Sorry to come here so infrequently, but appreciate being able to do so. Some of you may not even know me. I have been around a long time, did well at first, but over time have lost my motivation, and am not doing well any more. I read here every day, but don't post much because the only thing I have to offer anyone now, is to know that when you have fallen off the wagon, you are not alone.
Anyway, tomorrow I have a dr's appointment. I dread seeing her, because she asked me to start losing weight 2 years ago, and at this point, I have gotten no where. I did well for the first 9 months ~ lost almost 40#. But over time, slowly, I have gained it all back. I needed to do it for health reasons ~ high blood pressure, and the health risks for everything that goes along with that and being over weight. My blood pressure will probably be up tomorrow, just for dreading for her to see my weight number. I worry that she has or will write "non-compliant" about me on my chart, or feel that if I am not willing to help myself ~ why should she.
I will be glad when tomorrow is over. On the positive side, I attended a TOPS meeting this week, and think I will join that group. I think the support, and having to weigh each week will help me.
Well, thank you all for listening. You are wonderful.
Glynne--I totally understand your anxiety about your dr's apt., but really and truly, the ONLY person you have to answer to is YOU. Your doctor is there to serve you and maybe you could right up front, in a non-defensive way, head off a "lecture" by telling her that you're aware of your weight being up and that you're concerned as much as she is. Good for you for going to the doctor even though you're dreading it!!
good luck at your appt. i hope your doctor will be understanding and helpful-not shaming. believe me, i understand about dreading being weighed at any doctors' appts. i recently had bronchitis and had to go to my doc, who is very nice, by the way, and i hated it when the nurse weighed me. i hope it goes much better than you think it will. let us know. take care.
I have been fortunate to find a dr that doesn't give me a hard time about my weight, but I do understand your trepidation. I've had the reproving comments and heard some real horror stories about dr visits, ones going so far as medical people treating obese women like non-persons. Try to relax so your blood pressure doesn't go up from the stress of it ... heck, mine went up once when I was pregnant and walked up the stairs to my appointment.
Makes me think of something interesting: so many times, medical people will tell you to lose weight and give you a plan and expect you to be able to change your habits overnight. I suppose some people can do that, but for many of us (and from what I've heard from a lot of people who have had weight loss success), it's better to make small changes, adding onto those changes over time. Think of it: if you had chosen just one thing to change 2 years ago. just one thing that you could have stuck with, perhaps you wouldn't have gained back that 40#, perhaps you would've lost another 10.
I hope TOPs will provide you some fellowship and support that will get you on your way. Maybe that personal interaction will make a difference for you.
Oh, I totally know how difficult & nerve-wracking it can be to go to the doctor. I really hope your dr. will be supportive... Hotflash gave some great advice on how to deal with your doctor if he/she does start to lecture.
I'll be thinking about you & I hope the TOPS program is just what you need to do this!
How did it go? I bet it wasnt as bad as you were worrying it would be. Your doctor is just interested in your best interests! Keeping you alive and kicking and in good health also!! Keep in touch with us because the more you report in the better you will do!
laura
313/250/200
Dreading tomorrow
I really hope your dr. will be supportive... Hotflash gave some great advice on how to deal with your doctor if he/she does start to lecture. 
