that I'm interested. I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that I was robbed of a "normal" dating life and having the natural ability to feel good about myself/my body because I was sexually molested by my older cousin when I was just 6 years old.

All I know is that I use to joke amongst my friends that I would end up being THAT single woman with the 10 cats. Now I really do fear being that woman....****, all I'm missing are the 10 cats. I'm single, successful in my career, own my car, and own my home. Aside from my weight, I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Sorry...this is the only place that I can vent about it. No one that I know would understand because they are all married, engaged, or in a relationship.

[fillupthesky]

well...are you open to being in a relationship? do you feel like you're at that point in your life where you're ready for love or feel like you need to catch up?
sorry if this comes across funny, just trying to see where your head is at

[astrophe]

Take heart.

I know I can't stand big social things. I am very introverted, and a loner type. I'm also independent and strong willed.

I married another introverted, loner type and we STILL don't go out to parties, dislike pop culture small talk (what was on TV, what celeb is doing what, etc).

We met in school, but if I were dating now to meet this type? It wouldn't be at parties! That's for sure. Maybe volunteer groups, or similar service gigs. Or the library or book store. Or online. Or church. Whatever. I know for sure it wouldn't be at a party or a club!

The one thing I had to change was do the talking. Because waiting to be asked never yielded anything -- people often told me I was too strong, too secure, too intimidating, etc.

When I started asking, I got the flip side -- that it was refreshing to be asked be cause guys get tired of always having to ask. That they loved my confidence. That they admired my self assurance.

I proposed to DH and in general, I'm the more talky.

So again... it may not be you. It may be your crowd/environment and you are just last of this particular batch because this is the socially crowd and you are not the socially type.

You aren't the last in the world. Just go find where you types have been hanging out in your town.

GL!
A.

[The Last Noel]

Finding a permanent guy is not everything. You could always focus on casual dating (it sounds as if you need some experience in this before consider a marriage), becoming the best in your field, getting another degree and/or adopting a child.

It is possible for women to live enjoyable lives without husbands.

[PapayaMule]

If someone told me the problem was because I wasn't giving off the "I am fun" vibes, I imagine it would make me feel panicky and paranoid, because that's just not the kind of person I am either.

You can't be someone you're not and you don't have to. Just think; if you were trying to act differently to your natural self and you met someone, they would be judging you based on this 'fake' act - not who you really are.

Somewhere there is bound to be someone who thinks, acts and has the same idea of a good night in/out as you do.

I identify with your description of being introverted and socially awkward. I can't tell you the amount of times when I've had to go out to a bar or club for some reason and I've been bored and out of my comfort zone and some idiot has come up to me and said "Cheer up love", or "Crack a smile". I feel like punching them in the face

I just married someone exactly like me (but much better) and we can be exactly who we are with each other. You can meet someone, there is nothing wrong with you. You just haven't been in the right place in the right time.

If I had met my husband only once or twice, or even ten times, we might never have got together because neither of us had the guts to ask each other out, even though we were both secretly thinking about each other every second of every day for months. See if you can find a situation where you meet the same people/person weekly or something so that a relationship can develop naturally over a long period of time.

[rosababe]

Good luck

[CrystalZ10]

Meh...don't sweat it. I meet my husband till I was 32 and married at 33. I did the internet thing though. I knew someone who had dated this guy and it didn't work out so she did some talking to both of us and we are going to celebrate our 3 year anniversary in March.
Think about branching out a bit. I'm not sure about the whole online dating/meeting a stranger that none of your firends know, but lots of people do it and are happy.
Maybe have your friends help you out a bit if you want.

Or just do everything fun that single people can do and live it up! Once your married, it gets harder to drop stuff and take off. I did lots of traveling and sightseeing before I got married.

[purplepumpkin]

I am also the last single person in my group of friends. I blame my weight, that's also why I decided to lose weight...

[CrystalZ10]

Originally Posted by purplepumpkin

I am also the last single person in my group of friends. I blame my weight, that's also why I decided to lose weight...

Don't. I weigh more than you and my husband loves curvy women. I think it was my being happy with my currant life that changed things. I know it sounds weird, but the minute I thought, "Hey, I have a good life right now. I know who I am and what I want, and I like what I have.", that I met my husband. Maybe a coinkydink, maybe not.